The 2014 SAD / Holiday Depression Discussion Thread

a reply to: whyamIhere

Thank you for that. I laughed louder after each line.

As for S.A.D. I suffered with it, living on the east coast, for my whole adult life, as has my brother. I dreaded every August, when I could feel myself starting to go into a depression. It got deeper and deeper, and along with the hassle of the cold and snow, by February I felt like I just couldn't take any more. Everyone always told me how much they loved the Fall and the leaves changing color. I hated it. The leaves, for me, were just a constant reminder of what's to come. It wasn't until sometime in April that I could feel the cloud lifting.

And did I hate the holiday season! But many years ago on Christmas day, when my nieces and nephews were young, I loved being at my parents' house with all the yelling and screaming and running around. I got a small break then, but when everyone went home it was worse than ever. Then they grew up, and Christmas became a time of the year when leaving the house was more trouble than it was worth. Agonizing over what to buy for adults that won't be used, or worse, re-gifted has been my Christmas for the past 10 years.

In 2007 my father passed away, then my mother exactly a year later and there was nothing keeping me there any more, so I moved to Arizona. I get out much more often in the winter now, so my S.A.D. isn't nearly as bad as it was, but I hate Christmas more than ever and wish I could just avoid it all together.

A weird thing about S.A.D. is that it slows down your mind, or at least it has that effect on me. Maybe that's just the effect of the depression. It's hard to explain, but I seem to think slower this time of year, and reasoning abilities don't work so well.

Or maybe I'm just getting old...

Fighting...to not wallow in self pity...I have hosted THE events for years.
I have guests in my house right now...they don't know (nor will they ever) how hard I am trying this year.
I have so much to be thankful for...
5 energetic children, a "fairly decent" LOL 'ol man, comfortable home, good jobs all around.
My Mom, who I cared for, who lived with me full time for 5 years passed suddenly in August. It was unexpected and I have never felt so weak or hopeless as I did for those three long weeks. She came home for the last 5 days of her time here,
tough, just tough. My birth mother who I had just reconnected with this year after a long seperation is in Seattle. She is dying. She has a feeding tube although she has decided on hospice. My sister in law told me tonight that it would be a miracle if she makes it through the weekend.
See, you have to swallow it down and get on with it. My battle of losing them must be nothing compared to what they are experiencing....you are the only ones that I can tell.
WE have to keep that strong face on for the kids, the 23 family that will come, for ourselves. WE can't fall apart...we have people who need us to be strong.
So that's what we do, put the armor on and get busy, and just get through it somehow...

Thanks for taking the time! Hefficide, thanks for the place for us to just say it...

In the end...I'll pick myself up and get over it. But this year is a tough one for me.

History...my life like most, has been full of very high highs and very low lows. This year I find myself with a loving family, a good job, lucrative side business and really no reason to complain. But at the same time...I'm beginning to realize my age (50) and my repetitive tasked life. Maybe a mid-life crisis as they say.

Recent events...I find myself feeling unfulfilled. I feel like a tool or a process more than a life. There is a long story behind this revelation but summarized...I met a girl (25 years old and I'm 50) that I care deeply for as a friend and she feels the same. She is very "free spirit" and I find myself wishing I was more like her.

Don't get me wrong...I have beautiful, happy daughters, a perfect wife, a home, a job and everything is basically great! But something is missing. I've decided to get back into music (one of the loves in my life) to try to fill this void. I'm hoping that does it but only time will tell. I feel satisfied at the end of the day...but not happy.

Thats it! No pity party here. I wish you ALL a happy few holidays and hope anyone that is down in the dumps, successfully pulls themselves up and out. Life is full of ups and downs. Don't let the downs destroy you.

a reply to: WeAreAWAKE

I hear you load and clear and can relate to a lot of what you say on many levels. No time now but will reply in proper later.

All I will say right now is that life is unfolding perfectly. We just have to accept the bits we don't like or understand. We are then in a better position to take our next step(s).

Later.

nerb

No woman no cry. I'll tell you a secret. Cash makes winter awesome. And that a winter sex takes much more energy and can make you sick.
Cloudy sky sucks but when I see the stars I feel that the whole space is freezing like nirvana. Never ending circle of ignorance-nature is separating dirt from liquid waters and moving consciousness to higher chakra. One can sense the purity.
At night there's also sunrise on the other side of the world. At the same time a summer is coming to the south and salsa is played so loud you can almost hear it. Your brain is able to produce exactly the same feeling as you were lying on the beach once upon the time. You just have to remember and memorize what you want and what is good. OR refresh the feeling.
I stay with brainwaves-altering audio and herbs. You don't have to play games like others. Mix those two with the sauna, close your eyes, put some rainforrest sound into your ears and you'll be in the jungle. A jiff of such altered consciousness can separate you from any stupid reality for weeks. You just have to keep yourself in your secret places in your head.

There is no such thing as bad weather. Just bad clothing.

Well today I begin my dreaded drive around Minnesota to see family members that treat me like crap.
Im just have to put up a good front pretend to be happy and get through.
Wish me luck.

Happy thanksgiving my ats family, I love you guys.

Peace.

a reply to: Hefficide

I have struggled with depression over the holidays for the past 5 or 6 years.
this year my parents who were married for 25 years split apart, my fiancee got addicted to drugs and subsequently had to move away from where we lived.
this year seems like the worst of them all, i feel i cannot talk to my family. I really just want things to be the way they were. I want the love of my life back and i want my family back most of all..
i hope everyone here has some sort of love or something to be thankful for this holiday season.
safe travels.

a reply to: NeoAstra

I too am a SAD sufferer - and have found this year 3 things are really helping me
Vitamin D tablets,
Smoothies twice a week - 3 bananas, blueberries, honey, tahini (Sesame) paste and almond milk with cocoa powder.
Delicious!
I also use a Valkee ( Google it - lights in your easrs, which seem to make a massive difference to my mood).

All the best to fellow suffers in these "dark times"!

My sympathies to all those suffering and depressed during the holidays!! I once suffered during these times as well.

I found the main contributing factor to my depression and my reaction to those around me was that, I DRANK TO MUCH ALCOHOL, as did those I chose to associate with.

Today I feel blessed to be at work in my office, alone, productive and sober.

As far as I'm concerned, my family can go to hell! I chose not to buy into their dysfunctional BS, resentments and
drunken mean spirited attacks on each other. I know they think I am "too good" to associate with them; well, life is just to short to be unhappy, manipulated, and insulted by those that "claim" to love you!!

I have chosen a different path. I'm not trying to win any personality contest; here on the www. or real life.

I truly am a "people like you" ....thanks ATS for the confirmation!

a reply to: Hefficide

Its all just do to being lonely. Don't be a hermit and get out and be with friends and family. I have felt that way just because of a relationship going bad before Christmas, it sucks but you just got to keep your head up and get out with friends.

originally posted by: NeoAstra
a reply to: Hefficide

I have struggled with depression over the holidays for the past 5 or 6 years.
this year my parents who were married for 25 years split apart, my fiancee got addicted to drugs and subsequently had to move away from where we lived.
this year seems like the worst of them all, i feel i cannot talk to my family. I really just want things to be the way they were. I want the love of my life back and i want my family back most of all..
i hope everyone here has some sort of love or something to be thankful for this holiday season.
safe travels.

Move on my friend, there is nothing that will help, but that. The love of your life will always be an addict, take it from someone who has fought for years and years to get through to my own girlfriend who was an addict. They will listen to self help books and others before they will ever listen to you. You could have also been their addiction at one point but not now, They actually see things way different than a non addict does.

Let go!!! If they come back they come back but they will never till you LET GO!!!!

a reply to: PapagiorgioCZ

And that a winter sex takes much more energy and can make you sick.

Why God made fireplaces and hot-tubs lol~!! Nothing better than sex! Have fun with your Chakras lmao.

originally posted by: Patriotsrevenge
a reply to: Hefficide

Its all just do to being lonely. Don't be a hermit and get out and be with friends and family. I have felt that way just because of a relationship going bad before Christmas, it sucks but you just got to keep your head up and get out with friends.

Its not as easy as just get out and go, depression can be debilitating.

Peace.

Well friends, I made it through this tough day and honestly it went way better than I thought it would.
Im now just hanging out with my dad for a bit then its off to bed, actually, gotta go home and play with my baby bunny then its off to bed.
So, enough about me, how about everybody else? I really hope things went well for everybody.

Peace.

originally posted by: Lichter daraus

So, enough about me, how about everybody else? I really hope things went well for everybody.

Peace.

I'm still at work, had some cold mac and cheese from the office fridge and a cold Modelo for my Thanksgiving meal.
Got a call from my lady who went back to St. Louis to be with her family. She was crying! She comes in tomorrow on Southwest; I'll dry her tears and tell her everything's gonna be alright. And it is.....

Had some of my worry ease. Got two emails from my stepdad and I called him to check in, so he's still among the living. Stepdad & I never expected my mom to go first, so it's awkward. I have a deep seated fear of him keeling over and not being found for a while. Had a well appreciated spread for the hubby & teens. Burned my thumb pretty good, so I got out of dishes & cleanup.

a reply to: olaru12

Im glad tomorrow you will be with your lady, and your right everything will be ok.
Thats something im extremely thankful for, my best friend which is also my girl.
Dont know where I would be with out my girl.

Peace.

I suffered from depression for years, first time I can think of actually feeling that darkness of depression eating at my soul I was 10.

I had a terrible relationship with my parents, they treated me like there was always something wrong with me. I was a 'troubled' child to them. Honestly I had issues, but I had my 'morals', I didn't turn to an addiction when I was younger (though my parents thought I did), I didnt purposely go out of my way to cause pain to others, didn't have sex with randoms, tried my hardest not to harm myself, and I always tried to help others. My moms family was Islam and my dad's Mennonite. Even though they both converte to united chritianity were raised very very religious.

I was sexuality molested by my cousins, I was constantly bullied by my peers in school, never had a lot of friends, I hated myself, i felt like everything I did was wrong. I couldn't do anything right. The thing is I never realized that how I really felt and that what had happened to me was not ok. I was a walking numbed out robot.

I wanted to die. Occasionally there were good days, but most were bad. I hit my 20's and started to do drugs to dull the pain I never realized I was feeling from my childhood. It affected my life even more, I couldn't keep a job, I hated myself more, I dated a guy who could provide for my addiction and was emotionally manipulative/abusive and told myself that it was ok.

I started taking meds and seeing a counsellor. I can't believe how much they help me. I found a couple of really good friends who told me how it is and me and my ex broke up. I stopped lying to myself by telling myself that what my cousin did was ok, or how my parents treated me was right.

I accepted the pain I had been feeling over the years, and stopped telling myself that everything was ok. It wasn't. But that was ok, we all have pain in us. I became a stronger person because of it. I learned to forgive all those who had hurt me, I helped my parents see how they treated me wasn't right and they have raised my two amazing younger sisters much better than they did me. Best of all I got a job where I can help other children who have been in my position. I feel like I'm making a difference every day in someone's life. I use my experiences to teach children how to cope with what they go through and I provide them with a safe place to go and feel loved.

Depression is no easy thing, but I have faith that anyone who's ever felt it can overcome that darkness that eats away at their soul. What I have done might not be what another needs to do to overcome it, find your own way that works for you and for who you are. Look for the light, find things that make you happy, help others, love, laugh, smile, start something new, be the person you always wanted to be.

Trust me. There's hope. You just have to have faith.