With all the hate indoctrination and grudge holding going on in the world, a lot of people think that there is nothing they can do about the negative
world situation. But know what? There IS something we can do. We can clean up our own little corner of the planet. If everyone tried then the
world would become a better place. It wouldn't be perfect, but at the very least we wouldn't be sitting and grumbling but instead we'd be doing
This may not bring world peace but it may bring peace to our immediate lives. The more peace .. the better. And who knows .. maybe it all really is
interconnected on a metaphysical level and the little bit of peace you bring to your life just might change the energy level on the planet. Anyways
... easier said than done ... but lets give it a try. Clean up our corner of the world - starting with what is right in front of us. Grudges.
Psychology Central - 8 Tips to Stop Holding a Grudge
1. Acknowledge the problem
2. Share your feelings.
3. Switch places.
4. Accept what is.
5. Don’t dwell on it.
6. Take the positive.
7. Let it go.
Acknowledge the problem. You can't fix a problem without first acknowledging that it exists. Talk it out and calmly share your feelings. Also,
make sure to LISTEN to the other person who is sharing their feelings. Communication only works if both are honest and both are listening. And
(awesome advice) - switch places with the person. Take a walk in their life in your imagination. How would you be acting in the same situation with
the same issues going on? Try to see things from their point of view (obviously this step won't work if the grudge is against an abuser, that kind
of thing, but for others it does). Even if the other person can't work on the problem or refuses to engage in helping clear the bad energy, make
sure to do it for yourself. Holding a grudge is hard on you spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Instead of looking back at what has happened,
look forward. Try to find something positive and move with that. Even if you can't find the positive, let the bad go so it doesn't control any
aspect of your life. Forgive even if the person doesn't ask to be forgiven. If you aren't moving forward, then you are stagnant or moving
I would add a few healthy things to the list above.
Examine the situation. There are toxic people and toxic relationships that are unhealthy and that you may need to remove yourself from. Take a good
look and see if the grudge you are holding is because of an unjust situation. If your grudge comes from an unhealthy or unjust situation then remove
yourself from it as best you can. That's not 'holding a grudge' ... that's healthy evolutionary psychology telling you to take care of yourself.
After removal, forgive and move forward, but keep the lesson learned from what happened.
How to stop holding grudges
Quotes About Grudges
Huffington Post - Loosening Your Grip ON Those Grudges:
Learn How to Forgive and Move On
Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
“To be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.”
Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”
― Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith
There is a time for being angry and a time for putting it in the past and moving on. Some things are worthy of hate and anger. Some are in the
'unforgivable' category. But at the same time, we have to move forward from those bad things that have happened. Otherwise, those bad situations
and people will continue to hurt us. If we dwell on it, then the abuse doesn't stop.
Common Sense Psychology
How to Forgive the Unforgivable
The act of forgiveness is something everyone can learn, though it usually takes time. The first step is to be sure you have a full understanding of
what forgiveness means. The bare essence of forgiveness, says Dr. DiMaggio, is being willing to give up the resentment and the desire to punish, and
to give up the anger that you feel concerning a person or an act. It does not mean you have to condone what was done to you or that you need to
forget it happened. If you're holding on to the pain of a past event, such as not getting a job you wanted or even being abused, Dr. DiMaggio
says that you'll need to practice acceptance. While you can't change the past, you can decide to relegate the event to history by accepting that it
happened and releasing your resentment.
What's the payoff/cost? This may surprise you, but people get a payoff by hanging on to past hurts; unspoken "benefits" associated with their
continued resentment and anger. Probably the most common of these, he says, is the feeling of being right. Other reasons are that the "unforgivable"
act might have handed you a trump card in a relationship, making you feel more powerful and in control, or you might feel that because the other did
wrong, you are now off the hook for certain responsibilities. Finding the payoff factor often requires some in-depth soul-searching and honesty. Once
you've uncovered the reason to which you are holding, evaluate what you're getting out of it versus the emotional -- and physical -- price you're
paying. You'll probably see that the pain isn't worth whatever advantage you thought you were achieving.
So why am I posting this? Two reasons.
First ... this is one of my many shortcomings ... holding a grudge. I'm working on it. It's not easy. I'm old and stuck in my ways but I'm
trying, very hard, to 'let things go' more. That doesnt' mean I'm accepting the really bad stuff. It means that I'm accepting that everyone
makes mistakes, including myself, and I have to give others the same 'break' that I want them to give me.
Second ... I'm sharing what I think is good information and that may be helpful to some folks. I think it would be a good discussion for people and
perhaps some folks would be able to let go of grudges and/or share how they are able to do the same. I'm sure some folks will say it's better to
hang on to the grudge so as not to forget and so as not to allow oneself to be abused again. That's fine. I'd like to hear from those folks too.
This should be a balanced discussion with everyone's views welcome.