A Little Help For Men Trying To Understand Women!

Originally posted by Greenize
reply to post by Phenomium

 

I can understand some of the points that you have made in your posts. It does seem that men are raked over the coals at times. I do know of some men though that have won custody of their children and the ex-wife was the one left with nothing. It doesn't seem fair the way that the judicial systems treats men in cases of divorce. A friend of mines wife recently found someone else and told her husband she wanted a divorce and he had to borrow nearly 40 grand and give it to her. He raised her son as his own for 15 years, she worked 3 days a week at a small cafe here in town just for spending money while he worked and payed for the farm. Now he is at risk of losing it all because she decided to have an affair....its not fair!

Thank you for your understanding. You didn't necessarily agree, but you made an attempt to understand in a discussion that of a true diplomat. I'll say it again, your husband is a very lucky man. Good for you both.

reply to post by Misfit


Let me try to make clear to even YOU:

I spent the past 2 decades trying to be a good, kind, understanding, person who (well more than once) fell in love, and bent over backwards to make the woman I had feelings for happy, and never wanting for anything. I listened to her. I catered to her every need, every whim- I told her how I felt, and showed it almost constantly.

You know what I got? Maybe, but the true question is- DO YOU EVEN CARE.

I got hurt, time and again. I got stepped over for rich cute guys. I had my heart broken so badly, I cant even describe how horrible I felt. And the laughter...! The way women laughed at what they did to me was vomit inducing. Being someone who is without a family at all, it has been a horror show from one end to the other.

This insanity of "how to understand women" is just that- I N S A N I T Y. This isn't anything like 'love'. If this is how love has become, it's no wonder people are divorcing, killing themselves- beating women (which I DO NOT advocate, but the sheer frustration is sending me to distraction), and making people NUTS.

Someone says they love you, get off your high horse, and come down to earth and learn to love the person back- and not hand him a frigging manual with ridiculously complicated instructions that makes a VCR look easy! Quit acting like you're a superior being!

LOVE DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! How the hell hard is it to get???

Quit acting like you're a superior being!




Kidding right? Everyone acts like that, its not a one way street at all.

Originally posted by wylekat
reply to post by Misfit

 

Let me try to make clear to even YOU:

I spent the past 2 decades trying to be a good, kind, understanding, person who (well more than once) fell in love, and bent over backwards to make the woman I had feelings for happy, and never wanting for anything. I listened to her. I catered to her every need, every whim- I told her how I felt, and showed it almost constantly.

You know what I got? Maybe, but the true question is- DO YOU EVEN CARE.

I got hurt, time and again. I got stepped over for rich cute guys. I had my heart broken so badly, I cant even describe how horrible I felt. And the laughter...! The way women laughed at what they did to me was vomit inducing. Being someone who is without a family at all, it has been a horror show from one end to the other.

This insanity of "how to understand women" is just that- I N S A N I T Y. This isn't anything like 'love'. If this is how love has become, it's no wonder people are divorcing, killing themselves- beating women (which I DO NOT advocate, but the sheer frustration is sending me to distraction), and making people NUTS.

Someone says they love you, get off your high horse, and come down to earth and learn to love the person back- and not hand him a frigging manual with ridiculously complicated instructions that makes a VCR look easy! Quit acting like you're a superior being!

LOVE DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! How the hell hard is it to get???

I told you guys I'm not alone. It is happening to alot of us men everywhere and we are waking up to see what is truly going on. I understand you man, I have been there many times in the same situations....and read back to the other posts...THEY BLAME US for the womens infidelity and for somehow attracting the wrong type of woman....despite the fact that if the woman was any decent human being....she wouldn't be a wrong woman for us to choose (as if she, herself, didn't have a choice). But read back,......they try to blame us for their attacks...again playing the victim when they are actually the seductive aggressors. Everyone knows who navigates a relationship using sex as the ultimate deciding factor. It's no secret. Therefore, it seems men have no choice most of the time or it's sleeping on the couch for you if you disagree with a woman or upset her in any way. Can we, as men do this? YOU BET WE CAN! The key is to take away their power by not letting the sex be a factor. It's tough at the beginning, but it can be fun to turn the tables in your favor once you realize that they are emotionally what we are visually. it's is just easier for them because all they have to do is just be there.........we actually have to read books and work for the right of control......but it is well worth it when you do.

[edit on 22-8-2009 by Phenomium]

reply to post by Phenomium

THEY BLAME US for the womens infidelity and for somehow attracting the wrong type of woman....

The women do it, and so do their (for lack of any better term) 'Sex slaves'.

Learn to stand up for yourself, be you man or woman! No one else is going to!
My marriage has not been all peaches and roses. My husband decided once after a night of partying that he would hit me...surprise...he got the hell knocked out him right back! Didn't take but once! Never let someone walk all over you! We all deserve to be loved and respected, but you have to give those as well. I guess its hard for me understand the actions of women that do not think as I do. I don't like headgames or playing with emotions, I do not like to be bossy and I am certainly not a spiteful person. I do however believe that if your gonna dish it out you better be ready to take it!

reply to post by schrodingers dog


S Dog, so glad you are back to make a stand and show there are intelligent men who recognize women as intelligent equals.

OK guys lets look back into our childhood and dig up memories of how we fought with our sisters constantly over every stupid little thing driving our parents crazy. Now look at you adult life and remember your sister arguing with you about something really trivial and look at the wife. It will clear up alot for you. The compitition is still on, love didnt take it away. Ha, please tell me we didnt fall for that trick, C'mon already. For those guys who where not fortunate enough to learn about girls when they where younger not having a sister, always a pat on the back for the late bloomer. Always look for the girlfriend who had brothers, they are alot of fun and usually more understanding of men because of their experience. For all you females who didnt have brothers, tough luck on the love speech, thats just more fuel for the fire. The roast continues.

Originally posted by wylekat

The women do it, and so do their (for lack of any better term) 'Sex slaves'.

It sounds like you mean that as a bad thing.

Six months ago at a family deal, my dad announced the secret to his long marriage to my mother.

"When we first got married, we came to an agreement. I told her I'd take care of all the major decisions, and she would be responsible for the remaining decisions.

In forty years of marriage, not one major decision has ever come up."

reply to post by dooper



Priceless!!

reply to post by Greenize


He's a character.

From my own limited observations, I would suggest that far too many women are in the reconstruction business.

Often they'll meet their man, and upon closer examination will find a few rough edges that they feel need correcting, and go to work on those.

Then they decide there's few others a bit more irritating, and begin to correct those "problem areas" as well.

If she's successful, she finds the man much more acceptable, but immensely less attractive.

She ever remakes the man, he isn't the same thing she fell in love with, and the show is basically over.

To women, I'd suggest they refrain from the reconstruction.

Because if you're successful, you won't have anything like what you fell in love with.

To men, I'd suggest you bend to their suggestions - as long as those suggestions don't take any time, effort, or money.

Originally posted by dooper

To men, I'd suggest you bend to their suggestions - as long as those suggestions don't take any time, effort, or money.

Alternatively:

From Addictive To Enlightened Relationships

But dooper's way works too.

Originally posted by Phenomium

... But read back,......they try to blame us for their attacks...again playing the victim when they are actually the seductive aggressors. Everyone knows who navigates a relationship using sex as the ultimate deciding factor. It's no secret. Therefore, it seems men have no choice most of the time or it's sleeping on the couch for you if you disagree with a woman or upset her in any way. Can we, as men do this? YOU BET WE CAN! The key is to take away their power by not letting the sex be a factor. It's tough at the beginning, but it can be fun to turn the tables in your favor once you realize that they are emotionally what we are visually. it's is just easier for them because all they have to do is just be there.........we actually have to read books and work for the right of control......but it is well worth it when you do.

[edit on 22-8-2009 by Phenomium]

Here's where I'm losing focus on your argument... what's so important about the "right of control" in that particular house that I need to stand there and hash it out with some one who clearly fights to win.. i.e. has no intention of "fighting fair"?

Why play those silly-assed games at all, when all you gotta do to find peace is walk away?

Real world example. I recently spent a couple months "on the couch", as you put it. Well sir, I can do a couple months standing on my head. Ain't nothin' in the world so important you need to go all to pieces over it. As a wise man once told me: "that thang ain't lined with gold, however much she thinks it is."

Now after a couple of months of that sort of attack, and seeing as how it just wasn't having the desired effect, the little woman up and makes a tactical error by trying to up the ante, thinking I was cornered. Now, a slight bit of reflection would have demonstrated the error of that sort of thinking - if I were "cornered", I would have already capitulated, no?

So when she upped the ante, instead of flying the white flag, under what she must have thought would be unbearable pressure, I just opened the front door, and ain't looked back. I don't need the head games, the drama, OR any degree of "control" in that house.

Why stay in a pissin' contest you didn't start, and play games you have no interest in playing? Isn't life hard enough already without manufacturing trouble?

Anyhow, the little woman still thinks I'm playing those silly assed games, and keeps calling me to "come home". Not gonna happen, for all the reasons cited above, plus the notion that if she'd wanted me there to begin with, I'd have never bailed. If I want a drama, I'll turn on the tv. If I want peace and cooperation, I'll stay away from that house. Just that simple.

So back to my original question - what's so important about THAT control, that one should give up all other control in his world to fight for it?

One other thing - as has been pointed out several times now in this thread, if one really wants to know how someone else feels, the best tactic is to listen to what THEY say is how they feel, not TELL them how they feel, and then ridicule them for it.

I can see too much of that going on here.

reply to post by nenothtu


Eloquently stated and good for you!!


I agree with you on all points! Life if certainly too short to play games and in those games, no body wins in the end!

reply to post by schrodingers dog


Interesting page. I'll see if I can find someone to translate it into english for me.

reply to post by vox2442



you didn't read the OP - or if you did - you didn't understand it

your mission here has nothing to do with anything but self indulgence

it is an important discussion

doesn't belong in this thread

Originally posted by inregardstoo
OK guys lets look back into our childhood and dig up memories of how we fought with our sisters constantly over every stupid little thing driving our parents crazy. Now look at you adult life and remember your sister arguing with you about something really trivial and look at the wife. It will clear up alot for you. The compitition is still on, love didnt take it away. Ha, please tell me we didnt fall for that trick, C'mon already. For those guys who where not fortunate enough to learn about girls when they where younger not having a sister, always a pat on the back for the late bloomer. Always look for the girlfriend who had brothers, they are alot of fun and usually more understanding of men because of their experience. For all you females who didnt have brothers, tough luck on the love speech, thats just more fuel for the fire. The roast continues.

True, but as adults we have so much more invested and so much more to lose. Sex and trust in a relationship supersedes the squabbles of children. We didn't make love to our sisters (hopefully), and if the parents (or in this case the government) were to side with the sister over the brother.........you can bet that the favoritism would be appreciated by the sister and looked at as a trivial matter (much like women are looking at this topic) and the brother would be furious because the parent (or government) that is supposed to be equally protecting him and his needs and dividing all matters in the name of equality is overlooking him and showing favoritism to the sister. So yes, you're right it's the same age old sibling rivalry, but we are grown up now and we are not siblings. A bear cub is cute also while he is still a cub......but somehow when he grows up all the rules change. We are no different. Cute while young and petty squabbles mean nothing but when we get older all manner of evil changes the rules. We are no longer just slapping hands here like children, this stuff affects actual family life and new children brought into this world.

[edit on 23-8-2009 by Phenomium]

Originally posted by nenothtu

Originally posted by Phenomium

... But read back,......they try to blame us for their attacks...again playing the victim when they are actually the seductive aggressors. Everyone knows who navigates a relationship using sex as the ultimate deciding factor. It's no secret. Therefore, it seems men have no choice most of the time or it's sleeping on the couch for you if you disagree with a woman or upset her in any way. Can we, as men do this? YOU BET WE CAN! The key is to take away their power by not letting the sex be a factor. It's tough at the beginning, but it can be fun to turn the tables in your favor once you realize that they are emotionally what we are visually. it's is just easier for them because all they have to do is just be there.........we actually have to read books and work for the right of control......but it is well worth it when you do.

[edit on 22-8-2009 by Phenomium]

Here's where I'm losing focus on your argument... what's so important about the "right of control" in that particular house that I need to stand there and hash it out with some one who clearly fights to win.. i.e. has no intention of "fighting fair"?

Why play those silly-assed games at all, when all you gotta do to find peace is walk away?

Real world example. I recently spent a couple months "on the couch", as you put it. Well sir, I can do a couple months standing on my head. Ain't nothin' in the world so important you need to go all to pieces over it. As a wise man once told me: "that thang ain't lined with gold, however much she thinks it is."

Now after a couple of months of that sort of attack, and seeing as how it just wasn't having the desired effect, the little woman up and makes a tactical error by trying to up the ante, thinking I was cornered. Now, a slight bit of reflection would have demonstrated the error of that sort of thinking - if I were "cornered", I would have already capitulated, no?

So when she upped the ante, instead of flying the white flag, under what she must have thought would be unbearable pressure, I just opened the front door, and ain't looked back. I don't need the head games, the drama, OR any degree of "control" in that house.

Why stay in a pissin' contest you didn't start, and play games you have no interest in playing? Isn't life hard enough already without manufacturing trouble?

Anyhow, the little woman still thinks I'm playing those silly assed games, and keeps calling me to "come home". Not gonna happen, for all the reasons cited above, plus the notion that if she'd wanted me there to begin with, I'd have never bailed. If I want a drama, I'll turn on the tv. If I want peace and cooperation, I'll stay away from that house. Just that simple.

So back to my original question - what's so important about THAT control, that one should give up all other control in his world to fight for it?

One other thing - as has been pointed out several times now in this thread, if one really wants to know how someone else feels, the best tactic is to listen to what THEY say is how they feel, not TELL them how they feel, and then ridicule them for it.

I can see too much of that going on here.

That's true! I agree with you. That was actually a response to a guy that I was trying agreeing with who was in a relationship. I, like you, walked away from headgames and never looked back but on occasion I like to help those guys who are currently under the gun (so to speak) how to deal with the women who are playing head games with them. To turn the tables on headgamers and let them know what it feels like to be played and betrayed. But yes, you are right, it is better to just leave the players hanging so they can play the games with themselves.

I've heard it said that if we raised boys and girls exactly the same way, not making allowances for or diverting interest based on gender, then men and women would come to communicate much easier.

Most men do not have the tools to communicate the way a women would like. Most women do not understand how to talk to a man so that he can understand what she means.

Example:- When a woman says something to a man, he hears the words spoken and understands the logical meaning of those words, BUT, what he doesn't get is the feeling or emotion injected into the words so misses a lot of "hidden" meaning that another woman would easily read. Which is why many men say," I wish my wife would just say what she means/thinks/feels without me having to guess what she meant"

Another thing that gets under a males skin is that so many women do not speak a thing when it happens, instead they let it build up on top of other things until when asked what is wrong a guy will hear, "Everything" and become even more confused.

If all people only said the words to express what they feel and mean at the time they felt it, then I think things would go a little smoother for us all.

[edit on 23-8-2009 by Tayesin]