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How to Let Go of Holding Grudges

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posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 04:45 PM
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a reply to: olaru12

Most times I can take it, but does having a thinker skin make me callous and lose my sense of compassion?

I think so.

I would have liked to have participated in your topic.

Seriously, the way people treat each other on forums is not healthy, that has been proven .

It carries over into our personal lives and the way be behave.


edit on 043131p://bMonday2014 by Stormdancer777 because: (no reason given)




posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:02 PM
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originally posted by: Stormdancer777
a reply to: olaru12

Most times I can take it, but does having a thinker skin make me callous and lose my sense of compassion?

I think so.

I would have liked to have participated in your topic.

Seriously, the way people treat each other on forums is not healthy, that has been proven .

It carries over into our personal lives and the way be behave.



Yes is does if you let it. I used to take out my internet frustrations on the one person I truly love. Thankfully she was strong enough to call me on my BS and refuse to take it.

Passionate exchanges on the www. or anywhere can engender a dangerous mindset if we let it.
Often I get livid at some members even when I'm not personally involved in the thread. But reality rears it's ugly head and I ask myself..."shouldn't you turn off the computer and actually do something worthwhile" Like "water the garden" or pet the dogs.
edit on 21-7-2014 by olaru12 because: I love you Judith!!



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:06 PM
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a reply to: TzarChasm

No. It's just that there are some people who don't respond to genuine attempts/gestures to resolve the issue(s) in an adult/civil manner. They hands down, flat out refuse OR they just don't function on that level. Unfortunately receiving a swift kick to the hind quarters is how they learn.

I've had people deeply hurt me and afterwards, be willing to work on the how's, why's, etc. and work it out. I'm all for that and prefer that route.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:06 PM
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a reply to: olaru12



I used to be a complainer to the mods when I saw, what I thought was inappropriate insults



you need to keep the perception that trolls are just waiting to take a contrary opinion. They see a contest and a chance to prove their intellect, cleverness, imagined knowledge, manliness, ideology etc for some fantasy "prize" in the often silly debate.


I highly doubt though that is is what you complained about? There is a difference between having a differing opinion than expressing an opinion of the person posting. We have rules for a reason, thicker skins don't help anything when we all start personally abusing each other. I would prefer you keep complaining when it is right to do so it make the world a better place when people live by some rules of etiquette.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:17 PM
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a reply to: FlyersFan

Thank you for this thread, FlyersFan, it really touched my heart this morning and let some grace in. Now please get out of that bardo before you catch something antibiotics can't cure.




posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:36 PM
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a reply to: igor_ats



Talk to other ppl about you being wronged. It actually doesn't matter that they actually believe or agree with you.

Yes LOl they will call you a complainer and steer clear :-)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:39 PM
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a reply to: Char-Lee


This consumes you and there are no answers as more often than not the person will never even try to explain WHY they did what they did or said what they said.

More often than not, the person doesn't KNOW how to explain what they said or did. They themselves don't understand it, and they don't dwell on it, either.

I think it's a shame how few people are able to think, "Why did I say/do that?"
But the reality is - most don't give it a second thought.

IMHO.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:40 PM
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originally posted by: ~Lucidity
What does forgive really mean though?


I once heard that "forgiveness is giving up all hope of changing the past". It doesn't really have anything to do with the other person. It's something I do for myself.

For example, I was molested as a child by a trusted family member. As you can imagine, that experience impacted many things in my life. And I held onto the anger, fear, sadness and frustration that came from it. When I started realizing that hanging onto it was only hurting me, I decided to look into forgiveness and that's when I found the above quote. I realized that the reason I hung onto the negativity is that I wanted so badly for it not to have happened. In other words, I had hope of changing the past. Once I really "got" that I cannot change the past and was able to let go of that hope, I experienced forgiveness.

The man spent his life in prison (for molesting his daughter) and has been dead for years now, I'm sure. Forgiveness doesn't mean, "It's OK that you did that to me". It means, it happened and I cannot change it and I'm going to let go of the anger, fear, sadness and frustration that I carry around about it.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:45 PM
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Accept what is.


??????????


This is what we have done all along, and the NWO is now almost fully installed. Politicians ignoring us, because we accepted them screwing us. Presidents that ignore us and the politicians...because we never did anything and just "accepted what is". Police beating, tasering and shooting innocents more than ever, to the point of something that we're used to now.

Why? Because we just "accepted what is". Screw peace and tranquility. We have been promised this by the elites for generations now, and got nothing but war and homeland abuse. We have been promised tranquility and have gotten nothing but lies and political babble that is as loud as the bombs they drop on innocents in other countries. The time for accepting "what is", ...is over. America wants WHAT WAS!...and to get that we have to change "what is"....not just sit back and accept it.

Nice way to bury a suggestion like handing ourselves over to the NWO willingly, buried within a lot of hippie crap that never even worked for the hippies. War begets war......fire begets more fire, there is no peace on this earth that will extinguish the hate, contempt and disdain these elite psychopaths have for us just breathing the same air as them.

The most peaceful man on earth, Jesus could not even stop all of the war and abuse before they brought the war right to him alone. It is written, that it will take nothing less than and act of GOD himself to bring peace.
That said, sure....go ahead and sweep the corner of your life under a rug and hide behind ideas that don't and never did work. Just like an Ostrich who buries it's head in the earth....when an unstoppable lawn mower comes in your direction...it is still going to get you whether you see it or ignore it. The outcome will be the same unless you stand defiant in front of that machine and battle it back with either equal power....or outnumber it with more power.

Only power in numbers can stop these guys, Americans who are truly together...and not together by illusions such as media sharing, twitter, Facebook and all that other crap that they try to convince you is togetherness. That is not "together", that is an illusion, and that's why they push that crap on us so much. They want us to think that we are all united..but when you turn your device off, or get off of the Internet....how connected are you then? How many of those friends on Facebook will visit you?

So, I beseech everyone to either stand for something......or lie down and accept things "as it is". The first way may bring a better way for your children....the second way, will bring horrors to your children that we today can't even imagine, and we wil only be able to blame ourselves for.....""just accepting what is".....I ain't trying to hear that.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:48 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

I truly like that quote.

Thank you for that.

edit on 2014b38482148pm7_b by Obsidian_Butterfly because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 05:49 PM
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originally posted by: Stormdancer777
Most times I can take it, but does having a thinker skin make me callous and lose my sense of compassion?


I don't think so. I think being compassionate can actually help have a thicker skin. When someone says something that hurts me, I have a choice. I can feel bad and sorry for myself, thinking that they shouldn't have said that or they're just being mean, or I can think that they might be having a bad day or something I said set them off and they may not even be aware of it. I think compassion and think skin actually go hand in hand.



Seriously, the way people treat each other on forums is not healthy, that has been proven .

It carries over into our personal lives and the way be behave.


I agree 100%! When I've been getting into it with people on ATS for several days in a row, I notice that I have less patience with life in general. I carry an anger around with me. My husband notices, too. That's why I need to take regular breaks from the heavy stuff and either not log on at all or stick to the lighter topics.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 06:12 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

That's it BH.

The forgiveness part is letting go of it. It's for yourself, not for the other person.

The hardest thing I ever had to learn is emotions are internal. YOU make yourself feel. YOU hold onto the hurt and anger and negativity. The other person does not make you feel, nor do they suffer from your internal emotions.

I really struggled with this. I was an very overly sensitive kid. In today's world I probably would have been on the autism spectrum.

What I do is take people I am reacting to negatively back to when they were innocent babies. I see them as happy, laughing babies that have not yet been affected by this world.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 06:19 PM
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originally posted by: BuzzyWigs
a reply to: Char-Lee


This consumes you and there are no answers as more often than not the person will never even try to explain WHY they did what they did or said what they said.

More often than not, the person doesn't KNOW how to explain what they said or did. They themselves don't understand it, and they don't dwell on it, either.

I think it's a shame how few people are able to think, "Why did I say/do that?"
But the reality is - most don't give it a second thought.

IMHO.




I think your opinion is right spot on. If confronted by something they did or said they are just irritated at being confronted, they already put it behind them, as you suffer they have felt nothing.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 06:19 PM
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originally posted by: Benevolent Heretic
When I've been getting into it with people on ATS for several days in a row, I notice that I have less patience with life in general. I carry an anger around with me. My husband notices, too. That's why I need to take regular breaks from the heavy stuff and either not log on at all or stick to the lighter topics.


Oh yeah! Which is why I try to stay mostly in social opinion threads.

I read the others, it stimulates the brain ---- which I need cuz I'm kind of in an isolated living condition as far as adult topic interaction goes.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 06:22 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic



I realized that the reason I hung onto the negativity is that I wanted so badly for it not to have happened. In other words, I had hope of changing the past.


I guess the same can be said for hoping that you can change the person. Wanting so badly for them to have been what you had wanted and expected or believed them to be. Your post helped me alot.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 06:28 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic




When someone says something that hurts me, I have a choice. I can feel bad and sorry for myself, thinking that they shouldn't have said that or they're just being mean, or I can think that they might be having a bad day or something I said set them off and they may not even be aware of it.


Third choice, set them straight.

When people grow to thick a skin they no longer feel they often are harsh and careless of others because they are numb so deep themselves.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 07:06 PM
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a reply to: Benevolent Heretic

You can't change the past.

I take your point, though. It's a personal thing. It's something you do for you. I don't have that need or that emotional connection...in me, it just kind of severs. There are some that are just unforgivable to me and for those who perpetrate such suffer figurative death...to me. I remove them from mine and mine from them.

I don't believe in redemption or regret either. But I think we change things in our minds and excuse things and tell ourselves whatever we have to to make it through the day, in the end changing very little but in our own heads...either way.

Maybe there are just differences in what we call it.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 07:10 PM
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originally posted by: Char-Lee
a reply to: igor_ats



Talk to other ppl about you being wronged. It actually doesn't matter that they actually believe or agree with you.

Yes LOl they will call you a complainer and steer clear :-)


And better yet crazy... because most others can't process the
mere concept of evil in places they're brainwashed into trusting.
The whole Christian attitude of turning the other cheek is the
reason evil hasn't been pushed back into the pit... and rules you.

Axe to grind? Justifiable injuries? We're not talking moral sleights
here, but erosion of the quality of life beneath subsistence.
Some bullies have a novel way of pouring hot lead into a spare
jack boot-- and "moving on" with it on your neck.

"You can't get ahead while you're getting even." Dick Armey
I get burned now, I get even more creative than usual.
Signed by a corpse with a great memory. But dead's better than
here. I also expect all the stars and bars as from the psychiatric
community. Wrongdoers will repent before I consider forgiveness.
edit on 21-7-2014 by derfreebie because: (no reason given)



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 07:10 PM
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a reply to: TzarChasm

Naw. FlyersFan answered FlyerFan's question. Not mine. That's kind of my point.



posted on Jul, 21 2014 @ 07:29 PM
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a reply to: FlyersFan

S + F because of the intention involved in sharing this insight. I personally let go of grudges through forgiveness. Forgiving others is an act of self liberation. The essence of forgiveness or the embodiment of it is a self serving act. The intention (of seeking peace within via compassion) behind the act of forgiveness is for myself and not for the other person to begin with.

I find forgiving myself opposed to others a more difficult a task achieve.


edit on 21-7-2014 by Involutionist because: (no reason given)




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