My Son

I am going to give you a bit of advice from one parent to another.

I have worked with children similar to yours. Kids are not exposed to physical activities, sports, outside games and anything to do to stimulate the human body like like children from our generation. Mental stimulation is good but balance is important too.

We are physical beings, our bodies needs to be active, especially young children.

The reason your son is may not interested in physical activities is the fact that you may not be involved yourself in these activities. I am not judging here, just making an assumption.

My own experience is my son was not interested when he was very young, in fact, he sometimes begged not to go, but once on the field playing soccer he was in his glory. I also volunteered to be his soccer coach, this actually even inspired him more and now that Dad was the coach, excuses didn't work. Helping them channel their energy is our responsibility as adults.

I would wager if you or your husband get involved together in something your son may like, he'll be much more apt to continue. The way you can tell if he likes is not by what he says, but by how much he enjoys it when he is apart of whatever was chosen.

I have had many many children over the years, coaching hockey, martial arts, soccer and even chess club ,so I have experience with physical and mental coaching, what I have found is that no matter how hyperactive, or challenged a child is when parents are pro-actively involved their interest and focus are night and day.

There are plenty of scrappy small kids that I have had the pleasure of coaching and some of them had 10 times the heart that kids twice their size did.

Good luck to you and you son.

Hope this helps.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Send him back to Russia?

I'm kidding.

I'm dealing with a different, albeit similar situation with my 16yr right now. Angry and just generally unpleasant to anybody who isn't on his exact train of thought.

I wish had more advice for your love, but I think in this case the professional route is going to be the best way.

My only suggestion, start him on Wheat Grass Juice. I've seen a lot of kids level out emotionally and be healthier from a daily intake. It's super good for you.

I have no evidence of the above other than anecdotal and what my husband says ( he's a pediatrician), but dietary supplements can go a long way.

Hang in there

~Tenth

reply to post by smyleegrl


Hi again, smyleegrl,

I'm glad you posted this thread as it has struck up a good conversation of parents with similar situations -- whether past, present, or future moms & dads.

I've been brainstorming a bit today, and had a couple of other questions for you:

- Did you do the normal vaccines? If so, did you "stagger" them? The reason I ask is because I didn't stagger with my first and I feel a bit guilty about that. Later, I did stagger with my second son...point being...there is a huge contrast between the two.

-Have you out ruled allergies w/MD's? I am finally taking the boys to a specialist over spring break to get them tested for sure; I know I have seasonal ones, but I'm "aware" of them. It's my understanding that even subtle allergies can wreak havoc on children & while my childhood was pretty smooth-going, I do remember feeling carpy from them, and threw tantrums, lol.

Psssst...as a VA native, don't ever enroll your child in anything in Martinsville unless you want him to become a NASCAR driver...I got belted with chicken wing bones and empty beer cans in the head on an occasion there! Ha,ha. Hopefully things have changed since then.

Peace/Hugs,
Watches

reply to post by smyleegrl


the world is insane, try to explain it to a kid ,imposible, all you need is love.
t.v. screens wii ds is all they live for.
break the spell

I have a god son about the same age and with the exact same indications, except for the "lazy eye." After years of heartache, going from doctor to psychologist to doctor to psychologist, his parents finally found a specialist who diagnosed Celiac Disease. It wasn't a psychological problem at all. 100% physical. It's an autoimmune disease that affects the villi in the small intestine, inhibiting uptake of necessary nutrients.

He's been treated for this now for over a year with excellent results – he's growing, much more socially tuned-in, speech and reading have improved. If you've not had a doctor eliminate this possibility it might be worth checking into.

www.webmd.com...

reply to post by Detergent


Thank you for the info and link.

We've taken him to a geneticist who did a genetic panel study, but they didn't notice any abnormalities. The endocrinologist has also run several tests (I have the complete list somewhere) and I'm pretty sure they ruled this out.

My child too had sensitivity to loud noises and issues with sensory overload - like the way socks felt, or a tag on a shirt, couldn't wear long pants - even in winter -- which as you can imagine caused the school to think I was an unfit mother Always was hot too. Was told by one of many specialists that there was sensory integration issues.

I hate labels, but it seemed for my child like a mild form of aspergers plus ADHD, coupled with some anxiety/depression (dad died - caused a lot of issues).

Again, problems got worse once middle school started...dropped out of high school...still struggling...but doesn't have those issues of sensory integration any longer, no issues now socially, even depression seems to be gone, rarely anxious...all that remains seems to be some ADD symptoms

Tried meds here and there but they never really worked at all. Not on any meds at all for years now. Things do work out! Did spend childhood, early teens in soccer, baseball, basketball...outside alot on skateboard/bike.

If the martial arts doesn't work out (he won't go, is shy, embarrassed, etc.) maybe you could find a local teen who is into martial arts who would come to the house while you are home and do one on one lessons for a couple bucks -- and sort of be a "mentor" in a way, or teach soccer footskills at home in the yard, until your son got confidence in his soccer skills enough to join a team.

Your son just might have an ASD, the way you described his behavioral patterns and sensitivity to certain things.

Off the bat, I can tell you straight off I was one of the smallest kids in my class (I stand at 4' 11" as an adult), and I had some of the problems your son had been facing (sensitivity to loud noises, being exceptionally bright in one or a few areas).

I do hope that all turns well for him, and not have him brush it off as a phase or something he would grow out of as my parents did.

best of luck to the both of you

Toast

ETA: I also have problems with one of my eyes (aside from being nearsighted in one, and astigmatic in the other), but it's related to stress and a latent effect from an infected tear duct

reply to post by smyleegrl


Here is a small and safe test. Give your son a child dose of benadryl, preferably liquid and watch for the following:
1. Try to keep him occupied. If he falls asleep quickly, within a few minutes, it could be a nutrional or vitamin problem. Have urine and blood tests done and check for elevated enzyme levels or vitamin deficiencies.
2. If he is still able to function without being drowsy, and he acts more normal than you would expect, he may have a severe form of ADHD. Have him tested.
3. If there is no change, or he becomes more agitated, then he may have a brain chemical imbalance and will need to be checked by a Psychoanalyst, not a Psychologist. If he is lacking the protective coating around his brain receptors, it causes misfiring of analytical thinking which is how he reacts to his surroundings. The smallest thing could set him off because he is not thinking rationally.

Oh, and if he truly has lazy eye or amblyopia, he would probably do better with special corrective lenses forcing the less dominant eye to become more active, and doing eye exercises, than using patch therapy.

reply to post by smyleegrl

above everything else just give him a lot of love and support because he is going to grow up and he'll remember who stood by his side during the rough times and never gave up on him. hopefully he'll become a very strong person with a positive outlook. Focus on explaining to him how the world is a cruel place for everybody but some people have it harder and they become either self-destructive or self-determined but it is up to them to decide which. best wishes

Truly beleive me. They will do any test if it can be reimbursed. Stop looking for a genetic reason or a label for your child. The result will be worse. I promise if try enough someone will provide you with a psychiatric diagnoses and whatever medication to offset symptoms you complain about.

Originally posted by smyleegrl
For those of you suggesting martial arts.....

True story. Last year we decided to enroll him in martial arts for all the typical reasons. Since we live in a very small town, there is only one martial arts studio within easy driving distance, and they won't enroll until age 7.

So I went online and did a google search for martial arts academies in a nearby city (Martinsville, VA). It would be an hour's drive, but we were willing.

The academy sounded perfect and they were enrolling five year olds. We were invited to bring our son to the school for a free trial session to see if he would like it. So, as soon as the school bell rang, we piled in the car and headed towards Martinsville.

Now, I am extremely directionally challenged. I get lost in grocery stores, I kid you not. So of course I programmed the address into the GPS and off we went.

We arrived at the spot, according to the GPS....only it was a vacant parking lot. Confused, I called the academy and asked for directions.

For the next twenty minutes the secretary and I exchanged phone calls while I followed her directions. I never found the academy.

At last, frustrated and twenty minutes late, I said we'd come the following week.

That's when the secretary hesitantly asked what state I was in. I told her Virginia.

That's when she told me the academy was located in Martinsville, INDIANA.

I do not want to get into a peeing match with anyone!

The martial arts direction would be a very good move. If you ever get the chance in the future, the combination of Judo and Win Chun is very suited to someone of small build. Judo teaches how to fall down without harm and Win Chun is designed to engage much larger adversaries.

An alternative is Aikido, just watch a Steven Seagul movie to find out what that one can do!

There are many that in your particular case I would avoid.

Now, ask around, friends, school wherever! Just because you have limited Dojos in your town does not mean he has to go without. To put it another way, if you came to me, I would train him, not for money, but to follow my teachings in martial arts.

It would be like you donating an hour a week of one on one teaching to help out a special needs child. If you knew it would help and the family could not afford it, you would not hesitate, would you?

P

Another option would be to use all the time you spend developing your ats persona on interacting with your child.

Originally posted by LastStarfighter
Another option would be to use all the time you spend developing your ats persona on interacting with your child.

A better use of your time on ATS would be to develop your personality. Everyone needs a break. I an guessing ATS is one of the few breaks Smileygirl gets.

P

Check the family history, not medically, but mentally and spiritually. The answer is in there somewhere and can be broken off. But if you deny that then just learn to live with it.

I can tell you how to control the situation by food and herbal supplements. But it is up-to you to believe an Indian man.

reply to post by smyleegrl


Get him on a gluten free and possibly milk free (casein free) diet ASAP. My son was like 4% considered failure to thrive. He's 13 years old now and about the same height I am and taller than his mother. They've destroyed your food sources, and with vaccination, many are intolerant to wheat.

Gluten free and casein free helps with the autism as well.

Originally posted by pheonix358
Hi Smyleegrl,

I have dealt with a child like this. I will offer a few ideas. These are just things to try and see if they make a difference. If they do, reply or PM.

To handle the rages try using physical strength and smother him in a cuddle. At the same time using short calming words like "Calm, Mommy loves you." Repeat until he calms down. Every motion you use should be to calm him.

Look up link and study the symptoms list. Your son may have this at a much heightened level.

The rages may be caused by an inability to communicate and boredom. To put it another way his mind is working at 100mph and his body is giving him 10mph. It is pure frustration.

Hugs, cuddles and love. He will be a handful, be close to him around other children.

If any of the above is close, try to engage his imagination. Just because he can't read, does not mean he does not understand. Try reading something like The Hobbit to him, see if he seems to understand. You really need to assess what his mind is capable of. Try reading the section on The Shire and sit him down and ask him to go for a walk in The Shire in his mind. Observe to see if he can do this.

Most professionals will just want to attach a label and then deal with him in a fixed category. This is very wrong, and often destructive.

If I could send you emotional strength I would. If I am on the right track I have lots more. I am more than happy to help just remember that this is very difficult due to our communication method. If this is not helping then keep searching for answers. Someone has a son just like yours and loves him just as much and has been where you are now.

P

edit on 27/3/2013 by pheonix358 because: (no reason given)

I took the test at the link and my son is definently highly sensitive. (So am I, apparently).

Instead of reading to him from the Hobbit (he wouldn't listen) I showed him a commercial for an old Zelda game. The commercial was maybe thirty seconds long.

He spent the next couple of days discussing that game, imagining the different characters that might be in the game, what kind of bad guys and good guys, what kind of "levels" and things.

What I got from this I already knew, he has a very active imagination and lives in it. I did e same as a child, although I was quiet, reserved, and shy (still am). I would walk back and forth on my parents porch for hours, dribbling a basketball and telling myself stories that I made up.

I've got a voice recorder app, I talked to my son about his stories and he's excited about the idea of recording them. So we will try this, let him record a story then I will type it up and together we will find pics on the Internet to illustrate it. He's very excited about this, and to be honest I am too.

I'd be grateful to hear your other suggestions. And thank you for the defense of my time on ATS. Between teaching all day and working with my son, it is he only break I get. It's the only place and time that I feel like I can be "me."

It would be like you donating an hour a week of one on one teaching to help out a special needs child. If you knew it would help and the family could not afford it, you would not hesitate, would you?

One of the reasons I need my ATS time. I spend every afternoon working with students who need an extra push. It's something I enjoy doing, but after ten hours of working with six year olds, adult conversation is a treasure.

reply to post by smyleegrl



Or your son may just be the next Johnny Depp. by the sound of his imagination. Nothing wrong with that.

Or the next J.R. Tolken

Either way it sounds like he has a loving and concerned mother so I would wager that he'll be fine.

reply to post by smyleegrl

Your blessed he sounds like a unique remarkable little boy.
and you sound like a concerned loving mother,keep in mind
what he is not what he isn't.
Children come to us as is and thank god or whomever because
can you imagine picking and choosing our children?
He was given to you for a purpose because you were the
right mom for him.
Bless you and family and keep loving him and things will
work out the way they should.
Whether kids have health issues or not worrying comes with
being a parent.
What do you think gives us gray hair and wrinkles?...lol