Felt up by a Homeless guy

I work in downtown Louisville. There is a large population of homeless. We have a smoking area in a park across the street from my office building. The homeless like to walk by and ask for cigarettes. Sometimes I give, sometimes I don't. How do I pick who to help and who not to help? I usually will help the older ones with shoes 5 sizes too big who act like they have a few screws loose. My reasoning is, they probably cannot find a job and no one will hire them because they have a few screws loose. My friends are constantly teasing me that I am going to end up on the back of a milk carton for my kindness. Well they might be right.

Yesterday while enjoying my break I was approached by a homeless man I have seen around for a couple of years. He normally sits on the corner with his pink guitar and plays music for cash. He asked me for a cigarette and I gave him one. He then lit it up and started talking. No harm in talking, right? WRONG.

He was asking about the company I work for, saying he heard there were layoffs coming. I told him I hadn't heard that. He then brushed some ash off of the left shoulder of my jacket. I didn't think anything of it until he kept brushing lower and lower until he flat out grabbed my breast.

I was mortified. He then just walked off. I stood there feeling violated, embarrassed and mad at myself for not beating the daylights out of him. I felt so angry that I let him just do that and walk away.

There is nice and there is stupid. I am stupid.

I felt upset the rest of the day. My friends laughed and teased me.

I feel like you have to be kind to people and that you can't be mean to someone simply because they are down on their luck.

I keep thinking maybe he didnt grab me on purpose maybe he was brushing ash off of my breast.

Why am I making excuses for him???

What would you have done? What should I have done? Why do I feel so bad about myself for this?

Thanks for listening.

You should have kicked him where it counts. On a serious note I am sorry that you had to experience that violation of personal space. I would try my best to forget about and just be more cautious in the future. I would not stop being nice to homeless people but be more aware.

reply to post by k21968


You are probably not the first, nor will be the last, to be a victim of his pervy behavior. Honestly, I'd report him for what he did. He sounds as if he has no respect for personal boundaries. You sound like a really nice person. You may be helping stop it from happening to a young child...you never know. Keep your good heart, just guard it better.

Des

Just one question did anytime during this encounter did you enjoy any of it?

Originally posted by Onewhoknowsjesus
Just one question did anytime during this encounter did you enjoy any of it?

What a creepy un-Jesus like thing to ask....

Des

reply to post by Onewhoknowsjesus



Please read my post and you will find your answer. God Bless.

Same sort of thing happened to one of my employees a few years back. She was giving the man food and he decided he wanted a little more than that. She didnt get hurt but she did get scared.

You have to remember alot of theese people are not just homeless they are mentaly unstable.

Iam glad you werent harmed besides the groping but then again some "regular guys" will try to do the same thing on the bus.

I guess no more smokes for him maybe he will learn. Be careful out there.

Some people have all the luck.

I usually have to pay Homeless people to feel me up. Or buy them booze.

reply to post by k21968


I think it`s a good thing that you are kind to other people, even homeless ones.

But in the actual state of things it`s probably dangerous to give them much attention, you never know who they really are.

Months ago one friend of mine was attacked by a homeless guy with a piece of glass, for no reason. uckily he knows some self defense technics and could immobilize the guy.

Just try to be more careful with those people, they can be dangerous.

Most tramps have lost their sense of acting civilized.
Please don't stop being nice to everyone, and please don't think every tramp is a nut job now.

tell them: sorry i left my pack upstairs/office
usualy the ones asking for smokes are just normal people
homeless people are always very kind when they ask and they say thank you at the end

give them a smoke but not to the random normal dudes
that probably are to cheap to take their own smoke out of their pocket

You should have, and still should call the police!
That is sexual assualt.

You owe it to every other woman in that area if not for yourself.

Since you did not confront him right then and there you will probably never know the real answer.

I kind of lean towards him not doing it on purpose based off the fact that he just walked way after he had done it like he had done nothing wrong.

Did he squeeze the boob or just brush it?

Did you have soot in that area?

Did he have an erection as he walked away?
Just kidding on this one...lol... sorry could not resist.

What a creepy un-Jesus like thing to ask....

Des




Agreed Des. I read that and fired off an angry reply then deleted and told him God Bless you. Sometimes I get pretty tired of being the bigger person. I am a kind person. But I get taken advantage of way too much. I am afraid one day I am going to snap and be a crazy angry bitter old lady. I try to treat people with respect and give them the benefit of a doubt. I figure in all honesty we are all a couple paydays away from being homeless. I was in shock more than anything. If it happened to my daughter I know the guy would still be feeling the pain from her. I, at least, raised my daughter to be better than I. No one has to take being violated. And I could never forgive myself if he hurt a child. I will report it to security at work and they can keep an eye out for him. My husband said I put myself in these situations and to a degree he is right. I just cannot find the balance between b%tch and nice.

Thank you for defending me. I appreciate that.

Originally posted by knowledgedesired
Since you did not confront him right then and there you will probably never know the real answer.

I kind of lean towards him not doing it on purpose based off the fact that he just walked way after he had done it like he had done nothing wrong.

Did he squeeze the boob or just brush it?

Did you have soot in that area?

Did he have an erection as he walked away?
Just kidding on this one...lol... sorry could not resist.

He definitely squeezed it and my friend that was with me was like "HEY BUDDY" and he took off walking. As for the last part...I am not even going to entertain that.

I had ashes all over me. I was smoking and the wind was blowing. I am the world's dirtiest smoker. I always have ash on my car, in my hair and on my clothes. I am still perfecting my technique. But he definitely let his hand linger and squeeze much longer than he needed to in order to brush off ashes.

Originally posted by Ben81
tell them: sorry i left my pack upstairs/office

usualy the ones asking for smokes are just normal people
homeless people are always very kind when they ask and they say thank you at the end

give them a smoke but not to the random normal dudes
that probably are to cheap to take their own smoke out of their pocket

edit on 11/9/2012 by Ben81 because: (no reason given)

This guy is definitely homeless. He lives under the bridge by the river. He has been living on the streets for the 2 years I have worked there. A lot of homeless come to the park and ask us for cigarettes. They go through the butt cans and pick out the cigarettes with tobacco left in them and smoke them. I saw a guy light a "used" cigarette up once and that is when I started giving them new ones from my pack. That is just wrong and disgusting. You could catch ANYTHING from a used cigarette...and it skeeves me out.

THe ones I do not give cigarettes to are the ones that are really young and look like they are strung out on drugs. When I see them coming I beat feet and get away from the area.

I used to have to walk 4 blocks to where my car was parked, sometimes late at night and alone. I was never afraid. They never bother me. I do worry now that I am in the parking garage. It is just plain creepy when yours is the only car in there and it is dark and quiet. If I am going to get mugged, it will happen in the parking garage.

I have mace on my keychain, but whether I have the cajones to ever use it, I guess time will tell. I always tell my friends at work if I get mugged I will throw my purse and keys at them and tell them they can have it. I am that big of a wimp. I have nothing in there that cannot be replaced or that is worth dying for.

reply to post by k21968


Based on your response I think you should of done what was already receommended...

Kick him square in the junk.

Violating another person is never OK.

I have been the babysitter of many of drunk ladies in my day and would never let someone do something in front of me to a person that is not capable of giving consent.

On the flip side let me share with you some more information.

I am an attractive male that works out 7 days a week so I am very fit. I would honestly say that 25% if the time or more when I go out some lady wants to either rub my shaved head, grabs my butt, rubs her boobies on me purposely or makes a lewd commit. I have learned to take it with a grain of salt and tell them nicely to knock it off. I have never had them grab my junk and since I don't have breasts I don't know how I would feel in your position. My point is ladies are just as guilty but society thinks it is less wrong when done by a lady...

My two cents.

reply to post by k21968


Based on your response I think you should of done what was already receommended...

Kick him square in the junk.

Violating another person is never OK.

I have been the babysitter of many of drunk ladies in my day and would never let someone do something in front of me to a person that is not capable of giving consent.

On the flip side let me share with you some more information.

I am an attractive male that works out 7 days a week so I am very fit. I would honestly say that 25% if the time or more when I go out some lady wants to either rub my shaved head, grabs my butt, rubs her boobies on me purposely or makes a lewd commit. I have learned to take it with a grain of salt and tell them nicely to knock it off. I have never had them grab my junk and since I don't have breasts I don't know how I would feel in your position. My point is ladies are just as guilty but society thinks it is less wrong when done by a lady...

My two cents.

reply to post by k21968


To me what happened to you is a (red flag) moment. Learn from it and move on. I think he knew exactly what he was doing; and he has his (cop a feel) technique down to a system. He did it on purpose.

Suggestions: find another place to smoke..and quit handing out free smokes. Take some self-defense classes.

Many people that are homeless are hardened criminals and are hiding within the homeless community. You and your habits are most likely being watched and remembered.

Originally posted by hououinkyouma
reply to post by k21968

 

But in the actual state of things it`s probably dangerous to give them much attention, you never know who they really are.

Months ago one friend of mine was attacked by a homeless guy with a piece of glass, for no reason. uckily he knows some self defense technics and could immobilize the guy.

You are absolutely correct. My husband said the same thing. My husband is always telling me they are homeless for a reason and it is probably not a good reason. He told me that a lot of pedophiles and sexual offenders go off the grid by being homeless. Scary thought.

I need to prepare mentally since there are so many homeless by my office. I need to have a plan so that if I am ever attacked I will have a course of action in my head rehearsed so I can overcome the shock and react. I just dont know how to do it.