"Classic Quotes" Burial Ground, page 12

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reply posted on 29-6-2009 @ 02:00 PM by Kandinsky

Insults are generally frowned on but I thought this response by McKyle to the unlikely thread Warnings From The Benevolents! is forgivable...

Sorry OP, I wasn't really paying any attention as I detected very early on that there was a definite swelling of Uranus - due mostly to the buildup of something brown and oderous.

Infantile and eloquent! Great combo

reply posted on 30-6-2009 @ 04:06 PM by paperplanes

Here are a few delightfully funny ones to make up for my previous somber one.

A recent thread warned of impending doom predicted by a "freeper" (member of FreeRepublic.com). This gem of a response comes from pluckynoonez:

I am going to lean toward not fearing the freeper on this one...ha! that was good, eh? Get the BOC reference? Oh my, plucky just woke up but apparently that is all I need!

And from the now infamous Crop Circle Mystery Solved thread (one of my favorite threads of all time; some of the best replies have been edited out as "off topic"

),

OP, TruthxIsxInxThexMist:

Ok.... Now i havn't been a Crop solver for Long, in fact only around a week since joining this site but while at home today i discovered how easy it is to make an imprint of a design by using my leg to make the imprint on.... only took 10 mins to complete and i used a couple of different prints to make it.... i also believe the people responsible are using hot Air Balloons to hover over the Field and then using sticks or rods with imprints on then stamping the field like i have done on my leg!

Here are some photos of what i produced earlier....

The OP apparently used the cap of a Tipp-Ex (correction fluid; Wite-Out) bottle to make the prints. In response, dsm1664 posted this image of a giant hot air balloon suspending a similarly massive Tipp-Ex bottle above a field:

This exchange followed:

OP

This photo is hilarious.....but you wouldn't need the whole tipex, you would only need the top of it to make the print....

dsm1664

Sorry, was using the whole Tipp-ex bottle over the top? Should have just used the cap?

lightchild

If you had the bottle also, you could then correct any mistakes

The thread then devolved into a mess of suggestions regarding which random tool could be attached to a hot air balloon for the most effective "stamping" of crop circle creations. Suggestions included Legos, a spatula, and Swiss Army lids. For even greater hilarity, a few members posted earnest replies chastising the OP for presenting a work of bad science and insufficient research. The thread is a goldmine of hilarious quotes and exchanges.

reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 12:50 PM by weedwhacker

I really liked this one from argentus, today:

www.abovetopsecret.com...

reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 03:29 PM by paperplanes

I wish ATS members would contribute to this thread more often. It's been a while since I've seen quite as many hilarious posts as I'm seeing now; perhaps it's a reaction to the current fever pitch of doom and gloom. The Infestation thread has me cracking at the moment

; I'm not even sure which comment(s) to cull from so many fantastic ones.

reply to post by weedwhacker

That's just brilliant

!

[edit on 2/7/09 by paperplanes]

reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 03:50 PM by TheMythLives

I really need to come back to this thread and contribute like i used to. Do not fear everyone TheMythLives will return.

reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 04:39 PM by SuperSecretSquirrel

Stumbled across the collaborative writing of Haiku. Funny guy on there named Excitable Boy:

New York's not my home
It stinks like beef and cheeses
And the people suck

What is that damn smell
It's Summer at the tire plant
The air stinks like ass

You want fries with that?
Cheeseburger Cheeseburger Coke
Hot apple pie bitch

Red China pinkos
I'm not fond of the Chinese
Ching chang chong talking

Mama is unhappy
Diddled the maid while she napped
Daddy gets around

Show me a little
Lift up that skirt and smile big
Oh to be twenty

I dreamt I was you
And I wanted to touch you
Guess I was wacking

reply posted on 4-7-2009 @ 02:21 AM by Bunken Drum

This is from the thread about that creationism museum where, apparently, an exhibit claims that Tyranosaurus Rex was vegetarian up until Adam ate the forbidden apple. This reply made me laugh so much I burnt my leg with the cigarette I was holding...

Originally posted by milesp The creation museum is a great place for the nutballs to showcase their nutball beliefs to the rest of society. It's like they took the wackiest beliefs of hardliner Christians and put them in one place so we can all see just how crazy they are. As an atheist, I think it's awesome!

edit to fix link

[edit on 4/7/09 by Bunken Drum]

reply posted on 6-7-2009 @ 12:30 PM by paperplanes

From the thread by Idyserenity: Military is building androgynous soldiers!!!!

Originally posted by ldyserenity
It was a very close friend of mine that worked at a VA Hospital who came across online documents about this. They really are trying to build a perfect soldier, one that is neither female nor male, which will make them better warriors, as they will have none of the needs or hormones that normal people have.

Originally posted by Snisha
I suppose that(if this is true) the military's policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" could be changed to "Don't Ask, Don't Bother"

reply posted on 6-7-2009 @ 07:41 PM by TheMythLives

I have returned! lol.. Enjoy this:

The thread is:

Let's start an income tax revolution

The OP states:

Studenofhistory

The 16th Amendment authorizing the new income tax was never legally ratified. US Supreme Court cases, while unpublicized, have confirmed this fact. The evidence is in this 2100 page ebook available here.
famguardian1.org...

Let's all stop paying our Federal Income Tax. If enough of us do that, the Feds will get the message and maybe Congress will grow a backbone.

And this reply:

ELECTRICkoolaidZOMBIEtest

yes. this is a good plan. congress SURELY will agree with you if you just stop paying taxes. they will commend your valiant efforts and give you free 3 free meals a day and free lodging. Plus all the security you could ever want.

Yep a classic.

reply posted on 12-7-2009 @ 03:10 AM by Bunken Drum

This is from moocowman's thread Christianity is finished in the UK "Well thank god for that!". It's generated quite some flaming, as I'm sure you can imagine, & so I highly recommend the whole thing for giggles.
DASFEX got so irate he let rip with some barely coherent homophobia & moocowman proceeded to nettle him over possible repressed homosexuality, which DASFEX denied & attempted to shrug off. To which Angus123 (who outed himself earlier in the thread) replied:

Originally posted by Angus123 reply to post by DASFEX
If you were straight you'd have never posted a long winded effeminate screed like that, lol.

reply posted on 12-7-2009 @ 10:40 PM by paperplanes

This is taken from JaxxonRoberts' thread. DrMattMaddix relayed a story about an encounter he'd had with a man he presumed to be gay; TurkeyBurgers replied with the shocking revelation of that "gay" man's true identity

Originally posted by TurkeyBurgers

Originally posted by DrMattMaddix

I was at a Van Halen concert and I got a creepy feeling and I turned around and there was a guy staring at me until our eyes 'touched' OMG musta been a heart felt moment for him... because he started making a move through the tightly packed crowd towards me. (First concert I ever went to alone.)

That was just creepy but the band came on stage and the crush towards the stage occurred just in time and 'we were swept apart' much to his dismay... I LOL'd in my mind... (and breathed a sigh of relief... I want to see the band.)

Oh bro actually that was me. Yeah I was working for the grim reaper at the time and I was supposed to "give you your pink slip". Stupid crowd swept me away and Death got so pissed I was fired from the job. Sorry you misinterpreted my stare. I was just nervous, it being my first hit and all

reply posted on 12-7-2009 @ 11:45 PM by KingAtlas

Okay ths one is from a thread speaking about higher elightening, and awakening. OP suggested he was insane because in society today you are considered crazy to believe anything thats not mainstream.

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by OmegaPoint

This person is nuts - and proud of it -what a waste of time.

So I am leaving.

...what can you say to that..goodbye

reply posted on 13-7-2009 @ 12:39 AM by paperplanes

Originally posted by KingAtlas
Okay ths one is from a thread speaking about higher elightening, and awakening. OP suggested he was insane because in society today you are considered crazy to believe anything thats not mainstream.

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by OmegaPoint

This person is nuts - and proud of it -what a waste of time.

So I am leaving.

Someone ought to let the poor lad know that he's on ATS.

reply posted on 13-7-2009 @ 10:03 PM by whitewave

From a thread discussing Obama's selection of John Holden as the latest science czar, someone made a comment about Obama being a marxist and a fascist.

Another poster with a better understanding of history pointed out that the 2 are mutually exclusive. Refusing to be corrected, the Obama detractor tried to explain how Marxism and Fascism were the same to which our historian replied:

Well, you're wrong about pretty much everything there, but well done for being so spectacularly wrong about it with such conviction.

Now that's class, folks. That's an example of telling people to go to he11 and making them look forward to the trip.

thread link

reply posted on 14-7-2009 @ 03:40 AM by Bunken Drum

reply to post by whitewave

That's brilliant

reply posted on 14-7-2009 @ 11:17 AM by LouieKnowsJeetKuneDo

best one ever i forgot the guy's name but it was recent

"It seems almost every Topic is completely exaggerated. For instance I just read one called " Time machines are real" !!!! .... and i open it up only to find a vague theory. Dont get me wrong, I love this board, but theres so much crap I have to sift through. I dont know how many photoshoped pictures, ... or just plain hoaxes Ive seen here, are people that desperate for attention ?? Everyone wants to be a bloody time traveller, some mystic sage, or an alien hybrid. People claim to know these profound truth's, with absoloutely nothing to back it up. by the way, were in the matrix, 9/11 was caused when aliens clearly hijacked the planes to destroy evidence of their existence in the buildings. and I think a werewolf is stalking me. .... In human form of course. haha, .... does anyone else feel me on this ??"

huge coincidence i copy and pasted this last night and saved it to my pc for entertainment...then I found this thread!!!!!

reply posted on 14-7-2009 @ 06:12 PM by internos

This is very recent, lol too funny.

Originally posted by watsgoingon?
and-also-the-icons-at-bottom-of-the-screen-change-with-the-change-to-the-infra-red?
what-does-that-mean?
peace

____

Originally posted by jkrog08
reply to post by watsgoingon?

Can you stop typing-like-this-please-? It is extremely annoying, thanks.

____

Originally posted by watsgoingon?
sorry-man-i-cant-iv'e-got-no-spacebar-at-the-moment?
i-mean-really-no-one-in-there-right-mind-would-type-like-this-if-they-had-a-choice?
im-sure-there-is-some-that-would-but-fortunately-im-not-one-of-them.

reply posted on 14-7-2009 @ 06:50 PM by jkrog08

reply to post by internos

ROFLMA.........

Yea, that one is good,lol....That response is a classic,lol.

Reply to OP:

How did I not know of this thread???!!! (S&F)

[edit on 7/14/2009 by jkrog08]

reply posted on 15-7-2009 @ 12:04 PM by Welfhard

This little gem by schrodingers dog comes from the thread, "Orgasm a Day" is NHS New Slogan For Pupils in U.K.!.

An orgasm a day ... what ... am I made of money?

I lol'd hard! XD

reply posted on 15-7-2009 @ 12:40 PM by jkrog08

Okay here is another one from the "Infestation" over in Skunk Works. LOL, this one is way too much............

OP of thread:

Infestation

Hello people, I have decided to post you some information on something that is, at this present moment in time, terrifying me.

Over the last few months I have noticed a large increase in the amount of Squirrels we have around our estate. Now, I know what you might be doing and please, bear with me here. Since December last year the Squirrel population seems to have increased ten fold. I know that they are cute and, at the beginning, it was quite good to see all of these little guys running around. Now it is not good. I, and a couple of other people have noticed that they are getting a bit, um, violent. You know, moree aggressive than they ought to be. We're all running a bit scared around here and the local council has said it will be dealt with, but they aren't actually doing anything and they won't unless the problem spreads inside our homes. Incidentally one of my neighbours had some nesting in their loft, but of course after that was dealt with (a week and a half later after she called) nothing else was done for the rest of us,

We're wondering about taking the matter into our own hands but I'm the only one with something against that: I don't think I could handle hurting something so small and fluffy. I mean I'm over six foot tall but still, there are gentle giants.

Does anyone have anything that they would like to share, you know, to help out with this problem? I will take any comments on board.

*****

This is the reply from member mortalengine,lol:

Do you realise how funny this is ? ....I mean you cant honestly be afraid of the squirrels, can you ?

Unless of course we're talking about THESE squirrels....

or possibly These ?

or... what about These

In which case you're pretty screwed... otherwise I would just relax and let them get on with their nuthunting.