It looks like you're using an Ad Blocker.

Please white-list or disable AboveTopSecret.com in your ad-blocking tool.

Thank you.

 

Some features of ATS will be disabled while you continue to use an ad-blocker.

 

How to Let Go of Holding Grudges

page: 7
68
<< 4  5  6    8  9 >>

log in

join
share:

posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 08:44 AM
link   
a reply to: Ophiuchus 13
its never as much fun when other people give you the answers, you could end up holding a grudge into your next lifetime...





posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 08:53 AM
link   
a reply to: subtopia

I understand may feel like an experience was missed and so allowed to learn



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 09:18 AM
link   
a reply to: violet





I've been very kindhearted, compassionate and generous, but I now see that doing this, just sets me up to be hurt



I know what you mean, it sets you up as a target, because they know you wont retaliate, but when I do finally lose it I feel guilty.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 09:25 AM
link   

originally posted by: subtopia
if you dont trust someone how is that NOT holding a grudge????


grudge
grəj/Submit
noun
1.
a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.

you know a person cant be trusted, but you dont rent mental space to them. you acknowledge their nature and move on without them.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 09:39 AM
link   

originally posted by: subtopia
Your use of the word 'response' rather than reaction is typical of psychology and its intent to avoid truth and knowledge of human behavior for the masses. Evolutionary behavior is a reaction, reasoning is a response.

Evolutionary survival skills reside in the subconscious mind which at any time can disengage the self conscious reasoning at ANY time in an attempt to protect it from loss, which is what a grudge basically is. For the self conscious mind to disengage a reactive fixation it needs to KNOW what the subconscious mind is trying to do,WHICH PSYCHOLOGY professionals FAIL TO EXPLAIN TO ITS PAYING PATIENTS, so they keep on having problems, so they KEEP PAYING.



And which, reaction or reason, do you want controling you?

If you react, you are just 'living' as an animal. Human beings have the ability to reason and rise above reacting.

Holding a grudge, seeking venence are animalistic reactions, not human ones.

Mostly, we react as animals, it takes effect, desire and conviction to rise above the herd and learn to be the master of your thinking and behavior. It starts with self-awareness and self-honestly and moves forward with conviction and practise.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 09:51 AM
link   
a reply to: TzarChasm

Sounds great TzarChasm if our reality actually was like that. Most of the time with most of the grudges people have they cannot move on, move away, escape, or avoid the person. Many of the grudges people have is with the person they see in the mirror everyday!

This is why the big pharma corporations through doctors prescriptions and psychologists make so much easy cash from preying on those in constant conflict with themselves.

Moving on and being in control are in direct conflict! Accepting loss which is a requirement of true forgiveness is in direct conflict with being in control.

The foundational of Psychology which the OP mentioned is BE IN CONTROL, so in fact to claim that letting go of a grudge is in FACT a contradictory statement in regards to the principles of psychology.

Moving on is easy to say, or type, yet how many people actually do it, and then sustain it?



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:00 AM
link   
a reply to: subtopia

why does your ability to move on have to rely on others ability to do the same?



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:02 AM
link   
a reply to: FyreByrd
Firstly humans ARE animals, it is as mach a reasonable response to hold a grudge as it is a justified reaction to protect the yourself from loss. Children instinctively hold grudges, does that make them animalistic? I've experienced the submission of battered women who are incapable of begrudging their abusive husbands, does that make them more human?

What controls me is my subconscious mind which is hard wired to protect me from loss in ways it has learned through direct experience or those it instinctively capable of instigating. I do not like or enjoy the way it can react to protect me from loss when it instigates itself in a way I am unable to self consciously disengage yet it has been effective or I wouldn't be here to respond.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:05 AM
link   
a reply to: TzarChasm
it doesn't, sorry if I wasn't clear.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:07 AM
link   

originally posted by: subtopia



Moving on is easy to say, or type, yet how many people actually do it, and then sustain it?









Not very damn many! I would think those that claim they're "moving on" is actually BS and more like repression of their true feelings. Thus the drugs, alcohol, and addictions to everything from food to ATS.

psychology.about.com...

There are many defense mechanism used to mask emotional pain.

My favorite is tequila, and a guitar tuned in open G. It works for a while.... "you can run, but you can't hide"...

the truth abides!
edit on 22-7-2014 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:12 AM
link   
a reply to: violet

So you mock my pain by calling me names? Nice! Do you call a rape victim a slut too?



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:15 AM
link   
a reply to: olaru12
Well said olaru12, no we cant run, yet we are getting pretty good at continuing to fighting, freezing and drinking, drugging or electroshocking our minds to try and forget.

May the light of reason continue to shine upon you...



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:25 AM
link   

originally posted by: subtopia


May the light of reason continue to shine upon you...


Thank you amigo! What many of us fail to realize....




At the end of the day, you are solely responsible for your success and your failure. And the sooner you realize that, you accept that, and integrate that into your work ethic, you will start being successful. As long as you blame others for the reason you aren't where you want to be, you will always be a failure.



Erin Cummings



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:27 AM
link   
a reply to: olaru12


Then again you can only be insulted, marginalized and categorized on the web so much, until you lose all respect, trust and appreciation of anything that member says.

oh yeah, "people like you"


Even worse is "you people"!!

ETA: And yes, I'm guilty of using "you lot" from time to time. My bad. Please forgive me. I get passionate.


edit on 7/22/2014 by BuzzyWigs because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 10:33 AM
link   

originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
a reply to: olaru12


Then again you can only be insulted, marginalized and categorized on the web so much, until you lose all respect, trust and appreciation of anything that member says.

oh yeah, "people like you"


Even worse is "you people"!!

ETA: And yes, I'm guilty of using "you lot" from time to time. My bad. Please forgive me. I get passionate.



Take comfort in knowing "you people" or "people like you" refers to those that use reason and logic in their threads and posts.

In contrast to the intellectually constipated, who let their ideology get in the way of their common sense....

edit on 22-7-2014 by olaru12 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 11:35 AM
link   
This is a really good paper on the subject of forgiveness.

The Power of Forgiveness



We are afraid that if we forgive someone for this cruel act, our suffering won’t be adequately heard.
...
Like garbage and flowers, anger and love - as well as suffering and happiness - have an organic nature. A good organic gardener doesn’t see the garbage as his enemy. He knows that he can use the garbage to make compost to enrich the soil, and the garbage can be transformed into flowers. He doesn’t have a dualistic viewpoint. That is why he is at peace with the flowers and at peace with the garbage. Without the garbage, he can’t have beautiful flowers and fresh vegetables.

Without understanding and compassion, which are the fruits of the practice of calming and deep looking, the endless cycle of resentment, anger, fear, despair and suffering will continue to turn; and we will continue to suffer, one generation after another.


I think it is relevant.
edit on 7/22/2014 by Benevolent Heretic because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 03:46 PM
link   
a reply to: stutteringp0et

what happens after they die? will you still have that burning need to prove to them that you're better?



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 04:08 PM
link   
a reply to: TzarChasm

I don't need to prove anything to them, I've been proving to myself that I didn't deserve any of what I got.

Karma is something I believe in more and more as I grow older. I try to be the best person I can, and I treat people as I want to be treated. Sometimes I wonder if they earned their current lives.

When they die? Who cares. I have an example to set for my children - a good example. I no longer care how I got here.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 04:09 PM
link   

originally posted by: stutteringp0et
a reply to: TzarChasm

I don't need to prove anything to them, I've been proving to myself that I didn't deserve any of what I got.

Karma is something I believe in more and more as I grow older. I try to be the best person I can, and I treat people as I want to be treated. Sometimes I wonder if they earned their current lives.

When they die? Who cares. I have an example to set for my children - a good example. I no longer care how I got here.


which means its not a grudge.



posted on Jul, 22 2014 @ 04:27 PM
link   

originally posted by: subtopia
a reply to: Ophiuchus 13
its never as much fun when other people give you the answers, you could end up holding a grudge into your next lifetime...


And that may be exactly what is meant to happen.



new topics

top topics



 
68
<< 4  5  6    8  9 >>

log in

join