Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

Originally posted by greeneyedleo

Originally posted by mblahnikluver
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

My mom spanked and used a spoon when I crossed her. It wasn't often but I had a mouth and pushed boundaries at times. I see nothing wrong with spanking, as long as it's not over done to abuse.

Kids today aren't disciplined, they are spoiled and catered to. They need to be knocked down a few pegs if you ask me. They need to learn respect.

Clearly abuse is in the eye of the beholder.

If you crossed me and I didnt like it...and I hit you....you would call the cops on me......

edit on January 29th 2012 by greeneyedleo because: (no reason given)

Yes abuse is in the eye of the beholder


If you hit me I'd hit back and cops wouldn't be called

Also two grown adults is completely different from a parent and child so to me it's not the same.

Originally posted by Furbs
No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence.

You obviously have no kids then.

They come out the womb kicking and punching.

I am from a Latin AMerica country and they do smack their kids but worse than that they redicule you in public! and I think that works better. Nothing like being ashame of yourself...

I got smack twice really hard because I gave my parents a big fright. I got lost in a big compound once (I made a friend) and I wandered around with her. My parents were crazy looking for me for about an hour and when they found me, my dad took his belt and gave me a very good one. I would never forget it but since that point, I would never leave his side.

The otehr time was because I stole money from them so I could buy more chocolate in school. The teachers even noticed that my pocket money was a lot bigger than usual and they were suspicious. My parents were like crazy looking for the money missing because it was for food! :S Then I told them it was me and baaang! Again.. with the belt. I never stole again.

When I would missbehave, I would be ridicule in front of people like: "[Azulejo] shut up, that is not how you were educated" or she would tell me (my mom) that she would go to the bathroom with me of restaurant/shop/etc and smack me! and with that diabolic face, I would behave.


people in Venezuela have more authority over kids. I would be told off by my teacher, principal, the maid, the security people of the compound I used to live, ANY ONE IN MY FAMILY specially my grandparents (they were above any law)

I think in the UK, I live here by the way, the respect towards adults is completely lost. You have to call the police or stuff liek that to make people listen when it should be the parents. The family values are a bit lost as well. How can you be authoritarian to your children if you are a bit detached from them? They wont listen. Kids wondered around in town (13, 14 years old) until 11:00pm on a Saturday going to Mcdonalds and being real chavs. When I was 12, 13 years old I was never allowed to be out by myself specially on a saturday, specially in McDonalds. I was playing barbies and I used to go to bed at 9pm.

Girls here dressed like whores, Im sorry to say but some girls on saturday with those mini dresses (tight long shirts) that you can see their soul when they bent... You would never see a woman dressed liek that in Venezuela, unless she was under a bridge.... and offering good nights.

Also you would never say in venezuela "shut up" or "f**k off" to your mother not even as a joke. If I ever say to my mom "stupid" she would probably smack my mouth and tell me to wash my mouth with detergent... or she would do it herself! I would never dare to see what happens.

Everytime I would be innaproppiate when young, my mom would smack me hard in the mouth (no bleeds, no swallen, no mark, nothing) just hard enough to hurt! and look at me when her Munrrah's eyes.
We call her Munrrah or Tazmania because when she gets mad.... holy s**t! Thunder Thunder Thundercats OOOHHH!!

I think they should get smacked when its a very bad situation... and when they are innappropiate...

Not beaten up like a pinata but hit to make a point.... "behave, I am the authority"

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Furbs
No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence.

You obviously have no kids then.

They come out the womb kicking and punching.

Exactly. Violence is one of the first natural responses after crying. As soon as they are old enough to hit, kick, and bite, that is exactly what they do, and they have to be taught other methods.

Some people are giving advice, and they have no idea what they are talking about.

anotehr thing is that people teach kids that the authority is the police and not the parents... thats is wrong.. very wrong.


teaching kids to call 999 when they are hit... thats bad...

I have a friend (venezuelan) who threaten her mom to call the police hahaha, her mom was very shocked (Oh Canada!, you have taken my auhority away!) and she said to her daughther: "Okay call them, they will take me away and take you away and put you in foster care with fake parents that you dont know and may be in another city another state, they may even be bad and you can do anything about it! and me? They will put me in a hard cold cell abnd you will enver see me again... just called them.. you mgiht be doing me a favour"


hahahaha, she never called!!!!

reply to post by samerulesapply


I have worked with the most violent of children, from the worst of backgrounds and I have been assulted and I have injuries that will be with me for the rest of my life, caused by managing children's behaviours and young adult',s behaviour and I can say in all my time doing my job, I have managed the behaviour far more effectively with a possitive attitude and possitive expectation.
. A spoilt child is a child that has no boundaries and will naturaly push any adult that has no respect for their outcome. Children are not daft, adults are.
Adults are not trained to be parents. Adults can only practice parenting skills with the history of their parents, their community and whatever social expectations, religious and monetary ideals they have founded.
With children, not ALL SIZE FITS ALL. And that is something adults should remember when the child is growing up.
Yes I agree children these days are spoilt. Put a really starving child before me and they will be respectful and willing to please for survival. Thankfully those days are gone except in the third world. Notice how the starving children in the third world respect and obey their parents........ To live you need to eat. To eat you need to respect.
Being in a wealthy country has taken away that respect..

Originally posted by azulejo
Not beaten up like a pinata but hit to make a point.... "behave, I am the authority"

If you resort to violence, in any siutation, you lose. If you use violence as a means of authority, especially where there is a size differential, you lose respect.

Originally posted by calnorak
It seems to me that the people in here that are totally against it, were abused- not disciplined.

I honestly don't understand why they associate a smack, or spanking with beatings/abuse. Its very sad.

Right, because when you smack and spank someone smaller and younger and weaker than you, that is not abuse.

Got it!



I have two children and they are teenagers. I don't hit my children and I can GUARANTEE they are far more respectful of myself and others compared to the children I see who's parents advocate "spanking".

My parenting style certainly has nothing to do with how well rounded and intelligent my children. (sarcasm)

I've seen the proof in the pudding, and it ain't pretty for those who believe in hitting their children. No matter what nice words you put on it hitting is hitting.

One thing I've learned is that hitting teaches children violence and it teaches them to NOT get caught, it doesn't teach them right from wrong. Hitting does NOT teach a child to THINK.

Spanking affects brain development in a negative way.

ezinearticles.com... ent&id=4065617

ezinearticles.com...

spanking and other corporal punishment will have a significant adverse affect on the development of a child's brain and brain function Article Source: EzineArticles.com...

or... www.kidsgrowth.com...

If spanking actually worked, why would you have to keep doing it over and over and over and..... get my drift?

Do some research, the majority of criminals grew up in households whose families believed in your kind of "discipline". Looks like it works perfectly eh?

Though, I BET those of you who advocate hitting another person will NOT read articles which prove you wrong, and if you DO read them I BET you will ignore the evidence and still keep telling yourselves that hitting is GOOD and that hitting somehow equals discipline.

Keep fooling yourselves, you only hurt yourselves... oh... wait... no you hurt your children and society in general.

ollncasino and those in agreement, keep telling yourself that those of us who do not like violence are "weak", I'm sure it helps you feel all strong a macho or something like that when you hit your child.

Because it is just so obvious that it only takes a "strong" person to hit someone smaller and weaker right?

My young life was filled with violence and I am no weakling. I wasn't allowed to be if I wanted to survive. Through all the violence growing up if I had been weak I would NOT have survived. When guns and knives and drugs and alcohol are pretty much the status-quo, to survive it you HAVE to be as emotionally and as physically strong as you can make yourself be.

So, yes, I fall into the category of having grown up in violence and I advocate against using violence to "discipline" children. Being an advocate AGAINST violence does not equal being a dumb weakling. It can and in many cases equals being an intelligent being who has truly learned some strong and deep life lessons.

I believe that those who believe hitting is discipline are the "weak" individuals. They are emotionally weak and cannot come up with an intelligent way to truly teach and discipline their children. It takes intelligence and a strong will to truly teach children. Hitting? Does not require thinking nor does it require intelligence. Hitting a child certainly does not require one to be strong. It just requires one to be willing to use violence on someone smaller and WEAKER than yourself.

So... don't hate me for being superior just because I've learned that hitting someone smaller and weaker than myself doesn't require intelligence or strength.

Oh, and yep, I've dealt with "bad" kids, I've been a foster parent and not once, NOT ONCE did I have to resort to violence to get my point across about the rules in my household. Oh, and just for reference, EVERY foster child I worked with, EVERY SINGLE ONE, came from households whose families believed in spanking their children.

Harm NONE
Peace

Raised 2 daughters, currently 20 & 16.

Were they ever struck for discipline? Yes.

Was each transgression met with physical correction? No.

We're they hit hard? No.

Was a day ever taken out on them? No.

Are they well behaved? Yes.

Some of their BFs were raised by families with the "reason with them" mentality. Those boys were out of control punks that make the spoiled brats on MTV seem well adjusted. Imagine Clockwork Orange... that was them on their best day.

My conservative friends think that I am a liberal pinko, but anyone who believes that a 5 y.o. is just a little adult is SORRY mistaken.

Derek

Originally posted by getreadyalready
Exactly. Violence is one of the first natural responses after crying. As soon as they are old enough to hit, kick, and bite, that is exactly what they do, and they have to be taught other methods.

Strength is the quality that allows all other qualities to exist.

People who are most virulently anti-violence tend to be people who are physically weak but consider them self superior.

Originally posted by Iason321


Yeah, EXACTLY what i was talking about. Buncha friggin pippi longstockings running around. If you wanna learn how to raise your child from pippi longstockings, and raise your kid to be a pippi longstockings, dont come at me for disciplining my child, please.

You have great comedic appeal.

You aren't "disciplining" your child when you hit them.

And no, you don't need to have been spanked to be "tough" nor spank your children to make them the same.

I practiced TKD and Hapkido for 20 years, spent some time with Gracie JuiJitsu when the Gracie family was all the rage and studied Krav Maga for the last 5.

I am confident that any of my children, including my 8 year old daughter could cripple most adult men when push comes to shove. I have spent a lot of time preparing them to do exactly that and none of it involved spanking.

Spanking is an admission of failure and it doesn't establish authority, it erodes it. If the only way you can establish authority or teach a lesson is to hit a child then you have lost from the get-go.

When you spank a child what you are really telling them is "I give-up, I am at my wits end and I don't know what else to do but resort to the most base-level power I have over you, my physical size and strength".

Honestly, there is a much better way. It just takes strength, honesty and integrity and a little willingness to let life itself do the spanking...too many parents are "helicopter parents" hovering over their kids ready to protect them from any miss-step. Mistakes are good...that is how kids learn...let your kids make them. Better now than when they are adults.

Never NEED your kids to respect you, that gives them all the power, the game is already lost. Just let them know the boundaries and consequences and enforce them without emotion and without exception. Spanking not required. Act with integrity and the respect will follow.

Originally posted by getreadyalready

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Furbs
No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence.

You obviously have no kids then.

They come out the womb kicking and punching.

Exactly. Violence is one of the first natural responses after crying. As soon as they are old enough to hit, kick, and bite, that is exactly what they do, and they have to be taught other methods.

Some people are giving advice, and they have no idea what they are talking about.

I don't know what babies you have experienced, but my baby came out crying and as soon as I stuck my nipple in his mouth he was grand. Punching and kicking whilst in the womb certainly, but once out, they just want to be held close enough to feel your heart beat. A long as you do that for the first twelve months or so, they are pussy-cats.

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL



I dunno. I thought one of the purposes of disciplining our children is to cut back on violence. What kind of message are we sending by hitting them?

I think spanking sends the message that violence is okay when you’re older, bigger, and angrier than the intended victim.

Next time the teenager screws up my coffee again at Tim Horton’s, I’m going to give her a smack upside her head. I’ve given her plenty of warnings and she should know better by now.

How can we even pretend to call ourselves civilized when we hit children for what the heinous crimes of: talking back, neglecting their chores, fighting with their siblings? Murderers aren’t even humiliated with corporal punishment. Yet we think it’s correct to hit a little kid? What could they have done that was so wrong?

Imagine that. Hitting your child because you child hit his brother/sister. That’s great parenting there. Imho.

Kids can be taught to respect their elders without having to fear them. And wouldn’t it be wiser for kids to make the right decisions because they understand why it’s the better decision rather than have the kid do so out of fear that the person who is supposed protect might hit them instead?


Yeah, kids are worse behaved then they were 50 years ago. But I strongly doubt that’s because we stopped spanking them.


I think spanking is at best lazy uneducated parenting and at worst is straight up abuse.

Originally posted by Biliverdin
If you resort to violence, in any siutation, you lose. If you use violence as a means of authority, especially where there is a size differential, you lose respect.

If you can't fight your own battles, someone else has to fight them for you.

If you can't discipline your children, someone else may well do to for you.

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Furbs
No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence.

You obviously have no kids then.

They come out the womb kicking and punching.

No.. no they don't. I do not even know how to dispute that other than to say..

Nope.

reply to post by sussy


So what...we should starve our kids to teach them respect?

Exasctly...one size does not fit all, another buzz phrase - here's one for you - be cruel to be kid...I'd smack a child before I starve them.

I'm basing my opinion on the simple facts...I was disciplined with smacking - I am not a bully, respectful enough to see what's going on, I dislike the way kids treat their elders...whatever people are doing it ain't working and needs fixing...period...to deny it is to deny what I see when I often look out my window...people afraid to leave their own houses after dark because idiot kids are roaming the streets in packs, I don't care that you haven't been attacked by kids...it doesn't take away the fact that I've witnessed it first hand.

Like I said, I was disciplined with a smack, I was loved and still am loved by my parents, I work...am respectful of others, I'm not a violent person...friends of mine who weren't disciplined are no longer very friendly...violent or not if I get abused the way I see many people have been abused by kids I'll smack them myself. If you genuinely believe the kids are smarter and that the adults are daft then it's no wonder the kids obviously think this too...if you truly believe that then I'd question you working with kids at all...what a dumb thing to say...I've had enough, bye.

Originally posted by OwenandNoelle
reply to post by ALOSTSOUL

 

I dunno. I thought one of the purposes of disciplining our children is to cut back on violence. What kind of message are we sending by hitting them?

I think spanking sends the message that violence is okay when you’re older, bigger, and angrier than the intended victim.

Next time the teenager screws up my coffee again at Tim Horton’s, I’m going to give her a smack upside her head. I’ve given her plenty of warnings and she should know better by now.

How can we even pretend to call ourselves civilized when we hit children for what the heinous crimes of: talking back, neglecting their chores, fighting with their siblings? Murders aren’t even humiliated with corporal punishment. Yet we think it’s correct to hit a little kid? What could they have done that was so wrong?

Imagine that. Hitting your child because you child hit his brother/sister. That’s great parenting there. Imho.

Kids can be taught to respect their elders without having to fear them. And wouldn’t it be wiser for kids to make the right decisions because they understand why it’s the better decision rather than have the kid do so out of fear that the person who is supposed protect might hit them instead?


Yeah, kids are worse behaved then they were 50 years ago. But I strongly doubt that’s because we stopped spanking them.


I think spanking is at best lazy uneducated parenting and at worst is straight up abuse.

Yes, yes and double yes...brilliant post...

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Biliverdin
If you resort to violence, in any siutation, you lose. If you use violence as a means of authority, especially where there is a size differential, you lose respect.

If you can't fight your own battles, someone else has to fight them for you.

If you can't discipline your children, someone else may well do to for you.

I do discipline my child, he is naughty at times, he is, after all, (reasonably) normal. I just don't have to resort to violence to do so.

reply to post by ollncasino

You don't think that violence is an acceptable strategy in any situation?

Didn't Neville Chamberlain try the "rational, sensible and reasonable means" with Hitler?

If by the "rational, sensible and reasonable means" he meant appeasing Hitler, allowing him to totally ignore the Treaty of Versailles, rebuild the German army and invade neighbouring countries without consequence, then perhaps. But I don't think that was very rational, sensible or reasonable. A more rational, sensible or reasonable solution would have been to stop him before things got so out of hand.

As I said, there are certainly some circumstances where its necessary - if I think its acceptable to use violence to defend oneself, surely I would think its acceptable to stop the Nazis from attempting to forcefully take over Europe -i.e self-preservation. Logic plz.

I also doubt, from the way you write, that you have any children

And so what? I've never been killed, but I can comment on the morality of murder. Whether or not I have children, I have informed perspective - and slapping is no more efficient than any other form of discipline when it comes to kids. I'm aware that children are irrational, but discipline does not require aggression, it requires assertion.

I don't see what you are trying to imply - do you have kids? Did/do you use violence against them? Do you feel this is acceptable? Please elaborate.

Edit:

As I observed a few pages back, the people who are most virulently anti-violence tend to be people who are physically weak but consider them self superior.

How hypocritical, by compartmentalising people like that you are showing an unwarranted sense of self-superiority yourself. You think all guys need to be alpha male tough guys or what? There's nothing wrong with not wasting time getting more built than necessary.

cant fix stupid you let your runt do what it pleases and when you cant control IT you smack it that will show 'em