So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

reply to post by evil316


I just finally decided I trust MYSELF enough to get an iPhone instead of my usual flip phone haha

reply to post by FugitiveSoul






Yes when my children were young out of sheer frustration i was often heard to say

"BECAUSE I SAID SO" and when one of my daughters had her children

i was left in no doubt that she would ALWAYS sit her children down and explain in great

detail the in's and out's of 'EVERYTHING' nothing would be too much!! So one day

when her daughter was about 12 i was very amused to hear a very loud voice from the

kitchen saying "BECAUSE I SAID SO"


And to all the smug parents out there who THINK they know everythiing there is to know

about their children remember they only ever tell you WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO KNOW

a parent needs to read 'the subtleties of what is NOT said!

I'm about to have a baby girl and I'm currently studying information security in college. This has left me feeling very uneasy about the future and where it might take my daughter. Adults born in the 90's have no clue how much information they put out online about them selfs lol my wife was born in 91, i was born in 82 before the world wide web and cheap cellphones text messaging ect. Im glad i can put controls up to stop certain activities i know for sure i will be monitoring what goes out picture wise. Cell phones you cant stop them. I think i might just find a phone and disable the camera on it, that phone will be hers. I want to reduce her stupidity options but i have a feeling her mother will take care of anything having to deal with her personal actions her mother carries herself very well for her age. But i was a bit of a hell raiser in my youth I still don't like authority figures like cops,politicians ect i think thats why most of us are on here lol.

You didn't do anything wrong personal space isn't a phone its a bathroom with a door lock. If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear. I don't care if my wife goes though my phone there isn't anything there to get mad about, pretty soon people start believing you because its true.Live your life like an open book just don't do it online lol.

Originally posted by Hawking
reply to post by evil316

 

I just finally decided I trust MYSELF enough to get an iPhone instead of my usual flip phone haha

Hah! I hear you on that.Indestructible phones are pretty cool these days though. Check out the Sonim, I think its the xp3.

I read the bit about the cuban, sounds like his daughter is trolling him now (sorry if it turned out to be a real ped I didn't read the rest of the thread). I mean if he's already revealed himself to a few of her friends then it's pretty likely they've told her about it - I'd want to get back at my stupid Dad too.

I am posting to add though, if one of my parents did this to me (confiscating my phone was fine, happened to me countless times, but the impersonation?) it would have damaged my relationship with them almost irrepairably. Very irresponsible parenting imo.


edit - I'm sorry but I feel really strongly about this, I hope the OP is really sweating it and having second thoughts about what a "fun" idea this was, because honestly if I was his daughter I'd never trust him again after this crap, I'd find it difficult to look at him even.

Originally posted by posthuman
I read the bit about the cuban, sounds ike your daughter is trolling you now (sorry if it turned out to be a real ped I didn't read the rest of the thread). I mean if he's already revealed himself to a few of her friends then it's pretty likely they've told her about it - I'd want to get back at my stupid Dad too.

I am posting to add though, if one of my parents did this to me (confiscating my phone was fine, happened to me countless times, but the impersonation?) it would have damaged my relationship with them almost irrepairably. Very irresponsible parenting imo.

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

edit - I'm sorry but I feel really strongly about this, I hope the OP is really sweating it and having second thoughts about what a "fun" idea this was, because honestly if I was his daughter I'd never trust him again after this crap, I'd find it difficult to look at him even.

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

OP has been having second thoughts the entire time, that's why he made the thread to begin with. He was looking for approval for something he did he's really not comfortable with and expected to be congratulated. When he wasn't he threw a tantrum. Then he started making up stories about a Cuban guy who shares a cell phone with his mother.

Several older female members have stated now that their relationships with their parents were irreparably damaged by having their diaries read or privacy otherwise destroyed at this age. Some things your kids will get over, but a lot of the more intrusive and bizarre things they just won't

Originally posted by Hawking

Originally posted by posthuman
I read the bit about the cuban, sounds ike your daughter is trolling you now (sorry if it turned out to be a real ped I didn't read the rest of the thread). I mean if he's already revealed himself to a few of her friends then it's pretty likely they've told her about it - I'd want to get back at my stupid Dad too.

I am posting to add though, if one of my parents did this to me (confiscating my phone was fine, happened to me countless times, but the impersonation?) it would have damaged my relationship with them almost irrepairably. Very irresponsible parenting imo.

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

edit - I'm sorry but I feel really strongly about this, I hope the OP is really sweating it and having second thoughts about what a "fun" idea this was, because honestly if I was his daughter I'd never trust him again after this crap, I'd find it difficult to look at him even.

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

edit on 22-2-2012 by posthuman because: (no reason given)

OP has been having second thoughts the entire time, that's why he made the thread to begin with. He was looking for approval for something he did he's really not comfortable with and expected to be congratulated. When he wasn't he threw a tantrum. Then he started making up stories about a Cuban guy who shares a cell phone with his mother.

Several older female members have stated now that their relationships with their parents were irreparably damaged by having their diaries read or privacy otherwise destroyed at this age. Some things your kids will get over, but a lot of the more intrusive and bizarre things they just won't

edit on 22-2-2012 by Hawking because: (no reason given)

Haha okay thanks I feel better now, was the Cuban story definitely falsified?

reply to post by posthuman


Not sure there's any real information about it either way. Except that it seemed like a made up excuse to justify questionable behavior

Originally posted by 1littlewolf


You really think so? You honestly think that even if they had found guns etc in their kid’s rooms that they couldn’t and wouldn’t have gone ahead with the massacre any way?

I guess if they found pipe bombs,their journals,the plans they left lying around,maybe they would have KNOWN their was a serious problem. Yes,I think the massacre would have been stopped. Although,it is possible for good parents to raise a murder.

Think of this.....

The question of guilt — were the parents guilty? should we blame them? — led me to write a cover story for the New York Times Magazine six months after Columbine, at a time when polls showed 85 percent of Americans held the parents responsible for the shooters’ acts, and when lawsuits were being filed against the families of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold by the families of the 12 students and one teacher who the boys killed, and the dozens more that they injured.

Do We Blame the Columbine Parents?




Thats a lot of parents searching for answers.......

Again,OP has his way of doing things. I am sitting here right now with my daughter. She totally understands,that what I do,is for her own good. A open relationship with your children is the best thing. She knows plenty of her friends,that their parents can give a rats ass about what they do,and with who.If I want to check my kids iPhone,she hands it to me. Isn't that the respect you folks who are clamoring " that a kids going to rebel if you invade their privacy",want ? . Protecting your children should be a priority. Its too bad people put rules to stigmatize a parent,when they do it. Some psychological know it alls,who believe that its going to blow up in a parents face......

BTW,thanks for at least addressing the question........

I little update.
First off my daughter know I have her phone and knows its mine now.
She has be told to tell her friends two weeks ago that I have her phone and to not contact her through. It anymore.
After I received this message from some unknown person,who she claims she has no idea who it is,I investigated this person.
Got a call from a detective today that although no harm was done to my daughter,they are investigating this Cuban guy and will update me on a need to know basis.
Thanks to those that supported mine and my wife's decision.
To those who did not,one day if you have kids,I hope that your daughter doesn't show up at home one day 16 and pregnant,or worst.
You just never know who is lurking out there.
The world is not as safe as it use to be.

reply to post by mamabeth

So your father was into anger, big dramatic gestures and censorship, but never got round to teaching you that eavesdropping on people is wicked and contemptible.

And so the sins of the father are visited on the daughter. I understand you a lot better now, mamabeth.

When I was a child I swore I would NEVER be like my parent's.Guess what happened?

They brutalized and brainwashed you into being just like them?

Originally posted by ThirdRock69
reply to post by danwolf

 

Why do I get the impression that common human rights (like privacy) have been completely forgotten in this age?
Governments and parents have no hesitation in walking over anyone who can't resist them.
Its the age of the bully.

Privacy is not a human right. Parents have the RIGHT to know what their kids are doing. They can remove their child's bedroom door if they feel like it. Anything the parent has bought and paid for (like cell phones and computers, internet connections) belongs to them and they can monitor it if they feel that it's necessary.

Just like if an adult breaks the law and goes to jail. They lose certain "rights". If you ever get locked up in jail try telling your corrections officer "I have a right to privacy". They will laugh at you. They can monitor any and all communications they want and they do.

Once the OP's child broke the rules. She lost her privilege to privacy. That's the way the real world works and there nothing wrong with teaching your child that early on so they don't make those kind of mistakes when they get older.

She was full aware of the rules,and told up front what the consequence would be if she broke them.
Now she has been told that she has to earn our trust,cause in 3years she will be asking for a car.
I think she has gotten the message,but it remains to be seen.

reply to post by sonnny1

They are NOT private messages.

Do you regard mobile phone text messages as public announcements?

Unless you want to show me the legality of it, when it comes to MY household,my devices, my internet.

You seem to think everything is a matter of law and money. We are talking about a relationship between a parent and a child here. We are speaking of a relationship that should be based on love and trust and mutual respect, not on some kind of contract with strictly defined terms and penalties. Don't you realize that to view such things as you do is both blind and callous?

Bet you Eric Harris and Dylan Klebolds parents would have wished THEY snooped a bit more,hey ????

Okay. Since you are apparently of a legalistic and materialistic mindset, here is an argument that may penetrate to wherever you do your thinking.

You are a member of Above Top Secret. You must have seen dozens of threads complaining about post-9/11 laws in America and elsewhere, such as the Patriot Act that allows the government to spy on people without the usual restrictions, laws that make every air traveller liable to a body search, and so on. Many (if not most) ATS members despise these laws and want to see them repealed. They loathe them because they see them as unacceptable restrictions of personal freedom. They are saying that not even the threat of more terrorist atrocities justifies the removal of those freedoms. There are some things you just do not do, even for safety's sake, because in the end there are things more valuable than mere safety.

As xxdaniel21 puts it,

Originally posted by xxdaniel21
it's quite ironic that this forum involves a large amount of people who are against the idea of tyranny, nanny states, police brutality, drastic "enforcement" of the law, etc.... Yet in the name of "protection", they confiscate their children's personal belongings and treat it like a childish game by posting on the internet, asking other people from other countries what to do - because this parent obviously can't instill values based on his/her own judgement.

Strange, isn't it?

You do not own your daughter. She is a person with rights. More important, she is a human being with feelings of her own, a life of her own and a future that you have the power to help shape or deform. Yes, there is a risk that something bad could happen to her in life. That's called life. You can't protect her from everything. You seem to think it's okay to stunt her to save her. Well, it isn't.

Besides, your offence is not just against your own daughter. You were reading the private messages of other children. Other teenage girls. A grown man secretly reading the messages teenage girls send each other, and exulting in it. How sickening and pathetic.

Because texting is random,and NOT personal.

You wish. Try telling that to the judge the day your snooping is discovered and you are hauled into court. Ever hear of phone hacking? That's what you were doing, chum.

*

reply to post by Spiramirabilis

Think about it a while, wait until your calm - then apologize to her.

Well said, Spiramirabilis, and hats off to you. We've all been so busy condemning the OP and the other jailhouse parents on line here that we forgot there is a way to make things better.

Of course he should apologize to his daughter. And humbly accept her response, whatever it is. He's hardly in a position to complain if she tears a strip off him. I wonder if he will dare apologize, though. Imagine confessing what he did to his daughter! Still, that's his only road to redemption, so he should try.

You are indeed lucky to have had the parents you had. I can relate to what the OP's daughter must be feeling now through some personal experiences of my own.

reply to post by Astyanax

Hey ,it's me kdog.

Are you fighting for the rights of teenagers to rebel against there parents?
That's cool,cause I was a rebellious teen.
But ,are you a parent or are you childless.

I will wait for your response before I continue.
Thanks,
K

reply to post by Astyanax


I want to tell you a true story that happened to my ex's daughter.

I met my ex when her daughter was 11 years old. She is now 21 and doing good.

But there was a period when she thought it was cool to sneak out of the house and hitchhike or go meet people from the internet or runaway and hangout in parks with homeless people.

Till one day she was staying at her fathers house and got into an argument with him. She ran out of the house, late at night, and was picked up by two guys in a car. One of the guys got into the backseat with her and tried to rape her.

She screamed out the window, thank God someone heard her screaming and called police. The two guys drove onto the freeway and were leaving the city with her when the police spotted the vehicle. The two guys ran away and were caught later on. The guys turned out to be brothers from mexico who were wanted for rape and assault of another woman.

There's quite a lot more to the story that happened before that night. But I hope you will try to understand the importance of teaching your kids to be careful who they talk to online and who they get in cars with.

reply to post by pcrobotwolf

I'm currently studying information security in college...

Noted. Perhaps that explains why you think

personal space isn't a phone its a bathroom with a door lock.

and why you repeat the ancient mantra of secret policemen, torturers and despots everywhere:

If you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear.

That statement is beneath contempt. Shame on you.

reply to post by Astyanax

Ok no response to my question. But you are online.
Off to bed.
Damn iPad.

reply to post by kdog1982

Are you fighting for the rights of teenagers to rebel against there parents?

I responded to your original post because you asked for responses. My other posts on this thread have mostly been replies to people who took issue with what I said.

I am 53 years old and some of my friends are grandparents. I have seen all sides of this issue. I hold no particular brief for teenagers but I believe that everybody should treat one another humanely, and that adults have a special responsibility to treat children with care because they depend so much on us.

That's cool,cause I was a rebellious teen.

This is not about rebellious teens. It is about something wrong that you did.

Your daughter has done nothing wrong. She just sent some text messages to boys (13-year-old girls will do that, you know) and got some back. I don't buy your 30-year-old Cuban story (and I am particularly affronted by the implied racism in the mention of his nationality) but, even if that had happened, a properly raised child would probably have known how to handle it. A child raised by an unbending, egotistical, coup-counting parent most probably would not.

are you a parent or are you childless.

I am childless.

If you think that devalues my opinion, you are more foolish than even your behaviour implies. The right behaviour in situations like these should not be determined by your parental feelings at a given moment, or by the automatic responses conditioned into you by 13 years of parenthood. It should be determined by a rational and humane set of ethics, developed in tranquillity, that are not affected – as far as that is possible – by the heat of the moment.

The average parent is exactly the wrong person to ask about a thing like this, just as a policeman (or someone studying 'information security' in college) is the last person one should ask about where the limits of law enforcement should be drawn. Stakeholders in an issue rarely see beyond their own interests.

I will wait for your response before I continue.

Response given. Please continue.

*

reply to post by ThirdRock69

Till one day she was staying at her fathers house and got into an argument with him. She ran out of the house, late at night, and was picked up by two guys in a car. One of the guys got into the backseat with her and tried to rape her.

Right. Her father was the sort of parent who allows an argument with his child to escalate to the point where she runs out onto the street in the middle of the night. In other words, another dad with 'Ego Prison Warden' written in six-inch letters across his sweatshirt.

The truth is there, right in front of your face, but you will not see it.

reply to post by ThirdRock69

There's quite a lot more to the story that happened before that night. But I hope you will try to understand the importance of teaching your kids to be careful who they talk to online and who they get in cars with.

Umm... But you say:

Till one day she was staying at her fathers house and got into an argument with him. She ran out of the house, late at night, and was picked up by two guys in a car.

Maybe the kids don't need to be taught. Maybe the parents ought to learn how to deal with them so they aren't running off in the streets at a little argument.



The worst I've had is kids wanting to ignore me for an hour, or the occasional tears and in rare case a door slam. But really, what kind of relationship do you have with your kids that they want to run off with a stranger?

That shouldn't be the case, and I really have a hard time believing it's the kid's fault.

Originally posted by Astyanax

Do you regard mobile phone text messages as public announcements?

I do when I see children passing phones around,at bus stops,malls,and schools.Again,can you say with 100% honesty,you KNOW who these messages are from? You cant.

Originally posted by Astyanax
You seem to think everything is a matter of law and money. We are talking about a relationship between a parent and a child here. We are speaking of a relationship that should be based on love and trust and mutual respect, not on some kind of contract with strictly defined terms and penalties. Don't you realize that to view such things as you do is both blind and callous?

You seem to think you can back everything you say,with your own "personal"moral justification also. Your own version of it.
Thats where you and I disagree. Children are children,NOT adults. Unless,you want to show me otherwise....And yes,my child's agreement is I can look at her phone.....

Originally posted by Astyanax
Okay. Since you are apparently of a legalistic and materialistic mindset, here is an argument that may penetrate to wherever you do your thinking.

You are a member of Above Top Secret. You must have seen dozens of threads complaining about post-9/11 laws in America and elsewhere, such as the Patriot Act that allows the government to spy on people without the usual restrictions, laws that make every air traveller liable to a body search, and so on. Many (if not most) ATS members despise these laws and want to see them repealed. They loathe them because they see them as unacceptable restrictions of personal freedom. They are saying that not even the threat of more terrorist atrocities justifies the removal of those freedoms. There are some things you just do not do, even for safety's sake, because in the end there are things more valuable than mere safety.

Your argument has one big hole. This is MY household. My home,is my personal Nation,with its OWN rules. Do you suggest I put a disclaimer in my child's backpack,and letting parents KNOW I check my daughters text messages,when I want? My daughter has no problems with me checking. You shouldn't either. I would guarantee MANY parents wouldn't have a problem with it also. I think I might try it.

BTW there are MANY parents that feel the same way..........Good luck on your personal agenda to stop me,and them........

Originally posted by Astyanax
You do not own your daughter. She is a person with rights. More important, she is a human being with feelings of her own, a life of her own and a future that you have the power to help shape or deform. Yes, there is a risk that something bad could happen to her in life. That's called life. You can't protect her from everything. You seem to think it's okay to stunt her to save her. Well, it isn't.

Again,you are NOT my child's protector. You are just someone on ATS who disagrees with my way of running my household,my way of parenting. As long as my child is under my roof,I will protect her,as I protect my friends and family's children,like my own. Fact is,if my family or friends want me to check their children's phones,I would have no problem doing that either.You are NOT the "moral" police.That is a fact.You should stop trying to make yourself out to be one.Seriously.

Originally posted by Astyanax
Besides, your offence is not just against your own daughter. You were reading the private messages of other children. Other teenage girls. A grown man secretly reading the messages teenage girls send each other, and exulting in it. How sickening and pathetic.

Again,see above. I find your line of thought, sickening and pathetic,trying to tell me what you view as right and wrong. You are not my judge.You are a voice on ATS. Get over yourself.

Originally posted by Astyanax
You wish. Try telling that to the judge the day your snooping is discovered and you are hauled into court. Ever hear of phone hacking? That's what you were doing, chum.

Now you are going to spout law? A lawyer now?


Heres a few testimonials of monitoring,..Enjoy!!!! See...Im not the only one silly.






Spouting Law.........