So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

reply to post by kdog1982


I didn't get my first phone until I was 13. However, I got a Motorola crazer. Which was a paperweight with a camera. Perhaps she's too immature to have a smart phone. Now as much as I like snooping, I think texting her friends is out of line. You know, they arrest grown men who text 13 year olds pretending to be 13 year old girls... Hehe. I know your intents aren't malicious but rather to better figure out what your daughter has done. But this is no way to do it. I know I'm a stranger on the Internet but I'm also a teenage girl so I can relate to both you and her.

My mom would constantly intervene with my social life when it came to my phone. She took it away when I was 14 because I was texting my boyfriend too much (I never texted dirty pictures or messages. She just didn't like him.) I was furious because she had no logical reason to do that other than she didn't like him. Then when I was a freshman in high school (still 14) she took my phone away again for texting another boy too much. Once again, all my texts were clean. Take note I had unlimited texting. She denies taking my phone away the second time to this day. Because of that, I never forgave her for simply being ignorant. She had no reason to do it.

My point is, your daughter will be angry no matter what. But if you take time to earn her trust and discuss the reason you took her phone away, she will have a little more trust and respect for you.

Here is the issue to me. You took your daughter's phone? Fine. You are the parent it's your right. You read through her messages? Well spying is all the rage these days with the "Icomefromthe50'sandmygenerationisbetterthanyoursmykidsareangelsbecausetheyliveinfearofme" crowd. Fine, she's your kid. Good for you enjoy your pats on the back from other parents like yourself.
What tickles me pink is you are trying to protect your daughter's from pedophiles, and yet here you are having conversations with 13 and 14 year olds. So, I guess this is a case of becoming what you hate to protect what you love?

You expect pats on the back for having conversations with kids. Not happening. My suggestion to you? You wanna keep the phone? Cool. You wanna read the messages? Knock yourself out. Chatting with teenagers pretending to be your daughter? Amber alert anyone? You get the pedobear stamp of approval!

Why do I get the impression that common human rights (like privacy) have been completely forgotten in this age?
Governments and parents have no hesitation in walking over anyone who can't resist them.
Its the age of the bully.

My father used to scare all the boys I brought over, by taking them in the garage making them put their hand on the table saw, and then accidentally starting it. Uh huh, sure it accidentally happened to start by itself. Yeah, I believe that. Needless to say, they never asked me out ever again. They just wanted to be friends. Then he wonders why I'm still single.

reply to post by kdog1982


Barring a few instances, for all intents and purposes kids have no rights except what their parents give them. It seems as if you are in charge of your household and not an unruly kid. Good job OP, I have nothing negative to say about your actions.

It is obvious from some of the posts, that people are indoctrinated into the hive-minded socialist teachings and accept that the state has more rights to peoples kids than the parents do. I think it is perfectly acceptable to run your household as a dictatorship. Until the child is mature and old enough to step out into the real world and take responsibility for their own actions and as long as the parents are held responsible for the childs actions then the parents are the sole judge, jury and executioner, so to speak.

The only thing a parent must give their child is love, food, water, clothing and shelter. Iphones, game consoles, television, etc etc is not a necessity for living, despite what the child may think or even the rest of society.

What ever happened to the immortal phrase "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!!" generally followed by some sort of an ass whipping? Growing up we didn't have cellphones, but we did have a Nintendo (NES). If I got out of line I got the "do what I say, because I said so", some sort of switch to the ass, and then my TV was removed from my room for anywhere between a week to several months, depending on the severity of my infraction.
As you know, a gaming system is pretty useless without a TV, and seeing it sitting on my desk with no TV attached was a pretty powerful and depressing reminder of why I lost said entertainment.
My father never smashed my system, he never taunted me using my confiscated equipment, and I learned to grow up.

I guess the lesson is; don't stoop to their level, make them rise to yours.

I disagree with what you have done and I think you invaded her privacy a bit much, if you didn't want her having a phone you shouldn't have bought it for her. I think that if you're worried you should have spoken to her in a calm manner. To each their own though just my 2 cents.

Originally posted by Manhater
My father used to scare all the boys I brought over, by taking them in the garage making them put their hand on the table saw, and then accidentally starting it. Uh huh, sure it accidentally happened to start by itself. Yeah, I believe that. Needless to say, they never asked me out ever again. They just wanted to be friends. Then he wonders why I'm still single.

edit on 22-2-2012 by Manhater because: (no reason given)

Do you not think your username might be part of the reason you are single?
Just asking, I saw a bit of contradiction there.

Originally posted by evil316

Originally posted by kdog1982
reply to post by boncho

 

I called the phone number and talked to his mom..
I got the phone # by searching the cell phone and his name.
Did a little sleuthing.
She confirmed it,and I call my local police on advice on what to to.
I gave them the info,they told me to save the messages and that they would have a detective contact me.
Anyways,that's what I'm doing now.
Kind of freak me out a lot,because I thought it was just this boy on her bus.his name is gerrome also,but spelled different.
This just happened within the last couple of hours.
He was like,what's up.....
The broken heart symbol can't do it here,
Why haven't you text me. So and so on.


Kind of in shock right now.

Ive not been able to do a reverse look up on a cell unless I pay for intelius data.. how'd you manage that? Id love to know because I might use it if it cost less than an intelius report!

Try this....you're gonna get a laugh outta this one....Go to google and type in your home number....I get my name on the first result

As far as the OP goes...keep on keeping on. I'm willing to bet your critics don't have kids or still are kids themselves. I remember being a kid trying to hide stuff like this but I also remember stepping into the real world thinking ''I love my mom dearly but I wish she was more of a parent than a friend''...YES kids do grow up to realize that was a way of saying love you. Sure there's a line on how far you can go but there is a difference between mom and dad wanting to know where you're at than big brother wanting to know where you're at.

If your kid never says ''I hate you'' then you did it wrong

Why would you wanna do something like that?
Don't you want your daughter to feel comfortable next to you? Or feel that she can be someone else with her friends without you sticking in? Let her have some privacy for god sake.

I for once am very grateful my parents never were curious little bastards who checked through my texts or computer.

I haven't read the entire thread, but from what I see you are siding with those who agree with you and saying those who disagree don't understand. Did you really make this thread to ask for advice, or did you feel a little guilty and need some justification? Because that's what it looks like to me.

I had some pretty overbearing parents as a kid. In the long run I am sure she will forgive you, but it will likely take YEARS for her to rebuild her trust and faith in you. As others have said, I don't disagree with you confiscating her phone, and though I somewhat frown on you reading her texts, I think it is a bit justifiable. However, responding to her friends while posing as her is deceptive and wrong. I think we all, your daughter included, expected more from an adult.

Someone pointed out that 7th graders have a good memory, and this is very true. You may be putting yourself in a worse position because either none of her friends will want to come over, or she won't want them near you, meaning that she will spend her time God-knows-where with God-knows-who (I'm not even sure I believe in God but I like the phrase). Remember, for every action there is a reaction. While you likely urge her to think about the consequences of her actions, you may have forgotten to think about the consequences of your own.

This could be the beginning of a serious rift between you two. I'd advise you to fess-up to her that you responded to her friends (she's going to find out anyways, if she hasn't already) and tell her that you realized you were wrong for doing it and are sorry. It will go a long way in her mind I'm sure, and also show her that responsible people admit it when they do something wrong and try to make it right.

reply to post by danwolf

Why do I get the impression that common human rights (like privacy) have been completely forgotten in this age?
Governments and parents have no hesitation in walking over anyone who can't resist them.
Its the age of the bully.

Privacy is not a human right. Parents have the RIGHT to know what their kids are doing. They can remove their child's bedroom door if they feel like it. Anything the parent has bought and paid for (like cell phones and computers, internet connections) belongs to them and they can monitor it if they feel that it's necessary.

Just like if an adult breaks the law and goes to jail. They lose certain "rights". If you ever get locked up in jail try telling your corrections officer "I have a right to privacy". They will laugh at you. They can monitor any and all communications they want and they do.

Once the OP's child broke the rules. She lost her privilege to privacy. That's the way the real world works and there nothing wrong with teaching your child that early on so they don't make those kind of mistakes when they get older.

reply to post by Will955


I think you are looking at it from extremes. I am sure most parents do give their kids privacy, but I think that first needs to be defined.

Would a parent be invading their 14 year old kids privacy when the child is conspiring with another kid to hook up and have sex. Obviously, the kid will never just go tell their parents they are going to go have sex. So the parent has to do what they have to do to make sure their baby is not going to be having a baby. I also think that most parents do not normally go snooping around looking for "violations." Normally when parents go snooping around is because the kid has done or said something that raised the parents red flags that warranted an investigation.

Then there is the other kind of privacy where we allow them to take a shower with a closed bathroom door or close the door to their room to get dressed in private.

Would it also be invading their privacy when the parent knows something is going on, and during the investigation finds out the child is growing weed in the crawlspace of the house. Now, this is a case where the child would have no repercussions but the parent could lose the home due to the childs lack of maturity and respect.

There is a reason the parents must be in charge of their household, otherwise the kids would destroy everything and risk the state coming to take the house and kids away, and locking the parents up because they were simply too afraid to "invade the privacy" of their kids.

Originally posted by ThirdRock69

They can remove their child's bedroom door if they feel like it.

And I have done that.

Why do I get the impression that common human rights (like privacy) have been completely forgotten in this age?

While not approving of his actions, children have limited rights, as parents are also accountable for their children's' actions. While a kid's privacy is important, if they've given cause to invade that privacy so the parent can do their duty in protecting their child, then that duty takes precedence (in my book) over the kid's right to privacy.

However, if there was no real reason to suspect she was doing anything improper with the phone, then there really isn't any justification for violating that privacy. He may have done irreparable damage to the relationship between himself and his daughter here. (as no doubt, that dad did who shot up his daughter's laptop)...not to mention the ignoramus is now out hundreds of dollars for a laptop that is now useless....

Originally posted by Gazrok

Why do I get the impression that common human rights (like privacy) have been completely forgotten in this age?

While not approving of his actions, children have limited rights, as parents are also accountable for their children's' actions. While a kid's privacy is important, if they've given cause to invade that privacy so the parent can do their duty in protecting their child, then that duty takes precedence (in my book) over the kid's right to privacy.

However, if there was no real reason to suspect she was doing anything improper with the phone, then there really isn't any justification for violating that privacy. He may have done irreparable damage to the relationship between himself and his daughter here. (as no doubt, that dad did who shot up his daughter's laptop)...not to mention the ignoramus is now out hundreds of dollars for a laptop that is now useless....

It wasn't his laptop, so he doesn't care. Also, she's paying him back for every single thing he did with that laptop that is now wasted.

Irreparable damage? The girl was a spoiled brat. Not much else was going to get through to her. She needed to learn respect...and if not respect, then humility.

Nothing teaches humility like watching your father take the thing you love most and put a bunch of bullets through it, before demanding a hundred bucks that you don't have. And you KNOW there has to be more coming that we weren't told about.

Some people don't listen, so you have to get their attention first. As I said...that father knew what he was doing. She will never again disrespect any member of that family.

Other than that, I fully agree with you.

I think it's creepy, what the OP is doing.
And leading the boys on, or whatever it is he's doing via text, that's just plain weird.

If it were me and my daughter and I found out the context of conversation between her and boys this is what I would do as far as talking to a 13 yr old (one of the hardest stages to begin with)

I would sit her down and start with something like ''I need to talk with you but you're not in trouble'' Then I would find some shocking articles about online predator victims complete with horrible pics no one ever wants to see. show them to her and explain ''I know your not a little kid anymore and you think you know how to spot these creeps but so did these victim. I'm not saying you or any of these victims are to stupid to spot them, I'm saying the creeps are that good at what they do. These victims didn't plan for this either and thought they were in control.'' Then I would show some adult victims and let her know '' Age doesn't make you safe either.'' Then I would let her know whats ok and whats not ok to say to someone on a phone or internet. Not just for the worst case scenarios but what you say can be used against you is important as well.
I'd end with ''You're growing into a woman but you will always be my baby and I don't EVER want to see you like these girls in the photos.'' With tears if possible.
What you want her to get out of this heart to heart is a feeling of '' I know your a young woman not a little kid and I want to treat you as such BUT I will ALWAYS protect you as if you're still my little baby when it comes to danger'' The last statement made should be ''I love you''

Just my advice on how I would handle the talking to my daughter part. If you have a non confrontational talk she might understand where you come from...at least if she doesn't forgive you now she will remember you explaining yourself later when she doesn't have that ''the world revolves around me/parents don't understand and never will, just a bunch of killjoys'' attitude that every teenager has.

Originally posted by mamabeth
reply to post by Astyanax

 

I have to ask this...Are you a parent?
I have been a parent for 37 years.When I was a child I swore
I would NEVER be like my parent's.Guess what happened?
I sounded just like my parents when I was dealing with my
own teenaged daughter.
I was not her friend and buddy old pal...I was her mom and I
had house rules that had to be obeyed.

so?

I have never been able to understand this idea that just being able to reproduce somehow makes you wise

there are plenty of people in this world who shouldn't be parents

there are plenty of people in this world who aren't parents that would have been amazing parents

what is your point?

Originally posted by Gazrok


Personally, I'd be pretty loathe to give a barely teen something that costs hundreds of dollars that they'll easily lose, but that's just me.

Even a full-fledged teen around here is dangerous.
One evening I heard DAD screamed and I went into the bathroom. I saw toilet paper, a cellphone and cheerios cereal in the toilet. If this 16 yr old had the phone in one hand and cheerios in the other... exactly where was the toilet paper hand? Needless to say the cell was ruined and the wife went ballistic. We still dont know about the whole needing 3 hands for this to have occurred thing. Its one of those events when you have kids that are just some sort of paranormal event that remains an unknown