Your Views On 'Smacking' children.

Originally posted by getreadyalready

Originally posted by ollncasino

Originally posted by Furbs
No one outside of developmental disability or mental illness is born prone to violence.

You obviously have no kids then.

They come out the womb kicking and punching.

Exactly. Violence is one of the first natural responses after crying. As soon as they are old enough to hit, kick, and bite, that is exactly what they do, and they have to be taught other methods.

Some people are giving advice, and they have no idea what they are talking about.

I am not actually surprised that children in YOUR life would act violently, as you have said repeatedly that violence is totally within acceptable parameters for your family. They are taught violence before you are even aware that they are watching.

It is funny, my two children where not exposed to televised media until they were 4 years old, and neither one have had so much as a slap against them. Zero behavioral problems. Ever.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by InfoKartel

 

Wow, overly sensitive huh? Is it because you were beat, or because you were not beat?

Just because something is socially acceptable does not make it the morally correct thing to do.

They very thought that it is being described as a beating in the above quote is simply disturbing.

Some children, spanking does work, and most of those children don't end up as violent psychos. However if you can get the same result without injuring someone to get your point across, why would a parent result to violence?

It's easy to smack someone, it's much more difficult to teach through positive re-enforcement, and re-direction. I'll admit it openly, being a parent is difficult, some learn to cope with it, and some smack their children.

If that's what any of you choose to do, that's your choice, and I won't think less of you, but don't expect me to espouse an archaic form of punishment as a viable option for my family.

reply to post by Furbs


It is probably because you kept them secluded and they did not have to deal with other people's mouths and greediness

reply to post by ALOSTSOUL


When people are idiots you smack them one. If they don't learn, you smack them two. If they're still too stupid, you cut them off until they change.

If the uk wants to ban physical disciplining that's your own issue. I was smacked for being dumb. I learned. Took way too learn I will admit, but I learned. I intend to do the same.

reply to post by Furbs

It is funny, my two children where not exposed to televised media until they were 4 years old, and neither one have had so much as a slap against them. Zero behavioral problems. Ever.

Kudos for that.

Honestly, I would never wish ill will on you or your children, and I hope you never have behavioral problems to deal with.

I think you probably will have problems at some point, or possibly your children are not as well-behaved as you think, but I hope I am wrong, and I hope your approach works just fine. The thing is, my experience with parents like you tell me otherwise. I know lots of parents who think their kids are angels, and the schools and coaches, and teachers are left with very difficult situations, because everytime they try to do anything, they run up against the parents telling them it is the schools fault, or the other kids faults, and their kid is perfect and has never needed discipline. Well..... yes they did, you just didn't give it to them, and now someone else has to fix it, and also has to deal with a mad parent at the same time.

But, like I said, you may be the exception, and I honestly hope you are...... for your kid's sake.

Wow this thread has grown, it's gonna take me a while to read the posts I've missed.

ALS

Originally posted by arollingstone
As I said, there are certainly some circumstances where its necessary - if I think its acceptable to use violence to defend oneself, surely I would think its acceptable to stop the Nazis from attempting to forcefully take over Europe -i.e self-preservation. Logic plz.

So violence is acceptable to defend yourself?

I agree.

Originally posted by arollingstone
Whether or not I have children, I have informed perspective - and slapping is no more efficient than any other form of discipline when it comes to kids. I'm aware that children are irrational, but discipline does not require aggression, it requires assertion.

But no one is going to take your 'assertion' seriously unless there is physical menace behind it.

reply to post by Biliverdin


I think I kinda said something along those lines??

I did not loose respect towards my mom. I love my mom above anything in the world. I got smacked BUT NOT like a pinata.... I mean, hard enough to understand.

Another thing... warnings were real... she didint just say "go to your room"... she took tv from me ocne for a month, that one was very good!

But I dont suffer, I graduated, fine, two legs, arms one head... I love my mom and I talk to her everyday... and for me she is my best friend.. same my dad.. I love my dad! my parents are above anything and anyone (but God).. If I had to choose between my life and theirs... I choose their life...

Anyone that thinks there is no room for spanking hasn't raised a kid.
A baby is born with a spirit and a will. The spirit should be nurtured, but the will, tamed.
People confuse the will and the spirit. Raw will is the desire to get your way at the expense of other people and/or their property. A tamed will is a learned will. The spirit will actually thrive with a learned will.
The baby's first impulse is to impose the will. That is the point that you tame it, and train it. With that burden lifted from the baby, they can develop their spirit and education and all that it means to be HUMAN.
To break the will, when the baby challenges you through fits or tantrums, you swat the baby on the butt while saying NO in a firm voice, and let the baby cry (a bit shocked). Most kids will test again immediately, and another swat is in order. After a few of these swats, as many as it takes, the baby will relax and the will is tamed for a period of time. My experience is they will test again after a few years, and follow up is required. But, this little bit of work in the formative years yields big results.

The above is critical. Another critical parenting tip is to make your kids work. All housekeeping chores HAVE to be shared from day one. Teach your baby how to wipe up their messes as soon as they can hold a rag.

The rest is relatively easy until they turn 13-15 years, and that is a whole nother lesson.

My father was so scary, all he had to do was flinch and I stopped in my tracks. He never once laid a hand on me that I can remember. There was a very short time that my mom and step dad were at their wits end with my newly discovered ability to lie. I got a lick for each lie, I stopped lying when I got to 5. To this day, the negative reinforcement still elicits a response that lying will get me in trouble, thus it appears that worked. I will not tolerate abuse, but there is no real proof that an occasional negative reinforcement does any real permanent harm. You can find so called experts on both sides of the fence, but there is no real proof. Not all children that are molested turn into molesters, not all children that were abused turn into serial killers, right? So once again, when the " experts" come out and say that something is bad, then society over reacts, again, and does the exact opposite. There is no middle ground, EVER! When the experts all said fat was bad, don't eat it, what did society do? They started devouring carbs, now look, everyone is obese. MODERATION FOLKS, EVERYTHING IN MODERATION, DUH!!!!!!
I have said many times that the problem with the young of today is that they hold all the power. Society has taken all the power away from the adults and handed to the ignorant ( due the incomplete formation of the brain, frontal lobe does not fully develop until the ages of 22-24) and the inexperienced. We feared adults when I was growing up. We were all under the assumption that any adult could disipline us at any time. Our parents brought us into the world, and we all believed they could take us out. That's what's missing, fear of consequences. Until at least 22 years of age, young people cannot comprehend the full consequences of their actions, that what adults are for. When society learns about MODERATION, then everyone will be better off.

I really wonder how people feel about slapping the parents who can't control or discipline their kids?

As a guy with no kids who has made the decision to NEVER have them....this would please me alot.

I don't spank, I put them in an invisible chair for 20 sec. against the wall, that makes them mind quick, and thats all it ever takes, even mentioning the invisible chair to them is enough most of the time.

reply to post by gunshooter


LMAO! Thats mean!!

Man, I have read some funny stuff here.

Originally posted by getreadyalready
reply to post by Furbs

 

It is funny, my two children where not exposed to televised media until they were 4 years old, and neither one have had so much as a slap against them. Zero behavioral problems. Ever.

Kudos for that.

Honestly, I would never wish ill will on you or your children, and I hope you never have behavioral problems to deal with.

I think you probably will have problems at some point, or possibly your children are not as well-behaved as you think, but I hope I am wrong, and I hope your approach works just fine. The thing is, my experience with parents like you tell me otherwise. I know lots of parents who think their kids are angels, and the schools and coaches, and teachers are left with very difficult situations, because everytime they try to do anything, they run up against the parents telling them it is the schools fault, or the other kids faults, and their kid is perfect and has never needed discipline.

Well..... yes they did, you just didn't give it to them, and now someone else has to fix it, and also has to deal with a mad parent at the same time.

But, like I said, you may be the exception, and I honestly hope you are...... for your kid's sake.

Between myself and my partner, there are degrees in Anthropology, Conflict Resolution (From George Mason.. hence the Runbenstein link), Childhood Development and Secondary Education. We have combined experience from over 4 dozen families for whom we have nannied.

We know kids.

Like I said before, you don't need to hit a kid to be a bad parent, and to take it further.. kids DEFINITELY do not need to be hit to have behavioral problems. And to really throw a spanner into it, A child of violence can learn to be non-violent. However, violent tendencies are inextricably linked to previous violent trauma (especially childhood onset). The correlation is too pronounced to ignore.

That is all I'm saying.

Violence begets violence.

Perhaps I worded my post to you inconsiderately. I apologize. I was a victim of horrible violence from a parent, sometimes it gets the best of me. Not an excuse, just tossing it out there.

There is a huge difference between spanking a child when they have crossed the line and smacking them in the face ..Its as simple as this a swat to the but with an explanation of what they did was wrong why it was wrong and the punishment for doing said wrong was a swat to the fatty butt cheek . Smacking a child in the face over something small and pointless with no explanation of why what or how is a different thing all together .This teachs the child the response to any anger is to smack , punch and or hit ..I think the issue is that parents must explain to there child why what they did was wrong and then remember they are children and there is a limit to the amount of punishment that any child should recieve ...

I was riding on a bus a few years back and a young 19-20 yr old girl was having a tough time with a toddler, she smacked him around the head more than once and told him to behave himself, i was incensed and said "Don't treat him like that" she turned to me and said, "Keep your nose out he's got learning difficulties", i said "Is it any wonder treating him like that?".

saw her a few weeks later on the bus with a guy and she said "That was him, he had a go at me", i just smirked at her.


so no some people are not capable of reasonably disciplining a child, so in the interests of all children, it cannot be allowed.

What about, "Bed without dinner"? Is that taboo yet?

Originally posted by DrumsRfun
I really wonder how people feel about slapping the parents who can't control or discipline their kids?

As a guy with no kids who has made the decision to NEVER have them....this would please me alot.

Although I don't believe that violence solves anything, I do agree with punishing parents who fail to 'control' their children. If we have ages of consent and of criminal cupablity, then it is only rational to accept that the legal guardian should accept responsibility for their child's shortcomings. And certainly, though unfortunately, this is the path that we seem to be taking in the UK with parents being taken to court over failing to ensure their child attends school. The majority of children who hang out on street corners and harass people do not do so because they have a good, healthy homelife. Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted seldom works...though I am not entirely opposed to the idea of sterilisation for repeat offenders.

reply to post by ollncasino

So violence is acceptable to defend yourself?

Yes, I indicated that very clearly earlier in the thread. Using violence to defend oneself or ones loved ones is perfectly acceptable. Though that does not warrant excessive violence, only enough to make sure the threat is neutralised. I mean, if some guy breaks in someone's house and gets knocked out and tied up - there's no need to throw him off the roof or drop a tv on his head.

But no one is going to take your 'assertion' seriously unless there is physical menace behind it.

No, that is incorrect - there is a very clear distinction between aggression and assertiveness. It is very unfortunate that you see things that way. For example, at work - you don't walk around pushing people into water coolers, but you can still get what you want by being assertive.

It really does boil down to the difference between the two, which is too often ignored.