I tore mine down. There is a wall around you.

Have you tried volunteering? You can usually find people in the volunteer world who do not have any walls around them. Quite the contrary.

Happiness isn't other people.
It isn't "stuff" either.

You find it in yourself.

We've all heard about miserable rich folks, poor folks, married and single people, lonely people and ones with huge social circles.

The only way to know true happiness is to try things until you find your niche, that thing that makes you feel complete.

Just make a list of 4 or 5 things you haven't done and try them.

Then if those don't make you feel great, make another list. Repeat as necessary.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: SignalMal

Naw. I'm just old-fashioned. I grew up believing in BS platitudes like "Love thy neighbor."

I knew a lot of guys who got in trouble for loving thy neighbor. Especially if they were married or the kids of really strict parents.

originally posted by: rickymouse

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: SignalMal

Naw. I'm just old-fashioned. I grew up believing in BS platitudes like "Love thy neighbor."

I knew a lot of guys who got in trouble for loving thy neighbor. Especially if they were married or the kids of really strict parents.

Hey man. I never hurt nobody. And how many people can really say that?

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: rickymouse

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: SignalMal

Naw. I'm just old-fashioned. I grew up believing in BS platitudes like "Love thy neighbor."

I knew a lot of guys who got in trouble for loving thy neighbor. Especially if they were married or the kids of really strict parents.

Hey man. I never hurt nobody. And how many people can really say that?

Hi NB. Hope things are better today.
What have you been thinking about?

Peace.

Wow... circling the drain and youre seeing nothing but a dark maw opening up to swallow you? Damn, youre in a GREAT position!! Im serious.. its NOT until we hit that that we can strip everything away from ourselves and really... I mean REALLY.. see what matters. Who we are.. and what we have to offer. Youre LUCKY.. some never hit where you are.. tey stay in a self imposed dream state.. a fake reality they construct so they can cope. Only the strong folks with a certain thing to offer can look into that maw and yell HEY EFF YOU! and crawl out.

Be honest ,brutally
Love, brutally
Hate, brutally
Give, brutally..


Do everything as if youre living your last day before the drain sucks you in... and LIVE. Be raw honest... there is nothing more liberating in the world or off of it as much as being so brutally honest you have to squint to say some of th eself. So brutally honest with yourself ABOUT yourself that you make yourself cry.

On a side note, since you mentioned loving neighbor and etc. There is a thing we were always taught.. turn the other cheek .
Now, I have a funny idea on this as much as I do the loving neighbor thing. Jesus was a rebel.. not this mopey sad weak thing church teaches you. He was so radical they killed him. That says a little Now when he said turn the other cheek, he didnt mean.. aww let em hit the other poor you.. just slap the crap out of me.. please. He meant when they slap you.. turn the other cheek.. like hey, asshole.. here's the other cheek big boy.. cant beat me down.

You cant be beaten down unless you ALLOW someone, yourself, or the world to do it. No excuses. Go in peace.. kick ass!

a reply to: Nothin

Hi.

I requested this thread be 404'd LOL.

Mods want me to own up to my embarrassing posts so be it.

When I posted this I was just about losing it. I am just flummoxed by some people and how they treated me recently.

Oh well, par for the course.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Nothin

Hi.

I requested this thread be 404'd LOL.

Mods want me to own up to my embarrassing posts so be it.

When I posted this I was just about losing it. I am just flummoxed by some people and how they treated me recently.

Oh well, par for the course.

Embarrassing?? No.. as if we ALL havent been there. Some of us more than once! LOL! Besides, its not just owning up to it, its maybe helping someone out there lurking that might see some light at the end of the tunnel.. and for that possibility, youve made a good thread.

a reply to: Advantage

Well I would say the people of ATS are the closest thing I've ever had to a friend. I needed a friend.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Advantage

Well I would say the people of ATS are the closest thing I've ever had to a friend. I needed a friend.

Put an s at the end.. friends... many of them.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha

originally posted by: rickymouse

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: SignalMal

Naw. I'm just old-fashioned. I grew up believing in BS platitudes like "Love thy neighbor."

I knew a lot of guys who got in trouble for loving thy neighbor. Especially if they were married or the kids of really strict parents.

Hey man. I never hurt nobody. And how many people can really say that?

Most people can say that, but in reality is it true.

I'm just kidding. I actually think that we are going backwards in this society. Lots of people have a motive for helping others and are doing it to gain prestige. I suppose at least they are doing it, it is better than not doing it at all.

You are right though, we should be treating others as we would want to be treated, but remember, those who are deceptive expect others to be deceiving them. So the rule is flawed. With deceivers it is do onto others what you expect them to do onto you, but do it before they do it to you.

originally posted by: TNMockingbird
a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Could it be that when you reach out, they reach back and you pull away?
Perhaps from some sort of self imposed punishment not allowing yourself happiness?

There are people with good hearts but, if you only look for bad...I believe, that is what you will find.

I say these things from experience. They may or may not be true for you.

Good luck, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

I'd have to agree with this sentiment. Sounds to me like you haven't torn down any wall at all but instead just peeking your head around to get a look at what's on the other side.

We all have our walls, normally created at a young age due to a variety of positive and negative experiences. My wall really started off pretty weak and over time has become much stronger but only because I was very naive, still am really, and had a tendency to trust in people before it was deserved. That only led to repeatedly being hurt and disappointed many times, but because of my OWN expectations. Now, even though I have this wall, I have the ability to raise and lower it at will, protecting myself from the possible disappointment.

Never tear down your wall. As you can see, you become vulnerable. You spend so much time searching, hoping, waiting, numbing yourself to possibilities, what you're actually blinding yourself from is what makes the world a little more brighter.

What's with all the reaching? Going about one's business in acceptance meets no resistence including walls... fish finding a wall leap into the air scuttle accross the bottom, birds same way diving in head first not resisting the nature of things and nature accepts back without judgment.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Hey man. I never hurt nobody. And how many people can really say that?

Depends on what type of hurt you're referring to. I've never physically caused anyone trauma but i have been the force behind extreme heartbreak and, metaphorically speaking, shattering someone's entire world. Both to the same and only person. The mental pain done to an individual can have much more devastating effects on them than any physical abuse.

originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: Nothin

Hi.

I requested this thread be 404'd LOL.

Mods want me to own up to my embarrassing posts so be it.

When I posted this I was just about losing it. I am just flummoxed by some people and how they treated me recently.

Oh well, par for the course.

Seems like you're feeling a bit better. That's good.
As Advantage suggested: it might just help someone else out also. Lot's of readers here whom don't post.
Almost everyone has been down to the bottom before, and beware of those whom haven't.

Our darkest moments, are also our most honest moments.
That's when the internal BS can be seen. The lies we tell ourselves.

And remember: Par is better than a string of double-bogies!

a reply to: Nothin

"Feeling better"

Through all the hurt and sorrow, it's hard for anyone to stay down forever. It's not our natural state.

I am still upset about a lot of things. But all things will pass. I'll be feeling better, I'll feel like crap again too. I'll be hopeful again, and probably have the carpet pulled out from under my feet many more times.

I just need to learn how to better react to these jumps and dips in the roller coaster.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Anticipating an outcome knowing there are spots that can be unexpected like jumps coming from the ride itself instead of maybe from the passenger not being able to anticipate the twists and turns but knowing they will be twists and turns does allow a freedom to let go... of course if someone said hey the jumps on that roller coaster were great as you were about to be strapped in, would you be so excited knowing it would be going off the rails? Because usually when a coaster goes off the rails that's not a good thing at all.

Of course there is a possibility even in closed systems designed that one should be able to let go and put their trust in? Not every single iteration can be factored in... such as Fabio taking a bird to the face riding one. Cables designed to take 10 to 20 times the load design still snapping.

Meteorites and blue ice from a mile high flush... etc etc. life itself carries a risk when holding on too tight nothing wrong with that except when it gets a bit too hard to breathe simply just trying to live. Something life itself shouldn't have to try at because that is already occuring, but the will for it to continue? That is the most strength we could ever see in life itself, surmount all obsticles it encounters in as many forms as it takes... from the deepest ocean vents to the building blocks of it floating in space, microbes on Mars... that magical little animal called the Water Bear space hey yeah I can do this and it did...

So yeah for life itself? Living it the natural state overcoming all adversity no matter how long it takes, and oddly enough? Many times that is just ourselves.

a reply to: BigBrotherDarkness

You said in a previous post, "Why reaching out?"

This is something I can't help. I must. That is who I am and that is my nature. I feel totally empty and hollow without a connection with other human beings.

I never will understand those who are happy totally alone, or perhaps they aren't and think they are. Anyway, everybody needs somebody to lean on.

a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Life is all around even when not in "nature" still in "nature" human nature all around you... the things we have fashioned and have made as a species. All of that has had inumerable human hands and minds on it in it's creation to it's fashioning into the objects around you all of it there from every single last living sentient being that has ever existed up to this point in time right here right now all interconnected as whole... and well those coming into this mass of legacy have have fashioned here wrought out of thought and inspiration of that connectivity and interaction into physical objects using our being both physical and mental... and they will add to it even if their life doesn't even clear the womb...

So seeing all of that and what was before and what is here now and what is to come in succeeding moments we can see what repeats what the conditions are for this and that arising but still all of it dependent and cause well seems to be optional and for many it seems not or seems becomes option over time facets of freedom I suppose in ones experience of that clinging to or grasping of.

So since all is nature in my awareness in experience of it then it simply craddles you there is no way to not be a part of it or alone in it always in contact with it via some sense sphere... the alone is the void of being but still it is something no matter the many many many names it has gone by... I call it simply being or it is what it is until we make it something different or creation itself from that experience of it but when is such a thing not occuring or always arising and passing?

Impermanence well that is a constant and since impermanence is basically the only constant constantly occuring that also by default makes it also permanent.

You could die and move on to one of the higher spheres. Perhaps you will like it better there.

I do not understand your personal existential crisis but I am the old lama and I know my way around death and the three worlds.

I prefer Trayatrimsa for a heaven when relaxing. Still very samsaric.. the hotels and guest houses are the best and the women are some of the most seductive one can imagine. Mmm...

I also like the 'Spirited Away' type bath houses / guest houses, for travelling entities and gods. The sex of the heavenly maidens will blow your mind. That's if you know your way around seducing such ladies.

Ahhh... the debauchery of the desire worlds.