Father's frustrated letter goes viral; highlights the generation gap

reply to post by Annee


Did you miss my edit? I did say sorry.
I saw "single family unit" and thought single parent family, i'm just so used to seeing single mothers getting bashed so I'm not disagreeing so much, it just depends on the family. Sorry for that.

After reading the entire article and from many of the posts I see here others did not which is typical I have to say I completely agree with the old man. Even some of his kids agree with him. It came off as harsh and that was his intent and it looks like it is having the desired result. Seriously the kids should be ashamed of themselves they need to grow up and take responsibility because they owe it to their kids now.

Their parents sacrificed so they could have a better chance at life than they did and by all means I say they afforded it to them but it certainly looks like they squandered it. The father gave them liberties and freedoms his parents did not afford him and he wonders if that is where he went wrong. Their parents seem to be more concerned about their grandchildren than the parents do.

Maybe some missed the fact that he was a submariner which yes it takes you away from your family and in that day and age it was a very important job but it also gave him time with his family when he was out of rotation. Before someone judges his job they should look it up and see what it entailed. My brother-in-law is out six months and back twelve I have no idea what it was then but I guarantee he spent time with his family. The article also stated he would have left the service if it wasn’t for his kids he wanted to be able to provide them with educations. One daughter it states has a marine biology degree yet works in a book store that sounds like lack of motivation. (period) The only calls they get from their kids are woe is me tails.

I do not see him being selfish telling his kids how they feel when there neighbors brag about their kids it isn’t like he is bad mouthing them to the neighbors. Think about this who leaked the letter to the press it wasn’t the parents. Sounds like a child was trying to embarrass their parents. I don’t care what the generational gap is the parents did right by their children and the father is being honest with them. Of course it offended their sensibilities but even some of their kids now agree with their father for doing it. But I guess all of us on ATS including myself know better than their own family.

I applaud these grandparents they said what needed to be said and it doesn’t seem they took any joy from doing it. It seems like a last ditch wakeup call and hope it wakes those brats up.

Originally posted by LEL01
reply to post by Annee

 

Did you miss my edit? I did say sorry.
I saw "single family unit" and thought single parent family, i'm just so used to seeing single mothers getting bashed so I'm not disagreeing so much, it just depends on the family. Sorry for that.

Saw it after I posted.

I just really think the average "perfect single family unit" - - - is disastrous to our societies development.

Everyone has to have their own space - - kids have their own TV - - they're so busy with activities - there is no family time.

reply to post by Annee

It was me, I picked it up wrong, I hope you can forgive me for that. It seems like we did the same thing about the fathers but in a different way. i do see what you're saying now, I'm glad we got that sorted out.

reply to post by theMediator


Indeed, and while on those 6 month submarine excursions, and then drunken port o calls, I wonder how much quality time he spent with the kids.

reply to post by Grimpachi


You don't even know what his children are really like to knock them down like that and take his side.
It frankly doesn't matter what they do with their lives. Come on they are not as bad off as he perceives them to be. Him being military does not excuse him. Who does he think he is? Wake up old man! You aren't that special. I'm talking to mr crewella not you.

The moral of this story is this father mr cruel is a very shallow man who cares more about what others think, than anything else, which happens to include his own children, and its sad he is this way. There's more important things in life to worry about than what your pay check or job title is. People don't really care after all.

That is all this is about; he cares what people think and it consumes him.

If he's so embarrassed of his children then that's his problem. I have no sympathy for him. There are people who feel blessed to have children and grandchildren. All he doesis whine they don't measure up.

Anyone agreeing with him is just as shallow.

A father knows his children better than any of us do.

As long as the children are living their lives the way THEY want to live them thats all that matters.
The old man seems to forget that his children are people and not his personal possessions.
The children have no obligation to live a life that dont want to live just to make the old man happy.

Originally posted by LEL01
reply to post by Annee

 

It was me, I picked it up wrong, I hope you can forgive me for that. It seems like we did the same thing about the fathers but in a different way. i do see what you're saying now, I'm glad we got that sorted out.

No prob.

Originally posted by jiggerj
reply to post by FailedProphet

 

Generational differences are real, and they matter.

Can't argue with that. Responsible parents usually means somewhat strict parents. Their kids grow up thinking that they wouldn't raise their kids that way. Then these free-spirited parents leave their kids frustrated because of a lack of firm guidelines, so they grow up to be responsible parents with firm rules. And so on and so on.

That is how I have experienced things. My grandmother was depression era, my mother was a flighty hippie who never grew up, then there is me. I am far more strict than my mother ever was was.

reply to post by PrplHrt


Generalizations and presuppositions are at the root of many errors. What you should have stated is that "a father should know his children better than any of us do."

Today it is dangerous to assume a stable family and one that the father really knows and understands his children, society is all messed up from lack of responsibility to selfishness and lack of future planing into the never ending rise in the cost of life, especially due to monetary depreciation derived by constant bad governance (I'm not attempting to make a point about fiat money, but that did not help especially in preventing debt for future generation), woe to anyone that has a child today as for the vast majority their future is truly bleak...

i think it's a disservice to want your kids to be one of the shrinking groups of "elites" that have created an environment with little to no opportunities and are in the process of cannibalizing themselves to extinction and leaving their mess to the rest of us.

reply to post by squizzy


How to put this. I have had a daughter who spent an entire hour on one math problem before she came to me and asked for help. I solved the problem only to be told I was wrong, she got the same answer herself and the teacher said it was wrong. I told her the teacher was wrong and her answer was that the teachers had told her not to listen to her parents. She did not even believe me when I showed her the answer in the back of the book! A teacher can not be wrong!

Another time my other daughter came home crying over an electronics test in eight grade. I looked at the test and her answers were correct, she had not failed. I went to the teacher only be to told that he had all of a year and a half of electronics in college before he saw my badge fall out. He asked me what I did for NASA. My answer was I was an electronic technician and had been for 30 years. He just took the test and made it an A. He did not even bother to ask what was wrong with HIS answers.

Another time my daughter came home from high school. She had a hundred on a very importent test used throughout her years in high school. My wife looked at it and then asked me to. She was correct My daughter had at best a 60 percent correct answer. There was a parents teacher conference in two days so I went there. When her English teacher, who had given her a hundred, said everyone could go unless they had questions I stayed. She called on me first before the parents had left. I gave her the chance to make me last but no she wanted me first. So I showed her the test and asked why my daughter was given a hundred. She said she had no time to grade tests, any answer was good enough. Enough parents heard her to come back in. She was fired.

I then went to the remedial math room where my daughter who had failed before by LISTENING to her teacher had to go. As we were waiting our turn I looked at the problem on the boards. It covered three boards and the answer was WRONG. My daughter begged me not to say anything but I did anyways. The teacher went to prove me wrong but proved herself wrong, erased the wrong answer, and then put up the correct one.

I can not blame my daughters for being brainwashed in the schools they are required to go to. Where they are told not to listen to their parents because we know nothing. I DO blame the idiot teachers who can not make up a test on their own, who can not solve problems on their own, and the society that dictates that they MUST be listened to.

What did he really sacrifice for his family?

He seemed to keep them a least at arms length. Now, he's worried about appearances and is not a happy camper.

People get married, have kids and get divorced. Sucks.

Family should be there in the good and bad times.

What he should be doing is writing a letter of gratitude to his wife for putting up with him being away for many moons at a time on a sub. Leaving her to try and be both mother and father to their kids. The letter makes it evident that he can be cranky. So maybe he should be grateful she didn't leave him because of his crankyness too.

But you know, I'm the mom of 5 children. See, I don't look at it as I am sacrificing. I look at it as being a parent. Kids should come first. They should be confident that they are loved. They screw up, we work on making it right. They learn from their screw ups and move on.

I believe it's a mistake sending a negative email to family members sometimes others as well instead of talking to them on the phone or in person. Many times, the thought or intent is not taken well and that is a failure of communication. The result someone wanted does not happen and/or creates bitterness. An angry email sent to the kids tells me the parent wasn't talking to his kids if he thinks an email is sufficient. If the desired result was to end communication with his kids and grandkids, results have been achieved. He can declare himself a success and tell others that he kicked his kids to the curbs because they weren't living up to his expectations.

As far as everyone dumping on the mother, well why didn't someone tell them to cut that out early on? Lack of communication in my opinion. If she had or has medical or heart stress problems, the kids could have been told not to stress their mother or they could be going to her funeral soon. I believe just telling someone that would have helped cut that out. Plus the mother needs to stop discussing stressful things if it is affecting her health.

In my opinion, it sounds like everything built up and then came out in a very negative email. Something similar happened in my family but not to the same level and it wasn't an email from a parent. Even now, I believe I have a couple of sisters who are not talking to each other. Of course a blow out in person can be just as bad. Everyone's different and my family covers multiple generations. People in their 60's, 70's or 80's can become disagreeable, sometimes senile at times and not even realize it. At a minimum, some people can be very hard to please. I believe sometimes that could be due to all the pain and irritation their age or medical condition is causing them and they don't want to talk about that.

reply to post by violet



Can you explain how you know so much more about them than I do? Are you friends with them is that how you know so much more than what was in the article? Don,t remember anyone making any excuses for him let alone that the military was made out to be an excuse.

Anyone agreeing with him is just as shallow.

Yah sure whatever.Oh wise one who knows all.


I have known people to have selective hearing before but seriously I think I have witnessed several people here demonstrate selective reading. Oh well sometimes people just want to see what they want to see, never mind the true meaning. After reading through the article again I still support him and his courage to do what he did. I see both sides and I understand why he did what he did. If you think he was simply writing a shallow nasty letter to be mean then you have missed the entire story and didn't finish reading the letter. It was far from shallow. It is quite a sad story indeed but not due to the letter or do to the parrents doing there best.Besides if you read the letter as he said-(it’s not as if any of the advice she strives to give you has ever been listened to with good grace- far less acted on.) It doesn’t sound like they ever gave a damn what they have said before so what’s the problem now. Did they finally wake up and pay attention. Its called tough love. Most just see it as old guy is mean.

Sure whatever floats your boat.

What I find most surprising is the lack of reading comprehension about this story. One poster even stated they side with the kids because he is closer to their age. Just wow.

I am always making the mistake of giving people to much credit and I grossly overestimated the people on here today.

Yeah, one of my daughters is a qualified radiologist, a qualified medical doctor, was invited to work at our one and only medical nuclear reactor, was invited to Canada to lecture on fractals but she threw it all away to be a mother of 2 kids. .................................... and I couldn't be more proud of her. (however her pathetic maternal grandfather is continually pushing for her to return to doctoring s that he can still look good in the eyes of his doctor friends ... by the way he was a council worker and is riding on her lab coat-tails)

My eldest boy got 3/4 of the way through a degree in environmental science and threw it away to work at sizzlers as a dish washer ............................................ and I couldn't be more proud of him

my other kids have similar stories and in every case ............................................... I couldn't be more proud of em

why?

Because they are fulfilling THEIR dreams and not mine. They are pleasant, polite, honest (despite having me as a father) and I'd die for any one of em.

If they aren't the be all and end all of society who gives a monkey's %%^$.

Maybe sometimes parents are trying to live their lives through their kids maybe there's more to this than meets the eye

I think what I find most surprising is the lack of responsibility this man shows?

I mean, I just tend to assume that all parents know- how your kids turn out mostly depends on what kind of parent you are/have been.

When they get to teenhood, and then adult, you see the fruit of your choices. That is very hard to face. Every time I felt disappointed with something one of my kids did, I look at our past and how I influenced this.
At first it is very painful to do so, but you soon recognize that no one is a perfect parent, and you are bound to make mistakes and not know what your choices shall entail- while you search to avoid some particular problem (usually one you had as a child) you cause a different kind of problem you couldn't foresee!

That's just life. That's how older people can help young parents- by offering their experience and advice, based on the mistakes they made!

One thing I am very proud of in my kids is that they are responsible though- not only in a material sense- so far each has become completely independant at 18, paying their own apartment and living expenses while going to university (despite our offers to pay for them!),
but when they make a mistake, they acknowledge it!
They analyze their own choices, take note of the mistake and learn from it- even if I am, on my side, looking for my responsibility in it....

What this suggests is that kids learn more from their parents than what they are consciously taught!
My kids probably do this (take responsibility for their actions and learn form them) because I do.

If this guys kids are making the same mistakes repeatedly, perhaps it is because no parent showed them through example how to acknowledge their mistakes and accept responsibility for them, hmmmmm???

I feel sorry for this guy and his kids. The easy answer for what is going on here, outside of his children's employment, is this guy doesn't seem to realize parents don't air their kids dirty laundry. That is his friends probably omit tons of family drama and highlight only the successes or exaggerate the successes. He's severely out of touch with reality. People divorce or would he rather them stay in bad relationships so he can say their attached? Time to take old yelled out back IMO. Poor kids.


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Sorry but our grand parents couldnt hack it today