How to Let Go of Holding Grudges

I want to commend FlyersFan on her post and efforts.

My mother was a life-long grudge holders, Her new mother-in-law "made" her drive my fathers younger siblings to school when she didn't have a legal driver's license. My mother never drove again, to her pain and the pain of the rest of her family. My grandmother could have cared less but my mother chose to punish here for her 'error' by torturing every one else. That happened before I was born and I heard about the 'infraction' for her entire life.

I learned from the best, was modeled good grudge behavior and have struggled with learning a new way of being.

So kudos.

Holding on to a grudge, a resentment, going over and over it in your mind is:

1) delusional and
2) poor mental functioning

Delusional because we never hurt the person that offended us and because we really don't know what the 'other' intended. We tell ourselves stories about these 'wounds' and over the years they become more and more convoluted until no semblance of truth remains only our delusional ramblings.

Then there's the purely practical aspect. You can't change the past, you are wasting time and energy thinking and talking about things you have no control over. It's easy to put it behind, if you are willing to catch those thoughts, stop them and MOVE FORWARD in mind and deed. Take control of your thinking and be an asset to yourself and others.

Every now and again, I'll take a day or two, when things are particularly challenging to just wallow in every wrong done me and every slight. I don't do it nearly so often and you know the world looks a lot better. I even participate in ATS 'discussions' with people that are ******** (fill in your on self-righteously derogatory term). Because when it comes down to it, that's all you get from holding grudges, judging, hating - is a feeling of self-righteousness that is very fleeting and requires more and more of the same to keep it feeling good (an addiction, if you will).

Every time an old hurt comes up in your mind, stop and tell yourself ten things you are grateful for. Do it over and over.

You don't have to forgive - just move on and give yourself a break.

Hey, don't forget a bottle of rum, a potato gun and a sparkler........ solves everything.

My mom gave me good advise regarding grudges. She said "Success is the best revenge". Of course, she and I have serious contempt for my step mother.

Growing up, I was the last to eat, I got the least amount of food (sometimes none at all), hand-me-down everything, left out of everything, and subject to other types of abuse that need not be mentioned (if you can guess it, it probably happened). My older step-brother and younger step sister got everything and often participated in the physical abuse.

Around the time I was 12, I was able to articulate to my mom some of what was happening and *poof*, dad lost custody.

Fast forward to today, my step-mother has lost most everything and is practically destitute, my step-brother is an unemployed bum and my step-sister has basically become a breeder - pumping out kid after kid.

I own my own business that's doing well, I'm happy with my family and I feel no guilt. My grudge has evolved into a sort of smug satisfaction that my tormentors have fallen into bad circumstances.

Psychiatrists were able to help me turn the bad feelings into a drive to achieve, specifically to achieve the kinds of things my terrible experiences would've prevented me from doing. I never lost my grudge, I turned it into something positive. I still have it today.

Answering this with a good ' star giving' post requires one to be in a good mood. I am not right now.

I've tried all this touchy feely crap and I'm sorry but it's just stupid. Why bother, one person doing it just isn' t enough. I tried but got sick of feeling alone in this, oh I'm sure there are a few others in the world. Not met them. Doubt I will. Even those who talk this way are faking it. It's not genuine.

Put yourself in their shoes? Yes I have always done this. Don't do to others want you don't want done to yourself. That has been my motto to live by. It' simply is not recipreicated. I know nice people to talk to on the Internet and even friends and co workers, but I want it to be my loved ones! Let's be real here.

I've been very kindhearted, compassionate and generous, but I now see that doing this, just sets me up to be hurt when they # on me. I must have a toilet seat wrapped around my neck, come on sit down, now # on me.

Today I've been a toilet, everyone's had a #. People I helped, no strings attached except they offered strings, when they asked for help. Shouldn't one wait to be offered? How rude to ask!


Btw I'm not good with quotes so I use weird and vulgar analogies

To forgive is somewhat insulting yourself. It's like saying it was ok, when it was not ok.
Should you forgive someone who beat you horribly? No. Because it's not ok.

Forgive a total prick who left you laying on the floor for two days to die? Never! I hope you fall downstairs , 'cause I'm going to tie a string to a clock, dangle it over that flattened up face of yours, so you can watch 40 hours pass by. Then I might call 911. Tick tock . Tick tock

Forgive someone who just took you for thousands of dollars, then took a # on you? No.

Should I forgive a kid who knocks on my door and runs away? Sure. I did that. It's fun.
Forgive a kitten that peed on my bed? Sure. It's a kitten and I was an idiot thst put it's litterbox too far away for it's little legs to walk to.
Forgive those who harm animals for fun? No!

a reply to: stutteringp0et

Great revenge story Cinderella

a reply to: Stormdancer777

You are welcome my friend Stormdancer777

NAMASTE*******

S&F for the effort yet this is just like like all the other self help books out there that make you feel all good when you read them yet FAIL to explain in a clear way WHY the human mind does what it does.

Look at all the bat crap crazy stuff our species is continuing to justify on a daily basis!!!!

Of course it makes us feel all fluffy inside when we avoid, deny, distract and devalue the REALITY of the insanity when we feel we can forgive it.

Forgiveness is what the Catholic Church has been peddling for centuries, The International Corporation of Do as I say not as I do, while we keep making billions for our Men only club where ten percent pf us will molest and abuse your children.

Sorry, cannot forgive that. What kind of person would give up that grudge.

I understand the message yet your delivery is lacking facts and knowledge. In the absence of knowing why you words are fluffy feelings based on belief, feels good for awhile yet cannot be sustained and your subconscious mind is pnce again manipulating 95% of your waking life....

originally posted by: subtopia
I understand the message yet your delivery is lacking facts and knowledge.

Naaah ... it's backed up rather well with facts and knowledge.
Facts from a medical and psychological perspective.

The fact is, it hurts us more to hold onto a grudge than it hurts the person the grudge is against. It hurts us spiritually, emotionally and physically. The person the grudge is against feels none of that.

'Not holding a grudge' in no way means that you have to forget the lessons learned from the incident/s with the other person. Survival instincts mean that can't happen. And it's smart to learn from experiences.

What it means is that you no longer harm yourself over the incident/s and you move on in a healthy way.

1. Acknowledge the problem
2. Share your feelings.
3. Switch places.
4. Accept what is.
5. Don’t dwell on it.
6. Take the positive.
7. Let it go.
8. Forgive.

All I see is a list telling me to roll over. Maybe the person who wronged me, should have thought of the consequences before acting.
I do not forget.
I do not forgive.
All the feel good advice in the world will not change the fact that someone did me wrong. Where I grew up, you don't turn the other cheek. You put a boot up their ass and teach them not to do it again.

originally posted by: DAVID64
All the feel good advice in the world will not change the fact that someone did me wrong. Where I grew up, you don't turn the other cheek. You put a boot up their ass and teach them not to do it again.

Fine. No problem. And the 'don't hold a grudge' thing would come in after that.
They did their thing. You did your thing back. Now let it go.
Remember the lesson. Dont' trust the person in the future.
But don't ruminate and dwell on what happened.
That's the 'don't hold a grudge' part.

Sorry FlyersFan but psychology has screwed up way more people than it has helped, why, because it has yet to explain to the masses why they do what they do. How are you going to pay for that six year university debt if people where actually told why there minds think the way that they do.

Holding grudges like all things can be as beneficial as it can be counterproductive. Control by its nature is intolerant of giving up anything especially grudges, this is why our present culture, one based on the want and worship of control is so bat crap crazy when it comes to accepting the crazy reality it creates for itself, and why, because again we dont know WHY we do what we do.

if you dont trust someone how is that NOT holding a grudge????

originally posted by: subtopia
Sorry FlyersFan but psychology has screwed up way more people than it has helped,

My psychology degree says otherwise, but I'll not argue with you.
I'll respect your opinion on the matter.

if you dont trust someone how is that NOT holding a grudge???

Not trusting someone is a lesson learned. It's evolutionary survival skills. Holding a grudge is when you continually roll it over in your mind and you have a negative emotional response that effects you in a negative way.

originally posted by: subtopia
Forgiveness is what the Catholic Church has been peddling for centuries, The International Corporation of Do as I say not as I do, while we keep making billions for our Men only club where ten percent pf us will molest and abuse your children.

Sorry, cannot forgive that. What kind of person would give up that grudge.

1 does not think you are to IGNORE the ignorances observed subtopia. You acknowledge the fails KEEP FAITH that a balance shall occur and either use your direct energy to help adjust for the better these evol acts you mention or Pray to the LORD to help fix these issues. Then carry on consciously aware of the fails associated with the species and try your best again directly as a civilian of EA*RTH to help make things better or pray to the LORD to fix things.

In no way is 1 sharing releasing grudge energy = to forget. It just allows your mind to continue growing past the fails so that YOUR SOUL can gain as much integrity as possible for you to Rise...

Your use of the word 'response' rather than reaction is typical of psychology and its intent to avoid truth and knowledge of human behavior for the masses. Evolutionary behavior is a reaction, reasoning is a response.

Evolutionary survival skills reside in the subconscious mind which at any time can disengage the self conscious reasoning at ANY time in an attempt to protect it from loss, which is what a grudge basically is. For the self conscious mind to disengage a reactive fixation it needs to KNOW what the subconscious mind is trying to do,WHICH PSYCHOLOGY professionals FAIL TO EXPLAIN TO ITS PAYING PATIENTS, so they keep on having problems, so they KEEP PAYING.

a reply to: Ophiuchus 13
I dont have to keep FAITH that a balance will occur, it's scientific fact that control by its nature is unsustainable, my soul, I hope I have one, has been critically studying human behavior for quite some experiences now and it chose not to rise but have fun playing in the metaphorical mud with the rest of humanity, lucky me...

a reply to: subtopia

Very well, it is your will to behave / think as you wish, good luck...

a reply to: Ophiuchus 13
Thanks Ophiuchus, I like the symbol of your designator, did you know that if you applied the right type of electomagnatism in the right way within that symbol, you would create something very interesting...

originally posted by: DAVID64
I do not forgive.
All the feel good advice in the world will not change the fact that someone did me wrong.

No. It won't change the past. But you can let it go and stop suffering about it.

Consider the dialogue between two former prisoners of war:

“Have you forgiven your captors yet?”

“No, never!”

“Well, then, they still have you in prison, don’t they?”

The Art of Forgiveness

My position is that, as long as YOU carry resentment, anger and righteousness (obstinate "rightness") around with you, it does not punish the person who did you wrong, it punishes you. You carry the burden of the deed.

a reply to: subtopia

subtopia, you are welcome and thanks.

Are you speaking of double tetrahedron / MER KA BA and a field generated from its core & exterior points being energized w/ something?
Perhaps, but if there is more you could share 1 would be interested feel free to u2u me as to not derail the thread OP...

NAMASTE*******