Felt up by a Homeless guy

I had a similar experience when I was 15. I am male, my friend and I were entering the Public Library (I grew up in the 80s =) no Internets or cell phones, but good times) when this guy walked right up to me and asked me "Can I touch your leg?". WTF I was just floored. I couldn't believe this, I just couldn't fathom some guy wanting to touch me. I don't even remember what I said or did, but at least I didn't get "touched". I was embarrassed but I reported it to the library and they called the police, too late the dude had split.

It was very, very uncomfortable, and I felt like I was the one who caused it to happen. Makes no sense at all, but just sayin' I can relate.

Originally posted by darkhorserider
reply to post by MidnightSunshine

 

As long as you know where they are, and what they are doing, you can keep your distance, but as soon as they approach you, you are in danger.

Yep.

You can disarm them by being the first to ask for a smoke or a dollar. Fun stuff.

Seriously though, I'd like to add to this sentiment.

It seems wise to distinguish a "bum" from the "homeless", by trying to determine which one needs help and which one is looking for a free ride. They are better at that game than we are. Though the one talking to a light pole probably has larger concerns than what is in your pocket.

Others have advised that most are criminal, insane, or both. True enough, though it doesn't stop some folks from feeling some degree of compassion and compelled to lend aid, even if in a cursory form. People do this just to make themselves feel better.

The key here is in the "approach". That's just it. If you want to help then go help. There are better ways, like volunteer work. You make the approach. Not them. Careful though... as it has also been said, they watch and learn people and habits. So lightning never strikes twice. Never help the same homeless person twice unless you are ladling out hot soup at the local mission, or something of the like.

Make it a surprise. They love that.

If you must... Go for the one that isn't asking. Just drop off some change or a smoke on your way out of a store. Say nothing, or simply "here you go man" or "looks like you could use this", and keep walking. If they thank you, just wave goodbye. It might get him jumped by the other bums, but you will have handled it on your terms.

Eye contact... that's an iffy one. If you are giving them a handout then you have already acknowledged their existence as a fellow human being. So then it only stands to reason that you would have them meet your gaze.

When they approach you... that is a horse of a different stripe... most of them are probably dangerous. Destitution and desperation are ugly bedfellows. If possible just ignore them. If something must be said then make it sound like a warning.

They target areas where people are likely to be easy marks. From the OP, it sounds like this guy knew when and where to be for a free smoke. (...and possibly some 2nd base action) In this case you will probably need to be aggressive. You and your coworkers will need to make it known that the area is no longer easy pickings.

reply to post by k21968


What you really need to do is file a police report. That way it won't happen to anyone else, or worse. Now the bottomfeeder is gonna assume that he can get away with it. Isn't it gonna creep you out when you see this person again? That way, the police will know about him before the next time it happens.

Do this, Find a cat turd and dry it out in the sun. Make sure you wear rubber gloves. Then, crush it up inside a plastic bag. Next, dig out the tobacco from the cigarette while being careful not to tear the paper. Add the tobacco to the bag. proceed to mix the tobacco and cat poop together by crushing it with a rock or the bottom of a glass. Then stuff the mixture back into the cigarette.

Finally, You or a friend give the creep that cigarette. Once he's done smoking it, walk by and ask him how that Cat # tasted? The look on his face alone would be enough for me to go through all that. Atleast he won't be bumming anymore smokes off you. ~$heopleNation

I think a lot of people are over-reacting, but at the same time I can understand the advice to file a police report.
I just look at the incident like 'Oh well, that's life in the city.' My neighbor is a big, muscular construction worker who had a similar (and arguably worse!) experience. He was working on a sewer project with his crew. They were in an area where homeless people are constantly coming, going and loitering. There was a homeless guy who hung around
bumming cigs and spare change (much like your assailant). My neighbor was bending over, lowering some pipes down into the hole where the other guys were working, and the homeless dude came up behind him and groped the hell out of his crotch. I told my neighbor I was shocked that he didn't just flat-out beat the guy to death on the spot.

He said "I figured the guy has mental problems. He has more than enough problems without me putting him in the hospital." He did warn the guy that he'd severely 'F' him up him if he comes near again.
Of course his co-workers taunt my neighbor now with quips like "Where's your boyfriend?" Just like 3rd graders.

just coming from a reaaaaaaly far perspective here...but have you considered the remote possibility that you have just been cured of something you did not know you had...
this world does(!) work in very mysterious ways ...

oh and think of that movie 'the green mile' that scene where the big dude grabs tom hanks by the cohones... and cures his downstairs problem...

i am not saying that what happened to you is a good thing...but is it really a reaaaaaally bad thing?
especially considering the mental state of the person...he didn't stab you or steal your money and cigarettes or other random weird thing...
i think only you can be the judge of this.

but is it really helping by asking others what to feel about it ?
if you do ... my advice would be: let it slip for this one time...but next time avoid if same situation...etc
and don't torture yourself over this

reply to post by Fr3bzY


Cured of a disease I did not know I had? Like a miracle from Jesus posing as a homeless man to perform a discreet miracle upon me? No,I never considered that.

reply to post by k21968


yeah (i updated post btw) added little more to clarify what i mean

maybe a weird perspective...but yeah thats what i mean...you never know right?....

First off, Its not funny your friends wouldnt be laughing if it happened to them. and if you see him again and he comes close to you , you should punch him in the mouth. no one has the right to touch you, he shouldnt have even brushed the ash off of your coat ....or shove that pink gituar where the sun dont shine so he can sing the blues for a reason.....

Originally posted by Destinyone

Originally posted by Onewhoknowsjesus
Just one question did anytime during this encounter did you enjoy any of it?

What a creepy un-Jesus like thing to ask....

Des

edit on 9-11-2012 by Destinyone because: (no reason given)

The fact that he got so many stars for that comment I find really disturbing as well. Wth ATS.

Anyways, to the OP; that is horrible, don't let it get to you too much, you did nothing wrong. As someone else has mentioned, i don't think it means you should be less kind but rather just more aware of your personal space and boundary in the future. It's sad to me how kind and trusting types of people seem to get taken advantage of a lot. In your case, that's a invasive violation of your space, not cool and hope your doing alright.

Peace. ~

-ETA a little story-

I remember partying with some girls one time that i just met and we were posing for a picture, and i had my arm around this cute little blonde girl. I was sort of drunk at the time, and wasn't paying enough attention, and she was suddenly like 'Hey!" and grabbed my hand which to my shock and embarrassment i saw was cupping her breast. Man, I have probably not been much more apologetic than that in my life.

Anyways, not in any way to suggest this guy's cop a feel was accidental, just was reminded of that story. Watch the hands guys. In your case OP, way out of line.

reply to post by SlackOps

Originally posted by darkhorserider
reply to post by MidnightSunshine

 

I find it amusing how terrified so many of you are of homeless people. Okay, maybe I'd be scared If I were carrying a bag of cheese burgers and a case of beer through downtown Pittsburgh, at midnight...but...even then....I think the homeless would be the least of my worries

Seriously dude? They are the most dangerous thing allowed to roam in our cities. Worse than gray wolves, or hyenas!

A homeless guy followed a man into a fast food restroom here in Tallahassee and stabbed him to death at the urinal. A homeless guy took a teen girl from a Greyhoud bus stop in my hometown, and they found her raped and strangled under a bridge near the homeless camp. A homeless guy stole my Mom's purse, and then ended up killing our dog, and when police arrested him, they found out he had previously murdered his wife, and he was in possession of childrens underwear and a dozen other women's purses!

Treat the homeless the same way you would treat a rabid raccoon, or a coyote walking your neighborhood. As long as you know where they are, and what they are doing, you can keep your distance, but as soon as they approach you, you are in danger.

That's bull. The majority of crime concerning the homeless is inflicted on them, not by them.

Most violent crimes reported to be committed by the homeless, were against the homeless.

reply to post by k21968


Why are you giving toxic, carcinogenic, mutagenic and highly addictive drug delivering devices and product to homeless people in the first place? And why are you also polluting our atmosphere thusly as well for your own self-satisfaction? Everybody breaths this air, including babies, children and old folk with respiratory problems. No, I don't have any sympathy for nicotine addicts, sorry -- just like a lot of people here and in society in general don't have any sympathy for recreational illicit drug users. Also I don't recommend succumbing to homeless people's supplications in general if you don't want them to bother you further; it's like feeding a stray cat.

As a bonus tip, I learned recently a good tactic to use with people who accost you on the street: often they will start their spiel with, "how are you doing?" Tell them "not too well", "terrible" or "very bad", said in a unhappy/unfriendly manner. This will usually throw them off their game and while they are still recovering from it, walk on. Try it -- it works.

With respect to the touching/assault issue, maybe he was even trying to pickpocket you; in any case, it was clearly anti-social behavior. Calling the police about it is certainly within your rights, but I doubt it will accomplish much, and it might just cause undue grief from the cops for other homeless people in the area. It's kinda like dealing with wild animals: it's just better to stay away from them; encouraging them to approach you usually ends up with heartache or tears for one or both parties involved. In my city, there was a recent case of a well-meaning women who invited some homeless guy she met while working at a homeless shelter to stay at her apartment. She showed him some hospitality and he killed her.


Don't know what the police could legally anyway even if you were able to point him out to an officer, unless there was a video recording of it or there were other witnesses, as you have no way of proving it. To my mind there was too much outrage by other posters over this. Yes, groping is bad and illegal, but this was a very low-level assault in the larger scheme of things. Chalk it up to experience, learn from it and move on.

Well thats a sensitive issue that.

The guy is likely screw loose and horny which is half or better of the human population and yet most of us know damned well you do not do that type of thing to a person man or woman.

I was in a casino one time years back and the male attendant put his hand on my leg and I had heard he was gay and yet I let him do it knowing that no positive response or negative would give the right message.

He gave up after that i forgot to mention hehe.

Either way anger can and should enter in for overly agressive types.

reply to post by tekeen


""""Either way anger can and should enter in for overly aggressive types"""

I agree with that. I think the OP homeless guy was out of line for sure, I'd of been pissed too. But only for that moment, because I would of handled it.

I'm a server in a bar, so I'm not unaccustomed to people overstepping physical boundaries and have learned how to handel people. The guy was probably drunk.

A pain in the ass yes. An actual threat most likely/hopefully not.

To the OP, I;m sorry i don;t remember your name :

So what are you gonna do? I wouldn't recommend calling the cops, but wouldn't blame ya if you did. Are you going to do what some people here suggested and smoke else where? And if you don't/can't, do you think he will be around again, and if so what will you do? You gonna give him a 'blow you up cigarette, or a cat poop one

I;ve spent plenty of time downtown sitting next to bums at bus stops to know that the great majority are not a threat. They are the victims. (when i say ;victims' Im referring to the lifetime dirty, smelly, buggy pushing bums ...NOT...the healthy hobos who are and mostly scammers) Dangerous...Naa.......Crazy, smelly, annoying, hilarious, YES.

reply to post by MidnightSunshine

That's bull. The majority of crime concerning the homeless is inflicted on them, not by them.

Most violent crimes reported to be committed by the homeless, were against the homeless.

Yes, but it is inflicted by other homeless people, they are just never arrested or charged.

I was in Walmart one night when a homeless guy came in bloody and naked, because 3 other homeless guys beat him up and stole his clothes. The Walmart folks were nice enough to get him some pajamas and help him clean up while they waited on the police. The police wrote a report and left. They never even attempted to walk into the woods behind the Walmart and see who was wearing his clothes. They had no interest in making an arrest. So it went down as a crime against a homeless person with an unknown perpetrator, but everyone who shops at that walmart knows exactly who the perpetrators were.

They are dangerous. We are not a danger to them, they are a danger to us.

If they are mentally ill, they deserve help, and they should be getting it, but they are still dangerous.

If they are normal people that hit a run of bad luck, they deserve help, and they should be getting it, but they are still desperate and dangerous.

If they are criminals, alcoholics, and drug addicts, they don't even deserve help, they are dangerous, and they need euthanized just like stray dogs, or any other dangerous animal lurking in our alleys.

reply to post by k21968


I work in Louisville, and used to work downtime in the Kaufman Straus building. The bums can be just horrible in the area. I would seriously consider taking a Concealed Carry Weapons class, getting your carry permit and keeping a small gun in your purse. Not everyone is comfortable with the thought of carrying a weapon. If not consider upgrading your pepper spray to a can of Bear Spray to keep in your purse. Some brands of Bear Spray have a range of 30 feet. Just my two cents.

reply to post by darkhorserider


*****criminals, alcoholics, and drug addicts, they don't even deserve help, they are dangerous, and they need euthanized just like stray dogs, or any other dangerous animal lurking in our alleys.******

Dude you just described half of ATS and half of the world for that matter..


Don't believe the hype.


K2189...If you still feel uncomfortable and feel like this bum will be bothering you again....have your phone ready just in case so you can get a pic to show your police officers so they know who they are looking for.

Originally posted by MidnightSunshine
reply to post by darkhorserider

 

*****criminals, alcoholics, and drug addicts, they don't even deserve help, they are dangerous, and they need euthanized just like stray dogs, or any other dangerous animal lurking in our alleys.******

Dude you just described half of ATS and half of the world for that matter..


Don't believe the hype.

Not those people in general, that are also living a productive life. Hell, I'm probably 2 out of those 3 from time to time. Only the perpetually homeless version of those people. I know it is harsh, but if someone is not contributing anything to the society, and they have no loved ones, no friends, no family, and they are a burden on everyone else, and dangerous on top of that, then instead of enabling them, we need to be eliminating them.

I'm all for job training and mental health counselling, but once it becomes a perpetual problem and nothing works, and they are beyond repair, then they have to go. We can't allow them to hang around and hang around until they do something terrible to a contributing member of society.

reply to post by darkhorserider


EH making sliiiightly more sense, but still....With that logic, I'd say the outrageous numbers of drug dealers in this country are FAR more dangerous to society at large and would be money better spent with your hypothetical 'save the world from the useless dangerous people euthanasia program'

Who do you think would be safer to have standing next to you downtown, a bum or a G??? I chose the former...

keep filling the bird feeder and the birds will keep comming back.

reply to post by MidnightSunshine

Who do you think would be safer to have standing next to you downtown, a bum or a G??? I chose the former...

The bum is unpredictable and irrational. I'd be more scared of him than the gangsta, as long as I wasn't attempting to do business with him, or steal his business, or wearing the wrong colors, LOL! At least there are some known risk factors with the G, but the bum is completely a crapshoot!