Dg, you post something to ATS and your going to get some bizarre results, from Beating them senseless to that they are sociopaths lol.
The reality, your Son probably just over loves, feels bad about the situation, is afraid of the kids not loving him.
The issue is almost surely Parental, the real problem is they blame him for mom not being around and he want's their love and THEY know that.
Hard thing to do but he doesn't have to go bananas with the spanking nor be blatantly mean, he has to be a Parent and Not give a poop if they are
happy or not...
Time outs and the rest are fine they hit or break you drag them by the shirt and lock em down and swat them if they try to be violent, let them know
its futile...without kicking any ass...
But what he needs to do is Make them WANT his attention
He obviously Cares way too much
(not saying stop caring but don't show it)
They have the upper hand he is a parent seeking their approval... 2-1 says he apologizes and explains WHY when he punishes them right?
Don't ever... Let them guess...
THEY NEED ATTENTION
He reacts and gives it to them... keep them in the room 18 hrs a day see how they like it, when they see they don't get ATTENTION by lashing out they
will experiment to get attention, they have one parent they HAVE to aquire it... They are not that smart, they are kids they will drift in any
direction that gets ANY response even a negative one.
Even the spanking is a REWARD it's his attention and obviously he has his hands full and can't give enough the right way, (who can these days)
All this over punishment stuff is crazy
They aren't sociopaths or lack a conscience
They are kids and he probably lets him know he loves them most when they act out... even it's by a spanking, kids need constant care and sadly most
kids can't get it...
But they will do what it takes to get attention...
Even if it means being Good!
I'm not talking about a kid gets an A and you bring him or her to the zoo... They have No long term reward principle yet, I'm talking about the
little day by day moments and moods thast need to be addressed.
Sending them to shrinks... more negative Attention reward
Talking to them about problems... More negative attention reward
Explaining your punishments... more negative attention reward
Punsihing them more.... a negative attention reward
Getting upset becoming angry... still another negative attention reward
You never reward the negative behavior by reacting to it.
You described him crying, laying on the floor... NO NEVER NO NO NO!!! BAD DADDY!!!!
The reality, he is not 100% prepared to deal with kids work and whatever else he has on his plate without a wife and they know it, he enabled them to
get revenge for loss of mom on him, it's not evil it's childish emotions of children and he's... not too far above it right now.
They don't need the shrink, it's just more reward for negative attention
He needs the shrink, because as an adult talking his frustrations out will make it easier to not react emotionally when the kids want attention.
The advice of a whoopin is all wrong
(don't get me wrong showing them they are physically unable to stand to him ONCE might be useful)
He needs to stay CALM, he needs to give them nothing, NOTHING, NOTHING when they react this way, going after them lets them become victims, blame him
further... they go away, right to the room, no toys don't come out... But no display of emotion, no attention.. NONE
They KNOW they can affect him emotionally.. he isn't in charge
HE is the biggest REWARD
They don't get him if they act out... not in anger, not in love, not in lecture... no explanations, no discussions they are kids you don't discuss
squat with them...
They get HIM only if they behave
He can turn this around in a few weeks if he just stops giving them attention for the behavior, and more importantly reacting to it...
That's a Hell of allot of power to give a child, freaking out when they do something, they have the control... take away his emotion, stop giving a
damn if they are happy or sad at face value and ignore them and lock em down if they break stuff and do it coldly and silently with no explanation
(they know exactly wth they did)
Seriously... I can't emphasis more, he needs counseling they don't...
Not a negative to him, it's Good and useful for an adult, the kids don't know what in the blazez the retard shrink is talking about it's just
ATTENTION, lol does he she have a lava lamp and some puppets?
Let me tell you I LOVED to go to the shrink when I was a kid, got me out of reality... the comment above, that was my dork... as a kid and I had a
vicious little temper...
That was him Lava lamp and puppets and little notebook...
and I abused him, I completely figured out by 8 how to play the guy... I drew pictures of myself with two faces lol to freak him out, when older I
told him I shot heroin between my toes...
why did I do that? attention lol... I dunno... it beat chores and class by a mile and he would always react...the more crazy ____ I told the guy, the
more "special attention" I got...
So Eventually I made stuff up lol
so no diss on your son... he needs to see the shrink, to control his emotional state better and they need to be locked down and ignored... they WILL
respond with good behavior if that's the only way they get DAD
[edit on 4-8-2009 by mopusvindictus]