Is being alone the only way to true peace? Deep questions

The short answer to the question is YES.

Disagreements are few and far between. When you come home the place is as you left it. You don't have to account for your actions.

There are a myriad of reasons why being alone is the sane choice.

party of one ~ the loners' manifesto

Affectionate relationships can lead to suffering because you become attached and dependent upon those feelings, and inevitably those relationships are bound to go through changes. And certainly, it will end in loss and grief because we are all mortal.

On the other hand, it seems that there is an inherent need for affection, or relationships with others to have psychological well being (now I may be wrong on this point). But certainly, we do not exist on our own. We depend upon others for our well being. Just look around you. The clothing on your back, the food you ate today, the house you live in, and everything else has been provided by others. So in this sense, it is well if we maintain good relationships with others. It is beneficial (or rather necessary) to have the support of others.

While I have had friends who have been jerks, or inconsiderate at one time or another, my experiences with them have enriched my life. However at one point, I went separate ways from them for my own well being. Now, I am not too close to anyone unless I meet someone with good qualities which bring no harm to me.

The Buddha, while he has warned about the dangers of affectionate relationships, has also spoken of the great merits of friendship with good and noble people with good qualities. He said such friendships are valuable and are of great benefit. He said however, that if you were not fortunate to meet such people, then you may be better off alone. He said don't make acquaintances with evil people, even if you were a blind man lost in the woods.

It is also the case that people can be a harsh judge at times. Judging others, when they themselves have the same qualities. So we have to be fair in that sense. We can also misjudge people based on our selfish needs. For example, branding another as a bad person if one did not receive the affection, or attention he desired. This type of judgement is not good judgement. Or better.. we can leave all judgement behind - realizing that people, and their nature, are the result of their conditions (e.g. their upbringing, environment they grew up in, etc.). However, even if we leave all judgement behind, this doesn't rule out the fact that relationships with certain people can be harmful. So be careful about who you associate with.

Another thing. How come when it comes to music, everyone else likes rock, R&B, hip hop, heavy metal, hard rock, and other kinds of music that I've never even heard of, while I'm the only one that likes classical music and beautiful instrumental music, which moves my soul?

That's why when I'm with such people, I feel like the odd one out who doesn't know anything about bands, singers or R&B, etc.

Does this happen with any of you too? Do most introverts experience that?

For example, this is such a beautiful and deep tune, the kind that moves my soul.

Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini Op. 43: Variation XVIII

Originally posted by Thescripter
reply to post by WWu777

 

I have always been a hermit at heart. I am currently working on a plan to withdraw from society, family, friends and live in isolation and honestly I cannot wait. It's the only thing I look forward to in my future. I am not a depressed person at all, quiet the opposite really. I want to live a lone, secluded, quiet life minding my own business and not having to put up with anyone else. The toughest part is finding a online job at the moment. Any suggestions?

Well I'm fortunate to have an online business that I make a living off, which is perfect for me cause no one controls my schedule. There is already lots of info on the internet about starting an online business.

But the thing is, it's not easy at all. You either have to have a really unique idea that matters to people, or improve upon a previous concept. And you have to get steady significant traffic to monetize it. Once you do, there are a variety of ways to monetize it. Getting that traffic is the hard part and the key part. You also gotta do something you believe in and stick to it through thick and thin. There are no secret formulas or secret systems that will make it successful. Only hard work, persistence, smarts, unique ideas and the help of others will make you succeed.

deleted

reply to post by WWu777


I know exactly how you feel cause i have felt it my entire life, I too have never fit in with most! I don't know if it was my kind hearted nature and openness that allowed me to be taken advantage of! Which left many open sores on my heart but today I am more of a loner then at any other time in my life. Even as a child i was always fond of the empty night. So secure in it, quiet, calm, peaceful and serene. I felt at home in it, more so then in the days with the hustle and bustle of the city which is totally unnerving for me. Especially where i live in NYC but i have managed to stay here for all of my 44 years! I have always been an out of the box thinker, non conformist or whatever you want to call it but it was'nt until i started to read about society and about how selfish most people are did i become totally disgusted with society in general!
I think people need to truely learn how to humble themselves but today with all the little gadgets that give individuals the ability to control almost every aspect of their lives they become disconnected from this reality. Until that is they get seriously sick but why should this be the only mechanism to give us a real look at ourselves?
Why do most people wait until they find there is no time left before they take a look to see the big picture?
That is when the regrets of life come to the surface! Before this instance they could not see below their superficial lives! So why are most of us so damn superficial? This I think answers your question about why people feel so empty by themselves because of the fear that their lives don't really add up to much so they must fill their lives with as much as possible. This means material goods as well as people! Even those individuals whom are wealthy are far from complete! These people live a life filled with fear, trying to keep themselves occupied so they just wont find out that they are not happy! It's kind of strange when you think about it, how most try to fill their empty lives with whatever they can and we are just tired of the monotony of society and trying to rid ourselves of those very same things! Though this is just my opinion but I have thought alot about this strange world we live in, how it works for most and how it just don't add up for the rest of us! How the purpose can mean so little when the wool is pulled from our eyes! I too know that there is something wrong with this picture and it's not you and I! For if it were truely our own lives we were hiding from we too would be enthralled into conformity with the sheep!
let me know what you all think please! I am very interested to know... . . .

Originally posted by votan
You will grow alone and in that growth you will realize how much you are missing without a True loving relationship..

which is good because when you get into a relationship it means more to you and you appreciate it a lot more.

Experience talking here.

I for one wouldn't want to repeat it .. too much wasted time being alone. there is enough time to be alone and in solitude when dead.

It's all perspective, friend. Time wasted, is how you perceive the world and what you want from it, when you want it. I was in two three-year relationships full of love since '06.

Both I valued, both ended unfortunately, but people do change. I hope to die old with somebody I care about, who cares for me, but for the past two years I haven't cried in loneliness, haven't felt empty because I wasn't with a partner. There are periods of solitude that some people enter that better the person, for others based on their emotions and how they set up their lives, they needn't that love right away, for others they cannot stand being alone and feel like they aren't much of anybody if they don't have that other person.

Experience only goes as far as what your mindset is and what you want to get out of life. If I met that special somebody in a week from now, I would engage that person in a charade of happy feet and silent stares, and would probably move on from the solitude I am willingly apart of now. In sum, I don't really disagree with anything that you said, I just think that everybody is different and searching for others sometimes needs to come after searching within oneself to find themselves. We all pave our own paths. There should never be a set of guidelines for living so much as what your heart beckons, when it beckons.

For the thread, I sometimes do get weighed down by Facebook and seeing couples together. As of the past six months these feelings have come and gone in just a few minutes. There's something about waking up and engaging the world for yourself that I've come to adore. For a fair chunk of my life I felt that each day had to be rushed, as if I never had much time in life. I almost went to school too early after graduating high school, and I'm so glad that I didn't. I've come to adapt to the peace of mind associated with not having much on the horizon in terms of myself and I've come to value that part of me for some reason.

People who are quick to cast people into categories, or assume things about others seem fairly weak minded or uneducated in the self and what one can achieve from it.

I don't know when I'll move in another direction, and I don't mind that these days.

I like the reply back a ways by AfterInfinity that said,

'Solitude is the act of being alone. Loneliness is not liking it.'

Originally posted by WWu777
Great responses all. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

It is true what someone above said, about me being an empath. This is why I can read others so well.

One question for you all:

When you go out to a restaurant or public place alone, and you see everyone else there in groups with other people, does that make you feel like a loser? Do you worry that others are wondering why you're alone there while everyone else is with others?

In response to this question! Though I try not to let what others think bother me too much, there is always some form of emotional response when you notice others in groups staring at you! Though going out to dinner by yourself is generally pointless unless you are out away from home for some other reason! I usually don't go out to dinner or movies alone basically cause i see those things as socializing and if i'm alone i'm not socializing!
Truth is if others really think bad of you for being alone then they can't be very nice people! But in all honesty
I would probably feel lonely though I doubt i would think of myself as a loser just because i was solo!
What you must ask yourself is loser Implies that we lost at some contest but is life a contest for you?

reply to post by WWu777


I'm hearin' ya, WWu - and find myself in exactly the same frame of mind.

Not sure how far you've personally pushed the envelope, but I no longer watch the news, turn on a radio or tv, buy or read newspapers or magazines, and vanished into the outback to live quietly by a lake. The only 'social' thing I do now (if it can be called that), is the internet, but that's about it.

The increasing internal noise of humanity's pain and suffering were wearing me so thin, I became overwhelmed and felt I could barely breathe.

You're definitely not alone.

I agree. People tend to bring too much unneccesary drama over petty unimportant trivial things into our little worlds and i for one am too old to deal with that nonsense.

reply to post by WWu777


I know EXACTLY what you mean with the different examples you give, i myself lived many years more like a hermit, and, to a certain extent, also enjoyed it quite a lot.

But this changed when i met my first/ex wife (we were married 8 years)...and then my current wife. We have the same interests, talk about nerds playing computer games etc.

Even tho i understand entirely all what you say, and even tho i am an introvert and in general "do not like people" (neither does my wife - i have to say it is way, way, way better to be able to share things, fun, interests but also "hard times" with another person.

However, it must be the RIGHT person.

That being said, i forgot, even although i lived many years alone like a hermit, i ALSO lived many years with roommates - this also had some positive effects and MANY negatives as well.

Nevertheless, shared joy and fun is double joy, seriously.

I think (even tho i likely come from the same "mental background" as you), that your social anxiety/fear etc. should NOT take over your life as well. If you have problems "with people"...i suspect you are simply not with the right people.

Also, funny side-note:

Why are you actually posting this on a public forum - why the "urge" to communicate?
You know, you could as well write all this down on a sheet of paper and hang it on the wall in your room. Obviously, you don't...so there must be something positive about sharing opinions/thoughts etc. with others.

You can be alone to hide from who you are because most of who we are is reflected by others. Interaction with others shows our strenghs and weaknesses.

So although it is good to be alone, to rest a little, to please ourselves, to listen to ourselves, the challenges to be won are out there, with other people.

Conquer your challenges, become who you want to be.

Originally posted by WWu777

Why is it that an average person and typical conformist usually will feel empty without others or some group to conform to,

This comment is indicative of a feeling of superiority on your part that you feel this way. In fact I think you will find that there are lots of us - me included!
Some people are by nature more gregarious and others are 'loners'. That's just the way it is.
While it is a bit sad that there are some who can't function without others, research has shown that isolated people generally don't live as long as those with plenty of social contact.
socialwellness.wordpress.com...
Being naturally introverted as well as retired and with no family, it's something I am well aware of as a risk factor for myself. While being unable to exist without others is IMO a bit pathetic, drawing up the drawbridge and shutting oneself away is neither clever nor cool and could have long term health consequences.

reply to post by WWu777


Great post, I can't remember if I already commented on this or not so this may be my second....When I was single I learned to love going to things alone...When I wanted to socialize I would meet up with friends but the majority of my time was alone. My friends would call me a hermit. I have been a cop for 6 years and a very strong chess admirer. The police job has made me despise people from all walks of life so I turned to chess. Now my greatest hobby is playing chess online with people from all over the world...some I chat with some I dont. I was probably the most social person I knew before I became a cop....since then I have cancelled every social media page and I shop online or buy groceries at night. When I do engage in conversation I have a savvy demeanor that seems to ease people and let them think I am interested in our conversation, but in reality I can't wait to break away.

It is getting worse to the point of anxiety. Part of me thinks its the job I do while another part of me thinks its a safety mechanism since the world is becoming to reliable on being socially active. Nothing takes work anymore in the social world...you can meet someone online and in 30 minutes you are texting each other nude photos...everything is right at the fingertips.

Anyway sorry for the rant, but great post and Ive thought of this often, always makes me wonder how I got this way but I really don't mind it at all.

Title of Thread

" Is being alone the only way to true peace? Deep questions "

The short answer to the title of your post is yes.

However we all know that the long answer to this subject is not that simple.

Everyone who has ever lived has run into the exact same problems and concerns.

King Solomon wrote extensively on this subject in the book of Ecclesiastes, a good read if you have not read it already.

Bob Dylans songs on the whole deal extensively with life situations and thoughts like you have. Also the song by the Beatles " Let it Be " try's to lend some answers to life's problems. And then there is the song done by Ricky Nelson as he found himself dealing with these exact same problems in his life. " Garden Party " Ricky went to a Garden party but found out you can't please everyone.

The world as a whole has dealt with the problems you mentioned all throughout history, hence all of the wars.
The United States has turned into basically a " vampire " nation that want's to suck all of the energy out of the rest of the world, either pyschically, or monitarily. Those at the top are not happy or pleased when any other nation on the earth is living in peace and harmony, and are prospering. Look at Lybia and Sadam Hussien, also look at present day Iran. Iran is now prospering and has been for many years ever since they threw the US Dictaor Shah out of power. And now the American Battle Ships are encircling the Persian Gulf waiting for the next " Vampiric " move. And so it goes all throughout history.

So yes, you have accurately described the problem with life on this planet. Only thing is, what is the real answer to it all ? In the mean time, the wars rage on as well as all of the ongoing " Psychic & Materialistic Vampirism.. "

No doubt that in my short rant, many others have already noticed the exact thing.

Lastly, Shakespeare coined the whole subject very good many years ago when he said.

" All of the world is a stage, and we play a different part every year. "

I developed Multiple Chemical Sensitivity five years ago.

It is physically impossible for me to comfortably survive unless I isolate myself and control my indoor environment to be totally petrochemical free.

I have lived a long life as an extrovert and am now aged 69.

At first it was difficult for me to adjust to being a recluse but I have grown to love this life.

“Happiness is self-contentedness.” - Aristotle

I am so at peace with being me that some days my cheeks ache from smiling too much.

As a retired person I get an adequate income without the need to work and online shopping and banking meets my physical survival needs.

I do 'socially interact' to a limited extent on a local community web forum.
I still like to know what is happening in the world outside mine.

reply to post by marg5


Don't worry, Hell is interested in you too. Oops, did I just call the outside world 'hell'?

reply to post by WWu777


Wow.... your timing and what you said is very very close to what i have thought myself. maybe i am a bit of a introvert but not as in selfish i dont think. i do volunteer for habitat for humanity helps keep me busy and makes ya feel good building homes for people that are in need. Also gives me some social acceptance. Other then that i don't like human's. I know it sounds nuts after all i am one. But i have found that the more people you around the more luggage you will have to carry. now dont get me wrong i do like helping people that is helping them selfs. this is why habitat was a good pick for me they have to help build there own house as well. its not just handed to them they have to work for it. but anyway back on topic. But what i found is most people are your friends so they can get something out of the deal. weather its drugs deals on anything cars boats ect... or work for them lots of other reasons. i have always said that if i would say win the lottery i would look on my caller id just to see who called that did NOT NEED anything and just called to talk. and they would be the ones i would take with me. Anyway my point is this being around people = more luggage, more stress, more obstacles. Once you realize this. This is when you will find yourself pulling away. Its only natural once you figure this out. I also know its unhealthy to be a hermit or have no social life. But that's why i looked into a volunteer service.

Originally posted by WWu777
...Why do I feel this way? Have any of you felt this way before? If so, has it made you feel like spending more time alone with the distraction of others? Obviously, it's taboo and uncool to feel this way, I know. But it does seem like the deeper of a person you become, the more apt you are to feel this way. Why is that?

Are people who feel this way, like I do, too self-absorbed and selfish because we don't like to compromise who we are by being around others? Or is it a matter of being an introvert? Is there anything wrong with feeling this way?

Yes, this is bad because it causes you to stop expressing yourself. You feel comfortable with yourself than with others because you can freely be yourself and have you opinions, but if you learn to express yourself and be yourself even when around others, it would not matter.

There is no judgment more important than self-judgment. Even if the whole world calls you awesome and respect your opinion, it means nothing if you don't believe it. Learn to have pride in yourself and naturally you will express yourself.

Originally posted by WWu777
Why is it that most people will never go to a restaurant, theater, concert or public event alone without company, lest they feel like a loser? I don't understand the logic behind this attitude. Have any of you out there ever been to a restaurant or theater alone before? I have and don't understand the problem with it. I don't get why it's so abnormal and taboo.

Because society wants people to follow social constructs rather than being their own person...

Originally posted by WWu777
Moreover, the energy vibe of masses of people around you can make you feel strange too, especially if you are a nonconformist amidst masses of conformists around you who are materialistic, judgmental and operate on a different vibe/frequency that you do. This is kind of hard to explain, but do you know what I mean?

The mass energy of conformist is influencing you, just be strong and be yourself regardless. On person who has self-love is more powerful then many who do not.

Originally posted by WWu777
Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel this way?

Ironically, you are one of the few awaken ones who can see the massive conformity and social constructs.
A better question would be, what is wrong with the masses who follow it? The answer is simple: They lack self-love so they fall into the conformity being afraid to be different - to be themselves.

Originally posted by WWu777

Is there anyone out there who can relate to how I feel? If so, how do you balance your need to be alone vs. your social needs for others? Do you choose one or the other? How can you have both when they seem mutually exclusive?

I understand your feeling. I balance it by understanding my nature, if I do not feel like hanging out, people should respect that, if I do, then that is awesome, but no one should be forced to do something against their will.

Each person has their balance, it is not a big deal if your preference is more towards being alone than with others, they should accept that about you. You should not have to change and be more social than you want to be - otherwise you walk away from your truth.

Originally posted by WWu777
Now, I know that most content on the web is very superficial and lighthearted, so I apologize if all this sounds too weird or deep compared to most public content out there. But I am just trying to understand why I feel the way I do. If you are not a deep person, you may not understand how I feel and find it kind of weird.

Yup, it is a deep subject. I will not lie about that fact, and I actually think we need MORE topics like this. People expressing themselves and their own view of the world, rather than repeating popular philosophies of life like parrots.

I can relate to you a lot, and that is how I understand the answer now, but even I am not perfect, I am still building up the honesty to be me.

Many well wishes.