Stay at home women degrade the status of women in our society.

reply to post by paganini


Unfortunately, what we view as equality between the sexes doesn't jive with our hormones (maternal instinct).

I don't know if this had already been pointed out in here yet or not but maybe the were referring to the most common kind of sty at home wife/gf we have these days, the kind who does maybe a total of 10 hours worth of work a week, if that, and just does whatever she pleases with all that free time. There's nothing wrong with a woman or a man being the stay at home person as long as there is a true need for it and they are actually doing what needs to be done and not just neglecting those needs which is all too common these days. If there isn't a need for more than 10 hours worth of the work in total for a week, a child, elderly or disabled person needing taken care of, then why can't both work and split the at home workload so that more money is coming into the household leading to an earlier retirement for the otherwise only worker as well as more stuff and vacations and whatnot...

Is it really necessary for mom and dad to be out making money? I think not. I call it “living to your means”. My wife stays at home while I work. I know we could have more monetarily to go out and buy more stuff if we were both working, but we learned some time back what is/is not important.

My wife is completely happy and content staying at home doing her thing. We have 5 children, and to me, my job could NEVER be as difficult as what she has to deal with on a daily basis. I think she has the hardest job in the world.

I brought up the word "feminazi" to my wife, and she just about threw-up in her mouth.

First of all, just because Elizabeth Wurtzel has the opinion that stay at home moms are killing feminism and are making the war on women possible, doesn't mean that statement true, that is simply Elizabeth's opinion. I did a little digging about this woman, I'm not really sure why she is getting so much air time and attention. She has been on Prozac for most of her life for depression and is a Ritalin addict, and quite frankly, in everything I've read about her, she sounds like she's nuts! Take for example her comments about 9/11.
She might be a poster child for Prozac, but hardly someone who should be sounding the drums for feminism. Just because she chose not to have children (I'm assuming it was a choice), doesn't give her the wisdom or right to pontificate on what it means to be a mother, or to denigrate the choices that mothers have made.

As to the stay at home vs working mom issue, to each her own.... I know some women who can't handle what they perceive to be the monotony of staying at home with young children so they go off to work. I have a medical background, but I also have children. I knew, when they were young that if I chose to leave my job, there would be any number of qualified people to take my place. There is absolutely no one that I felt could take my place with my children. I was home with them when they were young. I took them to school, volunteered at their schools, went on class trips, and walked them home where there was almost always a freshly baked after school snack. Our house was the central gathering place for the children in the neighborhood. I took care of the shopping, cooking, house cleaning, bill paying, maintenance on the house and car. When my elderly parents and brother in law became ill, I was able to help take care of them. Staying home was my choice, and isn't that what feminism is about? The freedom to choose? I am now a single mom working full-time and my kids are older, but I have chosen lower paying jobs so that I can commit to being there to drive them to school, or pick them up, each day. Moments with my children are precious, and there is no amount of money that I can make that would convince me to give up the time I have with them.

As for the whole 2 income thing, it's incredible what social pressure has convinced us we need. I gave up a 3,500 square foot home for a 1200 square foot bungalow and in the process, gave away a ton of stuff I thought I needed, but in the end, it was just clutter. I can watch the Good Wife in my 26" TV and enjoy it as much as someone watching it on a big screen. I never buy anything unless it's on sale. Some of the best holiday memories we have are camping holidays, (extremely inexpensive). If we can't pay cash for something, then we really don't need it right now. Credit cards are for emergencies, and emergencies only. We grow veggies in our garden in the summer and plan our menu around what's on sale. Despite social pressure, out kids don't buy into the whole clothing label/status thing.
Stay at home moms aren't hurting feminism, women like Elizabeth are, because they seem to believe that the value of a woman is negated unless she is participating in what had been, a generation ago, a male dominated arena and frankly, I don't give a flying hoot about what Elizabeth or women like her think.

reply to post by grandmakdw

Stay at home women degrade the status of women in our society

Only problem is that our politically correct 'Society' kinda stinks!
So who cares?

When this idiot said that you're "not making a valuable contribution to society", I'm sure she meant it in the sense that you're not paying the taxes to the corrupt elitist government that you should be. The same government she believes should be everyone's nanny, rather than you being anyone's actual, unpaid nanny.

Glad I could clear that up for ya.

Originally posted by meemaw
First of all, just because Elizabeth Wurtzel has the opinion that stay at home moms are killing feminism and are making the war on women possible, doesn't mean that statement true,

To be honest if you look at things logically the biggest thing that is killing feminism is women like Elizabeth Wurgel. Her attitude has become so pervasive in the movement that many young women are driven away from it because feminism has gotten an image of being filled with man bashing, mom hating etc,etc and that just doesn't fly with the average woman.

It's clear women like her aren't truly concerned with liberating anyone. They just want to publicly vent their deluded frustrations and are so petty they dont see that this is hindering progress for true equality .

Stay at home moms should be highly respected...my wife couldnt deal with the boredom..so now i have a little boy to take care of who has no momma. I hate that its looked down on because it really seems to be changing womens attitudes. Its all confusing. Drugs and partying seem to be so much more important than actually raising the kids some of these women beg for.

reply to post by Aninonymous


Depends on the woman who stays home with her kids, doesn't it?

reply to post by grandmakdw

I don't care much for feminism (and I don't know much about it to be honest) but I believe in the principle of equality of opportunity and treatment for everybody (men and women).
I'd say apart from of equal payment in some cases, we already reached the point of gender equality, so feminism is pretty much a thing of the past in my opinion.

When a mom (or a dad) stays home to care for a newborn child on maternity protection, than that's allright with me, but they should go back to work as soon as possible.

If housekeeping is the only job you can do (due to lack of a proper education or whatever) you should either apply for a better qualification - or, if you can't / don't want to - just go ahead and work as a housekeeper.

Now I wouldn't call housekeeping a 1%’er job... cause it's a minimum wage job after all, but I think staying home indefinitely as a woman nowadays is outdated, unnecessary, and simply put... it's lazy.

reply to post by ColCurious


Unless she's home schooling, then that's her calling and profession.

I see nothing wrong with a woman standing up and saying, "Don't tread on me!", but, like anything else in life that people feel passionately about, it's almost a guarantee that there will be individuals who become extremists. Those extremists do nothing but perpetuate and promote hate, rendering their cause ineffective. I'm not readily familiar with the complaints of the feminist. Is there really such an imbalance between genders in today's first world countries?

reply to post by InTheLight

To pass the lack of education right on to the next generation?
Home schooling (with very few exceptions) is a downgrade from proper school education (at least where I live).
Why would any loving mother voluntarily damage their childrens chances in life?
I'd say get a better job and provide a better education for your kids... that's what loving parents should do.

reply to post by grandmakdw


heres what I have to say to this as a Christian married woman, who also became a Christian stay at home Mom.

My children have to be to school by 7am. Therefore, I am up at 5. I find it better to get myself up, showered and dressed, and ready for the day...before I have to wake the kids up and help them get ready for school. In case anyone is wondering..I have to get them ready because they are younger elementary ages. I then prepare breakfast, and get everyone up and ready, While my husband, wakes up, takes a shower and dresses for work. By 6:30am, we are out the door.

I then run errands. Drive to pay this bill or that bill. Grocery shopping, dropping off dry cleaning. On Wednesdays I volunteer in my youngest daughter's class, on Friday's it's my oldest daughter's class. On Monday's I volunteer at the local foster care agency. My husband owns a used car lot. No, we do not own it together, he owns it, he works it. I offer to help out when he is swamped. Running title work, entering in car data.

In between all this, I have a 3 bedroom, 2.5 bath house, it has a kitchen, a living room, and a sitting room, along with a dining room. There is laundry as well. A yard, and a dog. There is also dinner to cook. Once a week we eat out at church on Wednesdays, where I then go to my bible studies as the girls go to theirs.

Of course there is plenty of other things. My oldest is in involved at her school, garden club, choir, reading bowls, AIM class, academic bowls, etc. Outside of school she plays basketball, soccer (during the season) and dance class. My youngest is in Gymnastics and dance, she also plays sports through the upward program.

So, often, like other stay at home moms, I am frowned down upon by "working" women who contribute "more" to the world than I do. I am under a man's thumb and dumbed down by my christianity. I have no freedom and am repressed. Here is my answer:

During the school year, my children's school decides when I must wake up, however, during summer vacation, It is my children who decide what time I get up

During the day, I decide when I take a break, when I sit to eat lunch, when I begin to cook dinner

I am dedicated to my husband. I clean his clothes, I drop off his dry cleaning, I clean our home so he has a nice comforting home to come to after a long day at work. Yes, I make sure he has a dinner.

I watch my children grow up, rather than somebody they don't know at a daycare, or another family member watch them after school, I am the one they come home to. I don't have to worry about what someone else may be doing to them, teaching them...possibly ignoring them, because it is me with them. I am dedicated to them.

But you the working mom, who says I am repressed and offer nothing to society. You who chose to get married and commit yourself to husband, and have children, only to commit them to daycares or other family members, the one who says I am dumbed down for staying at home and place myself under a man's thumb. You let a "job" tell you when to wake up. You let a "job" tell you when you can take a break, when you can eat your lunch, and.... when you can go home. You let a job tell you when you can take a day off and plan an outing with your family. You place yourself under a bosses thumb, someone who would fire you tomorrow and toss you away if it meant the betterment of their business or company..without a care for you or your family or struggles. You dedicate yourself and bend over backwards to make your way ahead in a job, for people who wouldn't worry about knowing you tomorrow.

My dedication is to my home and family, your dedication is to money, prestige and strangers...who is repressed? who is dumbed down? who is under a thumb? Certainly not me. I find it very freeing to know that tomorrow I have no boss telling me if I have to be to work, or if I can take my children to the park, and later for a fun scavenger hunt in the backyard, where they will learn Earth science. I find it very satisfying and accomplished when my husband comes home, sits down with a sigh, eats his dinner and says, "that was wonderful babe..want my help with the dishes, or read a story to the girls." You tell me which is the better dedication.

When did it become a bad thing to be dedicated and love your husband? When did it become a bad thing to be the main carer and teacher of your children?

You know..people better take a really good look around. One thing I find to work? if its normal out there....then its better to be abnormal in here.

reply to post by grandmakdw


Imo, when both parents have to work to support their children it is that right there that is the problem with our society. I am a stay at home mother and wife and I'm proud to hold that position. Mothers that work full time for their personal goal and that have a husband that can provide well are selfish (unless they are a single mom and have no other choice). My mother was the typical "must climb the corporate ladder to gain approval" type of woman that had no problem sticking my brother and I with babysitters. Our economy is so unbalanced these days that it makes it almost impossible for a small family to live on one income. The family unit seems to no longer be of importance like it used to be decades ago. As for women with no children...go ahead and climb that corporate ladder but when and if you bring children into this world, be a proper mother and raise you're own kids!

Originally posted by trysts
reply to post by grandmakdw

 

Thank you, grandmakdw, for adding to the constant insults to feminism to make yourself feel better. Some of us feminists have general philosophies which are not so easily dismissed.

You feminists bring it all upon yourself.

To grandmakdw....just wanna give you props for being an awesome person, and very much, my kind of gal. Stay-at-home-moms/dads and retirees can do whatever the hell they want. Some people like to work like a dog for some corporation, and wear pant suits every day, others like to keep a respectable looking house and eat home-cooked dinners ever night.

Originally posted by MisterFister103

Originally posted by trysts
reply to post by grandmakdw

 

Thank you, grandmakdw, for adding to the constant insults to feminism to make yourself feel better. Some of us feminists have general philosophies which are not so easily dismissed.

You feminists bring it all upon yourself.

To grandmakdw....just wanna give you props for being an awesome person, and very much, my kind of gal. Stay-at-home-moms/dads and retirees can do whatever the hell they want. Some people like to work like a dog for some corporation, and wear pant suits every day, others like to keep a respectable looking house and eat home-cooked dinners ever night.

Feminism has a courageous and intellectually meaningful history. Feminist-bashing has an ignorant and paranoid history. I will side with feminism. It has been a movement which is necessary throughout the world.

Originally posted by ColCurious
reply to post by grandmakdw

 

I don't care much for feminism (and I don't know much about it to be honest) but I believe in the principle of equality of opportunity and treatment for everybody (men and women).
I'd say apart from of equal payment in some cases, we already reached the point of gender equality, so feminism is pretty much a thing of the past in my opinion.

When a mom (or a dad) stays home to care for a newborn child on maternity protection, than that's allright with me, but they should go back to work as soon as possible.

If housekeeping is the only job you can do (due to lack of a proper education or whatever) you should either apply for a better qualification - or, if you can't / don't want to - just go ahead and work as a housekeeper.

Now I wouldn't call housekeeping a 1%’er job... cause it's a minimum wage job after all, but I think staying home indefinitely as a woman nowadays is outdated, unnecessary, and simply put... it's lazy.

I cannot help but assume you must be a man. If a woman has no children and just sits on her butt and does nothing in life but go shopping with her husbands hard earned money to buy materialistic garbage, than I can understand you using the term "lazy"...however, the context that you used that word in your post above was just plain ignorant and wrong. When children are involved, there needs to be that nurturing. A mother SHOULD NOT return to work while the child is "pre-school"! That is the most crucial time in a childs life. I know that some mothers have no choice and I feel really bad for them and hope that they at least have a close family member that can be with the child.

reply to post by grandmakdw


Here's to hoping I can find a "kept" woman who doesn't want to "work". Because taking care of a home, raising children, cooking actual meals, none of that is actual work and is just so easy!

Much better to pay someone else to raise the children for us, being involved in your childrens life is so passe nowadays.

Contributing to the home and family is hardly what degrades women in this society. What does is completely obvious in a quick look through on television.You want equality, learn to provide for yourself before you enter a relationshipinstead of looking for someone to provide for you. These little girls who simply look for a replacement for their father and wonder why they don't feel equal in a relationship, or demand that a man fit their needs like their father did, this degrades you. You have every chance to make something of yourselves. My wife took this and she makes 80k a year. She is my equal. Try to be a woman or lady if you want to label yourself.