info needed on Schizophrenia

(posted by dotgov101)
(...) Mr. Gray, methinks.

Clever insight! But fear not. We're the good guys "out there". It's the scaly, cold-blooded ones, and their android robots and thought projections (a.k.a. MIBs), you must avoid at all times. Remember, never trust a Lizard.

Enjoying sz (!!!)

In our ongoing study of the mind of the earthling we were surprised to find, at the said Board, the case of someone who actually hates it when she's "normal". See for yourself...

--HI-
i've been having schizophrenic symptoms all my life...since i was about 3 years old, maybe younger. i was diagnosed about a year ago. I have also been off medications. I recently had another real bad episode and went back to the hospital. I told them i would go back on the geodon, only if it is a very low dose, because i do not want all my symptoms taken away.
anyway, i've been back on the geodon, 20 mgs for about 2 weeks ( i think the average dose is around 120 mgs) and it has helped somewhat. I am not completly delusional, but still paranoid and suspcicious. but im still having the negative symptoms, voices, visuals, altered sense of self (though not as much) and thought problems.

I;m so use to my symptoms. it's they only way i have ever known myself to be. It is strange and depressing for me to have to be on high doses of meds and have all my symptoms taken away. I dont know how to go about life "normally" im glad some people in my life are starting to listen to how i feel, but most still cant understand "why the heck wouldn;t i want to be normal" well i dont want to be normal because it is alien to me...i have never been normal.

Unfortunatly, i am unable to work because of all the negative symptoms, paranoia, and thought problems. I have never had a job yet (im 18.) and i had to drop out of school.

An alopogy

..for Infinite, who we sense is sick & tired of the irrelevant chatter. So from now on we shall communicate with Dot Gov thru comments at the blog site ( if she grants the privilege, of course), remotely, from our cozy little base on the far side of your Moon....

Ahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I found the link to the short story by Vonnegut. It's a quick read.....

Harrison Bergeron, by Kurt Vonnegut (1961)

From Wikipedia:
The dystopian short story "Harrison Bergeron" by Kurt Vonnegut, opens with the line "The year was 2081, and everyone was finally equal."

Unfortunately, this equality has been achieved by handicapping the most intelligent, athletic or beautiful members of society down to the level of the lowest common denominator, a process central to the society which is overseen by the United States Handicapper General, who at the time of the story is the shotgun-toting Diana Moon Glampers.

Harrison Bergeron, the title character, is by age 14 exceptionally gifted in all three aspects -- already seven feet tall, "a man that would have awed Thor, the god of thunder" -- and outgrowing hindrances faster than the Handicapper General's office can think them up. When he is taken to prison for plotting to overthrow the government, for a moment he escapes and manages to break free of his imposed handicaps, and into a television studio

The story was adapted into a TV film in 1995 starring Sean Astin. It also formed a segment of the 1972 TV production and book Between Time and Timbuktu. It was first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, October 1961, and is collected in Welcome to the Monkey House.
_________________________
I dig Vonnegut..I (of course) forgot the name of my favourite book of his, but I'll remember it soon. Ahhahhhhhhh. Hocus Pocus is my favourite.
_________________________
Ahhahhhhh...this is why I "connect" with his stories...he touches on hereditary mental illness in Hocus Pocus. Now I know why.

Vonnegut Family Tree
Kurt Vonnegut has six children (three of his own and three adopted). Two of these children have published books, including his only son, Mark Vonnegut, who wrote The Eden Express: A Memoir of Insanity, about his experiences in the late 1960s and his major psychotic breakdown and recovery; the tendency to insanity he acknowledged may be partly hereditary, influencing him to take up the study of medicine and orthomolecular psychiatry. Mark was named after Mark Twain who Vonnegut considered an American saint.

That was a doozy.
Dot.

p.s. feel free to talk some sense into me with my blog. I'm also going to buy a domain and have a gallery.



[edit on 13-4-2005 by dotgov101]

im slowly learning to cope but had a knock back this week with my girlfriend deciding we needed a break, we will probably break up now which is killing me. I lost my meaning in life now

Originally posted by infinite
im slowly learning to cope but had a knock back this week with my girlfriend deciding we needed a break, we will probably break up now which is killing me. I lost my meaning in life now

Infinite, I know how much it means to have a relationship when you have sz. There are few people who are willing to "go the extra mile" with us, and when we find one, it becomes more important than ourselves.

I'm not a doctor. But I am a sz. I can tell you that if Ted left me, I, too, would feel the same as you. We've been going four years strong now, and my paranoia of him leaving me is affecting me even to this moment.

I don't know what I'd do.
One time, three years ago, he "needed a break." I ended up in the County Crisis Unit. Luckily, he came back. . . .but when I was in there I was torn apart.

I'm so sorry to hear about what happened. It might be temporary...... she may come back. Even if you're hanging by one thread, grip it tight.

Dot.

Thanx dotgov101 but me and her are over now, we finished today. Its sad, i know, and it really hurts me to the core but life is like that sometimes.

*update*

Well, i am slowly coping with this illness. Its hard, but i am trying my hardest to cope. Im back with my girlfriend, which is great and my happiness is back. Im quitting work because i just cant handle it anymore.

I'm so happy for you, In.

Sorry I haven't writ, but I had a relapse.

Dot.

The best thing I did was switch to part-time.

Hang in there infinite !

I understand what it's like to deal with this. It's up and down. It will get better. I would like to encourage you by suggesting that you read some
some scriptures in the Bible. Nothing heavy ! Try reading in Psalms.

Take up a new hobby, a sport, recreation of some kind. Maybe a church activity fo some kind.

Take one day at a time. Sometimes you will have to live one hour at a time. once in a while you might even half to live minute by minute.

I personally lost my mom to cancer just a short time ago. It's hurts, It sucks, it's unfair etc................

But you know what ? At least I am able to feel these things. That means I am alive and well. I might have challenges but at least I am alive and healthy ! Without health, we have nothing.

Take care ! I will be praying for you !

Infinite, if you don't find comfort in the bible, don't read it.

I've expressed before that it's not wise to get into a life-changing spiritual event when you've got the beginning stages of an illness like this, and I wish the holy rollers who think reading the bible would help would stop giving out this absurd advice. faith is fine to have if you have it before your sick, or if it is picked up while you are dying, but it IS NOT something to change in the middle of a serious mental illness.

Infinite is ill. he's not possessed, retarded, stupid, or unholy. he's sick, and he's getting treatment. I wouldn't tell you to read the bible if you had a broken leg, because it wouldn't do any good. So stop telling infinite to read it for his illness.

[edit on 29-4-2005 by Bobbo]

I'am sorry Bobbo. You are a phsycologist I presume ?

First of all. Anyone who reads the scriptures I suggested will find some peace. It's poetry you know, positive affirmations. Did I say he should accept Christ ??

"I've expressed before that it's not wise to get into a life-changing spiritual event when you've got the beginning stages of an illness like this, and I wish the holy rollers who think reading the bible would help would stop giving out this absurd advice."

You can express your feelings or emotions, but as a pyschologist you know it doesn't mean anything.

Absurd you say ! First of all you have all ready prejudged me. I am not a holy roller as you call it.

" faith is fine to have if you have it before your sick, or if it is picked up while you are dying, but it IS NOT something to change in the middle of a serious mental illness. "

This statement is even more absurd. What exactly are you trying to say in the statement above ? Do you not think that finding faith in God would be a positive attribute in his life even if he receives it after he had been diagnosed. You need to ask yourself what is faith ? What can it due to the mind spirit and body ? I won't even comment on your last sentence.

"Infinite is ill. he's not possessed, retarded, stupid, or unholy. he's sick, and he's getting treatment. I wouldn't tell you to read the bible if you had a broken leg, because it wouldn't do any good. So stop telling infinite to read it for his illness."

Did I say that Infinite was possessed ? I missed that part. Did I conclude somewhere that Infinite was retarded ? Did I mention stupidity or unholyness ? I am glad that infinite is receiving treatment. This is great, as it sounds like he needs it.

It sure sounds to me that you have some kind of religous hangup though.

Lean back in my leather couch and close your eyes Bobbo. Tell me when you started felling this way towards God and religion.

i still dont understand why i should read the bible though, how is that going to help me? i really dont understand

Truthisoutthere, I was making a broad statement, not directed entirely at you. You didn't call him retarded, or possessed, but it's been implied by others before.

I sincerely apologize if you felt that I was directing the post entirely at you, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, and it didn't warrant picking apart my post to defend yourself.

While I have no hangups with god, or religion, as I'm a devout catholic, someone's health comes before that, since finding god may give one just enough "spiritual energy" to listen to the voices, or act on suicidal thoughts. It's parallel to when you start an anti-depressant, and you're watched for suicidal tendencies- the meds can give you just enough energy to act on the thoughts, which is exactly what can happen with a major religious change.

I've seen it happen in clinical situations before- so for once, it'd be nice to have someone post who is trying to help infinite according to what he wants, and not argue with what is said here.

If you're in the medical field, you should know that it's ill advised to try and "find god", or make any other major life changes in the middle of a schizophrenic episode. Infinite needs to stay in the same routine, day to day, and find some normalcy in his life.

Infinite has before stated that he has no interest in reading the bible, and I think everyone on here should respect that enough to stop insisting that he do it.

I'll have to echo what Bobbo said, my mom had her first psychotic episode at age 50. She had been a Christian in her youth, but she started reading the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and she had to give up religion entirely for a while--because God told her to kill herself.

Well, after a hospitalization (less than a month), medication and therapy, she now is finishing up her degree, and working part time. She has a more or less normal life, a boyfriend (at 62!), makes stuff for grandchildren, etc. She still hears voices, but I asked her about them, and she told me she just tells them to shut up.

What she said is that you may have to hear the voices, but you don't have heed what they say.

I hope this helps.

I try to be as devout a Christian as possible, and still have schiz to deal with. In respect to the pros of concentrating on yourself, I agree with it as you are in the early stages. As much as I would love to share Christianity with you, I know exactly what you are currently going through.

In fact, in the advanced stages of shiz (which I am now categorized as), I got asked the most profound question two sessions ago. When explaining my Bad Ugly Super Duper Secret Thoughts to a nurse, then explaining that I would never ACT on them because God would send me to ehell, I got asked the following:

What would happen if my illness/brain chemistry became stronger than my faith?

As I used to study science, I looked at the question from an objective point of view. I could easily have brushed it off and said, "Oh, God is stronger than Schizophrenia. He'll cure me." When in fact, I know in my heart that God gave it to me as a gift to help others. When my thoughts are bad (trust me, when I say bad, I mean reaaaalllllllyyyy bad), I do pray as I'm rocking back and forth in my chair.

I practice Christianity, and I'm a schiz. However, my advice to you is to educate yourself on your illness first and foremost. Your health comes first. Though one of the principles of Christianity is to share it with others, sharing Christianity must be done only if it does not physically or psychologically damage the non-believer.

Find yourself first. Then be yourself. If you wish to be a wiccan, pagan, etc., and you feel that helps you, than do it. My choice is to be a Christian. No, I'm not a psychologist nor a theologian, but I am a schiz. Even my doctors have told me that the only experts on Schizophrenia are the Schizophrenics themselves.

If you feel like skimming the Bible, there are passages on illness, suffering, faith, overcoming obstacles, etc. I use it as a guidebook for my life. It helps me...and it helps me act "normal" by telling me what's good and what isn't.

Just like one man's trash is another man's treasure, the opposite rings true. One man's treasure can turn into another man's trash.

To the Christians reading this.....would you give The Bible to a comatose person and tell them to read it? would you give it to a starving child in a third-world country and tell them to study up? would you give it to a recently-raped woman who is in shock and tell her that all of her answers are between the covers?

I wouldn't. Though it would benefit them, it would only benefit them once they had their druthers in order. Once they had the health to read it and acknowledge what it is saying. There is nothing wrong with giving people Bibles. What is wrong is telling them WHEN to read them, particularly when that person is suffering physically and/or psychologically.

Still a Believer,
Dot.

im on strong medication at the moment, 300mg amisulpride twice a day. It sorts of help, but i still feel odd, lets say. The world around feels different, like a dream to me or something. it just doesnt seem real

Sorry, man..just want you to know you're not alone?

As you know, I'm clinically OD'd on Seroquel now. The only reason They do it to me is because it is the only drug that has actually helped. There's a lot of reasons why it sux (in addition to the new anti-psychotic Abilify...They were reluctant, but had to do it)....
CONS:
I gained 100 lbs. I liked being thin. ACK.
Life does seem like a dream, and dreams seem like life.
Everything looks like I'm wearing somebody's prescription eyeglasses.
Everything is a smear
Driving is getting to be impossible. I'm waiting for it to be revoked.
They make me numb most of the time.

PROS:
I don't feel like hurting myself or anyone else.
Life is no longer too bright..too loud...too strong.
I am able to have a relationship.

Not many pros, I know...but they still outweigh the cons. Pun intended.

Dot.

im not of your posts, its nice to know that people on ATS care for me. As i always say, ATS is like a family to me

Originally posted by infinite
im not of your posts, its nice to know that people on ATS care for me. As i always say, ATS is like a family to me

Just thought I'd chime in and let you know that there are probably others like myself who, while they don't have much to contibute to the discussion, want to learn and really do care.

We're pullin' for you.

Originally posted by Belgarath
Just thought I'd chime in and let you know that there are probably others like myself who, while they don't have much to contibute to the discussion, want to learn and really do care.

We're pullin' for you.

thank you,
im kinda doing well now, i only have college to cope with now cause i quit work and without pressure from work, im coping really well thank you.

The only thing I know about Schizophrenia is that if someone has it, and they don't take their medicine.....they do wacky things and can be dangerous to themselves or others. So, they need to take their medicine.