posted on May, 27 2008 @ 07:51 PM
See, that's the thing though. I just wanted to know how you were feeling about this, and comparing this to what I have experienced on my own.
What I have to say is going to be a little strange, and I have not ever posted this electronically before, but here it goes anyway.
Let me start off in saying, 3 years ago, my relationship with God was not going so well. I tried to stop, and listen, but my mind always enshrouded it
with other things. I could never really get down to a personal relationship with God. It drove me nuts. I sweated at night, trying to figure out what
was going on with me. I had feelings that I was evil, I felt like I was not Christian at all, and I felt that I was not at all going to Heaven when I
died, or when he returns. Yet, I prayed, and I put pieces, shards of my soul into my prayers. I would sometimes pray for 30 minutes straight. I went
to Church. I read the Bible not a whole lot, but I was familiar with it. I was brung up in the RLDS community and raised in a Lutheran Private school,
where I was fed the Bible everyday. This being said, I also tried to put my faith into these subjects, and I always tried to apply sermons and
teachings into my life.
To sum this up, I could not have been more faithful to God, or to Christianity. I was young, but that still should not have mattered. This feeling
caused me to go into depression multiple times, and make me think about what my purpose in life was, or where God came from. When I thought about
where God came from, I thought that maybe he came from something else, and that made my entire life feel like it was bleached with chlorine.
This kept on going, until my whole life just flipped around. I was just screwing around on the internet, looking for things to do, until I stumbled
upon this "Are You Psychic" quiz. and I thought, "Well, why not. I don't believe in this stuff anyway. Minus well." So I clicked on the link, and
I was asked questions like, "Have you ever had Deja Vu and how often?" or "Have you ever had an experience with a ghost?" For those I put
yes-every two weeks, and yes, (because one time I saw a shadow ghost in my basement. Scared the living daylights out of me). And when the quiz was
over, the quiz would rate you on a scale of 1, being not psychic, and 3 being very intuitive with psychic things. It turned out that I got a 3. I
stared at the screen in a blank stupor, and thought, "No. No. This can't be real." So I took it again, and changed somethings around, because
usually when you take a personal quiz, you don't exactly say the truth the first time. So I did; but it returned with the same result.
I felt then like I was some kind of prodigy, but then, I thought back, thought back to those lines of scrpiture that I had read in the Bible, and
found that psychic abilities were explained in the Bible as magic, and magic was to be a sin against God. I felt horrible. I wanted to throw up. I
wanted to shout out to someone for help, yet I knew that no one would listen. I prayed. I prayed HARD. I prayed that those demons who were making me
psychic to go away. To go away from my body. I wanted to get out. I wanted to run away from my home, and just live somewhere to rot in my horrible
agony and wait for Hell to take me. I tried to live with myself. I tried. I never had thoughts of suicide, but I felt like I was evil, even though I
never strayed away from the path of God or his word. When, finally, after 6 months of this pain aching, I was lying on my bed, in a philosophical
I thought about how most orthodox religions tend to preach in the wrong way, how they just don't seem to get the message across, and how they just
don't seem to notice that people can't just go through the motions in all of these wishy washy ceremonies that don't hold much value, except for
the priest and the elderly it seems, and also how they just mindlessly say the same prefabricated prayers over and over again. I was never raised this
way. I was raised, that you should always pray from the heart, allow God to choose your words, and to always put faith in ceremonies, just don't do
ceremonies to much or else you will lose faith in the ceremonies.
In this state, I figured that Angels would, in the end of times, and probably still today, pull of feats of psychic skill and magic. I also knew, that
these Angels would be fighting for God, against the Demons of Hell. So, I saw my psychic gift, as an opprotunity for serving God. That if I could do
this for him, that I coudl use my abilities to please God, and to finally be saved. I felt like I was finally cleansed after that, and after another
six months, I had gotten rid of all suspicion of whether I was evil or not.
Now, I am older. I have worked on my abilites by meditation. I have experience an OBE, Deja Vu on a semi weekly basis, have experienced feelings of
weightlessness, and other phenomena dealing with Ghosts, Angels, and I have excorised a Demon, yet, remotely one time (this means that I did a remote
exorcism of a Demon that was possessing one of my dearest friends from a distance. No laying on of hands). I also use wands. I have made about 5 wands
now from wood. 2 of them have broke from improper storage (i.e. in a backpack). I have used these wands to do various things, like channel energy, and
whenever someone is willing, try my hand at manipulating body movements.
And during this whole time, I have never talked more fluently with God. I speak to him just about every day. I trust him, love him, and accept not
only his spirit, but accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. If you wanted me to, I could talk to him, right now, but I would not want to do it for
experiment. I have also never been so philosophical. I don't know any other young adult who just sits down and accurately tries to describe things on
a logical, yet creative sense. Just to know, and only because God is gifting me with abilities that I have never thought possible.
I have just one more thing to say. If you are willing, to finally accept that anything is possible, then you can rise above; and if you keep God in
your heart, he will be right there to meet you once you have.