reply to post by WhisperingWinds
Whisper you took me wrong, and I haven't been back online for awhile to defend myself. I have been working 60+hrs a week on a contract job to
support my "dependant" family. I speak of co-dependency in psychological terms, not literal co-existance where you need someone to depend on. Not
being co-dependant does not mean being undependable. Quite the opposite.
Co-dependence in a relationship is always present, and in all of us, but it is on a continuum. It becomes a problem when it interferes with the
happiness, and workability of the relationship. My wife may say things ike "I can't live without you." sure it feels good, and it is a nice
sentiment, but I would consider her selfish beyond measure were she to actually commit suicide if I died, and leave our children, and family.
Being in a relationship does not mean losing your identity. If your partner expects you to change who you are, you need to change who you are with.
For instance I check in with my wife out of respect, and courtesy, and because I genuinely enjoy hearing her voice. I do not check in with her for her
to tell me what to do. She may ask things of me, and I generally do them because I love her, but she may never "tell" me what I "must" do or there
will be consequences. She would have divorce papers by the end of the week. The same bad behavior would get me the same thing.
She actually feels MORE secure with me than any other man in her life because of this dynamic of respect, and empowerement. Neither of us wear the
"pants" for the family. We both wear our own pants, and accept responsibility for our own actions. I do not make decisions that adversely affect her
because I love her, and vice versa. She doesn't have to control, or threaten me. If I fail to love her she has every right, and ability to leave. My
love earns me the right to be with such a wonderful woman, no insecure control protocol necessary. Her love, and respect earns her the right to be
with a great guy. I trust her with my life. She may do whatsoever she pleases at any time, and I may do the same, but our mutual love, and respect
keeps those choices within the confines of a productive relationship. If she decided to make choices that cannot be supported, and bring harm to the
family or our relationship she is free to leave, and would be supported in that decision. I would be very sad, devastated even, but I would eventually
find another, and be happy again, or not, and be happy by myself. I love her too much to confine her, and she loves me too much to do the same. And no
we are not open in our marriage. Infidelity would be a deal breaker. I am hers, and she is mine by choice, and we both make that choice without
I guess you could describe us as libertarian in our relationship. You are free to do whatever you wish, but certain actions have natural, and logical