Originally posted by Vajrayana
Thank you for sharing your experiences dotgov101. Even if you hadn't mentioned growing up as a prodigy, after reading your above post, it is odvious you are brilliant and possess an indomitable spirit when faced against any adversary

Thank you for your compliments. It's usually a coin-toss as to how people react when I tell them. When I was in a ward in Northern Virginia, I asked for religious advice. It is federal law that a patient not be denied access to a clergyman.

Lo and behold, his visit with me was five minutes. We said a prayer to forgive me of my sins, and a year later I received a bill from him for $470.

I am unable to go down the road of believing that I am possessed. I had that debate with myself for years, and have been told that it is impossible, as I am an (almost) devout Christian.

Also, were I to tell the people taking care of me, actions would be taken.

Finally, I've never been better. This is both my statement and that of everyone who's known me longer than ten years.

I feel "wealthier" now than I did when I had a high salary and was untreated. It's anologous (lots of anologies, because my thought processes are different than yours) to how Lieutenant Dan felt in "Forrest Gump" when he floated in the sea after the storm.

Dot.

i cant describe to you what i am feeling, all i know is that there is a horrible thing inside me

Yes, there is a horrible thing, inside you that causes no end of grief.
It's a devil.....you need an exorcism.

Do Not Stop taking you meds, under any circumstances, do as your doctor tells you. You need your meds for control.

But, you also need exorcism. What is a major city near you? When you hear the voices or thoughts, pray, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Till they go away. Fight the thoughts.

I recently worked with a young girl would had voices for three years they are gone now. She's fine now.

Even, if the voices depart, do not stop taking your Meds. untill the Doctor tells you it is O.K., The Doctor, not you or anybody else.

For me, I had years of drug trials. It was a living |-|ell. During that time, I was in and out of every type of hospital imaginable, from $2000/day stays to a state hospital in Virginia.

I would burn my right wrist, cut it, penetrate it with an inkpen, pull out strands of hair, get locked in a "safety" room, receive thorazine shots.

When I wasn't hospitalized, I'd seal my windows, lock all doors, disconnect the phone, and hide in the bathroom.

It's a lot of trial and error, but here's my suggestions that have worked for me.

Do something, anything...that you think will prevent you from hurting yourself. For me, it was getting a meaningful tattoo on the arm I used to harm. Do something for yourself, not to yourself.

Changing my appearance helps. For some reason I think that people who are "out to get me" won't recognize me. My hair has gone from platinum blonde to pink to brunette in two months' time. I dress however I wish.

Do what makes you happy. For me, it's (ack!) spending money. As much as I hate working, I reward myself each payday.

Try to avoid boredom. Boredom leads to thinking which leads to sinking. This site is my only outlet. I can voice my views and ask for help when I need it. However, opinions are not facts. That was a tough concept for me to grasp.

Listen to your doctors. They're not trying to hypnotize you into being a robot who performs secret duties for the government. They're trying to keep you alive.

You have a chemical imbalance. Currently, there is no blood test to determine how severe your imbalance is. This is why dosages and meds change. I'm not going to lie, it might take months, it might take years, but if you don't give up, you'll find the right "mix."

Life will never be "normal," when you are schizophrenic. For me, I see people and hear voices. I see blue orbs and glitter flying everywhere. I just take a breath and look two, three times until they go away. There will be remissions, and there will be relapses.

The same organ that controls your breathing, heartbeat, etcetera, is not producing the chemicals needed to function. It is the least-known about process of the human body.

Above all else, STAY ALIVE. Do whatever it takes to not harm yourself. You will regret it forever, especially if you get committed. It's a lot easier to stay out of a hospital than it is to get out of one.

Go to the link I provided with the schizophrenic forum when you're hurting. They will understand, and most will tell you to keep up.

Living takes a lot of effort. Believe me, I know that firsthand. Try to live and not merely exist.

Dot.

I personally know a few "skitzophrenics" and well...Lets say this...Its not always easy.
You said this is a personal thing-So i take it as a friend or a fmaily member...

One of my friends s skitzophrenic and he isnt taking meds for it at all.
He runs to drugs-mostly marajuana-and it only makes him worse. I remeber one night he was stoned and really out of it and i laughed at him once and i ended up with a knife at my throat. He sat there and talked to himself like there was 2 people there. But there wasnt.... Another time he had his laptop stolen-it was like his life...It kinda kept him sane i guess you could say...And he blamed it on the closest person-which just happened to be me-And he threatened to snap my neck and my girlfriend and 2 of my friends had to pull him off me, because he had me by the throat.
I think That once someone is on the appropriate medication for it they are okay and act quite normal. But some skitzophrenics cannot be trusted with taking their medications.
Organization is a big one for solving part of a Skitzophrenic person out. If they have routine and it never changes than it helps them alot.
Anyway, I Am Currently at work and cannot stay for long so if you would like more info then feel free to u2u me back

Originally posted by infinite
My medications dont stop the voices, the talking, whispers and sometimes screaming are still there. The medication just stops me from doing something stupid, im fighting the urges now to take a knife to myself. My bedroom curtains haven't been opened for months cause im sacred that people are watching me, im very scared to even leave the house.

i cant describe to you what i am feeling, all i know is that there is a horrible thing inside me

I can relate to what your saying on certain levels.. Being a pot smoker for 9 years, iswell as numerous other class's of drugs.. sometimes I get the fear! but always remember it is only fear -only thing we need to fear is fear itself- Winston Chruchill. < a schizophrenic never the less.. these are just labels to human coditions.

Theres only two forms of reactions we have LOVE or FEAR.. of course there's different polarities of these but all fall into these to categories, If you turly think on this you'll find it true.

Now you trully have more control over mind than maybe you think.. whenever you feel the fear, or start to imagine something or someone is after you.. Change your thought to something out of the Love category..
& don't fear any external harm will come to you.. Because Noone can ever truly harm you.

Fear attracts like a magnet.. same with Love.. Control your mind, You have the key to healing.. You program your sub-conscious.. You control you pre-conscious & conscious mind. It takes tremendous concintration & will power to change your thoughts on a thing, but you are very able to do this.. take small steps in programming your mind with positive thoughts, & soon it will become 'first nature' again. Take that wasted energies on fear & use them on Love it you come back to you.

As they say (& I don't mean 'They' it meant to be a figure of speech), Perception is eveything, which I believe to be true, through experience, what you perceive will become manifest in your reality.

I don't believe in mordern medicines, but if they help, then carry on taking them, but I guarantee you these pills aren't due full credit -not calling them placebo's or anything- but if you believe very strongly a pill does a certain thing then it has no choice but to work. This is how the Universe works.

I say once again if the pills are helping please continue to take them.

A little hint on dealing with people - I don't wanna sound negative here but honestly your not that important that people are watching you - Although you are very important, like all of us. It's hard at first but you CAN convince yourself that people aren't watching you. Have some faith in humanity, people will crush this daily, but keep the faith in them.. they're honestly not 'out to get you.

All the best, I sincerely hope this helps a little

I will say some prayers for you

Keep the Faith, act only in Love.

It is not death that a man should fear, but should fear never beginning to live. -quote by Marcus Aurelius-

Cam, 24 male, Auckland, New Zealand.

Feel free to chat anytime or msn camdivedeeper@hotmail.com

[edit on 30-3-2005 by NeoHippie]

Originally posted by Kayla
I personally know a few "skitzophrenics" and well...Lets say this...Its not always easy.
You said this is a personal thing-So i take it as a friend or a fmaily member...

One of my friends s skitzophrenic and he isnt taking meds for it at all.
He runs to drugs-mostly marajuana-and it only makes him worse. I remeber one night he was stoned and really out of it and i laughed at him once and i ended up with a knife at my throat. He sat there and talked to himself like there was 2 people there. But there wasnt.... Another time he had his laptop stolen-it was like his life...It kinda kept him sane i guess you could say...And he blamed it on the closest person-which just happened to be me-And he threatened to snap my neck and my girlfriend and 2 of my friends had to pull him off me, because he had me by the throat.
I think That once someone is on the appropriate medication for it they are okay and act quite normal. But some skitzophrenics cannot be trusted with taking their medications.

Was your friend taking meds to treat the schizophrenia, or were they just self medicating with marijuana?

certain psychoactive medications for schizophrenia will cause a different type of high when MJ is consumed too.

Originally posted by Balaams donkey
Yes, there is a horrible thing, inside you that causes no end of grief.
It's a devil.....you need an exorcism.

Do Not Stop taking you meds, under any circumstances, do as your doctor tells you. You need your meds for control.

But, you also need exorcism. What is a major city near you? When you hear the voices or thoughts, pray, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Till they go away. Fight the thoughts.

I recently worked with a young girl would had voices for three years they are gone now. She's fine now.

Even, if the voices depart, do not stop taking your Meds. untill the Doctor tells you it is O.K., The Doctor, not you or anybody else.

Please, stop suggesting an exorcism. I can assure you, from years of experience, that this is not going to help in any way, shape, or form, and can only cause further harm. Infinite will not progress in treatment if he is told that what he hears are demons, or whatever it is that you religous fanatics think they are. What you are suggesting is highly unethical from a medical point of view, and out of fear of causing Infinite further harm, you should stop at once.

Dot, your posts are really insightful, shedding a new light on the private life of a patient. you are to be commended for sharing your feelings and thoughts with us.

Originally posted by dotgov101
Do something, anything...that you think will prevent you from hurting yourself. For me, it was getting a meaningful tattoo on the arm I used to harm. Do something for yourself, not to yourself.

I listen to music and read alot now to take my mind of it. it doesnt really help that much, but it prevents me from hurting myself.

Originally posted by Balaams donkey
Yes, there is a horrible thing, inside you that causes no end of grief.
It's a devil.....you need an exorcism.

Do Not Stop taking you meds, under any circumstances, do as your doctor tells you. You need your meds for control.

But, you also need exorcism. What is a major city near you? When you hear the voices or thoughts, pray, Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Till they go away. Fight the thoughts.

I recently worked with a young girl would had voices for three years they are gone now. She's fine now.

Even, if the voices depart, do not stop taking your Meds. untill the Doctor tells you it is O.K., The Doctor, not you or anybody else.

well, i live in Canterbury, England, which is like the holy city of the UK. I do not need an exorcism cause i am a christian and my faith is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

well, i live in Canterbury, England, which is like the holy city of the UK. I do not need an exorcism cause i am a christian and my faith is the only thing keeping me sane at the moment.

Stick with it. Sometimes the only thing that kept me from going over the edge was God (or a god, for those who do not worship mine).

I'm not a busy-body. . . much of my time is spent alone in the house, which to me is Utopia. People say it's bad for me, because they assume I'm mulling over my illness, but that's not the case.

Being alone means no stimuli. No outside information to process.

But for some reason "Norms" discourage that.

Dot.

Infinite,
Hi, well when I say exorcism, please do not think of the stupid movie from the seventies. Many people have prayer read for them, to remove demonic problems, I did at one time, my head did not spin around, nor did I float in the air, and I too was a Christian. Being a Christian does not prevent, demonic attack, in fact they are the one most attacked. If you are not having problems with demons, then it is just a priest saying some prayer for the healing of your mind and soul, if you are then God makes them go away. I have never figured out why people have a problem with this?
Anyway, I really feel for you, as I know what you are going through, if you ever change your mind here is their address, May God Bless you..



The Eastern Orthodox Chruch
The monastery of St.John the Baptist
The Old Rectory
Tolleshunt Knights by Maldon,
Essex CM9 8EZ
United Kingdom
Phone: (44.1621) 81 64 71

Balaams donkey...I am bipolar, and I am NOT possessed by demons. For you to suggest that mental illnesses are caused by the devil is very inappropriate. To someone in a manic state, to read that could be very damaging. It is opinions like yours that keep peoples understanding of illnesses like bipolar and schizophrenia in the dark ages. They are organic brain diseases caused by chemical imbalances, not demon possession.

Balaams donkey, thank you for the information, i will keep it by, but i do not feel i am being controlled by demons,etc. I dont feel anything demonic is ruining my life, something else is.

Well, I wish you the very best, in all of this, and hope that you do find peace in your heart. The result of God's love is the human being, when we see another person, we can see God's love. Thus our very existance is proof of his Love for us. Pray as Christ is the great healer. May God Bless you. +

mods are mods ... mods will be mods ... forever

Thank you SO much for your perspective! I'm not schizophrenic and no one in the family is, but it gave me so much insight into what things must be like for you. I have a good friend who is MPD... so you've also given me some insight on what she goes through. She's currently going through a meds adjustment and we talk each night in chat (a fan group/fan chat.) Occasionally her topics get a little strange, but she's my friend and I enjoy her company.

Originally posted by dotgov101
Do something, anything...that you think will prevent you from hurting yourself. For me, it was getting a meaningful tattoo on the arm I used to harm. Do something for yourself, not to yourself.

Changing my appearance helps. For some reason I think that people who are "out to get me" won't recognize me. My hair has gone from platinum blonde to pink to brunette in two months' time. I dress however I wish.

Do what makes you happy. For me, it's (ack!) spending money. As much as I hate working, I reward myself each payday.

Try to avoid boredom. Boredom leads to thinking which leads to sinking. This site is my only outlet. I can voice my views and ask for help when I need it. However, opinions are not facts. That was a tough concept for me to grasp.

Listen to your doctors. They're not trying to hypnotize you into being a robot who performs secret duties for the government. They're trying to keep you alive.

You have a chemical imbalance. Currently, there is no blood test to determine how severe your imbalance is. This is why dosages and meds change. I'm not going to lie, it might take months, it might take years, but if you don't give up, you'll find the right "mix."

Life will never be "normal," when you are schizophrenic. For me, I see people and hear voices. I see blue orbs and glitter flying everywhere. I just take a breath and look two, three times until they go away. There will be remissions, and there will be relapses.

The same organ that controls your breathing, heartbeat, etcetera, is not producing the chemicals needed to function. It is the least-known about process of the human body.

Above all else, STAY ALIVE. Do whatever it takes to not harm yourself. You will regret it forever, especially if you get committed. It's a lot easier to stay out of a hospital than it is to get out of one.

Infinite, from what I've read, talking to people and posting on the boards... conversing in any way you can... helps. I hope you'll take her suggestion and go to the schizophrenic foum as she suggested.

Go to the link I provided with the schizophrenic forum when you're hurting. They will understand, and most will tell you to keep up.

And Donkey, please don't give any more advice about "exorcisms." Exorcisms don't get rid of physical problems. This is a chemical imbalance, not some sort of haunting by demons.

Originally posted by Indellkoffer
Thank you SO much for your perspective! I'm not schizophrenic and no one in the family is, but it gave me so much insight into what things must be like for you. I have a good friend who is MPD... so you've also given me some insight on what she goes through. She's currently going through a meds adjustment and we talk each night in chat (a fan group/fan chat.) Occasionally her topics get a little strange, but she's my friend and I enjoy her company.

Yeah...grin...my topics get strange sometimes, also. I get the urge to go and erase them the next day. I even used to do that when I kept a written journal - erase what I had written. I couldn't (still can't) believe I wrote what I wrote.

So I have a rule now...NO ERASING. I am who I am. I was who I was yesterday.

Thank you for your compliments. It's literally a gamble to write these things about myself. When I have moments of clarity and write something coherent,, I'm scared to death that someone will link to this thread, or my blog, and use it to flame me.

That link I provided is very active. You can curse if you want. You can rant. You can detail your hallucinations. You can talk about work. According to the site, there are THIRTY ONE THOUSAND active registered users. It is, by far, the best site I've found for people suffering from schiz.

I am not affiliated with the site, and for those of you reading this who don't have schiz, please don't go there and post your views of mental illness and meds and (especially) religion. It's not a debate forum. It's a support forum.

There are no doctors on the site, there are also no *gasp* moderators. The reason for that (i believe) is so you don't have to feel like you're being "monitored."

I'm glad ATS has moderators. They are needed to keep us conspiracy-addicts from storming the National Archives(joke).

Thank you all for not flaming me for my condition.

Dot.

This can be found in their section called "Delusions, Hallucinations, Beliefs". They have a poetry section too. This short narration could also be titled "The Customer Who Never Was".

Life-like hallucinations
Does anyone get visual hallucinations that are hard to tell if they're real or not? Today at work this guy came in (I work at Barnes & Noble) and wanted help finding a certain book. So, I started looking it up on the computer at the same time I was talking to him. One of my co-workers asked me who I was talking to and when I pointed to the man in front of me, she looked really confused. Then as I stared at this "customer" who looked like any ordinary guy, he started disappearing. I'm so embarrassed, no one at work knows about my schizophrenia and I'm sure my co-worker went and told everyone else because she's kind of a gossip. Now I'm worried that this is going to happen all the time and I'm not going to be able to tell my hallucinations from the real world. The only other visual I've ever had was of a man with no face so I knew that wasn't real but this last incident was just scary because this guy looked so real.
*

Originally posted by Macrento

This can be found in their section called "Delusions, Hallucinations, Beliefs". They have a poetry section too. This short narration could also be titled "The Customer Who Never Was".

Life-like hallucinations
Does anyone get visual hallucinations that are hard to tell if they're real or not? Today at work this guy came in (I work at Barnes & Noble) and wanted help finding a certain book. So, I started looking it up on the computer at the same time I was talking to him. One of my co-workers asked me who I was talking to and when I pointed to the man in front of me, she looked really confused. Then as I stared at this "customer" who looked like any ordinary guy, he started disappearing. I'm so embarrassed, no one at work knows about my schizophrenia and I'm sure my co-worker went and told everyone else because she's kind of a gossip. Now I'm worried that this is going to happen all the time and I'm not going to be able to tell my hallucinations from the real world. The only other visual I've ever had was of a man with no face so I knew that wasn't real but this last incident was just scary because this guy looked so real.
*

Hallucinations can be so real in the confines of mental illness that they can be confused for the real thing. Usually the antipsychosis drugs curb that problem enough to make the hallucinations cease.

Infinite, how are things going thus far?

That website is more amusing than a barrel of ATSes!!! Another of the afflicted ones wrote this:

My Plants
I'm a 22 year old female and I love plants. I have lots of
them in the house I share with my brother, and I water them
all daily. Sometimes, though, it feels like they're
controlling me, and that makes me kind of mad. They are
always wilting or dying. My brother says it's because
plants aren't very reliable and have short lifespans, but I
think it's because they don't like me and are killing
themselves. That's all they talk about. They're always
trying to make me guilty, but they don't really need to try
because I generally already do. I always start off
pretending that I don't care, but after a few days of them
crying and slowly dying I give in and beg them to stay
alive for me, and I apologize for not being a good
care-taker. They don't accept my apologies though, and
always end up dying anyway. It hurts me when they die,
because even though they're mean I really love them deep
down. I've always loved plants. The other day though, one
made me really mad. I got sick of him and his friends
messing with me and controlling me, so I uprooted him. He
screamed horribly and painfully, it was so loud I thought
it would wake up the neighbors. I freaked out and put him
back in his pot, and ran to my room and cried. My brother
says that the plant will probably be fine and live, but
since then it's been telling me that it's on it's last legs
and that it's going to die. It's awful.

Does anyone else have this problem with plants or have any
advice for me?

By advice, I mean some way other than medication. I have
tried various medications for quite some time now and none
of them really do anything for me. Still looking for the
one that's "right" for me I guess.

(Then a reply...)
I don't know what to say about the feelings of the plants.
But, I can tell you that you are over watering those plants. Do not water everyday, only water when they are dry. Some plants like more water or less water. When you buy a new plant do a google search and you can find a list of care tips, and see how much watering and how much food it needs. Take steps to control your life and stay in the drivers seat, don't be a passive victim of fate. Maybe gardening is not really for you, if it makes you feel sad, instead of happy?

(A 2nd reply)
Boo!

I love plants, and they love me back. I cannot resist the temptation to grow things, and grow they do. My Mom loves this gift, as Her garden is the envy of the city.

It's spring here, and I swear that I can spit and things will grow.

Try to not listen to your plants gripes, as they will always gripe. Like Human children, each as it's own wants and needs. Try regrouping them; like corn doesn't like wheat, some house plants simply don't like to be near others.
*

Well, my close friend was diagnosed as a Schizophrenic or having Schizophrenia . I remember him growing up in his normal stages and remember everything that lead up to it.

Personally I don't believe in Schizophrenia. I think it's just a term used for elevated depression and madness. I feel at certain points in time, everyone can be diagnosed with it. I see it as a nice umbrella term for psychologists to use. I think it's simply one of the lowest lows, to the point where you essentially have lost hope on your life or goals. You don't get much sleep and you go toward drugs. I think it would be hard to find a case where the individual didn't have one of the three circumstances:

1. Sleep Deprived
2. Drug Use or heavy substance addiction
3. Little emotional support or emotional abuse

My friend was constantly looking for love and effection growing up that his parents didn't really offer. They were always working and when they were around they were always yelling, arguing, or in a bad mood.

They never really bought him clothes, a bed, or anything. He grew up pretty much without anything that most people are used to having. He grew up with some toys but they gave them away as he got older.

Over time he's had a very hard time with women. He's managed to find a few, but hasn't been able to keep any because of his bad luck I guess. He ended up turning to drugs and alcohol heavily because it was something that was common in his family and the neighborhoods he grew up in.

His dad was a painter so he use to sniff laquer thinner to get high when he couldn't afford any other drugs. He wasn't paid well working with his father and his parents were always asking him for money.

He later went to the army, which I told him not to. They ended up pretty much breaking his spirit in a controlling way. He wanted to hold on to the few things he enjoyed that he could attain like drugs and alcohol.

He basically got kicked out of the army eventually, his parents didn't want him around so he was pretty much homeless for a while also. Which I didn't find out about until later. He was checking into different shelters and was heavily drinking himself to death. He basically got to a point where he wanted to die.

He was eventually put into a mental assylum and stated as having Schizophrenia. Over periods of time due to the drugs, primarily sniffing chemicals, he started hearing things and started talking about what he heard.

Eventually he was put on meds and is still on them. A large portion of the hearing noises I believe where because he would go nearly weeks without sleeping. He was on all sorts of drugs that he couldn't sleep. The meds helped him believe he could sleep again, or maybe they did help.

I'm personally against drugs, medications for the most part. I don't believe Schizophrenia is real also. I think his situation was due to his family, the drugs, and the lack of sleep.

He's a lot normal now and they still have him on the medication. He's living with his family again and they are a lot more nurturning. They feel he is Schizophrenic, so demand he keeps taking the meds. He's indicated that he feels he doesn't need them anymore.

My solution to him was to work on getting a career together, which will help him find a wife. And work toward becoming independent. So he can give himself more freedom. And try to replace previous addictions with possitive old ones. There was a time where he would play video games instead of do drugs. So now he is playing his PS2, or watching movies, reading books, shooting pool, or jogging and exercising like he use to.

So I feel the cure begins with getting regular sleep. Replacing bad habbits with old and new good ones. Getting your life together financially and emotionally. And moving forward like he has. He's made a lot of progress.

Also, I think that the whole end of the world mentality that is very common nowadays in religions, including his, has lead a lot of people to be a lot less ambitious or progressive. I think that a lot of people feel, well the world is going to end soon, why try. And they live in their habits. They live in their waiting.

So the conlusion is, he was hearing noises and seeing things because of primarily two things. He wasn't getting any sleep and he was doing mind altering drugs. Primarily sniffing mixed with marijuana and cocaine. I think the worst one was the laquer thinner combined with a lack of sleep. Anyone who's went a long time without sleep will know that you too will start feeling strange. Imagine going nearly a week or longer and doing drugs. I think that is a common cause.

So that's my perspective on it. At one time I allowed that mentality to effect me. The why try, what's the point. But I've broken from that mentality, but I think a lot of people are still in it. You could say they are Schizophrenic.

[edit on 4-4-2005 by Lord Altmis]