I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice is welcome

Seek professional help. A message board is not the place to solve this. You are not thinking clearly. Your daughters will need you while they grow. Do not abandon them. I know it sounds impossible but trust me, I have been in your shoes and it is agonizing. The easy thing to do is run away.

You are beginning a new chapter my friend and only time will heal the wounds of your past. Hang in there.

I dont know bro, I think this could be worked out better than what you are fixing to get yourself into. If you already have problems, i dont know why you would want to drop off the grid and make your life even harder, but I dont know you, or your situation, so maybe this could help in your situaion, Good Luck, because its not going to be peachy cream, like in the movies, its hard work to survive by yourself

I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

As a woman who's father decided to do this very same thing, let me tell you, it's the wrong choice.

reply to post by AwakeinNM

Flame me all you want and call me names, but I am just asking for some advice on how best to survive. I'll have a wad of cash and no destination in mind, so I'll have to live however I can until the money runs out. Hopefully I'll have landed an under-the-table job somewhere before that happens and I'll be able to rent a room. Perhaps a bartending job on a beach somewhere, who knows.

Sometimes life hands us situations we don't understand and we think we can't handle, some others here have given you some good ideas and a ton of support, that being said...above you state "I'll have a wad of cash and no destination in mind" you're destination my friend should be next door to your wife so you can be a part of the lives of the children. Where ever it is that she has landed..you need to be close by.

Everything else can and will be worked out over time..whether you guys get back together or separate permanently is immaterial at this point..you need time to think..and you deserve the anchor of your children close by to keep you grounded and focused on whats really important.

Houses and jobs come and go..money comes and goes..but you only get ONE chance to raise your children..you are in control of yourself..so grab it..take control of your life now.

Do not run off into the wilderness or let yourself get so down you won't be able to work yourself out of that deep and foreboding hole..take what funds you have and stay close to your children...no one..not even a court of law can stop you..unless of course you desert them on your own..that my friend is a "Fail"

Do the right thing..stop feeling sorry for yourself and I mean this with every kindness...sorrow sadness and depression only cloud your ability to find an "answer" to your problems.

Find yourself a room mate close to where your wife is living..stay close to your children..their is no other solution except desertion..and you are a better man than that..I wish you every kindness and hope and Love.

Don't run..defend your rights..Cheers Coco

You can't abandon your children. Get a lawyer and make sure your rights are protected so you can see them. You can find a job. There are jobs out there. It won't be what you're used to. It won't be what you went to school for. But there are jobs; office cleaning, delivering newspapers, delivering pizza, house painting. Go online and get more ideas. You're not the only one who's having a hard time financially and professionally. It's widespread. You're very angry right now. Being hit by all this at once would make anyone angry. And that's what's underlying the depression. It's anger turned in. You have a right to be angry. But your kids deserve better. Don't just disappear on them. Get counseling for yourself without your wife. It will help you get perspective. Good luck.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


I think you'd be better off fighting for full custody of your daughters before you make this move, but if your own comfort is more important to you than your daughters, why not do something useful with your life "out of society?", like take down some of the "bad guys" - claim that Dick Cheney touched you inappropriately while he was CEO of Halliburton, file a lawsuit, become a hundred-millionaire. If it doesn't work and you end up doing time for the false accusation, see if you can become the biggest whore in prison - at least accomplish *something*!

I just want to fight for this guy, a lot of men have been in his position. Love has hope, direction, sincerity, kindness. Fear has judgement, placement, despondent. Careful how you give advice to others, do you ever pay it foreword, it works, maybe the OP can try it out, I've done it and seen results quickly, karma can be wonderful!

Maybe he's on here because anti depressants arent working, church may not be helping, maybe family and friends aren't helping, some are too quick to judge him.

Damn, when I ask others for help a lot of them say " you loser, grow a set" oh thanks I say, I feel much better now.....

Give this guy a break, really I cant wait to hear a member on ATS who gives bad advice, ask for some in a different thread in the near future, karma a !!,!,!!!, just you see negative nancys, you can make it bro, never give up, still waiting for a few questions I ask you bro so I may give more advice.

Much love

How was she able to just pack up the kids and take them away to another state? Could you have done that without repercussions?

Are there any hospitals near you? If so, have you tried looking for a job there, like in the laundry dept., or housekeeping, etc? It wouldn't be a glamorous job, but you would be able to get insurance.

It seems like you'd be able to get some lower paying job while you wait for something better, but I could be wrong.

I really hate to hear that you are in this situation. You said that you tried to get sympathy from her and her family, but what about your family?

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Your children come first, you come second. There is no other right answer.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Could always try to take out a loan and start purchasing cars and flipping them for profit!

reply to post by AwakeinNM


www.cbsnews.com/8301-18563_162-57343234/slab-city-a-desert-haven-for-recession-victims/?tag=mncol;lst,;1

Sorry, I couldn't cut and paste the line for you to link to, so I copied it down. It was a story on 60 minutes about 3 weeks ago concerning a new city in southern ca called "Slab City". If you can get to this link, it talks about it in detail. Take a gun with you! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Hey - Tough Times you say - NO you are at a Bump in the Road that's all. Not easy I know but just get things into perspective here. Stop the Panic Attack because that's all it is. Your daughter was born 10 weeks ago - how the hell do you think your wife feels - a new baby and financial worries on top along with a husband who can't or won't protect her from it all.

What happened to 'For Better or for Worse' ????

Assure her over and over and over that you'll find a way out of it all - not just a way out of it for YOU - this should not be about you saying Me Me Me - I bet your wife could say just the same. You do this together but unfortunately your wifes' contribution to getting you all out of a hole is rather limited at the moment - woman have babies!

Get out and buy some sacks of potatoes - weigh them and bag them up and sell them round the streets - whatever it takes - go wash some cars - go cut some grass - go do what ever it takes - go shovel some # - find a safe place for your wife and kids to live while you build it all back up again - You might just earn her respect back - because it sounds like she has none left for you - I wonder why?

Above all - MAKE A DECISION THAT HELPS YOUR FAMILY SURVIVE NOT JUST YOU.

There are many members/non members who could tell you tales that would make your problems look like a walk in the park - MAN UP!

Originally posted by ValentineWiggin

I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

As a woman who's father decided to do this very same thing, let me tell you, it's the wrong choice.



They aren't old enough, they won't remember me.

BTW, did you know they are finally making Ender's Game? Ben Kingsley as Mazer Rackham, Harrison Ford is onboard as well.

I feel for you, I have been there, got the t- shirt and came out of it smiling.
I was married, wife took the 2 young kids and left and I had to fight to see them. She turned both against me and it nearly put me in the hospital with a breakdown over it.
Eventually I met someone else and relized I would have to leave and start a new life or my sanity would be destroyed.
That was 25 years ago and I am still married to this woman I met and we are so happy together, so it might not look it now, but there is someone there out in the world just for you if you give it time.
I had to break away from my kids and unless you have been there, don't anyone say that is terrible because I had to as it was killing me and I felt like doing that seriously a few times.
My children know my address and they are welcome anytime but my health and sanity had to come first or I would have been 6 feet under otherwise.
All the best for the future.

I understand your pain buddy. I may find myself in a similar boat soon. If so, you can come join me on Maui and we can drink ourselves to death. Good luck to you. Hope you can find some peace.

Originally posted by quedup
Hey - Tough Times you say - NO you are at a Bump in the Road that's all. Not easy I know but just get things into perspective here. Stop the Panic Attack because that's all it is. Your daughter was born 10 weeks ago - how the hell do you think your wife feels - a new baby and financial worries on top along with a husband who can't or won't protect her from it all.

What happened to 'For Better or for Worse' ????

Assure her over and over and over that you'll find a way out of it all - not just a way out of it for YOU - this should not be about you saying Me Me Me - I bet your wife could say just the same. You do this together but unfortunately your wifes' contribution to getting you all out of a hole is rather limited at the moment - woman have babies!

Get out and buy some sacks of potatoes - weigh them and bag them up and sell them round the streets - whatever it takes - go wash some cars - go cut some grass - go do what ever it takes - go shovel some # - find a safe place for your wife and kids to live while you build it all back up again - You might just earn her respect back - because it sounds like she has none left for you - I wonder why?

Above all - MAKE A DECISION THAT HELPS YOUR FAMILY SURVIVE NOT JUST YOU.

There are many members/non members who could tell you tales that would make your problems look like a walk in the park - MAN UP!

How does she feel? She left and went to her parents in Arizona, that's how she feels. I have not seen my kids for over two weeks. She does not care how I feel about anything. She has never respected me, even after I built a business for her - she told me she never wanted it and doesn't want any part of it because it's too much work. All she wants is the easy life and someone to take care of her financial needs., which I cannot do.

reply to post by AwakeinNM


We live in hard times it's all to easy to end up where you are.

You should be there for your kids, you know that as well as everyone else on this board. Unfortunately people often are too beat down by life to be strong enough in there moments of crisis, I get that.

I've not been in the same situation but I've been in some sucky ones myself.

Take care of yourself on the road.

I don't know what skills you have but working online is ideal for people traveling.

reply to post by AwakeinNM




hey man im in the same boat as you pretty much...


im separated from my wife...she currently lives with her grandmother and i moved back in with my mother, and i have 2 kids that arent even past 1 year of age yet...

i understand how you must feel, the lonelyness...theres noway to describe the feeling of sleeping alone in a bed after you've been with someone for so long..its unbearable...especially not seeing your kids...

like you...i too have had that same thought of just..fueling up my suv, and living somewhere near a beach..maybe even keywest..i have a ford explorer and the back seats fold down, so i could sleep pretty comfortably in the back....

sometimes...when YOU arent the problem its hard to be happy..you want things to be good and go back to normal..but somehow life and those around you just dont want it that way..and all it does is create more problems down the road...

its not the end of the road..you sound like a good person we are all humans and we make mistakes...as long as you aknowledge them..and ove on..

try to distract yourself to forget about your current situation...we are good at adapting..

dont go all nomad, hobo fisherman just yet.....take a road trip..reflect a little..look at what is really important to you at the moment..think about the effects and consequences that your actions will take on the long road...



what is better?......

atleast seeing your kids on the weekends..you get yourself a small little place to live in and you move on...

or

your kids never know who their father is and the best excuse you wife gives them is that hes some nomad-hobo-fisherman


think about it

reply to post by AwakeinNM


So you think giving you two kids is the easy life? DON'T YOU WANT TO GIVE HER THE EASY LIFE?

When you get married - your supposed to be saying - I will protect you until we die!

She went off to Arizona because she got that protection there.

What gets me about all this (and I don't put all men in the same boat) Is that when the chips are down so many men are like kids - they get scared and they run! Or sit around in a state of depression because it's not going the way they hoped. Mate - that's life - it never goes the way you hope - it's a bloody tough world we live in.

But once a woman has kids - she's immediately thrown into the 'Tiger and Cub' world and knows she's in a jungle where she needs a mate who will protect her. A real Mother (because they're not all real natural Mothers) will go to any extreme to protect her kids - if it comes to it, she'll steal, beg and borrow and even sell her body to put food into their mouths and a roof over their heads. And THAT is what she needs from a MAN! She doesn't need another kid to look after and worry about. Her life of ME ME ME ended the day she gave birth.

When does a man reach this point - when does he stop say ME ME ME?

I know it sounds harsh and I don't know you from Adam but I'm sorry it is a harsh world and you either step up to the mark - which is the day you get married and agree to take on the responsibility - or you stay single.

Perhaps you should never have been married - perhaps you were looking for another Mother not a Wife. Perhaps I've got you all wrong - Perhaps she never respected you because you didn't earn it - unfortunately, it doesn't come free - it's something you really work at - you earn respect - you clearly didn't do that or she would be by your side through thick and thin.

It may be that she didn't think it all through either before marrying you - I don't know the answer to that and if this marriage really cannot be brought back on track then you still have to Man Up and take responsibility for the two children you brought into the world. They didn't ask to be born.

Perhaps your wife has found some one else - either way you're a Father and if you failed to protect your wife and provide for her then you at least have to protect your kids - it is called Duty!

reply to post by AwakeinNM

Advice?

Handle your business, whatever it takes, but do NOT abandon your girls.
That is what a man and a father does.