So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

reply to post by Astyanax

Right. Her father was the sort of parent who allows an argument with his child to escalate to the point where she runs out onto the street in the middle of the night. In other words, another dad with 'Ego Prison Warden' written in six-inch letters across his sweatshirt.

The truth is there, right in front of your face, but you will not see it.

Actually you're 100% incorrect. He was the type of parent who let her get away with anything when she was younger. He was totally anti-authority. He supported and encouraged her rebellious ways.

When this incident happened she was 17. She had been playing her mother and father against each other for over 5 years at this point. She learned that if one parent tried to punish her she could run to the other parent.

I think the statement you made below says it all.

I am childless.

If you think that devalues my opinion,

It absolutely devalues your opinion. You have no idea what you're talking about. You are just guessing. I'm sure you are a smart person and using best rational judgement. But you are still just guessing and doing a piss poor job at it. You're here spouting off how you think you would have parented, if you had been a parent.

Once you're an actual parent it's totally different situation. You will hear it time and time again. FROM REAL PARENTS, "before I became a parent I thought I would never act like my parents did". You're still in the "I know better than you" stage. But the fact is you don't know better. You have zero experience. You may be 53 but you still have the parenting skills of a 16 year old child.

reply to post by boncho

Maybe the kids don't need to be taught. Maybe the parents ought to learn how to deal with them so they aren't running off in the streets at a little argument.



The worst I've had is kids wanting to ignore me for an hour, or the occasional tears and in rare case a door slam. But really, what kind of relationship do you have with your kids that they want to run off with a stranger?

That shouldn't be the case, and I really have a hard time believing it's the kid's fault.

You are half right.

It's not the kids fault. However, this happened when she was 17 years old. She was probably more mature than her father was at that point. Her father was a bad alcoholic. To try and make up for his problem he letr her get away with what ever she wanted for many years.

It just so happens that he had just gotten out of jail for his 11th DUI. He was locked up for a year and when he got out of jail he thought he would try to jump into the role of parent again.

She had been doing good for the year he was in jail. We finally had gotten her a bit more under control and in a stable environment. But when he got out of jail she wanted to spend time with him. We couldn't really say no to that. The argument they had that caused her to leave his house was about him drinking again. She left because she didn't want to be around him drinking.

Like I said there is a lot more to this story, I did my best in the role of step parent to help guide her. She respected me even though I set rules and didn't let her get away with manipulating her mother. I admit that all involved made some mistakes. She will admit that she was a very rebellious teen. There is much too much to go into details but suffice it to say I tried to nip it in the bud and could only do so much being that I was not her actual parent and her mom and dad shared joint custody. She stayed with us one week and then went to her dad for one week. Except for the one year that he was locked up in jail. Which was the year she improved her behavior.

EDIT:

Just to clarify my position on what the OP did,

I don't agree with him impersonating his daughter. That probably was a mistake. But parents are human and make mistakes.

But as far as him read the text messages in the phone I support his decision.The more a parent knows what stage of development and activity their child is at and doing, the better equipped they will be to deal with the situation.

reply to post by sonnny1

Your argument has one big hole. This is MY household. My home, is my personal Nation, with its OWN rules.

Your household is part of the country you live in, and the laws of that country apply with equal force within its four walls as out of it.

As I said earlier, I couldn't care less what you do. I just feel sorry for your daughter – and for the poor children whose innocent messages you are snooping on without their knowledge.

*

reply to post by ThirdRock69

He was the type of parent who let her get away with anything when she was younger. He was totally anti-authority.

Whatever the truth of that, the fact remains that, as boncho and I pointed out, he was the kind of person who allowed an argument with his daughter to escalate to the point where she ran out of the house in the middle of the night. You can make all the qualifications and excuses you like, but that is the plain fact, as reported by yourself.

(Being childless) absolutely devalues your opinion. You have no idea what you're talking about. You are just guessing... and doing a piss poor job at it. You're here spouting off how you think you would have parented, if you had been a parent.

I am doing nothing of the kind. I am talking about a wicked (and illegal) thing somebody did: reading and replying to text messages not meant for them, pretending to be someone else. That is the issue.

As for your claim that 'parenting' is somehow exempt from the conventions of decency, honesty, truthfulness and courtesy that govern other human interactions in civilized societies, it's just hopeless. Forget it; you haven't a leg to stand on, and neither has the OP.

Once you're an actual parent it's totally different situation.

I have no expectations of ever being a parent. However, I have dozens of friends who are parents, and even grandparents. Not one of them would approve of your line of talk, or of the OP's scandalous behaviour. They are decent people, not snoops poring over their children's text messages.

You are simply wrong. Get over it.

reply to post by Astyanax

I have no expectations of ever being a parent. However, I have dozens of friends who are parents, and even grandparents. Not one of them would approve of your line of talk, or of the OP's scandalous behaviour. They are decent people, not snoops poring over their children's text messages.

You are simply wrong. Get over it.

You are entitled to your opinion. But I know for a fact I am not wrong. In fact everybody involved in my situation would admit I was right. You trying to judge the OP and calling him immoral is wrong.

Once again it is obvious to me that you have no idea what you're talking about. But you don't seem like the type who listens to reality. It's probably a good thing you are not a parent. Because it would change everything you think you know and you seem like a very defensive person with a fragile ego. Unwilling to admit that your lack of experience in these matters is a significant factor as to the accuracy of your advice.

Originally posted by Astyanax

Your household is part of the country you live in, and the laws of that country apply with equal force within its four walls as out of it.

As I said earlier, I couldn't care less what you do. I just feel sorry for your daughter – and for the poor children whose innocent messages you are snooping on without their knowledge.

I understand WHY you don't have children. You would give them a time out,and hand them an ice cream all in the same motion.My daughter laughed today,at your ridiculous comments.Really,she did.

You have no concept of today's world. On the pitfalls the youth have to endure.

Hoped you watched the video........finding out its perfectly legal to do what I do.

Peace.

reply to post by kdog1982


Well by representing yourself as someone you aren't is what will start the problems, compounding them after the fact.

If your actions towards the boys cause them to do something they normally would not, you can be charged. Because they are minors, and you are not, you run the risk of violating child porn laws. It doesn't say much for your character either when it comes to setting an example for others by pretending to be someone your not. Your games with them egg them on and nothing more.

Legalities aside, if the parents name is on the cell phone bill, then there is no recourse for the minor who was using the phone, regardless of who is paying the bill. If a minor doesn't want to abide by house rules, then they resolve that issue when they turn 18 (17 in some states).

Other than that we should be involved in our kids lives, more so today than 30 years ago. Computers, social networking sites, text messages, emails, etc - all available on a cell phone.

As with the use of, well everything, appropriate use of the item should be required. If they can't use the device appropriately and in a mature manner, then they don't deserve the privilege of using the phone. And that is exactly what it is, a privilege, not a right.

I'm tired of taking calls for service only to be forced to detain / submit charges against minors simply because their parents are to lazy to keep up with their child. If a person is to busy to raise their child, then maybe they should not have children.

Its not societies job to raise children... Its not the schools responsibility to raise children.. Its not the police's job to raise children.

Its the parents job.

Originally posted by Xcathdra


Legalities aside, if the parents name is on the cell phone bill, then there is no recourse for the minor who was using the phone, regardless of who is paying the bill. If a minor doesn't want to abide by house rules, then they resolve that issue when they turn 18 (17 in some states).

Other than that we should be involved in our kids lives, more so today than 30 years ago. Computers, social networking sites, text messages, emails, etc - all available on a cell phone.

As with the use of, well everything, appropriate use of the item should be required. If they can't use the device appropriately and in a mature manner, then they don't deserve the privilege of using the phone. And that is exactly what it is, a privilege, not a right.

A voice of reason.

Thank you X.

reply to posts by ThirdRock69 and sonnny1

Originally posted by ThirdRock69
you don't seem like the type who listens to reality. It's probably a good thing you are not a parent... You seem like a very defensive person with a fragile ego.

Originally posted by sonnny1
I understand WHY you don't have children.

This kind of personal attack is precisely what I would expect from people espousing the attitudes you hold. Unfortunately for the two of you, it doesn't advance your position one inch. All ATS knows what you're like now.

Originally posted by doubledutch
reply to post by xxdaniel21

 

yes you were, or at least it looks like that:

"yet he's using his daughter's identity (his own daughter) to contact her friends."

He's not contacting them, their contacting his daughter, he is simply trying to find out if they are who they say they are.

Lol i think i know what i meant. "Contacting her friends" can have sooo many different meanings, but you've chosen the darker ones - maybe that suits your personality, maybe you just focus and attract on negativity, i don't know - but he IS contacting her friends.

Okay, they contacted her daughter first, but part of that contact is subject to him replying - which he did! He replied to his daughter's friends' messages - which assumes some basic form of "contact" or "communication".

I didn't say whether or not that contact entailed questionable "sexual" thoughts, which is what i assume you're implying we're referring to (i may be wrong).

But i'm digressing. I'll make it easier for you. He is talking to his daughter's friends through a guise. His daughter's friends thought they were sending messages to her - not her father.
The content of the messages is completely not the issue here - he is feeding an illusion. An illusion he wouldn't approve of if it was his government, or local police - yet it's okay for him because he is in the position of power in this context - and this power is corrupting.

He isn't approaching passively - he is approaching agressively.

reply to post by Astyanax

This kind of personal attack is precisely what I would expect from people espousing the attitudes you hold. Unfortunately for the two of you, it doesn't advance your position one inch. All ATS knows what you're like now.

I said you seem defensive and have a fragile ego. I'd hardly call that an attack of any sorts. Your above statement appears to confirm my my statement.

irony and hypocrisy go hand in hand


Let's read some of your statements again shall we.

You have done a creepy, cruel and disgusting thing. Your daughter will remember it for ever. You have probably earned her undying hatred.

Portray exaggerated & extreme outcome as the truth

reply to post by mamabeth

So your father was into anger, big dramatic gestures and censorship, but never got round to teaching you that eavesdropping on people is wicked and contemptible.

And so the sins of the father are visited on the daughter. I understand you a lot better now, mamabeth.

Assuming derogatory characteristics about people and their parents based on biased personal opinion

They brutalized and brainwashed you into being just like them?

Was this sarcasm ?

Or do you really believe this crap you're writing?

Okay. Since you are apparently of a legalistic and materialistic mindset, here is an argument that may penetrate to wherever you do your thinking.

Insult a persons intelligence and insinuate shallowness

Right. Her father was the sort of parent who allows an argument with his child to escalate to the point where she runs out onto the street in the middle of the night. In other words, another dad with 'Ego Prison Warden' written in six-inch letters across his sweatshirt.

Once again you assume you know it all based on zero facts and are 100% incorrect

Still you persist in not admitting when you are wrong.

As I said earlier, I couldn't care less what you do. I just feel sorry for your daughter – and for the poor children whose innocent messages you are snooping on without their knowledge.

the most telling statement of your lack of experience in parenting. Oh those poor innocent children.

You really have no idea what children are even like do you?

You are simply wrong. Get over it.

Nice, Mr. know it all , Okay I'm over it.

Astyanax
Mind Firmly Closed

My favorite line comes from mini profile under your screen name.

Says it all really.

reply to post by Astyanax


ahahahahah

you don't even have children

mate you have no idea what you are talking about

looks like my earlier assessment of this thread was correct.

Originally posted by doubledutch
reply to post by dannotz

 

it's people like you I was talking about in my last posts... your a child, how would you know anything about raising children!

this is ridiculous! I bet 90% of the reply's to this thread are from kids who can obveously relate to the 13 year old but have noooooo idea about anything other than hanging with mates and chatting up chicks

kdog ignore these kids and fools, they know nothing!

edit on 22-2-2012 by doubledutch because: (no reason given)

Yea?

Well this "child" could atleast tell you his opinion while trying to be understanding and respectful. Not rude.

Sorry, but i think it's a little creepy that he gets joy out of texting his daughters girlfriends, pretending to be her, and reading their past conversations.

I wasn't going to be so blunt, but obviously respect doesn't get me too far with "adults".

reply to post by xxdaniel21


round and round we go

yaaaaaaawn

do you have children?

reply to post by dannotz


yeah I was probably a bit hard on you yesterday (was aimed more at the whole thread than you personally, you just happened to post at the right time)... I was having a bad day and some of the nonsense being spouted on this thread by people with no clue was getting me all worked up... just felt like a bunch of kids bleating the same stuff with no real idea and getting kicks out of it. Also I feel for the op, he is getting an unnecessarily hard time

so I apologise - man to man

reply to post by xxdaniel21


xxdaniel, everyone has missed a very important fact that the OP explained.

The OP said, he told his daughter to tell her friends that he had the phone and not to try to contact her on it. He also said that when he asked his daughter who was this boy texting her.

His daughter told him "I DON"T KNOW WHO THAT IS".

So, that why he texted the boy back. Is it starting to make sense now?

The person texting his daughter was obviously not one of her close friends. He wanted to find out who this creep was and found out it was a 30 year old man texting his 13 year old daughter.

I don't care how many of you think it's a false. But it is actually a reality that parents need to be very concerned about these days. OK

I hope this puts things in perspective and back to the reality of the situation at hand.

reply to post by ThirdRock69


couldn't have put it better my self

reply to post by doubledutch


Well thanks!

That's not what i was expecting! haha.

I mean, i still stand by my opinion, but if i WERE a parent, I could see myself wanting to sneak a peak at their phones. Or spy a little, but i'd also know that i shouldn't be that way. That there are plenty of justifications for it, but that i should strive for a trusting relationship. I mean if all it was, was texting back and forth with a boy, i wouldn't be that worried..that's what teenagers do..and i surely wouldn't take her phone and text her friends and track guys down.

Also, his "30 year old Cuban" comment made me think he was being a bit paranoid. Cause if he looked up the cell number to see who it belonged to he would've gotten the name of the person who pays the bill, which in this case is most likely the "Cuban" father of the boy texting his daughter.

But yes thank you, and no worry's, The best of us blow a little built up ATS steam off now and then.

gooday!

reply to post by dannotz


dannotz,

You're a little older than 13 now.

But think back a little bit at how naive you were back then.

How willing you were to talk to new people online and learn from people older than you.

Now think of yourself as a 13 year old girl. Talking online to strangers who are more mature than you showing you attention and making you feel important and special.

You might accidently give out your cell phone to one of these people in a conversation and not really realize your mistake or remember that you gave your number out to a stranger.

Maybe that stranger texted you a couple times and you thought they were creepy so you stopped texting back.
But what if they didn't leave you alone and kept texting you. But you were afraid to tell your parents about it because you would lose your cell phone privleges for giving out your number to a stranger.

That's what I think happened here.

reply to post by dannotz




"if i WERE a parent, I could see myself wanting to sneak a peak at their phones. Or spy a little, but i'd also know that i shouldn't be that way."

well this is exactly how I feel about this debate, I think most people, once parents, suddenly realise how bloody hard it is, and once they get older, how scary it is!. There are so many 'ins' these days for scary people to get to your child. Facebook, msn, beebo, mobile's etc etc, as a parent it's a bloody mine field, sometimes it's hard to know which way to turn or how to handle certain situations. The thing is unless you have children it's impossible to know how you would parent.

I was raised by hippies in a squat in London, well we were in a squat for a while. My parents were full blown hippies and made a point of not restricting us and letting us have a free reign. This was a bad idea. I have seen first hand how that doesnt work and have seen many kids turn into f'ed up adults because of the type of parenting that people here seem to be promoting.

my point is this, control, boundaries and a lot of love go a long way, i think without guidance and control kids turn into insecure, rebellious f**k the world adults who never really grow up.

On the other hand I have also seen people with over strict parents who end up just as f'ed up.

anyway you seem like a very level, respectful young man.

Have a nice day mate

dd

reply to post by kdog1982


Out of line for pretending to be the girl, but being a good parent for confiscating it. I ask this though, why are you looking through it, are you so convinced you cannot trust you own family to be honest with you that you must resort to petty stealing to get the truth. That to me is sad as it shows you are incapable of being a good parent for the daughter. A suggestion that could answer your problems without lowering one's self is to talk with the daughter.