Originally posted by leira7
Hello ATS,
I need some real advice. This is very personal, and I really would like to hear some honest opinions and sincere posts. I'm very sensitive, and this
is a very touchy subject, so please refrain from making unnecessarily rude comments.
thankyou 
I will attempt to give you some sage advice. You do not know me, so here is my credentials for your consideration. I was married to the same woman for
29 years. she abused me through most of these, both mentally, and physically, she hurt me more than one by shoving me from the bed while my back was
sill broken, and she attempted to poison me twice. Everything she did, I was doing, and that included running around with other men and doing the wild
thing. I have been with my current wife for 6 years, she came from an abusive home too, her ex even tried to kill her, and her two boys. She is 31,
young enough to be my daughter. I have studied psychology for years, especially relationships issues.
Ok, so, I've been in what I'd call a pseudo-relationship. I don't even know how to begin to explain it, but here goes...
My significant other and I have known each other in face-to-face time for like 1/2 a year. We are in a long distance relationship (not going to get
into details), that is primarily internet-based. This is a kind of 'new' relationship, that officially bloomed early this year, though, we've known
of one another for 5 years. All of our communication is online, and he NEVER talks to me directly. We just kinda play W.O.W all the time, and speak
through our Characters to each other.
So you are saying you do not really know this man at all, right? Dear, one cannot really fall in love with words on a webpage, and I found that sad
fact out the hard way. The girl took me for $400.
Problems
The reason why I call this an 'abusive' relationship, is for a few reasons (explanations below):
(1) The Way he talks to me.
(2) My lack of privacy.
(3) The Fact that nobody knows I'm his girlfriend.
These are certain signs of a control freak at work. If he talks down to you, that means he sees himself as being over you in every way. If he follows
you around, won't let you be alone, (all women need to be alone sometimes) follows you to the bathroom, friend's house, shows up at your work, he
doesn't trust you now, and never will trust you. He doesn't tell his friends you are his girlfriend because either he is ashamed of you, or you are
just a "quicky" to be discarded as soon as he is finished with you.
1. He talks down to me - on many occasions, he's outright told me that I was "Worthless" "Stupid" called me names like "Cheese face" alluded to
me being a "sociopath" and often accused me of cheating on him. Whenever he gives advice, it's all wrong, and by wrong, I mean, it's insensitive.
Instead of helping me to grow as a person, he uses tasteless comments to sort of 'steer' me into the direction HE believes is best. Sometimes, he
makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, but, most of the time, he puts so much pressure on me, to be and look a certain way, that it puts me into
a complete depression. He'll talk about how good he thinks other women look, but he never tells me I am beautiful.
Dear, your own words tell me you already know what's going on here. He looks down on you, and he should not, I mean, we all came to be through the
waters and vagina of Woman, and women are not to be looked down on, or talked down on.
He is playing you, pushing buttons to see how far he can take it with you. Give him enough rope here, he will own you.
2. Lack of Privacy - As stated, our relationship is completely online, we never see one another outside of our computer screens. Since we are
on WOW like all the time, we know where one another is, and we do exchange images. I know of at least one incident, where I discovered that he had
shared some very private pictures with some of his other online friends. They were talking about it, making cruel comments, and it honestly made me
want to vanish off the face of the planet, because I had shared something that I considered special, with him (because I believed I was giving the
picture to him) only to be tricked into giving it to one of his friends, and he knew about it, he was the one who set it up. Never had I been so
embarrassed before in my entire life, and this is something I had to get counseling for, and I still have not been able to get over it.
Again, he is not about being with you, he only wants what you have, be it money, home, or even a hot body, and he will consume you if you let him.
What you are talking about is invasion of privacy, and mental distress.
If you're still reading this, then you probably do agree with him, that I am a stupid woman for ever putting up with his sh#. I think it is
safe to call this an abusive relationship, because it has put me in the hospital/psychward 3 times (yeah, 3) and I've lost almost all of my savings
just trying to pay off the medical bills from it. I have lost all of my friends (except 2) and I have become a bitter woman. I know it is not a
healthy relationship, but I have had many undeniably spiritual things happen to me, that have truly convinced me that I am suppose to be with him (if
you wish to know about them, U2U me). Whenever I have been around him, in person, I feel a connection, I always have, it truly was love at first
sight, but I wasn't looking at his body or outside appearances, it was what I saw inside of him that first attracted me. I believe he is my soulmate,
but, this relationship is killing me in every single way.
First off, he, no man is your Soul Mate. That is a misused word. Your true Soul Mate is the male half of yourself. He is in another dimension, and
when you are there, he will be here. Please don't let yourself become bitter. Men are fickle characters and we love women. We will tell them anything
whatsoever just to get into their panties. We will cheat on them, lie to their faces, hit and abuse them, and I have to blame all this on Religion
making God a MAN, and making Woman Evil. You can U2 me and tell me what happened to you if you like, again I will do my best to help. You are not
"his," that is, you do not belong to any man. You do not "need a man" to get by either. My advice to you is this, gather up your pants, and your
Inner Power, the Power of the Goddess Athena, and tell him where to get off, before he really hurts you. I wish you luck. Autowrench
