Father's frustrated letter goes viral; highlights the generation gap

Whole heartedly agree with the guys sentiments. The only thing I don't agree with is that it's a problem caused by a generational gap. Even people my age or older seem to have gotten lazier and more demanding in terms of expecting other people to make their life easy. Almost daily I hear someone complain about how they hate their part-time, 6hr/week job because "oh it's just so stressful!" while I bust my bum pulling 10-12hr shifts, only getting paid for 7.5 and being happy that I've got a regular paycheck and a job that brings new challenges almost every day.

I think very few peoples lives are particularly easy. Everyone I know who has what would be classed as a "good" middle-income life is going through some pretty severe financial issues due to the rise of cost of living, they all have problems with their partner, they're all worried about job security, buying a home, raising kids, their ailing health etc. But they all wake up in the morning, put on a smile and make the most of their situation.

I'm pretty "weak" when it comes to handling stress, but my wife knows me as "the strong one" because at the end of the day the only person you can rely on to improve your situation is yourself. You've just gotta get off your bum, suck it up and get on with business. Make a commitment, stick to it, and realise that life can't always be smiles and laughter and carefree tripping through daffodils

It takes alot of bravery to stand up for what you believe in. We just have to make sure it is the righteos thing to do otherwise we will get a roast of our cause and be put to shame.

He is likely that kind of parent who would immediately disown his kids if, say, they would've "turned out" gay.

Shame on this dad, parents should give support, not emotionally whine in public because the kids didn't get super-high paying lawyer jobs or went into politics - which, VERY OBVIOUSLY, is his "understanding" what he means with "success".

I hardly doubt that it is fun for the kids to have "normal" jobs...let alone that it was "fun" for them when their marriages broke apart.

Thad dad..the more i look at it..is a retard.

So he sends his kids to a private school and then expects them to be bale to live in the real world?

Its his own fault.

"Is the dad a relic from an older time when good jobs were plentiful and raising a family was easier...?"

It wasn't easier back then. Is was just different.

Under-achieving, whinging, complaining, insecure, unable to commit to a marriage, etc etc have nothing to do with modern societies stress and everything to do with internal moral conflict and standards.

If it were modern societies fault, no one would be successful, happy and have a good marriage for example. But many do. The difference? Choice!

I agree 100% with his thoughts. But my kids are unlike his. The trouble is - he thought money and expensive education would produce goods kids. It's not education that produces good kids, it's the father and mother that do.

A slap across the face of his kids would do nothing. If they are 30-40 there is no hope for them and probably their children either. I can become a grandfather knowing my grandchildren will have a different set of standards and morals to those around them. Even before my kids started permanent work they excelled at every holiday job and were even asked to be permanent. Of course, they wanted to excel in their chosen fields so said no. We tell them what we think is right, why we think it's right and then give examples of those who do things different. If they can see the result of a different way of life, they can see the results of the path it leads. You're not supposed to let your children stumble through life and discover what is right and whats wrong, you're supposed to teach them.

I feel sad for this man, but it was his responsibility to teach his children, not anyone else.

i know i'll be bashed by most...oh well
this guy seems to be the closed minded type
truly it's hard to bear a completely open mind

he probably never made credit to anyone before him...helping him on his way...self made belief
like a business owner who proclaims such

well i for one know...it is a customer base that makes the business as well as alot of support to even get off the ground

the society he came from has no play...really
good lord myself i was born in 1962

by the late 70's i was in the system
times were easier ok...there was always a door of oppurtunity to be knocked on
companies and employers operated much different
the very effects of going off of gold/silver backed currency hadn't bore it's repercussions yet

in the working mans field we worked and noticed those who didn't start to appear in higher regard
turn-around specialist to expediters then lobbyist set up rewards to outsource or relocate in full
even technology engaged towards putting workers out of work

politics and markets were different...where would i start to include this evolution in progress being currency lost its place and lobbyst movement took hold...wall street blossomed right along with their politician friends

yes to me
this guy is way off

but most believe...drive n will still work the same as it ever did
but opportunistic openings are narrowing while population is expanding...a squeeze is on choking more then the undriven or willing ok

so yea
if success has always brushed your feet and you belittle the unfortunate
maybe a part of your success is not in perceptive for it lacks humility...pure-plain and simple
health of a society is best judged by it's bottom end
today that is that the focus of it's top

reply to post by ThePeopleParty


You mean the way he went to boarding school himself and kept a steady profession until putting all his kids through school himself. Yeah what’s wrong with him? What kind of father leads by example anyway?? That’s just crazy talk right.
I mean really what kind of parents expect their kids to make something of themselves or to actually try in life. Shouldn’t it be good enough they have degrees? Sure one has a degree in marine biology but maybe she is happy working at the local bookstore. Oh but wait she isn't happy from what the article says she is one of the kids that calls her mom pissing and mooning about how life is so hard and unfair.

Oh did you not read that part? Parents must need to coddle there kids nowadays from the cradle to the grave along with the grandkids it seems.

I agree it’s his own fault he should have never paid for their educations he should have kicked them to the street at 18 to find their own way or made them join the service to learn responsibility. Maybe they should have raised hell when they wanted to get married instead of just excepting there decisions,

Yup all the blame is on the parents those poor kids never had a silver spoon chance.

I swear I don’t think hardly any of you have even read the article.


Whoever said our grandparents wouldn’t be able to hack it in this day and age. Keep dreaming they were 10 times tougher than us.

Whoa.he is Articulate! I don't think he would be writing this without just cause,though,i am a parent myself.I sense sadness underneath the frustration.Good letter.I hope his kids realise they"re blessed to have a father that bothers to feel this much,to just simply Bother to write a letter such as this.If they have sense,they will see its not coming from a bad place,au contraire,this is coming from a very tired man who cares a lot.

I don't really think this man's frustration is due to the generation gap. I believe he is just extremely frustrated with his grown children heaping all of their woes upon their mother, who is probably a nervous wreck with worry for her children and especially her grandchildren!

I have been in the position of the mother in this case, with grown children calling every day with nothing but sobbing about all the woes in their lives, about how bad everything is going for them, never anything good to report. And they ask for your advice- but never take it to heart, repeating the same mistakes over and over. Because as a mother you worry about your children and grandchildren's well being you can't help but worry about all the drama they've spilled into your ear over and over again. Caring for your offspring is not something a mother can just switch off at will, and when bombarded with bad news over and over again it can and will start affecting you in all kinds of ways, from your mental state to your actual physical health.And trust me, what affects Mom eventually trickles down to Dad as well since he has to deal with Mom's emotional and physical state.

There have been times when it has just become too much, and my husband and I have had to call a family meeting to deal with it. We've had to tell our kids that as much as we enjoy having an open relationship with them that the constant barrage of woe and drama has become too much and that they need to find someone else to sob their woes to for awhile. We have told them that if they don't have anything good to say that maybe they should call someone else. When you are losing sleep (and sometimes hair) enough is enough and it's time for a break! It gets my husband just as riled up as the father that sent the e-mail when he sees me becoming increasingly upset as the kids dump more and more of their problems on me.

Sometimes parents just have to put their foot down and say "No more!' Sooner or later the kids have to grow up and instead of whining about their problems to mommy and daddy they need to grit their teeth and do something about them on their own. It's not an opinion due to the father in the articles age, my husband and I are in our 40s and our kids are in their 20s- and we sometimes feel the same frustration! The only difference being we would never belittle our children. We don't care about the "bragging rights" issue- that is superficial and selfish! We only want our kids to be healthy and happy, just not at the expense of our own health and happiness!

reply to post by FailedProphet


Because he didn't beat the kids doesn't give him a right to blame the kids. Spare the rod n spoil the child, so they turned out spoiled and now he wants to blame them, get real. He should blame himself. He obvious has no balls as he wasn't willing to beat them and now wants to whine about the results of his impotence to them and blame them for it. Besides there only in there 30's as if they're not allowed to make a mistake or two in life. He's a control freak.

He states that he "senses" that their mum feels the same way he does.
This comment is demonstrating quite clearly that a communication problem exists within this marriage. He doesn't even have enough respect for his wife to ask her what she thinks before he sends this atrocious letter.

Anyone else notice that he's not wearing his wedding band in the second photo of him and his daughter?
I could understand if he worked with electricity, but he was on a submarine.

His children moved from one "cock-up" to another?
He was in the military for goodness sakes! I wouldn't doubt if he had one or more children around that he doesn't know about.

Just a miserable old man who needs to make himself feel better before he dies.

This man is 67. He obviously lived his prime during the most successful era of the western world. When people could live on their wages. When only 1 parent had to work to support the family. This man is nuts. He doesn't realize that his children were dealt a different hand than he was. They aren't lazy. They are a product of their economy, just like he was.

Guaranteed that his kids would have done exactly as he did if they were braught up during the post war boom.


Posted Via ATS Mobile: m.abovetopsecret.com

I wonder which one of his spoiled whiney little brats decided to go public with this.

Call them generating cry. The self-absorber culture.

Seems like there are a lot of people on here just like his kids. At least some of his kids understand and agree with him which means they have better sense than many people on here.

This guy deservers a medal for putting up with their crap as long as he has. He has my full respect. If only other parents would be so brave.

The Father did what he thought was 'best' and gave them educational opportunities

that not many had then. (So go on shoot him for that) Wasn't there a somewhat

well known Prime Minister who not that long ago came into power with the phrase

Education, Education, Education??


It is obvious that the children could have used this 'opportunity' to a better advantage

but they didn't....their choice. Yes he was disappointed in them but it appears he left

them to get on with their choices....TILL their constant whinging and whining and airing

of their latest woes GOT to both him and his wife!!


He gave of his best to them (even if you disagree with him you cannot fault his motives)


And they in their wisdom turned their backs on the opportunities they had (which was

their own choice) So they need to stop whinging and get on with putting their own lives

in order ( after all at between 30/40 years old they are no longer children but fully fledged

adults )


The 'elderly' parents need some peace in which to enjoy their grand children in the twilight

of their lives


BEIN G A PARENT IS NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE... ONE CAN ONLY DO THEIR VERY BEST!

reply to post by FailedProphet


The father is a moron for posting his personal life about his children online for the whole world to see. His generation has just about blown it for everyone as most people of that age are in congress and are the people making everything worse. Generation gap my arse he joined the navy "which most people directly relate to cant make it in the real world so they need a job that forces them to follow all their rules"including how to think" Then when his generation mucks up the job of running the country and there are no jobs he blames it on his children lol what a total asre. his grandchildren are going to hate him for generation to come because they will be cleaning up his generations mess.

Father is a tool and I feel sorry for his children.

reply to post by FailedProphet

I only have one thing to say.

The apple don't fall far from the tree.

reply to post by randomname


That is what keeps this sic society going...

reply to post by r2d246

Spare the rod n spoil the child, so they turned out spoiled and now he wants to blame them, get real. He should blame himself. He obvious has no balls as he wasn't willing to beat them and now wants to whine about the results of his impotence to them and blame them for it.

Are you being sarcastic? Or are you promoting child beatings?

Just curious. Goes to "character".

If this man's adult kids are talking to their mom about their troubles, they are not talking to HIM about their troubles, and he is hearing their troubles THROUGH their mother. No doubt she is venting just as much as his dinner-party pals are exaggerating.

As a submariner he was gone for months at a time: absent father.
As a boarding-school student AND parent, he allowed others to instill their values into the kids: absent father.
Their mother is at least willing to listen to them, where he has effectively washed his hands of it: absent father.

Did he expect them, simply by "osmosis," to understand the whys and wherefores of his own "absenteeism" - if he did nothing but throw money at them and farm them out to others (his wife while he was at sea, the school where he sent them to "live") while he was away, how could he expect them to have internalized his own expectations and world-view?

Life IS very different now than it was in his generation. I was born in 1958. When it was time to start earning money, I babysat, and had a newspaper route. When I was legally old enough to be "hired" by an employer, all that it took was walking into a business that was still under construction and had a "Now Hiring" sign out front. You walk in, fill out an application, talk with the guy for a few minutes, and he said, "You're hired." If no new businesses were in town and hiring at the moment, you walked up and down the main business street, into storefronts and asked, "Are you looking for anyone to help out in the store?"

In those days, and in the 80s as well, hiring workers and finding a job was MUCH simpler, more personal, and straightforward.

"We need another person."
"My friend is looking."
"Send them in."

Next day, the friend had a job.

Now, a person is lucky just to have their cover letter scanned for keywords, let alone have their resume carefully considered! It all has to be "online" (except for the really small mom and pop shops). Parents of now-grown children need to realize HOW MUCH different life is than it was 25 or 35 years ago.

If adult children are alienated from their parents, it is because the parents are NOT supportive. Beating your children does NOT do any good at all.

This family sounds like a mess to me.

Originally posted by jiggerj
reply to post by FailedProphet

 

Hmmmm, aren't submarine commanders away at sea for months, even years, at a time? Even without a divorce couldn't he have been considered an absentee dad?

You hit the nail on the head. The headline should be, "Absentee father complains about how his neglected children turned out."

Originally posted by Cryptonomicon

Originally posted by jiggerj
reply to post by FailedProphet

 

Hmmmm, aren't submarine commanders away at sea for months, even years, at a time? Even without a divorce couldn't he have been considered an absentee dad?

You hit the nail on the head. The headline should be, "Absentee father complains about how his neglected children turned out."

How about mother doesn't support her husband's career - - and undermines his position as father.

I'm not saying either parent is right or wrong.

But - - men have mostly been the breadwinners of the family. Sometimes having to work away from home. In those cases it is up to the wife/mother to make it work.

Did/do the parents agree on how kids should be raised? Or is one parent strict and the other a pushover?

Was the mother a pushover the kids took advantage of? Was the father overbearing and controlling of her too?

Did she try to compensate - - swing in an opposite direction from a strict controlling husband/father?

This is not black and white. Some parents do make difficult situations work.