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I tore mine down. There is a wall around you.

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posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:34 PM
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Hi.

I just sometimes wonder if I will ever meet a good-hearted person in my life.

I just don't understand anything anymore--and yet I've never felt more grounded, awake, and aware. It's a mind-pretzel I can't seem to untwist.

And I think the people of the world put up walls around themselves. I used to think it was me (and for a time, it was!) I hid in shyness afraid of everyone. But then I made the mistake of constantly trying to reach out to other human beings. There is nothing but emptiness. The fires are so dim. Where is the light in our souls anymore?

Don't you see the personalization of love in the faces you meet? This physical world is not a proper arena for the love in our hearts. It's only for our basest desires and exploitations.

All I can do is drink myself blind every day hoping and waiting. If you have a real answer, God, tell me! I'm owed one.




posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:43 PM
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I put up my wall many years ago and it is staying up. One side of the wall has a door so I can poop, the other side has a door I can open up but it has an automatic closer on it.

We are conditioned to be hardened from a young age. That was necessary to keep us sane when things go south.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:46 PM
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You may find something inspiring here...

www.abovetopsecret.com...

There will always be good people in the world and hope. Do not drink to escape your pain and disappointments as that will only make things worse and not any better.

Do not let others dim the light that you can send into the world. Like a ripple, it spreads and reaches into other people's lives and hearts. If others have built walls, you can be their beacon of light and help take down those walls brick by brick.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:47 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

A wall is needed in this physical world. It is too harsh for a soul laid bare.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:47 PM
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a reply to: rickymouse

Perhaps I am the lone wolf in a world governed by pack mentality.


edit on 11-11-2016 by NarcolepticBuddha because: (no reason given)



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:49 PM
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I once had a wall around my heart, quite the fortress I'll say, then others took that wall down and I was able to smile again and laugh again even though it felt I had forgotten how. There can be light after the darkness.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:50 PM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
a reply to: rickymouse

Perhaps I am the lone wolf in a world governed by pack mentality.



Ah, but you aren't. There are many like you. You just have to find them.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 10:53 PM
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posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 11:01 PM
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a reply to: Night Star

I'm falling apart, circling the drain, pedal to the metal on empty, and don't even know where to turn anymore.

I've seen nothing in my life that can give me strength enough to hold on to my once-ironclad faith.

I apologize, ATS, I know this is not the proper place to seek counsel in a crisis.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 11:05 PM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha


Any family or friends? I wish I could do or say more to help. have you tried counselling or even meds to help you feel better? Are there any groups of like minded folks you can join and make friends with?



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 11:21 PM
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I don't think this is the same everywhere, but yea I put up my walls as well. It's so bad that when I do meet people who appear overly joyful, I am negatively affected and rationalize they must be faking it and feel the same as I do at their core. Perhaps they don't. When I realize that, I further rationalize they must be naive and without the same depth of experience as I. Perhaps not.

Look at our stats. American culture is diverse, and you'll get some great patches here and there, but on the whole there is something which is pretty far off. There's a collective wall in this country, long before DJT ever talked of building one. Perhaps our yearning to build one on the outside, reflects our sense of an inner wall we built long ago. Perhaps what these notions are tugging at us, is not in it's replication externally, but for dismantling from within.



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 11:25 PM
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a reply to: SignalMal

Naw. I'm just old-fashioned. I grew up believing in BS platitudes like "Love thy neighbor."



posted on Nov, 11 2016 @ 11:46 PM
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My daughter is helping to break down my barbed wire fence. That, or she's helping to secure my borders even tighter. Not sure which.



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 12:22 AM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
Hi.

I just sometimes wonder if I will ever meet a good-hearted person in my life.

I just don't understand anything anymore--and yet I've never felt more grounded, awake, and aware. It's a mind-pretzel I can't seem to untwist.

And I think the people of the world put up walls around themselves. I used to think it was me (and for a time, it was!) I hid in shyness afraid of everyone. But then I made the mistake of constantly trying to reach out to other human beings. There is nothing but emptiness. The fires are so dim. Where is the light in our souls anymore?

Don't you see the personalization of love in the faces you meet? This physical world is not a proper arena for the love in our hearts. It's only for our basest desires and exploitations.

All I can do is drink myself blind every day hoping and waiting. If you have a real answer, God, tell me! I'm owed one.



Blessings for your courage to say that.
But sorry: no one, nor no thing, owes you anything. Zero.
But that's a very telling comment. You are relying on the outside world, for some type of justification.
You will never get it.
Look within.
How would Buddha answer your questions?



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 12:35 AM
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Someone once described me as a real life Pollyanna. Another whispered behind my back and said, "That is _____ she must be none to bright because she is always happy and friendly." I felt sad for her because happiness was so foreign to her that she couldn't imagine an unsoured life.

I don't build walls. Here is why. In my world people are inherently evil. I know I am. Therefore if I condemn them I condemn myself. Juxtapose that with my other belief which is people also have a deep desire to know good, even though that self absorb thing inside all of us tends to be a road block to the good we can offer or receive. With this as a foundation I now have the ability to accept others flaws. I'm not shocked by their hurtful ways, nor am I bothered by their walls of protection. Those traits are anticipated so I am not easily crushed.

I am delighted when someone offers me a different relationship absent of anger, frustration, and struggling to feel important. I do not anticipate the things they might not know how to give like love, kindness, forgiveness, mercy, etc. By expecting the worse but not fearing the worse I can love, forgive, be kind, not require a standard that might not be possible for that other person. If I guarded or worried about my feelings too much then I would make it difficult to understand others or see the reality of their worldview.

I am free. Hope you all find joy.



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 12:52 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

I have had a wall up for as long as i remember, but i will always go out of my way to help and support others however i can because i feel this is my only reason to live is for others, but I will never accept any help or support from others weather it be family or others because all people do is kick me in the teeth as help (literally and figuratively). So i honestly prefer to do what i can for people but be left alone and this way i can remain in splendid isolation here behind my wall waiting for the worms to come. But hey if im lucky someone will kill me sometime instead of giving me false hope for life and humanity



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 01:12 AM
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originally posted by: NarcolepticBuddha
Hi.

I just sometimes wonder if I will ever meet a good-hearted person in my life.

I just don't understand anything anymore--and yet I've never felt more grounded, awake, and aware. It's a mind-pretzel I can't seem to untwist.

And I think the people of the world put up walls around themselves. I used to think it was me (and for a time, it was!) I hid in shyness afraid of everyone. But then I made the mistake of constantly trying to reach out to other human beings. There is nothing but emptiness. The fires are so dim. Where is the light in our souls anymore?

Don't you see the personalization of love in the faces you meet? This physical world is not a proper arena for the love in our hearts. It's only for our basest desires and exploitations.

All I can do is drink myself blind every day hoping and waiting. If you have a real answer, God, tell me! I'm owed one.



My first recommendation would be to take a step back from drinking. I've struggled on and off again with alcohol and I can tell you at least for me, it only worsens my depression and anxiety. I currently haven't drank in 20 days and I've felt my outlook on the world change during that time. Not to say it's a happy go lucky life by any means, but if I'm being honest with myself I realize that drinking really just numbs me to a lot of things. I don't really know how to explain it, but alcohol messes with the body and mind and if you're overdoing it it will cloud your judgement of the world.

Secondly I'd suggest maybe some law of attraction stuff. It seems people tend to find what they're looking for or able to see. If you're kind of programmed to see negativity that's what you'll see, even if it doesn't really feel that that's what you're looking for.

Third as a Christian I feel obligated to recommend trying to reconnect with God. Good luck with your journey. Despite ATS being what it is there are some great people here who are always willing to lend a hand or helpful message.



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 01:15 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

There is a lot of darkness in the world. But in order to have darkness, there must be light.

I am not very good at giving life advice, but what you said reminded me of one of my good friends.

I have no easy answers. I guess my advice is be what you want others to be. Don't fake being nice, actually try to be nice. Every person you have a relationship with, think of why they are good. Maybe they are petty, they are mean spirited, and it makes you furious. But maybe they have a reason for that darkness, and something you do can influence them positively.

I just try to remind myself that I am never as good or as bad of a person as I think I am. But good luck to you and feel free to hit me up if you ever want to discuss things.



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 07:46 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

You may have torn yours down... but others have built one around you and now you are sitting atop the battlements asking for some god to explain the babble.

The mind is a tower the brook can flow around it as a moat in the eye or simply float along as something one cannot catch... the eye still sees what it wants to see when the mind will not shut up about it's return.


edit on 12-11-2016 by BigBrotherDarkness because: some mental masturbation is better with pictures



posted on Nov, 12 2016 @ 07:56 AM
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a reply to: NarcolepticBuddha

Could it be that when you reach out, they reach back and you pull away?
Perhaps from some sort of self imposed punishment not allowing yourself happiness?

There are people with good hearts but, if you only look for bad...I believe, that is what you will find.

I say these things from experience. They may or may not be true for you.

Good luck, I hope you find the answers you are looking for.




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