Mossme89, your thread really touched me.
Myself I have ADHD as well, and lived through countless situations like you described them.
I always felt "different", struggled in school and did not understand other peoples reaction and other people judged me wrong. I was diagnosed quite
late (never wanted to visit / see a psychiater, and in my generation the topic ADHD was not that broad as it is nowadays).
The diagnosis itself helped me very much to understand so many things.
As well, I connected online on different forums on the topic and could not believe how many people experienced the same things as me. there have even
been posts, that could have been verbatim from me.
So I started to work on myself, and I hope i can give you some advice from my experience.
First off all: Kudos to you, to come forward with your troubles.
I think it is important to see yourself, as what you are. You have ADHD, you know and you can use that knowledge. It's not per se a bad thing. Most
ADHD people have amazing abilities, such as empathy, creativity, being able to process huge amount of informations in very short time (if it is of
interest) and as well manage to have a hyperfocus.
So one of the first and most important steps: Start to love yourself.
Try to find out where your strong points are and develop them.
Mine are in language, when younger i read a book a night and progressed far more than many of my classmates in languages and history. (you don't want
to know my math grades though ;-)
A couple of things i realized are so important for me, to keep my emotional balance:
- Food: eating regularly, avoiding to sweets (can't stress that enough!), drinking enough water (no sugary drinks, no coffein)
- Working out regularly. I enjoyed martial arts, as a good way to let off steam, having adrenalin kicks while at the same time learn to control
But not only martial arts, but just moving regularly, even just a short stroll around the block calms my body and mind.
As well I discovered yoga and later meditation which helped me tremendously. (I know, sitting in a lotus pose and concentrate, while letting loose
seems to be out of the league for someone whose i constantly energized. But like with everything; start small.)
Two other great things I discovered when dealing with people: Compassion and Self Esteem.
Compassion towards other people works great. In the beginning it might sound strange to give compassion to, for example, a bully. But with the time,
even the most stupid bully will realize that a compassionate person is very strong and it makes just no sense in bullying him.
I try to make this little exercice daily:
it’s a five-step exercise to try when you meet friends and strangers. Do it discreetly and try to do all the steps with the same person. With your
attention geared to the other person, tell yourself:
Step 1: “Just like me, this person is seeking happiness in his/her life.”
Step 2: “Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life.”
Step 3: “Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness and despair.”
Step 4: “Just like me, this person is seeking to fill his/her needs.”
Step 5: “Just like me, this person is learning about life.”
our-life-with-7-practices/ where you can find much more on the subject.
I realized, the more compassion I show towards other people, the more I understand them, and the more I get back.
As well, often i got reactions from people where i felt attacked. Later i realized the power of questions, now i ask everybody with a negative
feedback: Why did you say that? Do you think i should not have done that? Why?
And explain them YOUR view on the subject. Be kind while asking/explaining and most often the situation turn to a good one.
For example in your "you people" situation: Say, I am sorry sometimes I talk before I think, I did not mean to be offensive. Why do think it is
racist, to say it? Answer will be because..... Then you say, I understand, i did not see it like this, but thanks to your feedback i understand you
Another thing we ADHD's have often problems with; Self Esteem.
There I found this good exercice, which helps when ;
– When you need to be physically strong, to perform a task that
requires an effort.
– When you need to be psychologically strong and assertive, when
negotiating, at an auction for instance. When you need to display
authority, or to resist the authority of a domineering person.
When you need to stand up for yourself, to resist aggressive
people and remain calm at the same time.
It's a simple breathing exercice, well described here on page 243 (the will centre)
feel free to ask me further questions or pm me.