posted on Feb, 4 2013 @ 09:12 AM
1. Why have I always had trouble fitting into most social groups, esp middle class ones in the USA and Taiwan? What is wrong with me? I am honest,
nice, genuine, down to earth, intelligent with above average IQ, intellectual, possess a wide variety of knowledge, educated, communicative, very
articulate, open minded, broad minded, insightful, interesting, etc. So what is wrong with that?! Why do I feel constantly penalized with loneliness
To be honest, I feel resentful and vindictive that I've been deprived of a sense of belonging and camaraderie my whole life. It's really depressing
when I think about it. It makes me feel sad and helpless too. I don't understand the justice behind it. What did I do wrong to deserve this?
(I guess I could try joining an Amazon jungle tribe and have a sense of group belonging and camaraderie, but I'm not sure I'd fit into that or be
compatible with primitives.)
Why do most social groups and middle class people shun me and snub me, as though I have some karma over me that makes people want to punish and
ostracize me? I can't find an exact cause for this. Could it be something intangible?
Why should I be punished for being me? How can I be honest, sincere, intelligent, open minded, broad minded, yet alienated and deprived of belonging,
love and true friendship? How can such traits lead to loneliness and alienation? Aren't these good traits? Am I missing something?
2. Do people who are intellectual or above average in intelligence usually have trouble fitting in with most social groups?
I don't think it's just a case of me being on a different wavelength. When I was a child, I strived to conform and wanted to be accepted, to be cool
and be liked. I was not an individualist. Yet I still had the same problems. Kids my age didn't like me. I didn't know why. Nor could I figure out
how to fit in and act like everyone else.
I also don't think it's just a case of me being interested in taboo topics and saying controversial things and thinking outside the box. I mean,
suppose I got up tomorrow and started saying only positive/lighthearted/politically correct things (like most people do) and only conversed in mundane
topics like the weather, sports or politics. Does that mean that I would start receiving invitations to parties and gatherings all of a sudden? Would
that lead to a sense of belonging with others? Would cliques and social groups starting wanting me in? I don't think so. It's not that simple,
right? Being socially appropriate and being liked are not the same thing, right? I've never found that being more socially appropriate leads to a
decrease in loneliness.
In America, being different can easily get your persecuted. But in Asia, people usually just avoid you and ostracize you if you're different. Both
3. Next question. Why is it that most middle class people shun me and give me bad vibes? I get the sense that they want to keep me out, or think that
they are too good for me for some reason. Why is that? Yet, consider this:
- I come from an upper middle class background, from a family that owns two houses (which most middle class families don't have). So in that sense,
my background class is higher than that of most middle class people.
- I have an above average IQ and intelligence, and am an intellectual who can converse in a wide variety of subjects.
- I have a four year college degree and am educated.
- I'm very articulate and communicate well.
- I can think for myself and am a very interesting person.
So what I am saying is, since I come from a higher class background than most middle class people do, and am more intelligent than most of them, then
why do most middle class people snub me as though they were better than me? Shouldn't they be looking up to me?! WTF?!
None of this adds up. I keep banging my head over this but can't figure it out. Am I an insane person with a warped view who does not recognize his
own flaws? Or a sane/authentic person in an insane/fake world?
Are there any logical answers to these questions? Or am I the victim of fate, karma, unknown forces, and Murphy's Law, which seems to rule my life?
Why do I suffer? Why am I always the victim of social deprivation and misery? Where is the justice in all this? What did I do wrong?
Is there a simple answer? Or is it a complex mix of many things, including intangible things such as soul age, vibration, mental wavelength, karma,
bad luck, fate, destiny, etc.?
I know these questions make me sound like a loser, and most people in my shoes would never dare ask them. But I am a truth seeker, and truth seekers
ask questions to understand things. So in that sense, I am only acting in accord with my nature.
Thanks for listening to my grievances and rant.