Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

reply to post by ofhumandescent


Fair enough. I was thinking less of the piracy and more of the mom and pop bookstores. I don't want to live in a world where everything is bought online.

Topic for another thread though, you are correct.

First stop asking how to be less socially awkward. Literally stop caring. You know, be who you are and all that crap. Then, force yourself into every social situation you can find. Interact with everyone that enters a 5ft radius of yourself. At first you may come off as over-aggressive and nervous or you may lack relevant topics to talk about. If so don't get discouraged. Keep pounding step one into your head. Eventually it will come natural. Your social intelligence will grow, and the more people you talk to and the more things you do with people will give you more things to talk about and more things to do. Again be yourself, but we all evolve. We evolve ourselves every second of the day. Take control of your evolution.

Things most people respond to positively:

Confidence- This starts with the aforementioned "be yourself" crap. If your not sure of yourself how do you expect others to be? Also, you must realize everyone has faults, and those faults will be made fun of often. Its what people do. If someone insults you never take the submissive aggressive position. This ends the possibility of anything positive coming from the encounter. Learn to be witty. Learn when to laugh. Learn when its appropriate to put your insulter in its place. Learn when it is appropriate to make fun of their faults. Defend yourself with class. Further, confidence includes every way you present yourself. While being overly materialistic is just not classy. Take pride in your appearance. Be clean.

Character- Don't be a jerk. Show class and dignity. When someone needs help show them genuine concern. Don't be fake. Again again again, be yourself. Don't try to be something just to fit in. Don't be two-faced. Don't lie. Don't do anything of the sort. While, this might work well for awhile, but it isn't real and people will catch on eventually. Be determined. It doesn't matter if it has to do with work, school, or this or that work hard at everything you want to do. Everyone will respect this. If you want something, get it.

Intelligence- When you talk about something know what you're talking about, and when you know something talk about it. If you babble on about nonsense, or you don't speak when you know something people will think your dumb. This brings the stop talking to me/ or get away attitude out in most people. Also, this includes social intelligence. Know the appropriate action for the appropriate time and place. Further, learn how to eloquently get your point across to different people.

If you master these, you will develop mad style n swagger, and social awkwardness won't have anything to do with you.

If you have a problem with ADHD, take medication. (prescribed or alternative)

When you're in a group, don't address the group as a separate entity. You're a part of it, aren't you?
By the way, "you people" while addressing a group of African Americans can come off as being a douche. Duh?

People don't feel uncomfortable making eye contact while you talk to them or while you're listening to them. Staring incessantly is rude, unless you're trying to get some chick in the sack don't make such intense eye contact.

Keep what you have to say, short and concise. The less words, the better.

Try not to be such a square, if it's not a formal meeting makes jokes and laugh. Smile. Be happy. It spreads like wildfire.

Go out. Talk to strangers. Start a conversation with everyone. Don't be weird about it. Simple conversation topics will get you on the right path.

If someone pushes you, don't take it like a chump. No one likes a wimp.

Most importantly, stop being so self-conscious. The minute you start thinking "Am I being weird?", guess what? You're being weird. Relax dude. It's only life.

reply to post by mossme89


I know your pain and still find it hard but what I've done since the age of 14 is pretty much hide my vast intelligence and creativity where I can and just dumb down.

Still find it difficult to speak to even people I've known my whole life and have never been able to make eye contact with people but I've sorta managed to get by using my eccentricities to my advantage (youtube search for Ross Noble, his weird, improvised thoughts and conversations are pretty much exactly like me away from ATS).

Only thing you can do is just ignore the people in your classes the best you can, try not to let them get to you because there's only one of you and they're probably like everybody else on the planet that conform to whatever's in fashion to fit in.

reply to post by TheDarkestHour


I agree with the medication thing but everything else you said smacks of someone who clearly has no idea what it's like.

Not everyone can do what you suggested, it's psychological and geneticaly programmed to be how we are. It's hard for those who are naturally confident to understand that.

reply to post by getreadyalready

Let me also add, that even one week at a gym will make you feel like a stud!

This right here. Those weeks eventually turn into months, and before you know it you'll have beautiful women flocking to you, and they won't give a darn how socially awkward you perceive yourself to be. Self confidence will change anyone!

Ignore everything else and just do this as far as I'm concerned.

OP, watch "One flew over the Cuckoo's nest", and find your character. OR, invent your character. OR get out of that insane script.
Move.

Originally posted by mossme89
I'm somewhat socially awkward. Nothing too bad, but lots of little things that end up offending people or making them dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things. My biggest issues come in my sociology class, which I refer to as my "shady" class, because there's a lot of shady looking people in there and types I wouldn't otherwise affiliate myself with. I don't know why because I'm always nice to them, and my opinions of the class don't change how i treat them, but they seem to find a lot of issues with many of the things I say or my mannerisms and are very quick to judge.

-Today I was working in a group with a few african american people and I said "so what do you people want to do?" They found me saying "you people" offensive. I just don't get how that's offensive. It's one thing if I say a racist name, it's another thing to say something like this. I don't see how the words "you" and "people" are offensive.
-I have ADHD and have a hard time sitting still. Sometimes while working in groups, I'm standing up and walking around when talking to people. That's just me, I work best when I'm moving around and thinking and many times don't even realize i'm doing this. But my group members said they found this intimidating.
-My teacher sometimes gives me a hard time because while she's talking, she says I stare at her. I don't do this intentionally but sometimes stare off when I'm thinking.
-I'm an introvert and my group sometimes gives me a hard time because I'm not constantly talking like they are. They say I'm not contributing. I mean, I do. I'm just not constantly talking.
-There's this one girl in my group who seems to find fault with much of what I do and what I mentioned above, moreso than others. I'm sitting on my chair wrong, I'm not talking enough, I'm standing up too much, etc. I don't know why, but she has an attitude towards me and doesn't like me. Then again, she has an attitude in general so I'm not sure if it's just me.

It's little things like this that make people judge me and dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things other than experience, or if I shouldn't worry about people who are so quick to judge. What do you think?

Your class sounds very strange, I've never encountered a teacher that would tell a student they are staring at them too much? Or a fellow student that tells you how to sit? Don't change yourself for them, they wouldn't change for you. Just stick it through that class and when it's done you won't have to deal with those people.

That doesn't sound like the environment that you want to work on social awkwardness in, it's too negative and aggressive to be conducive to this. People in the high functioning autism spectrum, whatever you want to call it, have social awkwardness like you describe, saying things that other people think are offensive without realizing it.. or moving around while listening to people talk..etc..

i just have one question after you said "you people" to the African American people did they beat you up just wondering since you live in Baltimore...

PS - and to help you with your problems do the opposite of what your instincts tells you to do

Originally posted by Teriq
i just have one question after you said "you people" to the African American people

Genuine question.

Did anyone else immediately think of Tropic Thunder when they read that part of the OP?

Sure. Get completely OFF of the FACEBOOK type sites...go out...and MEET people face to face. Thats how.
Its takes practice...oh...and like performers do? Imagine everyone naked with no clothes on!

reply to post by mossme89


Deep Breathing,
Meditation,
build yourself up to bigger more social situations setting goals that are easier to accomplish and rewarding yourself as you accomplish these easy goals. Every journey begins and ends with a single step. That's the best advice I can give you, with out medication, other wise Valium, or another Benzo. I'm on ativan for my social and general anxiety caused by PTSD. I'm also on Cipralex and it's been working wonders controlling my anger and moodswings.

Marijuana
A stiff Drink...

Don't go out in public ha ha.

If your teacher is Hot and that's why you stare at her, I'd tell her, " Hey. Your Hot. I Can't Help myself" After this you will be the most popular kid in your class with no more social problems..

I was 18 in high school. Ms Baiter was a long haired big busted brunette. For Halloween she came dressed as a devil complete with red skin tight outfit with a low cut V neck, a tail, horns and a pitchfork.

I'll Never forget the way she looked that day. Ms Baiter was Only 24 years old.

God how I miss the 80's.

reply to post by mossme89

To hell with others opinion of you.YOU decide these things and remain YOU.Popularity, getting laid, these things become less valuable as you gain wisdom(and age) Just be a genuine article,be fearlessly honest, not some petty individual who flows with the next trend.In the long run it is much easier and most will appreciate you more.

Originally posted by mossme89
Nothing too bad, but lots of little things that end up offending people or making them dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things. It's little things like this that make people judge me and dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things other than experience, or if I shouldn't worry about people who are so quick to judge. What do you think?

Hi Mossme. A relative of mine has ADHD and I don't pretend to know what that feels like.
He has suffered from anxiety for a long time and described his social world much as you do. He used pot to lessen that. However he did not see that he was showing signs of increased short explosive outbursts that attacked people and made some withdraw and mistrust him. As he consumed more and more, I began to fear him, no longer feeling comfortable around him.

I don't know if you have difficulties with boundaries but my relative has, such as discussing with his friends many aspects of my life that I consider private, such as my mail and some of my conversations. He didn't realize at the time that his brief tidbits of revelation were offensive to me nor did he understand why I should object. My actions and habits, my salary and finances, my beliefs and his weird interpretation of them, everything was exposed to them without mercy until I felt so violated that I simply had to cut ties with him. He just could not understand that there are mutual social boundaries I expect him to respect. I love him dearly, but I reached the end of my rope, no longer able to deal with him. I'm just telling you this in case it might ring a bell somewhere and if so it will give you something to work on. No insult to you is intended. Wishing you all the best.

reply to post by mossme89

Instead of saying "you people", try saying "you guys" or "What does "everyone" want to do?"

Life long lesson I learned in the military and this goes for everyone,

"your mouth is your biggest enemy"...

Im willing to bet a good amount of money that you are pretty damn smart. Thing is, be good at what you do, it doesnt matter what others think. If you excell at your given task people wont mess with you. Complete the task at hand and instead of asking "What do you people want to do?" You tell them we are doing this. They will listen, a lot of people are followers these days, grab your goal of success and achievement by the balls and stomp on everyone elses hard work in your class and people will respect you.

Check out this link, it should be at least a little bit helpful.

Also pay attention to thought patterns that tend to erode self-esteem:

All-or-nothing thinking. You see things as either all good or all bad. For example, "If I don't succeed in this task, I'm a total failure."

Mental filtering. You see only negatives and dwell on them, distorting your view of a person or situation. For example, "I made a mistake on that report and now everyone will realize I'm not up to this job."

Converting positives into negatives. You reject your achievements and other positive experiences by insisting that they don't count. For example, "I only did well on that test because it was so easy."

Jumping to negative conclusions. You reach a negative conclusion when little or no evidence supports it. For example, "My friend hasn't replied to my email, so I must have done something to make her angry."

Mistaking feelings for facts. You confuse feelings or beliefs with facts. For example, "I feel like a failure, so I must be a failure."

Self put-downs. You undervalue yourself, put yourself down or use self-deprecating humor. This can result from overreacting to a situation, such as making a mistake. For example, "I don't deserve anything better."

And maybe look through some socially awkward penguin meme's to have a good laugh about the whole thing.

I'm no psychologist, but I'd bet that some of the issues that you see yourself having stem from a low self-esteem. You just have to change your pattern of thinking, and things should get better, but believe me, that's a really difficult task.

Alcohol helps bigtime, but that shouldn't be your solution, because before you know it you might become addicted. My advice would be to look through that self-esteem link everyday for a week or maybe longer, and really try to remember the things that it says throughout your day, and see if that has any positive effect.

reply to post by mossme89


Well you sound annoying.


hahah i'm just joking brotha!

But yea, i find that if i'm myself then instead of letting others dictate what i think i should be doing, or saying, i just dictate how i'm acting myself. Get it?

Not everyone will like you, as long as ur not a jerk then don't worry about those people.

reply to post by mossme89
Well you want to..........

learn to do magic tricks
give everyone you who talks nice to you $5. In a week or so you'll have a lot of new friends.
find out who the most popular person is in your sociology class and mimic then down to how they talk, walk and smell.
find out who the least popular person in your class is (besides you) and act completely oposite of them. If it's you, act completely opposite of yourself
Win 20 million dollars playing lotto, Lotto winners are never loanly (get it?)
ask yourself this question...WWJD?
slick back your hair, it worked for the Fonz (Authur Fonzorelli) ahhhhhhhhh!
Buy a Harely the biggest and loudest you can, wear a bandana, the cool people call then doo rags (to keep poop off your head) and don't forget to put your feet down at the red lights. Instant coolness...And chicks dig that! (Some dudes do too
get a scar (good ice breaker at partys ("how did you get that scar?")
Get a gold tooth
learn slang
Dress in shiney clothes
smoke Marlboro cigarettes and always have your Zippo (cigarette lighter) handy to light the cigarettes your new found friends bum off of you. (Bumming "Cigs" is a sure sign of friendship.)

lastly don't pull the ADHD card for pity or "understanding".
You'll be showing your belly like the lowest dog in the pack. Not a Power Move

Only proclaim your ADHD after you have established yourself as top dog and social gadfly excempletor (like myself) My ability to mingle and blend have been self eveident since birth. The ADHD diagnosis was give to me to help others cope with thier inability to attain the level of social grace which just came naturally to me

P.S. I glad I could be of help. If you want know how to succesfully live the rest of your life you'll have to buy my book.