"Classic Quotes" Burial Ground

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posted on Jul, 15 2009 @ 12:45 PM
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reply to post by jkrog08
 




I was reading that thread!!! Made my morning!

Truly hilarious stuff.....




posted on Jul, 16 2009 @ 08:53 PM
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LOL, I have to add this to the ongoing typing-saga-that-internos-posted-earlier! LOL............ROFLMAO


This is from another thread here.

weedwhacker replies to another post from the member with the keyboard issues:



reply to post by watsgoingon?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


I`know`your`spacebar`is`broken....

But_there_are_other_ways_instead_of-this-to-separate-your-words.

Or, you could buy a new keyboard?? They're not that expensive....



I know right?!



posted on Jul, 18 2009 @ 10:39 PM
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This is a quote by fraterormus, from a thread about a Missouri vehicle dealership offering vouchers for an AK-47 with purchase. The dealership's motto is "God, Guns, Guts and American Pickup Trucks". :


Originally posted by fraterormus
the NRA isn't just for the Right-wing Christian Conservatives anymore. Now, the Left-wing Humanist Liberals like Greenpeace are beginning to value the Second Amendment and Guns too...although their motto might be a bit different than the "God, Guns, Guts, and American Pickup Trucks"..."Whales, Guns, Chutzpah, and a Toyota Prius" perhaps?



and by Dermo, from the thread titled "Hillary Apologizes to India for Global Warming"


Originally posted by Dermo

Originally posted by FlyersFan
I suppose that America is responsible for the entire solar system warming up?


Surely its obvious to you that all the metallic objects that NASA left on the surface of the moon are reflecting light through the convex lenses on various pieces of equipment which in turn is intensifying the sunlight that is hitting the polar ice caps on mars and melting them..!!?

Its so obvious..
You lot should be sorry!



But my favorite quote of the night comes from Sundancer:

thread link

Originally posted by Rams59lb

NY man forcibly sedated for cavity search gets $125k settlement



A man who was forcibly injected with sedative drugs by police so a doctor could search for other drugs in his rectum will receive a handsome settlement from Albany County, New York and Albany Medical Center, a local publication reported Saturday.



Originally posted by Sundancer
reply to post by Rams59lb
 


For one hundred and twenty five thousand dollars I would have let Tony Blair build miniature Christmas villages in my rectum.


[edit on 18/7/09 by paperplanes]



posted on Aug, 1 2009 @ 12:35 AM
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From Stormdancer777's thread:


Originally posted by Stormdancer777
A Picture Worth A thousand Words?

Look at this picture.

Obama's revealing body language

www.americanthinker.com...


I am stunned that the official White House Blog published this picture and that it is in the public domain. The body language is most revealing.


Sergeant Crowley, the sole class act in this trio, helps the handicapped Professor Gates down the stairs, while Barack Obama, heedless of the infirmities of his friend and fellow victim of self-defined racial profiling, strides ahead on his own. So who is compassionate? And who is so self-involved and arrogant that he is oblivious?


In my own dealings with the wealthy and powerful, I have always found that the way to quickly capture the moral essence of a person is to watch how they treat those who are less powerful. Do they understand that the others are also human beings with feelings? Especially when they think nobody is looking.


kinda kurious responded, with characteristic derision :


Originally posted by kinda kurious
OK, A Picture is worth a thousand words, and to add Timing is everything.


EXAMPLE:
A random, candid moment taken out of context.........



And a moment before or after...............



An innocent situation taken out of context.

Honestly, the neocon smear machine will have to do better next time. (Especially the OP)

Desperate much?


Bring it.



posted on Aug, 1 2009 @ 01:46 AM
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reply to post by paperplanes
 


OMG...........That is the FUNNIEST thing I have seen possibly EVER!!!




[edit on 8/1/2009 by jkrog08]



posted on Aug, 1 2009 @ 02:04 AM
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reply to post by jkrog08
 


It was just a perfect response to the OP. I had a mouthful of hot coffee when I first read it; my nose did not appreciate the brief intrusion.



posted on Aug, 8 2009 @ 09:15 AM
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I think we're property.

I should say we belong to something:

That once upon a time, this earth was No-man's Land, that other worlds explored and colonized here, and fought among themselves for possession, but that now it's owned by something:

That something owns this earth—all others warned off.

I suspect that, after all, we're useful—that among contesting claimants, adjustment has occurred, or that something now has a legal right to us, by force, or by having paid out analogues of beads for us to former, more primitive, owners of us—all others warned off—that all this has been known, perhaps for ages, to certain ones upon this earth, a cult or order, members of which function like bellwethers to the rest of us, or as superior slaves or overseers, directing us in accordance with instructions received—from Somewhere else—in our mysterious usefulness.

But I accept that, in the past, before proprietorship was established,

inhabitants of a host of other worlds have—dropped here, hopped here, wafted, sailed, flown, motored—walked here, for all I know—been pulled here, been pushed; have come singly, have come in enormous numbers; have visited occasionally, have visited periodically for hunting, trading, replenishing harems, mining: have been unable to stay here, have established colonies here, have been lost here; far-advanced peoples, or things, and primitive peoples or whatever they were: white ones, black ones, yellow ones—

I have a very convincing datum that the ancient Britons were blue ones.

Of course we are told by conventional anthropologists that they only painted themselves blue, but in our own advanced anthropology, they were veritable blue ones

— Charles Fort in his book, "Book Of The Damned"

I would love to see a quotes section



posted on Aug, 8 2009 @ 02:27 PM
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If you would like to see a quotes section on Charles Fort then perhaps you could start an appropriate thread for one. This has been brought to your attention twice before.



posted on Aug, 16 2009 @ 10:34 PM
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Found this in the archives. It's a doozy.

This was in reply to this post from raver2005:


I have a graphics card that i just got from dell and it tracks the coordinates of the us military and unidentified flying objects throughout outer space. its the weirdest thing i have ever seen.


From chapter29:


I have a BSD (BS Detector) Card that detects BS by analyzing the post in question.

The card confirmed that your post is full of BS and that anyone that raved in 2005 and still feels proud of it tells lies on a regular basis...



www.abovetopsecret.com...


Owned. One of his best - to bad he got the boot.




[edit on 16-8-2009 by commoncents]



posted on Aug, 16 2009 @ 10:37 PM
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sorry for the double post.

i'm green.

[edit on 16-8-2009 by commoncents]



posted on Sep, 12 2009 @ 03:54 PM
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On an otherwise serious and thought/discussion provoking thread this jewel caught me by surprise.

American_Soviets explains his situation and asks the crucial question:

Can I stop stocking up now? My house is full, the wife and kids left me, and all my credit cards are maxed out.....

to which IceHappy, obviously a hardcore survivalists answers:

Wot you wanna quit whilst you still have organs and blood to sell?????

Priceless/



posted on Sep, 13 2009 @ 05:49 PM
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In a new Thread with much legs of sarcasm me thinks

It's official: Nuke attack would devastate U.S. cities

The OP opens with


A new study by researchers at the Center for Mass Destruction Defense (CMADD) at the University of Georgia details the catastrophic impact a nuclear attack would have on American cities.


Not really funny, but scarey such an organisation exists, and talk about stating the blooming obvious.

Elf



posted on Sep, 18 2009 @ 09:44 AM
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Ok, so this comes from the thread Charles Darwin film 'too controversial for religious America'. The thread rapidly became a creationism vs theory of evolution debate/debacle. John Matrix came in with a forthright defence of creationism & scathing opinions about evolution & its supporters. He took some flak, so in fairness, he was probably under some pressure. However, his debate with Arbitrageur was civil as they discussed a video which, in part attacked Young Earth Creationism. This is part of that exchange:

Originally posted by John Matrix

Then he [the presenter] goes into Young Earth Creationism, which he says is based on Literal Interpretations of the Bible. He fails to say anything about the scientific evidence and observations which scientists use to support their young earth view. Creation Scientists have alternate explanations for every single piece of evidence used evolutionists to formulate their old earth theory. He cites one explanation, which is, God created the earth and life with the appearance of age. Obviously, humans need to be nurtured and looked after, much longer than the animals do, therefore, it is reasonable to assume that the first humans were created mature and of age, with the ability to take care of themselves. Likewise, the planet was created with the appearance of age. It's no great leap of faith to accept that theory....or is it?

The whole post.
I'm not going to elaborate, for fear of derailing this thread. I'll just say I did actually laugh out loud.



posted on Sep, 18 2009 @ 10:04 PM
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While attempting to go deep into john lear posts/threads, I came across This Beauty...


The OP was trying to rationalize E.T. encounters and abductions - I think...and then justgeneric dropped in.




Originally posted by justgeneric

I stopped reading after this:
We humans are unique and come with different expectations on what is suitable evidence, anyway some of us want to believe and some would rather remain in the safety of our cultural bubble. The vast majority in fact will remain asleep to reality and continue to live in the illusions crafted for us by religions, scientists, and politicians---to each his or her own.



When this is presented I call bullshyte. Nail the critics/skeptics before you even get out of starting gate.

tactic. Basic psychology. In sales it's called "The Set Up"...It's getting really amusing how often it's used and abused.

*yawn*...blah blah blah more "truths" and personal feelings and opinion with no backing.

Sorry, but I'm just tossing that out there. I urge anyone to look into the tactic...get to know it and learn to recognize it and then...pass by posts that start out like this one.

Just a public service announcement.



Lovin' It...





posted on Oct, 4 2009 @ 01:23 AM
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In a currently ongoing thread entitled Are you descended from ancient Celts? Take the test., poster wayouttheredude asks the members to listen to some bagpipe music.

The highly unscientific test is supposed to determine if you're of Celtic descent based on your emotional response to the music. Beautiful bagpipe music but some of the responses were even better.

lucentenigma has this to say:
The only thought I really got from that video is how many are going 'commando' under their kilts.

lookingup responds with:
It sounds like 1,000 cats mating.
I guess I fail as a Celt. Maybe it's time for me to get one of those DNA test thingies.





posted on Oct, 10 2009 @ 05:07 AM
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Has to be here..

In a New Thread about two people dying, who paid to go to a Spiritual Retreat to get colon therapy, Dolphin Consciousness healing mixed in with Vortex healing and Saunas Two Die at US Spiritual retreat

Member D.E.M. wades in with



And people wonder why these things get looked at wierdly. Seriously, if you are crazed enough to pay up to $10,000 to put your life in the hands of someone who will "Harness the spirit of a Dolphin" to heal you, aren't you getting what you deserve if you die in the process?

It's harsh, but Natural Selection and Darwinism don't really care about feelings. If you are this dumb, you are going to die.


Which is quite funny in itself however the reply by iNTERPLANETARyR.O.M.E.O. is class:



what are you the dolphin princess?


lol and further



you have no idea wether or not dolphins have magical healing powers, and neither do I.
Not to put to fine a point on it, but it seems you started this thread to bash anything that doesnt fit in with your existing paradigm of reality, and to use the death of two people as ammunition for your arguments which are essentially baseless, because like I said,


You guessed it the close:



your not the dolphin princess.


Besides the tragedy of the situation it tickled me much and infact I now suggest D.E.M should be given the honoray title on ATS of

D.E.M. AKA The Dolphin Princess Impersonator

Elf.

[edit on 10-10-2009 by MischeviousElf]



posted on Dec, 4 2009 @ 08:03 AM
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ROFLMAO....Here is a new "instant classic"....

This post is from a thread in BBQ where the OP wants ATS to "ban members who complain." The member Jean Paul Zodeaux proceeds to make this response:


Gawd! What's your deal, man? How come everyone is trying to get rid of me just because I complain? Just what exactly is your problem with complaint? You know what I hate? I hate that no one ever listens to my very real complaints and I especially hate that no one ever listens to my complaining that no one ever listens to my very real complaints. I mean, its bad enough that no one ever listens to my complaints, now I have to listen to how you and people like you want to get rid of me just because I complain! What the heck for? It's not like you listen to me anyway.

You know what else I hate? I hate that stupid eye crud you get when you first wake up in the morning and I especially hate it when you have like a cold or the flu, then that eye crud is damn near unbearable! Another thing I hate is flatulence, I mean, what that heck is that about? It can be pretty damn embarrassing when you have to cut one when your in the middle of a crowd or in your bosses offices getting called on the carpet for some stupid little transgression like wasting paper clips to make wire stick figures, or shooting rubber bands at your work mates. That's another thing I hate, bosses who think just because they're your supervisors they are your superiors. Yeah right!

You know what else I hate? I hate pigeons! What a stupid bird that is! Always flapping around where they're not wanted and strutting their heads about like they're some kind of special bird or something. Ha! There are far better birds then pigeons on this planet, like eagles and hawks and...well, even sparrows are better than pigeons. I hate cats too! Stupid aloof animals are what they are. Well, not necessarily stupid but they're certainly aloof and that can be pretty annoying when you're constantly opening up smelly cans of processed glop and bowls of milk for them.

You know what else I hate? I hate broccoli! What kind of stupid vegetable is that, and why do so many "gourmet" restaurants insist on serving it with that gawd awful tarty hollendaise sauce! I even hate the stupid spelling of hollendaise sauce that my stupid spell check doesn't even know is a word. And that's another thing I hate! I hate how stupid my stupid spell check can be. Why the heck should I constantly be adding a new word to my spell check just because it doesn't know that it is a word because when my spell check has that stupid red dotted line that appears when I know I spelled the word correctly, then I have to dig out my dictionary or Google the word just to make sure I am right and my stupid spell check is wrong! Don't you hate that? I know I do.

You know another thing I hate? Wait...this isn't the complainers thread? Oh yeah, right. It's the anti-complainers thread. Ooops! Oh yeah, that's another thing I hate is when somebody goes way off topic on a thread just yammering away about something totally non related to the issue brought up by the original poster and just going on and on and on in all different sorts of direction as if they're some sort of genius or something...but, I digress. I guess the real question I have here is what is wrong with a little complaining now and then? I mean what is so damn perfect about tolerance or acceptance? I mean, I don't mind it so much when people tolerate or accept me, but its not like I am lavished with tolerance and acceptance, you know? Nobody ever listens to me, and they certainly don't listen to me when I complain, so what damn difference does it make if I or others complain? Sheesh!

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Thread: Can we get rid of all the people complaining?






posted on Dec, 5 2009 @ 03:01 PM
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ROFLMAO....

Here is a response to a recent thread entitled Conversation with an alien.


The OP claimed to have astralprojected and had a discussion with an alien being, apparently it was originally posted in the UFO forum or something because ATS member internos had this reply to say:


Me - "There's a nice place where you can share this stuff, it's called the gray area

Alien - "But i wanna share it here

Me - "I know it, but trust me: this belongs to the gray area

Alien - "Your some closed minded skeptic probably paid by cia

Me- "Ok, yes i am, can we now move this to the gray area please?

www.abovetopsecret.com...

LOL
TOO FUNNY!



[edit on 12/5/2009 by jkrog08]



posted on Dec, 6 2009 @ 02:45 AM
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Those are too funny jkrog. Good finds!



posted on Dec, 7 2009 @ 07:55 PM
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Thought this post by schrodingers dog in the Dictionary Police thread was pretty funny...

Mblahnikluver originally posted this semi-rant about improper spelling and grammar on page three in the thread:


I cant stand slang, grammar or spelling mistakes. How does an adult still have spelling errors with basic grammar skills that were learned in elementary school?! I just don't get it. I learned the uses for they're, there and their when I was like 8! I have always been accused of being the grammar/spelling Nazi
Little mistakes dont bother me it's the obvious ones that IMO adults or even HS students should get by now. To and too are another set that drive me nuts with the misuse. For me if a thread has bad spelling and grammar I wont read it or even take the OP seriously. I know that's bad but that's how I feel. If you can't proof read to make sure it's right then why should I have to suffer through trying to translate what is being said?

www.abovetopsecret.com...


To which Sdog replied:


I echo your sentiments ... I mean ...

ah cant stan' slang, grammar o' spellin' mistakes. How does an adult still haf spellin' erro's wif basic grammar skills thet were larned in elementary skoo?! Fry mah hide! ah jest doesn't git it. ah larned th' uses fo' they're, thar an' their when ah was like 8! Fry mah hide! ah have allus been accused of bein' th' grammar/spellin' Nazi Li'l mistakes dont bother me it's th' obvious ones thet IMO adults o' even HS students sh'd git by now. To an' too is t'other set thet drive me nuts wif th' misuse. Fo' me eff'n a thread has bad spellin' an' grammar ah wont read it o' even take th' OP seriously. ah knows thass bad but thass how ah feel, ah reckon. Eff'n yo' kin't proof read t'make sho'nuff it's right then whuffo' sh'd ah have t'suffer through tryin' t'translate whut is bein' said?

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Gawd awful to try and read but funny none-the-less IMHO...



[edit on 12/7/2009 by jkrog08]





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