I suffered from depression for years, first time I can think of actually feeling that darkness of depression eating at my soul I was 10.
I had a terrible relationship with my parents, they treated me like there was always something wrong with me. I was a 'troubled' child to them.
Honestly I had issues, but I had my 'morals', I didn't turn to an addiction when I was younger (though my parents thought I did), I didnt purposely go
out of my way to cause pain to others, didn't have sex with randoms, tried my hardest not to harm myself, and I always tried to help others. My moms
family was Islam and my dad's Mennonite. Even though they both converte to united chritianity were raised very very religious.
I was sexuality molested by my cousins, I was constantly bullied by my peers in school, never had a lot of friends, I hated myself, i felt like
everything I did was wrong. I couldn't do anything right. The thing is I never realized that how I really felt and that what had happened to me was
not ok. I was a walking numbed out robot.
I wanted to die. Occasionally there were good days, but most were bad. I hit my 20's and started to do drugs to dull the pain I never realized I was
feeling from my childhood. It affected my life even more, I couldn't keep a job, I hated myself more, I dated a guy who could provide for my addiction
and was emotionally manipulative/abusive and told myself that it was ok.
I started taking meds and seeing a counsellor. I can't believe how much they help me. I found a couple of really good friends who told me how it is
and me and my ex broke up. I stopped lying to myself by telling myself that what my cousin did was ok, or how my parents treated me was right.
I accepted the pain I had been feeling over the years, and stopped telling myself that everything was ok. It wasn't. But that was ok, we all have pain
in us. I became a stronger person because of it. I learned to forgive all those who had hurt me, I helped my parents see how they treated me wasn't
right and they have raised my two amazing younger sisters much better than they did me. Best of all I got a job where I can help other children who
have been in my position. I feel like I'm making a difference every day in someone's life. I use my experiences to teach children how to cope with
what they go through and I provide them with a safe place to go and feel loved.
Depression is no easy thing, but I have faith that anyone who's ever felt it can overcome that darkness that eats away at their soul. What I have done
might not be what another needs to do to overcome it, find your own way that works for you and for who you are. Look for the light, find things that
make you happy, help others, love, laugh, smile, start something new, be the person you always wanted to be.
Trust me. There's hope. You just have to have faith.
edit on 27-11-2014 by InfamousSiren because: (no reason given)