I am dropping off the face of the earth - any advice is welcome

Okay, so here is my situation. I have been unemployed for over two years. I can't find a job anywhere, including Home Depot or Target. I have a degree and a lot of experience. The bank is threatening foreclosure. My business is about to go t!ts up. My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I am at the end of the line. I do not know what to do, and I can not handle a divorce scenario. My mind can't even process it. I'm not going to go into why, but I know myself and I did not get married for this to happen and I can not go through it. She's been in another state for the past couple weeks to distance herself from me and I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters. My wife will not go to counseling or even try to work on our marriage, which is repairable, in my opinion. She won't even acknowledge that she might even be partly at fault even though I've acknowledged my shortcomings. Her mind is made up. Anyway, enough about that part.

I have run out of options and can't even fathom any alternative to being married and seeing my daughters and being a daily part of their childhood, so Monday morning I am going to pack my truck, max out a line of credit and disappear.

Flame me all you want and call me names, but I am just asking for some advice on how best to survive. I'll have a wad of cash and no destination in mind, so I'll have to live however I can until the money runs out. Hopefully I'll have landed an under-the-table job somewhere before that happens and I'll be able to rent a room. Perhaps a bartending job on a beach somewhere, who knows.

I am at the end of my days as a normal citizen, and I've resolved myself to that reality. I can not do anything else any more.

Advice?

Sorry to hear about your situation . Hard times for alot of people. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do .

Here a website many tips

Good luck champ, get things cleared up and start fresh once ur on ur feet again


offgridsurvival.com...

guide2homelessness.blogspot.com...


Many have taken this path , in these hard economic times.

i hope to be joining you in a couple years

hey brother i feel your pain im sorry for what is happening in your life right now....

I REALLY AM SORRY. i hate seeing people suffer for stupid lil things...

im with u on any move u make just get outta there soon before u end up taking your own life...

tell your kids you love them a lot and make sure u get it through theyre heads if they are old enough to understand.

for the 10 week year old all i can say is give her/him a big fat kiss and tell her/him u will be back...

PEACE AND LOVE BROTHER WISH YOU LUCK WITH YOUR LIFE

Are you for real?

My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters

So you're gonna disappear and leave them all? anyone else thinks sounds a bit cowardly?

how many daughters do you have?

If your wife wants to leave you for a much less of a reason than she should, how hard can it be to fix the situation?

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Perhaps you just need a vacation... especially if you plan to spend that money anyways...

Take some time for yourself to think about your situation...

meditation helps in times of stress too...

Find who you are...

reply to post by AwakeinNM


best of luck to you and i hope things get better for you
i wish to be doing the same one day, best of luck and i hope the land is kind to you


ps. realm 52 may be right, i would try one more time to show your wife you (obviously) care before leaving anyways
couldnt hurt though dropping off the face of the earth is something maybe we all should do in a sense i hope you at least go to say your goodbyes and such at the least, maybe rehash things a little

Gotta stay close to those girls buddy. Just for the simple fact that you are considering going on the rogue for a while tells me that you are a resourceful guy. Buck it up and do what you have to do to survive and stay close to your girls. They will need you one day for the things that your wife cannot provide, such as protection. Believe me, one day you will get to the point where you WILL know that it was the right thing to be close. When the time comes you will not have time to go back for them. You will get used to not being with your wife. Now is the time for you to learn how to look at the big picture, and react only to that. Look at it this way, it may be hard to see it now, but this is a good opportunity for you to become as strong as you can without the distraction of your wife.

For your girls.

Originally posted by Realm52
Are you for real?

My wife wants a divorce for much less of a reason than she should, and she just had our second daughter 10 weeks ago.

I have been going guano loco without her and my daughters

So you're gonna disappear and leave them all? anyone else thinks sounds a bit cowardly?

how many daughters do you have?

If your wife wants to leave you for a much less of a reason than she should, how hard can it be to fix the situation?

I know I am going to get flamed, and I don't expect anyone to understand my mindset, but I can not watch my daughters grow up on facebook. I can not hear about all their firsts through the grapevine. I need to be there myself. I can not process any other scenario. Since my wife is not allowing that, this is the road I must take. It is not easy. I will live with regret the rest of my life, which will probably not be that long. My daughters are young - oldest is not even 3. They will grow up likely knowing someone else as their dad - another thing I can not watch happen.

My family is the only thing that defines me. It is all I want in my life. It is all I have left. My wife is taking it from me, so I have no identity now. I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

Originally posted by trust_no_one
reply to post by AwakeinNM

 

best of luck to you and i hope things get better for you
i wish to be doing the same one day, best of luck and i hope the land is kind to you


ps. realm 52 may be right, i would try one more time to show your wife you (obviously) care before leaving anyways
couldnt hurt though dropping off the face of the earth is something maybe we all should do in a sense i hope you at least go to say your goodbyes and such at the least, maybe rehash things a little

edit on 16-1-2012 by trust_no_one because: (no reason given)

I've tried everything for the last year and a half. She gave up, blames me, and will not consider counseling or anything that might help. No one cheated, no one got beaten, no one is on drugs or booze, and I am a homebody - she knows where I am all the time. But I am the bastard.

By the way, I am not here fishing for sympathy. I did that with her and her family and nobody cares. This is for real. I am looking for advice because I need it. Even though I am street savvy, I've never had to survive like this.

reply to post by AwakeinNM

I have nothing to look forward to. If I had the cajones, I'd put a bullet in my head, but I don't. So this.

Dude... slooow down

Imagine how those you love would feel if you even attempted something like that...

:shk:

reply to post by AwakeinNM


Buddy, I say this from a point that I just left that exact same situation....a few months ago, the eviction notice arrived, and I told my wife to pack the kid up and head to her mother's. She asked me what I would do, and through controlled tears, I told her that Dusty (my jack russel) and I would head to the mountains and go off the grid. We would drive as far as we could, then sell the car, buy gear and then start the long walk. In one of her few occasions of simple logic, let me have my break and then told me we would figure it out.

The eviction did happen, and that was without question one of the saddest days of my life. Looking my 13 year old daughter in the eyes and telling her to quickly grab what she needed for a while. 'but daddy, why?'......'honey, we have to go, please don't ask questions, just do as i ask'......breaks my heart even now.

My mother was able to save the day a few days later and help us get back into the house. I will never be able to understand how she came up with the cash, but bless her to no end. We got lucky, but we got back in and it wasn't but a few weeks (two I think), that I got a call from not one but two companies to start very shortly......

We are still recovering, our property managers are parasites...I can go into a long list on that....but if they had even tried to work with us, ....wait, that is another topic for another day....but loose it....guess that is what I am saying.

Men are generally tough, we hold it in, we keep it to ourselves......because we see it as being solid and stable for our families.....They need that one thing in their otherwise hectic life to see dad without fear.....Well, after my little breakdown and release, my wife and I talked......we really talked, we felt the relief, the brainstorming of options and ideas......

Besides empathy, I wanted to give you a feeling that, maybe she isn't seeing everything from your side or how much this is hurting you....I looked for a full time job for over three years, my business was failing (it was in direct ties to the mortgage market, so i knew i was screwed).....we moved 2000 miles across country to a 'promised' job that disappeared....and struggled for a year in a new place without family support trying to make ends meat. Keep looking forward, and if the long walk is the option you choose....Go with God, may the wind always be at your back.


I started a thread a while ago about something like this....regarding, how would we survive if we just couldn't find work. Unlike our a few generations ago, someone could go on the land and make a life....but in today's world, i just don't see that as an option anymore....the thread didn't get much attention....not enough interest i guess, but obviously it is an issue.

Texas has jobs.

Show the wife this thread before deciding.

If nothing changes, save it on disc so the girls can understand where you were coming from one day. You should also prob. seek legal consult to make sure there's nothing you can do regarding partial custody or whatnot.

If the reality of your situation is as you describe (after taking those steps), I would advise finding somewhere very remote and inexpensive to start your new life.

Somewhere away from the atmosphere of "the grind"/consumerism/and the many distractions we've created for ourselves/allowed to rule us. Somewhere where you can actually live again, reclaiming the kind of freedom/calm people used to enjoy.

There are many walls preventing people from starting over/attempting to do what you are talking about -- health insurance fears, for ex. Something happens and you're permanently in debt. For-ev-er.

where are you by the way?

I'll add something else, since I can see that you are pretty torn up about the situation, I hope that you can grab ahold of this and let it carry you through the tough times ahead.

As your girls grow, you will begin to realize that their time with you is the most important to them. You will more than likely have more of an effect on their lives than their mother, as your time will always be new and precious to them. You will look back and see this one day. Hold onto this thought as it will carry you through.

Maybe this is what your daughters need from you. The dad that is unhindered by mom's rules.

Life is a curve ball, you never see exactly which direction it is coming from.

You have been handed the opportunity to have a more intimate and lasting part of your girls lives by your wife's breaking up of your parenting time. You will most likely make the most of every minute of time you have with them now. You will never have to look back and wish that you hadn't taken that time for granted.

You have the chance to work on you now, and although your wife will never admit it probably, it will be her loss.
You're a good man bro, there are a lot of other things you will have to live through as well that you cannot imagine now, so make yourself the better now, to be better for it.

HOLD ON man. you're not the only one. If you're at the end of the line make that line longer and hold on i promise you man. you will be survive and on top of everything.

hold on.

Hey man, I'm sorry for all the crap that's going on in your life. I know the feeling of having no other options and wanting to cast all worldly problems aside and just live in peace. However, when there is a will, there is a way as long as you have the right mind set to it. Maybe you should take some time off and find a new way to combat this problem, try to find a new way of handling it, there are multiple ways of solving a problem nor matter how big or small it may be. Don't hope that good fortune will magically come along, you ave to take action upon yourself to change things for the better! Just remember to stay by your kids as well! My parents are divorced and all I hear my mom talking about is how a bad father he is an how he's never there to support neither me nor my lil sis. Stories like that would be told about you if you just drop off the map just like that, and I'm sure you don't want your daughters to know you like that. Now I'll say it again, its ok for you to take some time away from the world to find new solutions to recurring problems but you have to come back to take hold of those problems and fix them, and stay close to your kids, because they only have one father.... then again I'm just a nineteen year old who doesn't know adult-like problems Either way good luck on your journey man wherever it takes you!

Sounds tough dude, my sincere sympathies.

Ive never been stateside but from what I can gather on here and other sources it seems like it sucks major ass at the moment.

A couple questions for ya

1) are you really sure this is what ya wanna do?
2) how often do u plan on seeing ur kids?
3) how much money will you have access to?
4) what sort of education/work experience do you have?

My recommendation would be to head to South East Asia, Thailand, Phillipines or Malaysia (where I am).
Theres a few reasons for this
1) the economy over here is quite good and educated or skilled foreigners (especially if ur white) never have any issues finding good jobs. Everyone I know whos looked has found something within 2 weeks that pays over $2000 US a month which is great money over here
2) any money you have will get you about 5 times further than it would in the US as long as you dont live to extravagantly, to give you an example a healthy 3 course meal here would set you back less than $2 US.
You can get decent accommodation in the middle of Kuala Lumpur (capital of Malaysia) for less than $10 US a night.
3) You may not be thinking of it right now but you will have no shortage of hot female attention. Just be careful if ur in Thailand as most of the girls who go for foreigners are after 1 thing, It is in ur pants but unfortunately its ur wallet.
4) The weather over here is awesome, 28-32C all day everyday. Takes a bit of getting used to if ur from somewhere cold but once you acclimatize ul never look back.

So in conclusion, if you need a break for awhile and have no prospects over there except to be on the run from creditors SE Asia is definately the way forward.
I guess the only issue for you would be the kids but if ur responsible and looking to provide for them Im sure you would be able to find a job that paid well enough that you could live comfortably and still send money back.

If you have any questions let me know, Ill be happy to help anyway I can.

Best of luck with whatever you decide