Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

I am a firm believer in spanking kids. I was raised up that way and can say first hand it will set you straight. The thought of having to go out and pick your own switch would set ya straight. I don't feel at all that I was ever abused, nor do I feel like I have ever abused my kids. (I have never made them pick their own switch by the way)

On a side note my kid just got his first paddelling in school. He is 6 and got into to a fight with a boy in his class during craft time. I got a call from the school and they said he needed to be picked up over it or they were going to paddle him. So basically what I got from that was either he can have a half day of school or face the punishment. I told her to paddle him. With a sound of relief his teacher said "great we'll handle it!"

Fast foward a few hours. My kid gets home and is very quiet. I ask him if he got in trouble at school. He shook his head. I asked him if he got in a fight. He shook his head. I asked him what happened. He said "the principle whooped me daddy. with a paddle." I asked him if it hurt and he said no. I asked him what he thought about it. He said it was scary daddy I will never get in trouble again. He just learned the boundary of what was ok and what wasn't. Does anyone think if he got sent home early he would have learned the same lesson?

It's a egotistical, and a common misconception, to think (or actually) believe that proper parenting will 100% assuredly create a pleasant and otherwise 'good' child that requires no discipline. And it's even more-so fruitless to think that non physical discipline will work always 100%. Having said that I in no way advocate physically harming a child (or anyone for that matter), yet I do believe there are times when spanking and/or smacking a child is in order. If your 5 year old daughter continually tries and run in to the road despite your best efforts, a proper spanking is in order in my humble op-inion. If your 13 year old son tries to lay his hands on his mother, a smack is coming. It's easy to say "this could all have been avoided with proper precautions and parenting" but that does not cover 100% of the situations, 100% of the time. So yes, physical punishment in the form of 'teaching' has it's place. Mind you I am talking attention getting spanking/smacks here, not "I'm angry so I'm going to physically harm you" stuff.

Anyway, these are my feelings and I gladly leave this specific decision up to the parents. By the way, if a spanking keeps my child from running out in to the street and potentially getting injured and/or killed, I'll gladly face the consiquences of any law. As a good parent one has to make sacrifices.

When I was a child, if I made a dumb decision, my dad would spank me, smack the top of my hand, or give me a cuff to the back of my head. Not causing me extreme physical harm, but causing me to feel the proper amount of fear and respect. This just means that I would think over my actions before I execute them.

Now I am 18 years old and am working a steady job, and I know right from wrong. I still respect my father as much now as I did when he would strike that perfect amount of fear and respect into me. No, I don't hate him for it, I'm glad he did it.

In my opinion, children who are spoiled when they are young, don't learn the respect that their parents deserve. When they become teenagers, some may feel anger and frustration towards their parents when they are told to do certain things.

reply to post by mblahnikluver


I totaly agree. I had spankings as a kid aswell. I'm not talking with the belt with welts and all that. Just a one good smack on the butt. I wouldn't really hurt but did scare me straight. Now I have two kids of my own. Had to spank my son once. I tryed reasoning with him many time not to slap his sister. But when a child is five and lachs the experience to understande that certain things are not acceptible you explain. "You slapped your sister I told you not to do it, ...one good smack on the butt... Is that fun? No? That is what you've been doing to your sister." He never did it again.

I'm against it. Violence isn't the answer and smacking your kid only forms resentment. The only situation in which I could see it being reasonable is if they are doing something life-threatening and telling them verbally won't get through to them.

I'm a firm believer in physical discipline in conjunction with verbal/psychological discipline. First of all, children need a safe and loving environment where they can grow and be happy and learn. That's the most important thing in a young child's life. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old. My 2 year old can be a little demon some days.

I don't believe that a child should associate violence with wrongdoing. I think what's more important is that he learns that I am the dominant member here and that I will always win in a confrontation. Believe me, he can be a very confrontational 2 year old... But more important than that, he must know that I love him and no matter what happens I will always be there to comfort him. I spank his hand with my hand when he does something he knows he shouldn't do, but not before warning him not to do it in a firm assertive voice. If he chooses to defy my warnings, then he gets a spanking and a lecture. I always end the lecture with a hug and kiss and tell him that it makes me happy when he's a good boy and I don't want him to be bad. He always acts much better for the next several hours.

So basically, yes I think spanking children is necessary. But it should never be harmful and should never be unaccompanied by a good firm talk. We should only "smack" our children out of love, never out of spite. I feel I should also add, before my first son was born, I told myself that I wouldn't physically discipline him. After he started being a strong willed rebel like his daddy, I realized that he needs to be guided in the right direction and young children won't understand just words. I will always encourage his independence, but as long as he lives under my roof, he will do as I say or suffer the consequences.

And by the way, even though spanking isn't harmful to a child's organs and doesn't risk anything beyond superficial injury, it's STILL a form of beating.

reply to post by InfoKartel


That is rediculous. What would you do if your 10 year old tries to hit you because you lold him to go clean his room. He's in a bad mood and deosn't know how to react to his sentiments? You sit him down and give him a time out? IMHO a good smack on the butt, not 10. ONE. It doesn't even have to hurt. Then explain. He'll understand and he'll have a little more respect.

Also. as a kid my stepdad would 'torture' me for fun, it was like a game to him, I don't think he even realized how much I hated it and for that reason im not really angry about it today, so I am shaped in part by that. also my brother hit me a lot whenever I did something wrong/said something stupid and it made me resent him for a while until he grew up and changed his ways and now I have forgotten about it.

When i was a kid my father spanked me several times, my mother too, i used to behave well but sometimes i was bad, really bad, so they did it with their hands and with the belt if i had been really bad, now i'm an adult and i am not a criminal, not a sadist, i'm not a monster or a crazy man, they didn't destroy men with that and if i didn't understood then why they did it now i do, so i don't see nothing bad in spanking.

I don't have kids but my sister and brother in law live with me, they have two sons that i love, the older 4 years old and the small one only 9 months, i spent a lot of time with then because my sister and brother in law work a lot, the older one is a total hellion, is a terrible kid, one of those who fall to the floor screaming and yelling like maniacs, yesterday he was watching videos in a computer, at night it was time to sleep so my sister turn off the computer and he started screaming, we tried to reason with him, it was late, he had to go to school in the morning, he had watched too many videos already, we talk, and what he did?, he took his little brother and push him against a wall!!!

Of course i took the kid and spanked him because it was necessary, he got quiet, asked forgiveness and went to bed, is not the first time i had to do it, or my sister, or even my mother, but hell yes, sometimes is the best option.

In fact, my nephew obey me more because i'm the one who doesn't make empty threats to him, when i say to him "is this we are going to do and if you don't behave i will punish you" he know im going to do it, my sister do the same and he doesn't obey at all because he doesnt believe her.

BTW, i used to think that when i ha my own kids i would never spank them, i would never lay a finger of them but thanks to my nephew i had been cured of that naive thinking, now i know that when i had them i would do it if necessary for they behaviour.

reply to post by greeneyedleo


With some, that might actually work. A good swift swat on the butt, and telling them exactly why, they got that swift swat on the butt.

Public humiliation. As opposed to all that time spent in court, or in jail, usually both.



Yeah, I know, not too likely...

A good swift smack on the butt, as a reminder is not uncalled for at times... Not to cause pain. I got spanked as a child, and I don't recall once it hurting... did I cry, sure, but more because I felt I should. But I also knew there were lines that I don't cross. Didn't always take the first time...

Beatings? Never. There is, I think, a quantifiable difference between smack, and beating. Not sure what it is, but I know it, when I see it.

I've been to court twice as a witness in child beating cases. One shaking her child, and the other, beating his child. In both cases, I was forced, along with others, to physically intervene. Neither child, thank God, had any lasting physical harm done. Psychological damage? Now that's another thing...hopefully not.

When mine were in diapers, I paddled them a few times - my parents spanked me and so I know from experience that paddling doesn't hurt so much as startle and shock them. They get too big for it to be effective pretty soon, though.

The trick that worked best on my boys was that when they got in trouble, they had to stand with their nose against the wall until they were ready to come and tell me (a) what they did wrong, and (b) how they would avoid doing it again. It was funny because I never set a time limit on this, it was all up to them how long they would take to calm down, figure out what they did wrong, and come up with a game plan to avoid it in the future. They always came up with their own punishments, with this method, and I would just guide them if their idea was impractical, until they had a good plan.

I agree that you MUST follow through with any punishments you threaten. Don't ever make the threat if you aren't willing to carry it out. If you have scheduled your family vacation and little Suzy is being a brat, don't tell her to behave or she won't get to go to Disney World, because there is no way you are going to cancel all your plans if she doesn't behave. All she will learn is that you won't really punish her, so she doesn't have to stop misbehaving. A better threat would be that the whole family is going to sit in the car in the driveway and not budge until she behaves. She will quickly get bored and fall into line.

There is another angle to consider as well.

I used a swat, or a smack on the hand a lot more from age 2 to 4. Now that mine are 5 and 4, I very rarely have to use anything physical. They already learned the proper amount of respect and fear, and they are also much more capable now of debating and comprehending the reasoning behind why they must or must not do something.

I suspect, by this time next year, the need for physical reprimands will be entirely gone until they hit their teen years. Some boys like to challenge the old man once they hit a certain age, so I'll be ready, but I think we've got a good 5 or 10 years ahead of us now with no beatings. Hopefully.

I am extremely glad I got that out of the way while they were very young, and I don't have to play catch-up now. They probably won't even remember any of the spankings this way, and I never had to be very forceful with them like I would have to do now.

******

Let me also add, there are other forms of natural consequences. I'll try to warn them away from anything that might majorly hurt them, but sometimes I just let them find out the hard way, LOL!

When my now 4 year old was 2 and 3, he was constantly teetering on the edge of the pool, and we were constantly warning him away. Eventually, I stood close by and let him find out the hard way. After falling into cold water one time, and being pulled back out, he immediately stopped running up to the edge, and instead he started hunkering down and crawling up to the edge, and when he got close he would drop to his belly.

It didn't scar him permanantly, he still loves to swim, but he is much more mindful of the danger. He always used to want to try jalapenos, so I eventually let him, LOL! Actually, that only worked on the older one, the younger one tried them and LOVED them, so now he eats jalapenos a lot. There are lots of things I will let them try, with fair warning, and then they just have to see for themselves. It serves as both a lesson for them, and entertainment for me, and gray hairs and wrinkles for their Mama.

reply to post by getreadyalready


Your mom rocks. We did something similiar with our child who was in the habit of dragging his feet to get ready for school every morning leading to my wife shouting and running around like a mad woman every morning to hustle him to the end of the driveway for the bus.

One morning recently we didn't say a word. When the bus pulled up to the end of the driveway and he was still in his PJs I called him over to the window to see the bus pull away. He stood there shocked and then started crying....cuz despite the morning power struggle, he likes school. He stayed home that day and helped with chores around the house, but ever since he gets ready each morning on his own, even watches the clock as he hustles to get ready. He gets ready on his own. No more screaming.

Spanking and natural consequences are two very different things. Consequences are 1000 times more effective.

i was raised in a Catholic, strict Italian family and when you messed up you got either the back of the hand or the wooden spoon haha but i turned out very respectful of others, self disciplined ect.. but in my own family from day one i never, Ever raised a hand as punishment and my oldest is in her 2nd year of college and very respectful of others, self disciplined ect.. so i think it's just a matter of the generation.. as for my view i really think it just depends on the individual family environment maybe and the child's predisposition. ones mental stability is always like walking the razors edge and even the smallest disturbance could be detrimental so it pretty much comes down to luck of the draw whether you get a well rounded son or daughter or a cereal killer

mental abuse is far worse than physical, i would actually prefer one good "smack" over saying Anything in a negative manner to a child. that one good smack will let the child know whatever it was he or she did was wrong, only hurt, if at all, for a few seconds or minutes then it's over but as little as a few words strung together can stay with the child for a lifetime and could be a defining moment at one point whether or not he or she brings a semi automatic machine gun to work one day.

as a father i guess i'm neither for or against a physical reprimand, as long as it's not over the top it's ok in some instances.

so all i can say is.. Good Luck to all ATS parents!!

reply to post by InfoKartel


You're right to an extent. We will never forget the times physical pain was inflicted upon my brother and I. Im guessing everyones experience during their upbringing was different. I could tell which people had a different upbringing than myself in Marine Corps bootcamp. They were different. They didn't seem to demonstrate that mental toughness that and the others had. Yes...during the times they sought comforting from me and the others, there was one occasion when another recruit asked the whole platoon for a show of hands, "Raise your hand if you weren't spanked at least once a week." The recruits I had anticipated came from a softer upbringing had indeed revealed themselves. At that very moment, I could not wait to express my gratitude to the man that raised me. He was tough on us. But I am grateful. I will never forget him or what he did FOR me.

Originally posted by LadyGreenEyes

Originally posted by InfoKartel
reply to post by Hellas

 

Get real!!

You're telling me to get real?

Before you agree with what just anyone puts on the internet, read about Stockholm syndrome and feel stupid.

So........you are telling us that children in families are the same as hostages.....and you tell us to "get real"? Wow.....just......wow......

No, he's concurring with a guy who was drowned as punishment, which clearly falls under abuse. To talk this right a certain amount of stockholm syndrome must go on in that brain of the abused person. Seriously, why base so much of what you say on assumptions?

To those of you advocating hitting someone smaller than yourself.....

What? Are you not smart enough to figure out how to parent without resorting to hitting someone smaller than you?

Guess your children have a higher intelligence than you then. At least maybe when they are adults they will understand why hitting someone is not a cool thing to do.

sigh... get a clue people, violence, and yes spanking is hitting and is violence, does NOT equal discipline, it equals violence.

It is interesting how abusive people change the meaning of words to suit themselves isn't it? ie: oh no.. I'm not HITTING I'm spanking. Meaning they think spanking and hitting do not mean the same thing. LOL at them

Harm NONE
Peace

It is not the physical punishment a child recieves, it is the overall upbringing. Its their surroundings, their friends, their family situation, their school, their aspirations ect. You cant make a bad kid good by hitting them.

reply to post by lampsalot


No it doesn't form resentment. I was spanked as a child and never resented my parents for it. As many others if you read the posts. I'm not talking getting beaten. I'm saying one good smack.