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What Headline would you most like to see on the front page of your newspaper?

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posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:21 PM
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Would love to see a headline reading

Pakistani Military Infiltrate Al-Qaeda, Bring Bin Laden to American Forces!



Totally unlikely, as they are probably in cahoots with those bastard terrorists!




posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:23 PM
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reply to post by and14263
 


That would be my ideal way of dieing. Going out while saving someone I love, or even a complete stranger whom I thought deserved my sacrifice. But maybe I would change my tune, if faced with a thousand gory flesh eating zombies!!!



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:29 PM
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Local Woman Wins MegaMillions Lottery!



Alternatively:

Debt-Based Economy Replaced With Sustainable System

Clean, Free, Abundant Energy Source Discovered

Teleportation of Goods, Humans Now Possible!

Telekinesis Real, Can Be Learned

Telepathic Communications Real, Can Be Learned

Mothership Lands, ET's Are Friendly

Terrorism Eliminated From the Face of the Earth

War, Murder, Rape, Etc. Eliminated From the Face of the Earth

Cancer, Heart Disease Cured

Honest Politician Wins Election



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:43 PM
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Originally posted by OuttaHere
Local Woman Wins MegaMillions Lottery!



Alternatively:

Debt-Based Economy Replaced With Sustainable System

Clean, Free, Abundant Energy Source Discovered

Teleportation of Goods, Humans Now Possible!

Telekinesis Real, Can Be Learned

Telepathic Communications Real, Can Be Learned

Mothership Lands, ET's Are Friendly

Terrorism Eliminated From the Face of the Earth

War, Murder, Rape, Etc. Eliminated From the Face of the Earth

Cancer, Heart Disease Cured

Honest Politician Wins Election


AMEN to the Telekinesis headline!!! If true I would practice practice practice, till I could levitate my car. I've tried, but it just makes my head hurt...



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:46 PM
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Wishful thinking headline:

Car fatalities drop to 0 due to radar sensory and response technology

Instead of this:



According to the U.S. Department of Transportation’s National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, there were 41,059 automobile-related deaths nationwide in 2007.
- www.bestsyndication.com.../23333


[edit on 25-2-2009 by saint4God]



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:52 PM
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New Cadaver Recycling Process Ends World Hunger



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:53 PM
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Originally posted by AdmiralObamaGFOL
New Cadaver Recycling Process Ends World Hunger


Yickk! I would starve to death...

Second line



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 03:55 PM
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Originally posted by smitewinit

Originally posted by AdmiralObamaGFOL
New Cadaver Recycling Process Ends World Hunger


Yickk! I would starve to death...

Second line


Secret Recipe- Old People Taste Like Chicken



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:00 PM
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God Decends From Heaven, Scolds Humanity with Fire and Brimstone for F@#$ing Up His Creation


Or

Aliens Descend From Space, Tell Humanity They are Now the Other White Meat



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:00 PM
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Government decides not to add April 1st tax increase of $6.50 a carton on cigarettes!

Hey I'm a smoker..I don't want to be the one paying back all this bailout money



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:00 PM
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Originally posted by AdmiralObamaGFOL
New Cadaver Recycling Process Ends World Hunger


"People! It's made of people!"





posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:05 PM
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Originally posted by smitewinit
Aliens Descend From Space, Tell Humanity They are Now the Other White Meat


I can see the bumperstickers now-

When ET Arrives They'll Eat The Fat People First



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:09 PM
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Free beer for every reader!

or.. New pill invented that turns you rich.

or.. Special edition!! Follow instructions and turn this news paper into a hang-glider! (OK maybe not)

or.. Nuclear explosion proof trousers developed.

or.. Chastity devices to be made mandatory for ugly / dumb people


or.. Touching your self in public no longer frowned upon - actively encouraged.

or.. Mushrooms are evil! They are alien in origin, they taste yukkie, cutting them with a knife makes you cringe - it's like cutting human flesh (not that I know *ahem), they are really bad for you, they pull them out of the earth you know! Any one who claims to love them are clearly lieing, people who sneak them into your food or cook everything with mushrooms in are to have their knuckles smashed with a hammer (yes mom and dad I'm looking at you!) but oddly enough Heinz cream of mushroom soup is actually quite nice.



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:17 PM
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Originally posted by AdmiralObamaGFOL

Originally posted by smitewinit
Aliens Descend From Space, Tell Humanity They are Now the Other White Meat


I can see the bumperstickers now-

When ET Arrives They'll Eat The Fat People First


A Better bumpersticker-

Honk if you will pay my mortgage



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:34 PM
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"Former British Prime Minister Lady Margaret Thatcher dies-
Thousands of former Miners and Unionists hold Street parties"

If you had the misfortune of living through the Conservative years of the Eighties and Nineties, you would understand the above headline.



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:52 PM
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God Confesses Religion a Hoax



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 04:55 PM
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TIME:

Exclusive: The Suicide Letter of USA former president, Confessing all of 911.

Peace in Middle East . The Alien ocuppation


-------------------------------------------------


LINUXWORLD: Alien from spaceship claiming is Jesus meets Linus Torwalds. Exclusive Coverage!

Science: Shocking News ! Darwin was Wrong

Harvard Business Review: Life goes on without Banks .

Reptile Online: Ben Stiller: "How i became president". The reptilian change is On .



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 05:16 PM
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United States Hit By Nuclear Blasts

Its thought up to 1.7 million Americans were killed last night when three nuclear devices went off. The bombs, thought to be land based reportedly entered the country in shipping containers and were then taken to the three cities hit.......

FBI officials are said to be questioning three US military personnel about the attacks.



posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 05:35 PM
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MAN FALLS INTO VAT OF WHISKY THEN BRAVELY FIGHTS OFF RESCUERS




posted on Feb, 25 2009 @ 05:44 PM
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"The Dead Walk!"

oh what I wouldn't give to see a zombie apocalypse...it's just what we need right now.



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