Sorry to hear the news.
Your child is unique. All kids are. Some more "unique" than others. Sort of like alot of us here on ATS?
My own child had much difficulties from birth. Slow to walk, talk, potty train. But smart as could be. Lousy in school but off the charts on abstract
thinking. Funny, charming, a storyteller and comedian, but a nervous wreck giving a school book report. Labelled - ADHD, depressed, bipolar, anxiety,
OCD, "bad", ODD, slow, gifted. You name it, I heard it. Just depended which neurologist, pyschiatrist, pyschologist, school counselor, doctor or
alternative healer I went to with my kid.
Many $$ and much time and heartache later, no help. Meds never worked (never really wanted to go there anyway, but gave in and tried), "rewards"
systems like in all the ADHD books - never worked. Ignoring bad behavior, outbursts, tantrums - didn't work. Neither did punishing, negative
consequence programs, candid talking, hell even bribes.
Rages in young children is hard. Was lonely for me as the parent, because my child was the 8-year-old acting like she was three in public, and I got
the disapproving looks and the "talks" with the school officials. But my little one also had great days, hours, moments. Brilliant moments. Calm,
loving, fun, secure. Never lasted. But valued.
At one point, I considered it might be aspergers on the autism spectrum, especially during a patch of years when rages, self-doubt, difficulty with
social skills with peers, and other signs seemed to come into play.
Today, a young adult. Still difficulties with anger, rage, but far less often. Still ADD symptoms - disorganized, has to be always busy, entertained,
engaged in conversation, doing something, hard to concentrate. But, much less in intensity. Great social skills, well-liked, still very charming.
Doesn't look like aspergers now.
All I can tell you is -- you have what you have. You love your son, and no matter what tranpires, make sure he feels it every day, despite sometimes
ugly behaviors. Take him to specialists, but know that they all can counter one another til your head spins. Follow your motherly gut instincts after
talking with specialists - especially before giving any medications. Try alternative, homeopathy, counseling, diet, exercise, alternative schools.
Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching. Don't mean to. Just know that answers and "fixes" may not be forthcoming, so be prepared to accept each day
as it comes, learn everything you can about all angles of the situation, test and learn, and take care of you too. Stay strong!