To everyone who has replied since my last post:
You are all loved, loved, loved. I may not know any of you, but I relate, I know the pains you feel, I have walked in some shoes, I can put myself in
the others shoes I have not walked in.
SAD affects people in winter AND summer, so it's not just a cold winter season thing. Find what makes you content; the SAD lights or Vit D or
whatever will work to boost the spirits if even a little bit. Every positive, no matter how small, is HUGE.
To those who have family issues: I know that road well. My step mom finds fault in every thing I do or go through -even when I needed a hysterectomy
in April '13 and there was a cancer scare, all she could say was to not make it such a huge deal, that my cousin and aunt were fighting cancer and
they'd laugh at me if I let them know I had a cancer scare via my dr. And to this day, she treats me like crap, talking to everyone else but ignoring
me because I'm not salaried nor live in my own owned home. The only thing she'll get happy about is when I'm having bad bad times. Whatever. It's
my life, I'm almost 42, I am very happy in my accomplishments AND failures - because at least I had the balls to TRY things. Fail or not, I can never
look back when I'm 80 and go 'If only I had.....' or 'I wonder what if...' I don't need her approval for anything. I have RA now (Rheumatoid
Arthritis which can be fatal and attacks the heart, lungs, joints, etc. Uncurable. It really should be named Rheumatoid Autoimmune Disease because
'arthritis' in the name makes people think of gramma and her sore elbow. It's farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr from that but I digress). I
have RA now and that will be my fault too, doing it wrong just like my pre op cancer scare. So I just let her be. She does not define me. She does not
walk in my shoes. I am not her, Iwill never be her. I work hard in pain fully exhuasted all the time (due to RA) and I will never make 120k a year
like she has - I'm damned happy with my pay and my job and my life. I validate MYSELF. NO other human being validates me. Life is too short to worry
about what anyone else thinks of me , especially when I'm doing the best I have ever done. Even when I was doing crap, it was still my dance to
So I'm basically saying, yeah it HURTS when your own family doesn't give a # about you - but yanno? I found that friends and even people online are
much closer to a person and much more caring and understanding and loving and supportive. It's a rotten damned SHAME that that has to be how it is
but that is how it is. Everyone in this thread gives a huge care about each other. I see this.
And I love it.
For those who have lost loved ones due to death or drugs or a relationship ending: I'm just hugging you and hugging you and sending healing love and
light and strength. Endings are brutal harsh. We always think of the 'could haves' 'if only' 'would have'. Death and a relationship ending are
almost on the same par of horrendous, pain wise. Losing a loved one to addiction is ...yeah, same scale because the relationship doesn't just end,
but the fear of death is there too. And that's horrific. I wish so much when people found the love of their life, it remained the love of their life.
Heartbreak is bogus. But then we look back on all our past relationships and realize why they didn't work out. There will be at least one that we
wish never ended, and in that we all are the same. But things happen for reasons.
Kind of rambling here so forgive me. Another aspect of RA is brain fog and kind of a 'durrrrrrrr' buzz to the mind. I'm doing my best.
yeah, I know how hard life can be. I know that all of us go through some kind of hell or the other as we go, year by year. But think about this: here
you sit reading this. You're still here. All the bad stuff which has happened, and you're still here, standing, feeling, being. That says a lot, ya
know? Grief is a sad unfortunate part of life, but we still keep going. I think it's because deep down we all know that better days do show up in
time; sooner, later, but they always show. And we do come out of the storm a little stronger for having gone through it.
Just goes without saying that we have one heck of a group of members in this thread. None of us are alone. Not in what we've gone through and not in
the support we have for each other right here. So never ever ever feel alone. We are just a 'send button' away. I'd make a heart symbol here but
I'm not sure ATS would post it. That 'less than' symbol seems to be iffy. SO I'm ''less-than three'ing' all of you, big time.