I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice is welcome

reply to post by anthonygillespie2012


tough love huh......jobless, soon homeless, and abandoned by the woman that was supposed to be with him through thick and thin.....I think he has a good idea of your TOUGH love....maybe, just maybe that isn't what he needs at the moment....but hey, what would I know.......oh and tough love only really works on lazy people who refuse to try....kinda sounds like he has, just ran out of options......but I might be wrong.

edit-oh or prideful people who refuse to admit something is wrong.....yeah, he knows what is wrong....so again doesn't apply.

reply to post by anthonygillespie2012


No I do not say this is okay, but sometimes things like this happen, an it's up to the people around a individual or the community as say, ATS to support him in anyway we can, calling someone a coward is not tough love, can you think of a more uplifting way to raise his spirits.. WTH man??

Another thought..... What makes you think that's okay, maybe or maybe not....are you better off from the people in your life whom called you a coward, don't you think there is a more valued way to raise someone spirit, my church does give me tough love, but yet to call me or place me in the mind set that I'm a coward, please digest that thought process for a moment before you answer. What if you lost your home and your wife left you and you were absolutely hopeless do you think that by me giving you tough love calling you a loser, pos, and a burden upon my community that will make and help you to rise in a positive outlook in life, shame on you!

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Personally, I think his Thailand advice is pretty enticing. You can make bleeploads of money in other countries. And you sound pretty down, a serious change of scenery for even a short while would help. Hanging out living off the grid in a shack, working under the table could get more depressing.

I'm not sure you should grab all the cash you need first though, could be tricky when you want to come back. maybe grab and then communicate with them to put the debt on hold for a while so it doesn't compound radically with collection costs.

Yeah, you have a lot of legal rights to see your kids and have a set visitation schedule. (It would be nice to have some cash to pay the attorneys, etc., although you would be entitled to free legal aid)

It's quite possible that your wife is suffering from post-partum depression and is making these decisions because she is not feeling herself. She's probably not getting a lot of sleep either. Try to really listen to her.

Idea: maybe not leave as an abandonment, but more, "I hear you want more space, how about I try my luck in another country for a while, and I really want to still support my daughters and be a part of their life - how do you feel about that?"

Originally posted by chr0naut
reply to post by AwakeinNM

 

May I suggest you grab a towel and a good stiff drink.

Can't really drink - chronic condition that gets worse with alcohol.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Yeah a drink would be nice huh? But many other things may be nicer for you. Go for a walk, a run, sit somewhere at a high elevation where you can see all around you if you can and and take in all the appreciations you havehelpmeet me out when I feel like I am going to explode!

Still, waiting to hear where you are and if you are of any religious background or believe that there is something bigger than you, help us know you a little better so we may have a better insight for advice..

Again much love brother, God only gives us what He knows what we an handle.

My mother got that advice when my dad failed in his business when we lived inOregon, we lost everything. I mean everything but the car, and this lady from church said that to my mom, she want to slap here but push on, my dad is a successful op manager for an oilfield company and still married to my mom of 35 years they had their separations, but with good support and love you can make it.

I remember asking my parents why they wernt eating and why I was the only one eating dinner, this is making me tear , I slept on a trailer floor infested with ants how's that's for tough love, hard situos make a harder man, keep living for a better life with your girls!!

Originally posted by AK907ICECOLD
reply to post by anthonygillespie2012

 

No I do not say this is okay, but sometimes things like this happen, an it's up to the people around a individual or the community as say, ATS to support him in anyway we can, calling someone a coward is not tough love, can you think of a more uplifting way to raise his spirits.. WTH man??

Another thought..... What makes you think that's okay, maybe or maybe not....are you better off from the people in your life whom called you a coward, don't you think there is a more valued way to raise someone spirit, my church does give me tough love, but yet to call me or place me in the mind set that I'm a coward, please digest that thought process for a moment before you answer. What if you lost your home and your wife left you and you were absolutely hopeless do you think that by me giving you tough love calling you a loser, pos, and a burden upon my community that will make and help you to rise in a positive outlook in life, shame on you!

edit on 16-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)

OK if he does not leave his daughters forever I am very proud that He takes responsibility as a father and hope the very best in life. He is not a coward or even a monster if deciding to not abandon the life of His children.

If he never mentioned abandoning children I wouldn't even be responding here except words of encouragement in his life.

If he ever decides to do leave them, hopefully another child cannot be produced by this guy. Can't give any more advice then that.

Originally posted by anthonygillespie2012

Originally posted by AK907ICECOLD
reply to post by anthonygillespie2012

 

Calling him or his actions cowardly is not a way to ensure hope or love in a fellow man. I mean wtf, have you been in this position before? be a little more supportive of someone in dire trouble rather than say he's a .......

If I was I mod I would delete your post, just saying..it doest help.. You must have it nice and a good life to be calling or aiming negativity at someone who's asking for advice..

I'll pray for you as well. Give him some slack, you should at least know his place before judging who he is, for all you know he might actually be stronger than you, in ways you blah blah blah

Btw, His new action may save the relationship of his family, how the hell do you guys know, calling him a coward, and in your lives you have never been, think real hard before answering that.. Some people, dudes let's help him rather than bash him for having a hard time in his life, no wonder this world is in such bad shape..

edit on 16-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: Added love, n more love

edit on 16-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)

And if I was a mod I would delete your post. Let me ask you this Mr. 'Proud Alaskan'' ever heard of tough love?

What if he leaves his daughters forever and say something bad happens to there mother and his daughters need him at any moment in their life because they wished he was around , your saying this is ok? What if the mother has some of problem and the state government has to take care of his children because He was never there, this is okay?

edit on 16-1-2012 by anthonygillespie2012 because: (no reason given)

They have plenty of aunts and uncles. Their mom can tell them some story about how I died in a trampoline mishap, or tell them that her new man is their dad - they are too young to know any better.

All the support is appreciated, and no worries to the flamers - I expected it. I don't expect you to understand why I would do this, just that this is my way of dealing with it while it may not be yours. I have been more than responsible and caring to this point, and it has gotten me nothing but rejection. My being responsible doesn't work in this situation. So I am removing myself from my wife's life and must do the same with my kids as well. I will not like it, and I will regret it, but it will be for the best.

Really sorry to hear about your situation. I am sure the average person would be very overwhelmed and vulnerable at such a difficult time in their lives. I really do hope your situation can improve before you decide to disappear from society.

My advice to you is to stay and stick it out. If your wife wants a divorce and there is nothing you can do to convince her otherwise, let her file for divorce and see what happens. Think about what you will be missing out on if you decide to leave. Your daughters need their father in their life and will miss you greatly if you disappear. Your family and friends will miss somebody they love. You will feel a great void in your heart. You will be known as the guy who "ran away from his problems and left everyone else to deal with the consequences".

It is the harder option, but I urge you to stay and try to ride out the situation. Things might improve. The divorce might be a blessing in disguise and things might start to turn for you. You never know.

I truly feel for you . Couldn't even get a letter of ref from the brother's in law and did work for them on occasion .

reply to post by ovumcranium


Last paragraph, awesome, that's IS good advice my friend!

reply to post by AwakeinNM

Track me if you can part 1


part 2


part 3


love and harmony
Whateva

Originally posted by AwakeinNM

Originally posted by anthonygillespie2012

Originally posted by AK907ICECOLD
reply to post by anthonygillespie2012

 

Calling him or his actions cowardly is not a way to ensure hope or love in a fellow man. I mean wtf, have you been in this position before? be a little more supportive of someone in dire trouble rather than say he's a .......

If I was I mod I would delete your post, just saying..it doest help.. You must have it nice and a good life to be calling or aiming negativity at someone who's asking for advice..

I'll pray for you as well. Give him some slack, you should at least know his place before judging who he is, for all you know he might actually be stronger than you, in ways you blah blah blah

Btw, His new action may save the relationship of his family, how the hell do you guys know, calling him a coward, and in your lives you have never been, think real hard before answering that.. Some people, dudes let's help him rather than bash him for having a hard time in his life, no wonder this world is in such bad shape..

edit on 16-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: Added love, n more love

edit on 16-1-2012 by AK907ICECOLD because: (no reason given)

And if I was a mod I would delete your post. Let me ask you this Mr. 'Proud Alaskan'' ever heard of tough love?

What if he leaves his daughters forever and say something bad happens to there mother and his daughters need him at any moment in their life because they wished he was around , your saying this is ok? What if the mother has some of problem and the state government has to take care of his children because He was never there, this is okay?

edit on 16-1-2012 by anthonygillespie2012 because: (no reason given)

They have plenty of aunts and uncles. Their mom can tell them some story about how I died in a trampoline mishap, or tell them that her new man is their dad - they are too young to know any better.

Excuses. What if your former wife dies in a trampoline mishap and they end up with these aunts or uncles ? Is it there responsibility because you wanted a new life then party without kids? Nope!!! You need to think very seriously leaving your kids. How do u even know your kids will have a loving father when your gone can you guarentee that? That new man of hers could be the worse dad in there entire life. How do you not know that because you left?

Your kids have a Right to see you regularly, as is the case in Oz Family Law and I would be sure to say in your own country too.

The effect on children of the missing parent gets worse as they get older, when they want only to see You, want to Talk with You, when they miss the hell out of you even if they don't remember seeing you. And over more time they will decide if they want to continue seeing You.

The best advice I had; Do not use the children as a weapon.

You and your ex wife may fight and carry on, but never in front of the kids. Never speak badly about each other to the kids.

Always insure each thing you do is with your children in mind, and you won't go wrong.

Is there a free legal aid service you can call into to talk and gain advice?

The longest journey gets shorter after you take the first step.

See if WWOOFing strikes a chord WWOOF Nth America

Or look for other rural work on farms.
You may get some food/shelter(corner of a barn) in exchange for some healthy work.
They may even take you on as paid labour.

Originally posted by AwakeinNM
Okay, so here is my situation. I have been unemployed for over two years. I can't find a job anywhere, including Home Depot or Target. I have a degree and a lot of experience. The bank is threatening foreclosure. My business is about to go t!ts up. My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I am at the end of the line. I do not know what to do, and I can not handle a divorce scenario. My mind can't even process it. I'm not going to go into why, but I know myself and I did not get married for this to happen and I can not go through it. She's been in another state for the past couple weeks to distance herself from me and I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters. My wife will not go to counseling or even try to work on our marriage, which is repairable, in my opinion. She won't even acknowledge that she might even be partly at fault even though I've acknowledged my shortcomings. Her mind is made up. Anyway, enough about that part.

I have run out of options and can't even fathom any alternative to being married and seeing my daughters and being a daily part of their childhood, so Monday morning I am going to pack my truck, max out a line of credit and disappear.

Flame me all you want and call me names, but I am just asking for some advice on how best to survive. I'll have a wad of cash and no destination in mind, so I'll have to live however I can until the money runs out. Hopefully I'll have landed an under-the-table job somewhere before that happens and I'll be able to rent a room. Perhaps a bartending job on a beach somewhere, who knows.

I am at the end of my days as a normal citizen, and I've resolved myself to that reality. I can not do anything else any more.

Advice?

edit on 16-1-2012 by AwakeinNM because: (no reason given)

Yeah max out the cards and file for bankruptcy like everyone else has. In 7 years or less you will have full credit returned and forget about paying your mortgage. Chances are good the bank doesn't have your deed and couldn't re-sell your house if it wanted to. There is no market for homes and so banks are letting people live in the homes rather than evicting them so they will up keep the property. Once you file the bankruptcy and let the mortgage go for 3 months apply for the making homes affordable program.
You will need a job but applying at places already popular like Home Depot and Target - you shouldn't be surprised when they are already filled up. There are always jobs out there and I know because I have recently turned down quite a few. Meanwhile you with children ARE eligible for many public assistance programs for medical and food needs...but use it while you can because the GOP is fast trying to dry up that lifeline for citizens too.

reply to post by anthonygillespie2012


That's a better way of putting it to the OP, thank you

Much love

Dude trust me I feel your pain

But I'd highly recommend not dropping off the grid - for too many reasons
But if you feel you must a few options I've used and friends of mine have
cash and passport dependent
The med ( cypress ect )- loads of work especially in the summer season everydays a holiday if you choose the simple life and get back to basics
Far east - Vietnam, Thailand , shed loads of little island resorts
If you need to stay in the states something like trucking, a good one was building and maintaining the motorways - travelling getting a good wage building and repairing the roads, the logging companies?
In my life I've found the jobs that most people won't do the most rewarding ( and usually end up on tv as reality program's ! Lol )
Think outside the box dude
I spent 4 months in Antigua living in a tent on a beach shovelling concrete 8 hours a day with 15 top guys building new guttering
Go on a working backpacking holiday mate 6 months a year student types do it all the time dude why can't you
Hope you find your balance dude and all my best

Originally posted by Quauhtli
Gotta stay close to those girls buddy. Just for the simple fact that you are considering going on the rogue for a while tells me that you are a resourceful guy. Buck it up and do what you have to do to survive and stay close to your girls. They will need you one day for the things that your wife cannot provide, such as protection. Believe me, one day you will get to the point where you WILL know that it was the right thing to be close. When the time comes you will not have time to go back for them. You will get used to not being with your wife. Now is the time for you to learn how to look at the big picture, and react only to that. Look at it this way, it may be hard to see it now, but this is a good opportunity for you to become as strong as you can without the distraction of your wife.

For your girls.

This is well said and I can't agree more. Next advice, get some legal advice. Your children - for the rest of their lives, will need you more than she ever may. This is so important. You can leave your spouse but never, ever leave your children. This will do incredible and irreparable damage to their psyche. This 10 week old daughter may be a spitting image of you, not just on the outside but the inside as well. Children are like clay, uncarved stone. You have one chance and one chance only to form them. Do the right thing - stay close to them - get custody if you have to. But also, WORK ON YOUR OWN FAULTS! Did you give her the silent treatment? That's deadly. Yes, sometimes it takes two to cause a divorce so if it's too late for you to facilitate repair of your marriage, start over with or without a woman to be the healhiest you can be so your children will have a sense of stability in their life to create their own stability. If you can, in the future, have a healthy relationship, this will be one of the best gifts you can give them. Best of luck to you and I am so sorry for your situation.

Think about your girls.

Are you honestly OK missing out on the important pieces of their lives? You WON'T get that back. And it WILL hurt forever.

My dad did the EXACT same thing you are about to do. I was only 10 years old. He took off and I didn't see him until I was 22 years old.

By the time my dad came around, it was too late. He developed cancer and died.

I hate my father for walking out on me. He missed my life.

I needed my dad. I needed that protector. I needed his guidance.

I'm a grown woman in my late 40's and I tell you, the pain of his abandoning me, has never left me. It's a wound that never heals.

Are you really prepared for the pain you are going to cause them, AND you?

Remember, you can't get this time back, and it's precious.

Please think on this before you disappear. You will live to regret it.

That's my .02 cents, since you asked for it.