posted on Dec, 16 2014 @ 04:50 PM
a reply to: Hefficide
I have seen this thread several times and continued past. I guess today is the day to get involved. Thank you for this opportunity to share. I have
SAD. ATS has kind of turned into my winter hideout so to speak.
This time of the year is always the hardest. The stress, the lack of sunshine, the inability to get outside for any meaningful activity all starts to
catch up right around now. Christmas preparations have always kept things occupied and festive to combat some of it, but this year I just want to snap
at people at the smallest of things. We aren't even to solstice yet and there are only six hours of light right now. The sky brightens at around ten
and goes dark again around four. With this year's rain and lack of snow things have actually gotten darker than normal. Usually at least with the
snow we are building snowmen and going sledding. This year the ice fishing gear and the snowshoes are still buried in the shed.
Holidays are hard anyway after some major family losses in recent years, and this year is aggravated by our inability to participate in the social
festivities of the season. My son has been fighting some health issues and was put on a beyond strict diet until just after the new year, and it has
kept us at home even more than normal. That is saying quite a bit since I might leave my house once a week tops, I have stayed home for three weeks
straight before. I probably come across as a raving crazy lady here, but often I just need to vent. I don't want my kids to see me break down, my
oldest has witnessed it once, never again if I can avoid it.
I have come to a point in my life that I have given up on asking for help. I have reached out to friends, family and even counselors only to receive
silence as a response. I understand people get busy in life, but come on even a paid counselor can't call me back to make an initial appointment. I
guess I got lucky and my naturopath has helped a lot. It's amazing how much a mega dose of vitamin B6 can help lift you out of the funk a bit.
I feel guilty then as a result. I have a beautiful family. My young sons are smart and fun, and I love my husband dearly. He is patient and loving
beyond belief. I even have the ability to stay home with my kids, to raise them myself and teach them myself. We have grown close in amazing ways and
I'm so grateful to spend my time learning and bonding with my kids. They grow so fast. There is really no reason for life to hurt so badly, and yet
it reduces me to tears on an almost daily basis this year. I guess I will do what I do every year and remind my self of the unending golden days of
summer chaos, and remember too how I even long for the peace of winter during the most beautiful and hectic time of the year. If only I could cut the
seasons and shuffle them like a deck of cards to achieve more of an equilibrium. It's one of the downfalls of living by nature's seasons and not
John, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your loved ones. I have always enjoyed reading what you have to say, even before I joined. I
appreciate your outreach more than you know. It feels good to vent and not feel like a complete ass for it.