posted on Nov, 23 2008 @ 09:29 PM
Hi, I am really sorry but i don't speak english very well.I am registered member in this forum, but i prefere to say these private things in
anonymous mode because of my privacy.
I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in february of 2008.I'm in my late 20's.The diagnosis was discreet, the doctor never said me "you are
schizophrenic" but he made everything to let me know about my illness without scaring me and my family.
I take risperdal before, and Invega later.
There are various form of schizophrenia, and various ways of behaviour.The violence is a myth, or better, il real in some kind of patients, and
unexisting in others.My case is the second:if you see me, you will say I am the most normal person in the world.
In my case symptoms are: delusion (I've started to think in 2000 that i was one of the ugliest person in the world.I started to think I couldn't do
anything, to feel unable to do nothing.I started to thing that my life was hopeless, and that my life will be a continuum of privations).From 2003, I
quit my social life, in an almost complete retire.I live in my house, i pass all my day in my house,i only go out 2-3 hours in the week end,and only
tripping in car, nonsense, without a goal, without entering in any public place(bar,cinema,pubs and so on).Starting from late 2005, i start to hear
voices.Initially i thought i was tired and needed to relax.But they come back after a while, worse than before.There are no clear voices, are a kind
of whispering(do you ever seen Lost??The voices in the island??Like that ).Sometimes is lke more whispers talks to each other, but i cannot clearly
know what they say, only some word.My life is pathetic, few friends, no job, no gf(i am male), no social life, but i need this, i cannot face other
people, i am sure that they wanna hurt and humiliate me psicologically (the doctor says these are delusion, but for me are FACTS).
I never hurt no one, i am very smart, i have an incredible memory, i can calculate and write very very fast.I cannot concetrate myself for long time
on something, i cannot watch a movie, i cannot play videogames for more than an hour, because indipendently from my will, i find myself thinking to
other things, or walking in my room.My brain is always on and operative, ALWAYS.
Unfortunately,where i live, the medical assistance is very poor, and this make me very pessimistic about my future.Now i have a wonderful family, but
i am always depending from someone(i cannot go to supermarket,post office,every place where there is people, I go sometimes in a garage owned by a
family friend, to make some cardiofitness and body building bcos i can't go to a normal gym), and to know that my future will be easy will help me a
lot.But i am afraid, bcos i cannot be independent and i don't know what i will do if I can't count on my family.
Anyway, my life is decent at moment, i'm not a crazy guy, and i hope this will continue as long as possible.
Sorry again for my bad english.