Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

Also...on the subject of the so-called protests...most thepeople involved neither knew nor cared for what they were protesting, they just wanted to be part of something.

I see those demonstrations in the cities now and then, what always really annoys me is the people protesting are supposed to be irate about something - why is it the majority of them, if not all - stand around with bit ridiculous smirks on their faces...they enjoy it, they want to be part of it...throw in a bit of looting and even violence and you'll get more idiots wanting to take part, stupidity.

Originally posted by Iason321

Originally posted by ZIPMATT

Originally posted by Iason321
Anybody who says smacking your children is wrong, has obviously never dealt with bad kids.

I didnt know kids had varieties ? Whats this 'bad kids' ? Never heard of that sort...

What, have you lived under a rock? Never seen out of control kids running over there parents in those whacky nanny TV shows? Well, I have, and I've dealt with it.

well that sounds like an admission of guilt , if there were a complaint of assaulting a minor you'd be in trouble.

you know what i mean > kids are just kids > exempt from categorisation and your perception of what justifies them.
without seeing in their perspective too you will only be able to fight with your problems you give children , not solve them

I have never been smaked by my parents and I have never smacked my 3 boys. Whom are men now.
I have found in the work I do with children that it is so simple to praise and to tease out, by positive interaction, good behaviour in children.
I find manipulating good behaviour so easy with simple and constructive praising and comments, that I gain trust, respect and even love.
I do the same with my partner as even as adults we crave praise, recognition for effort and that creates self esteem, confidence and willingness to please.
Edited to add......... please remember children DO NOT think like adults..

All children want to please, its how we reward their efforts however small.

Originally posted by InfoKartel
Simple:

You do not lay your hands on a child. Do so and go to jail.

Simple enough yeh?

Glad this is not the view of the rest of the world.

reply to post by sussy


Sorry, but, eh...kids all don't just want to please adults...

Not all kids come from the same type of background...some kids spend all their lives being abused by adults and don't even trust adults let alone want to please them, perhaps where you're from but not where I'm from.

Mostly what I see nowadays is kids at the opposite end of the spectrum, not abused, actually loved and cared for...but spoilt rotten with the inherant sense of entitlement I mentioned in a previous post...their parents work and even get into debt to supply these little ingrates with everything they demand...yet still they treat their parents/guardians like the scum on a toilet bowl. You don't have to look far to see evidence of this, they even make tv shows about such people and glorify it like it's normal behavious...my super sweet sixteen, anyone?

Pathetic...all animals need a dominant force, even dogs discipline their offspring...humans are just lazy, having sex is fun but after the novelty of having a child wears off and the reality hits people just can't be bothered...maybe a lot of it is because, nowadays, many people start having kids when they're still kids themselves?

Originally posted by sussy
All children want to please, its how we reward their efforts however small.

You can always find reason with a child, no matter their age, you just have to take the time and have a little patience. Physical punishments don't make for a child that is well-behaved, they make for a child who is scared to be a child.

So many times we hear, 'well it didn't do me any harm'...and then you look at that person, their attitude to life and you think, oh really? I was smacked as a child, and it was humiliating. Why would I want to do that to my own child? End of story.

Originally posted by ALOSTSOUL
MP's have said in the media this week that the UK riots where caused by the lack of physical discipline, not the lack of jobs, education and a decent family lifestyle.

The Tottenham MP David Lammy claimed that Labour's 2004 decision to tighten up the smacking law was partly to blame for last summer's riots, which erupted in his north London constituency.

m.guardian.co.uk...

For you yanks out there, it is against the law in Great Britain to smack (spank) your child, although I have never heard of someone being convicted of it.

Personally I am undecided somtimes I think children do need a smack every now and then, mainly for there own sake. Lets say my daughter puts her finger in the plug socket do I give her a little slap (on the hand) and say "no, don't touch or it will hurt worse than that." luckly i haven't had to yet, she is still to young to crawl.

I understand that we live in different times (hell, I got a leather belt if I was naughty) but a complete lack of physical discipline can't be good for a Childs development can it?

I don't know, it's a very touchy issue, what are your views.

ALS

edit on 29-1-2012 by ALOSTSOUL because: (no reason given)

It's simply too much of a grey area.....For instance the simple term 'smack' can have so many different meanings. For instance your example of smacking your daughter's wrist when she tries to stick her hand in the light socket.....I doubt many would object to something like that. It teaches an incredibly important lesson, and does so quickly, and in a way they are likely not to forget......I suppose I'd feel the same way about a child running out into the street. You want to instill in the child an immediate and severe memory associated with that action that is more severe than just a stern talking to......For the simple reason that it's a life or death situation, and you must make the child understand the severity of their actions.

I think this is even more important if the child is very young, and may not respond well to alternative punishments......The only other question is how hard the 'smacks' should be.....I'd say that if your 'smacks' are light enough that a teenager would shrug them off and laugh, then you're probably doing it right. I believe that when dealing with a teen other punishments should be more effective than a smack anyhow.

Originally posted by addygrace
Yeah, even putting your finger in a kids face should be illegal. Really yelling too loud should be illegal, you could scare them. Any form of punishment, should actually be outlawed. If kids don't know any better why should they be in trouble by another human that also makes mistakes. For example my oldest son punched my youngest son in the face, so I said, hey if you don't punch him anymore I'll give you money. He said, "Ok Dad." He stopped punching him all the way until the next day. Now, every time he punches him I just give em money and he stops.

I hope you're joking; if not, this is one of the most ridiculous posts I've read on ATS to date. "You could scare them." This is absurb. And you give your children money to bribe them into good behavior. Rearing children by monetary coercion. I don't even know what to say. This is so stupid.

Ever watch animals discipline their young? Redirection through a brief, yet intense physical diversion is completely appropriate.

reply to post by Biliverdin


"scared to be a child" - it's phrases like this that create the nanny mentality...excuse me but life ain't fair, kid or not.

You can't hide and protect kids from reality...they seem deluded enough if you ask me, there's alllowing kids to be kids then there's allowing kids to dictate and abuse not only their parents but strangers in the street...believe me when I say I've seen gangs of kids under 16 abuse and attack and even kill people in the street.

I'm not a parent, don't particularly want to be if I'm honest...I'm too lazy...so I don't have kids, if I do and they step out of line I'll be showing them who's in charge and they'll learn. Even kids in my own family absolutely rile me, no respect for their own parents let alone strangers in the street - what chance do we have?

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Furbs

The more of your posts I see, the more vulgar the picture of you that is painted.

I don't know. He certainly seems to be inhabiting the real world, which is more than can be said about many posters on ATS.

I have observed that many people who virulently reject violence are also the people who tend to be physically weak but who consider themselves to be superior.

It could be argued that never spanking a child is just as bad as abusing a child.

All things in moderation after all.

In another post, the subject of my post brought up Conflict Resolution.

The tenants of Conflict Resolution are peaceful in nature. In fact, Dr. Rich Rubenstein, seen by many as one of the national leaders in the field of Conflict Resolution is abhorrently against physical violence. No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence. A violent person is made by having repeated exposure to violence thrust on them.

What you are doing is reenforcing the idea that Might makes Right instead of a Rule of Law. Teaching a child that Might makes Right increases the likelihood that your child will have prolonged exposure to bullying activities, both as a bull or as someone bullied. The bully is obvious, as Might makes Right. The bullied child may not be as obvious, but it comes down to accepting his role as the bullied because he is not as strong as the bully. A child that understands Rule of Law concepts knows how to deal with a bully by going through the proper channels and allowing the Rule of Law to end the conflict.

Don't have to take my word for it,
Read anything written by Dr. Rubenstein for yourself.
scar.gmu.edu...

Originally posted by samerulesapply
reply to post by Biliverdin

 

"scared to be a child" - it's phrases like this that create the nanny mentality...excuse me but life ain't fair, kid or not.

You can't hide and protect kids from reality...they seem deluded enough if you ask me, there's alllowing kids to be kids then there's allowing kids to dictate and abuse not only their parents but strangers in the street...believe me when I say I've seen gangs of kids under 16 abuse and attack and even kill people in the street.

I'm not a parent, don't particularly want to be if I'm honest...I'm too lazy...so I don't have kids, if I do and they step out of line I'll be showing them who's in charge and they'll learn. Even kids in my own family absolutely rile me, no respect for their own parents let alone strangers in the street - what chance do we have?

Respect is something that is instilled by example, not force. Hence why it breaks down the minute that those children leave the house. There are very many appalling parents out there, and some incredibly neglected children to boot who act out for attention. None of this is rocket science.

Originally posted by Cosmic911

Ever watch animals discipline their young? Redirection through a brief, yet intense physical diversion is completely appropriate.

Ahhh...now I agree with you on this one...and it is how I dealt with the 'biting phase'...I bit back. That teaches cause and effect. And works without the need to humiliate.

Originally posted by Furbs
What you are doing is reenforcing the idea that Might makes Right instead of a Rule of Law.

When people refuse to obey the law, how is it enforced?

reply to post by Biliverdin


You could also use both. Spankings and Example? Just that much more reinforcement.

2nd

reply to post by Furbs


More "bull"...why should be listen to this guy, exactly?

Nobody is saying you torment your child like a bully, be cruel, dishing out beathings whenever you feel you want to. Smacking a child to discipline them is exactly that, using reasonable force to teach them that they did something wrong, and they'll get it again, and the severity will increase the more they disbehave.

Don't we teach animals neat tricks using electro-shock type therapy? Doesn't pain teach us anything at all? Might is right...another fancy phrase people band about...the bottom line is - I knew where my boundaries were, not because my parents were bullies or I feared them, because they taught me what was right and what was wrong...and that if I did wrong they'd make sure I was sorry in some capacity.

People are just LAAAAZYYYYYY, and want to stay as such...so yeah - don't hit your kids. Perhaps others in the street should hit them for you when they get abusive?

reply to post by Biliverdin


Star for you my friend!

People are too LAAAAZZZYYYYY to set examples...kids having kids.

Pointless discussion, I'm out...but I will say this, if you won't discipline your kids...someone else just very well may do it for you.

Originally posted by milkyway12
reply to post by Biliverdin

 

You could also use both. Spankings and Example? Just that much more reinforcement.

2nd

I have had no need to do so...why spank if it isn't necessary? In my experience the worst punishment you can inflict on a child is exclusion, sitting them on a step and refusing to speak to them works wonders...and if you put in the work right from the beginning, providing a structure...and most importantly of all consistency, it gets so much easier to speak to them rationally later on when more complex situation arise in your childs life.

reply to post by samerulesapply

Don't we teach animals neat tricks using electro-shock type therapy?

Yes. And it is very effective, a chicken beat me at tic tac toe 3 times in a row at a Tulsa Fair!! They get a shock if they lose, and some feed if they win, and it works really, really well! Of course, I was extremely distracted by my date, and the fact that it was a chicken, but nevertheless, a chicken can learn to be very good at tictactoe with the proper punishment/reward structure.

I'm not saying we should shock our kids, but someone mentioned positive reinforcement earlier, and that is great, but it is only half of the equation.