Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

reply to post by mossme89


I'm not sure why you care if you're "socially awkward"? It's called being unique. So what if some 20 year old doesn't like you? There are what? 7 billion people in this world? Who cares?!

The best advice I could give you is to be yourself. I know you're not going to fully understand this right now (because it really needs time to sink in as to why), but people respect those that form their own opinions and go against the grain. It's called being a leader.

I hate fake people that try and fit in for two reasons. You can't trust them and they look more like boot lickers than real people. Don't be like them.

reply to post by mossme89

Any advice on how to be less socially awkward?

Cool story bro. My advice (to you) would be (for you) to break free from the chains of conformity. My advice to you is to forge a new definition of yourself for yourself which doesn't include other people's definitions.

You received a lot of great feedback already so I'll not offer you another lecture. The first thing I would say is that 'social awkwardness' is not a new phenomenon and you are not the first person to experience it. There! Doesn't that statement feel like a welcome relief already?

It gets even better. Here are the Great 4 Questions of Life and you will need to answer these questions (for yourself) in order to build the new you...
1. Who am I?
2. Where did I come from?
3. What is my purpose here?
4. Where am I going after this is over?

Don't worry too much about answering the questions in any sequential order or getting the perfect answers. These are the perennial questions of existential philosophy that have been with us for milleniums. The answers to these questions (are for you alone) they are for your well being.

Be Well!

I have yet to see any good advice , i have seen some "decent" advice, but not good. The number one thing in psychology. You want something to stick? Make the patient think of the solution for themselves through your provocative questions.

He comes up with the solution himself ,he remembers this solution ,it is not a "fake" solution, and he applies this solution much easier.

This my friend is why you go to a therapist. Therapist do not solve your problems , but get you to think for yourself and solve your own problem with your own mind set.

People look at a therapist as taboo, and they are not in any way, taboo. They simply have the intelligence to ask you questions that help you to come to a realization through your own reasoning. Others usually do not have the mind set or comprehension to accomplish this.

reply to post by milkyway12


Why would I pay some "therapist" to sit there and listen to my problems when I can go to a bar, have a few drinks, and have basically the same result for a fraction of the price?

reply to post by TheAnswerTo1984


Because you solved absolutely nothing. You just made it easier to cope with for a brief time. You asking that kind of question instantly shows you have had some hardships in your life that still affect you dramatically ..

reply to post by milkyway12


Everyone has problems. Therapists are for rich people. Us wage slaves have a few drinks of the cheap stuff, get whats on our mind off our chest, and head back the next day to the job we hate but will probably do until the day we die unless the master ships the jobs to China. This is life for those who weren't handed a silver spoon. You live with it and move on.

Originally posted by mossme89

It's little things like this that make people judge me and dislike me. I'm not sure how to fix these things other than experience, or if I shouldn't worry about people who are so quick to judge. What do you think?

You might be surprised how many of us are 'socially awkward'. Many times this gets better with age.
Whatever - please don't beat yourself up about this. It could be you are a little different and people often shut others out who are different. As a child I was always 'outside the group' And the more I tried to get into the group, the worse it got. It's evident even in group photos - I was always on the periphery.
I'm a lot older now and one thing I've learnt is that being genuinely interested in others and taking the time to listen will get you friends - real friends as opposed to popularity with the herd (the two are very different).

reply to post by mossme89


People get offended by all sorts of things, and it is not always easy to avoid offending somebody when debating in a crowd. I think everyone on ATS has offended someone else at one point or another, and some might find it offensive that I make that assumption.
Either way - when you get the feeling you might have offended somebody. Don't waste your time on justifying your remark or explaining why it wasn't offensive. You are not the master of other's feelings, and some people just get offended easily. Best thing you can do is try to understand. Most of the time people are just touchy about certain subjects, so you be the bigger man, apologize at get on with it - and sometimes you might actually learn something.
Some people might just be having a bad day and will hate you no matter what you do, because that is what they have decided to do. So my advise is to try and understand, and don't waste your time reasoning with stupid people.

reply to post by milkyway12


Therapist = the rapist

Okay, that doesn't mean much. They do help people cope with problems, but, as you said, the solution comes from the person with the problem. Yet, I don't think they help find the solution more then a close friend or relative would. They basically are nice/supportive people to talk to that get you to think about your problems and may suggest things. Further, it takes quite a few sessions before they know the person well enough to fully understand the issues involved. But yes, if your hurting and need someone to talk to going to a therapist is a good idea.

This thread, however, is not as useless as you think. It does have some okay advice and some not so good advice in it. I tried my best from my own experiences. Regardless, whether or not the advise in it is sound for the situation or all together it undoubtedly promoted thought in the op and gave him insight to the way other people would deal with it. Pretty good therapy if you think about it. Whether the op took it that way or not, or got the advice he wanted is another story.

reply to post by mossme89


Read Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends, and Influence People


Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Dale Carnegie

Reply to post by mossme89

I have a question. How many people are in your class? I mean the few individuals you mentioned will always be somewhere. Somebody will always have a problem with something you do. They you people thing should be obvious is all over pop culture mostly comedies where a white person will say you people to a minority group or vice versa and an awkward silence follows. Just steer clear of the phrase to save yourself headaches. The other stuff is not a problem. If you say something people dont like and they challenge you stand your ground if you are wrong then you learned something new. Really what this boils down to is you need to be comfortable with you. You have a choice. If you dont like who you are work towards changing it. If you like who you are but feel like others dont grow thicker skin. Personally my sociology classes were my favorite because it picks apart society and says whats wrong with it. Some of the discussions we had in those classes got heated at times but it was soooo worth it. Lol. Hope this helped in some way.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

-Today I was working in a group with a few african american people and I said "so what do you people want to do?" They found me saying "you people" offensive. I just don't get how that's offensive. It's one thing if I say a racist name, it's another thing to say something like this. I don't see how the words "you" and "people" are offensive.

-I have ADHD and have a hard time sitting still. Sometimes while working in groups, I'm standing up and walking around when talking to people. That's just me, I work best when I'm moving around and thinking and many times don't even realize i'm doing this. But my group members said they found this intimidating.

-My teacher sometimes gives me a hard time because while she's talking, she says I stare at her. I don't do this intentionally but sometimes stare off when I'm thinking.

Sounds more like "those people" and your teacher are socially awkward....seriously...

Taking into account, the ADHD, the most important goal for you in your life pertaining to others and interacting at work/school should be to try and make yourself and other people comfortable. Look around at others, see how some people seem to put the people around them at ease. Notice the things they say and do, their mannerisms. One of the first things you will notice about them is that they seem to always be relaxed. You are making people nervous with your nervous energy. Just think about how your actions and words effect others. If you are in a group of close friends you don't call them people, you call them guys or something that let's them know you trust them. Don't get defensive, just listen to these people in your class, they are trying to help you be less socially awkward. Try and do the things they say, or not do if that is the case, and be open to suggestion.

reply to post by Quauhtli


Adhd doesn't exist. Just like depression doesn't exist. If you're sad be happy. You don't need a pill to make you happy just the same as you don't need a pill to make you pay attention. Find something you're interested in or burn some energy. It's all a scam to sell bullcrap zombie pills and I will never buy into it. Why? Because these things didn't exist 100 years ago. All of a sudden we just invent new diseases and cures for # that never existed through the 5000+ years we've been here? BS.

No more. I'm sick of the political correct BS. You're not African American you're black. You're not depressed your life just sucks. And you don't have adhd you just have too much damn energy probably because you're like 20 years old. That's how you're supposed to act.

I'm done. Nobody is going to agree with my rant anyway. Everything thinks there's a magic pill to fix whatever. You don't lose weight from taking a pill you get off the couch and take a walk you whale. Same concept.

Originally posted by TheAnswerTo1984
reply to post by Quauhtli

 

Adhd doesn't exist. Just like depression doesn't exist. If you're sad be happy. You don't need a pill to make you happy just the same as you don't need a pill to make you pay attention. Find something you're interested in or burn some energy. It's all a scam to sell bullcrap zombie pills and I will never buy into it. Why? Because these things didn't exist 100 years ago. All of a sudden we just invent new diseases and cures for # that never existed through the 5000+ years we've been here? BS.

No more. I'm sick of the political correct BS. You're not African American you're black. You're not depressed your life just sucks. And you don't have adhd you just have too much damn energy probably because you're like 20 years old. That's how you're supposed to act.

I'm done. Nobody is going to agree with my rant anyway. Everything thinks there's a magic pill to fix whatever. You don't lose weight from taking a pill you get off the couch and take a walk you whale. Same concept.

I agree with you. I remember speeding in school before i knew what the term meant. This is because I was prescribed riddlin from 4th to 8th grade because I was diagnosed with ADD(not hyperactive). I only went along with it because it was an excuse as to why I wasn't doing my homework, but every year the first few times I would take it I remember feeling rather funny. Later I came to realize I was high on amphetamines. But I agree.

reply to post by mossme89


The only person that you need to like you, is you. You are the one you spend each moment of your life with, so if you don't like you, you will 'think' others don't like you. Everything in this life comes and goes, but you are never absent. You spend a certain amount of time in your class with those people and then it is over. When something is finished it should be finished but we dread and fear. We make stories up about it and blow it up all out of proportion and then think we can fix it, we think we can make it better. All the time we are in our heads analyzing, planning, mending and fixing we lose touch with what is real and are generating fear and anxiety. Trust me when i say nothing can be fixed. My advice to you is to just turn up for life, just attend, just watch and you will be amazed.
Live your life like eating food, once the food is gone from the plate it is gone. We do not reguritate the food we have eaten but even if we did we would not beable to make it look the same as it did when it went in.

I think Shirley Mclain summed it up in a nutshell when she said "What anyone thinks about me is none of my business" as you are a unique individual and there is no one else like you on this planet my advice is just be yourself, people will gravitate to you based on who you are, have fun and enjoy your life.

Just woke up, but wow! Front page! Thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread, I really appreciate it.

Originally posted by curious7
reply to post by TheDarkestHour

 

I agree with the medication thing but everything else you said smacks of someone who clearly has no idea what it's like.

Not everyone can do what you suggested, it's psychological and geneticaly programmed to be how we are. It's hard for those who are naturally confident to understand that.

I tried medication, actually a ton of them. EVERY SINGLE ONE of them had an unintended side effect. If you want, I can list all of the ones I've tried. There's likely more than a dozen. If the doctor said that 90/100 people didn't have any problems, I was one of the other 10. lol it was sort of like in the cartoons how the character plugs a hole and 2 more appear. That's what my experience with meds was like.

Plus it changed my personality to someone that I wasn't and felt wrong. Exercise is really helping me, but not as well as meds. Then again, it's sorta a trade-off. But every day before school, I run 4 miles.

reply to post by mossme89


Do yourself a favor and stop taking the meds. All of them. Now. Seriously. You're like what? 20 years old? You're supposed to be hyper. You're supposed to have tons of energy and walk around while you're talking to people. It's normal.