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So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

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posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 05:15 AM
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reply to post by Lulzaroonie
 


Listen to this poster.She didn't just start getting texts from some random "cuban".She probably met this clown online somwhere and started texting back and forth.If what you say is true I'd be looking into a lot more then her phone.After all,she is 13.She's immature and probably believed this person was around her age.It's also possible she lied to you when she said she didn't know who it was.
edit on 24-2-2012 by nightstalker78 because: (no reason given)




posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 05:47 AM
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Originally posted by kdog1982
I got a big hug and I love you daddy from my girl.



Did you think she wouldn't love you because you disciplined her? Of course she loves you. And if I recall correctly not one person on this thread has said you were wrong to take the phone from her. All they have said is that you were stepping over a line by reading her texts. If she gave you permission to do so, fair enough, but if not, you have just taught her that in future she shouldn't tell you stuff and handle it herself. And trust me, from experience, she can't handle it herself.

There is a very simple solution to this, and it isn't about giving in, or being a weak parent, it is about admitting that we all make mistakes. Affirm to her that you were right to step in, but admit, that in your wish to protect her that you went too far, and apologise for that. That is all it takes to rebuild the trust that otherwise you may never know you have lost until it is too late.

Sure, under your roof your kids have no rights, that doesn't mean that they should not be treated with respect and given some rights when they have earned them. No child asks to be born, and as the saying goes, you can choose your friends but you can't choose your relatives. Do you really want your daughter to shape up or ship out when she gets to the age when she can make that decision? This, right here, is where you can help her by not just protecting her in the moment, but giving her the skills to protect herself for life.

Life doesn't get any easier as you get older, I am sure that you are blatantly aware of that, we just hopefully get better equipped to deal with it. Given the right guidance.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 06:07 AM
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Originally posted by Spiramirabilis
Biliverdin - I just love your name :-) does it have special meaning for you?


Thank you, and yes, it does...


Biliverdin results from the breakdown of the heme moiety of hemoglobin in erythrocytes. Macrophages break down senescent erythrocytes and break the heme down into biliverdin, which normally rapidly reduces to free bilirubin.[1][3] Biliverdin is seen briefly in some bruises as a green color. Its breakdown into bilirubin in bruises, leads to a yellowish color.[2]


en.wikipedia.org...

I was dark and bloodied, but I am healing, hopefully, one day, I'll make it to yellow before I disappear completely.



Originally posted by Spiramirabilis
This is worth an entire thread of it's own - there's so much I could say about this. But I have this sense that some dads are in some kind of strange competition with their daughters potential suitors - and I don't mean that the way it sounds. But what are daughters to learn from all this - that their dads don't think they're capable of looking out for themselves? We don't hear very much about parents monitoring their sons the way they do their daughters - or am I just missing all that?


I suppose it depends upon the parent. I think many parents don't worry so much about boys, they're not the ones who are going to come home with a swollen belly or worse. Too few parents obviously think about whether it is our son that will be the boy that causes the swollen belly, or the kind that uses and discards women after they have had their fun. I do. I have cut my brother from my son's life, because he is the sort of influence that I don't want. He thinks all women are there for his pleasure and little else, and will pretend to be whatever it takes to get them to pleasure him. And, in retrospect, I can see how he came to be that way, my Mum thinks the sun shines out of his proverbial. I used to too, but I can see now, what all that adoration has turned him into, and how my Mum has to put blinkers on, so that she doesn't see him for what he is. It is very sad. But on the upside, I am finally getting to know and appreciate my Dad, about whom neither have a good word to say, and you know, he's actually a really nice guy. Life is funny that way, and there are always lessons to be learnt.
edit on 24-2-2012 by Biliverdin because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 08:54 PM
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reply to post by Biliverdin
 





There is a very simple solution to this, and it isn't about giving in, or being a weak parent, it is about admitting that we all make mistakes. Affirm to her that you were right to step in, but admit, that in your wish to protect her that you went too far, and apologise for that.


This might be good advice under different circumstances. Obviously you are still under the assumption that the OP is lying about the 30 year old cuban.

What if the OP is not lying about the 30 year old cuban? If this person is found to be sexually soliciting minors online or in text messages, will you still stand by your opinion that the OP was wrong for what they did?

Or will you admit that you were wrong and the OP did the right thing and YOU should apologize to him?



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 09:20 PM
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Originally posted by ThirdRock69
reply to post by Biliverdin
 





There is a very simple solution to this, and it isn't about giving in, or being a weak parent, it is about admitting that we all make mistakes. Affirm to her that you were right to step in, but admit, that in your wish to protect her that you went too far, and apologise for that.


This might be good advice under different circumstances. Obviously you are still under the assumption that the OP is lying about the 30 year old cuban.

What if the OP is not lying about the 30 year old cuban? If this person is found to be sexually soliciting minors online or in text messages, will you still stand by your opinion that the OP was wrong for what they did?

Or will you admit that you were wrong and the OP did the right thing and YOU should apologize to him?



I must have missed something.

I never lied about the cuban guy,I called the police,a detective called me back the next day with questions and info,and he told me he would let me know if this was something serious or not.
If even ask how I found out about it,and commended me for stepping in as a parent and for keeping an eye on my daughters online and phone conversations.
He told me this happens alot,and sometimes doesn't end well.

I found out that he contacted her through facebook,you know someone pops in wanting to be your friend and you accept.
Then she gave him her phone number and was texting with him not know who the hell he was.

Well,the facebook account was terminated a few months ago,and the phone was taking away a few weeks ago.
It sat in a drawer for a week,until my phone died and I started using it.
So,I'm sitting in a hotel room,out of town this week and I get a text you some"boy".
I proceeded with a few hi how are you,whats going on thats it.Then I text that it was dad and my daughter no longer had the phone.
I thought that was the end of that till I decided to research the phone number.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 09:29 PM
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reply to post by kdog1982
 


Thanks for clearing that up. I never thought you were lying.

I hope all the people who gave you a hard time about it are feeling pretty stupid now.

Personally, I think they all owe you an apology.

Good job, Dad



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 09:33 PM
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reply to post by ThirdRock69
 


Thanks.

I'm still freaked out about it and wanting so bad to call that detective.
We had a long discussion with my daughter and she now understands what could have happened.
We scared the crap out of her.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 09:41 PM
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reply to post by kdog1982
 


I always thought that things weren't as bad as some people said.

That all the talk about being careful of predators was just to be cautious and was exaggerated.

I thought like most people, "oh it won't happen to us".

Until it did happen. I was in shock too.

This really is no joking matter and it does happen more than we all would like to think.

Thank Goodness you were able to prevent this guy from any further creepy interactions with your daughter or worse.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:18 PM
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reply to post by Biliverdin
 



I suppose it depends upon the parent. I think many parents don't worry so much about boys, they're not the ones who are going to come home with a swollen belly or worse.


I wish we could know what it would be like if all the guarding, herding, corralling, worry, fear and shame was put on the boys for a change - what kind of universe would that be?


I was dark and bloodied, but I am healing, hopefully, one day, I'll make it to yellow before I disappear completely.


I was wondering if it was something like that - very nice :-)



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:27 PM
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reply to post by kdog1982


I found out that he contacted her through facebook,you know someone pops in wanting to be your friend and you accept.
Then she gave him her phone number and was texting with him not know who the hell he was.


 


This really had nothing to do with the phone then. The whole situation could have been prevented by being involved more with your daughters internet usage in the beginning.

Any kids that use facebook should have their privacy settings maxed out. It's what we did with my ex's daughter. The only people that can find her on there are friends of friends, and there is nothing displayed to the public.

That doesn't eliminate the possibility entirely, but for some reason your daughter wanted to talk to someone she doesn't know at all. Which suggests she needs to develop some closer friends from school, or be more involved with the friends she has.

Instead of delivering her into a world of fear trying to scare her, I'm not sure why this isn't a wake up call to get her out doing things with trusted people so she isn't looking to random strangers for attention.

If the story is 100% true as well, I still am confused as to why you didn't mention it in the OP.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:44 PM
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Whoa sonny, I'm finding it hard to keep up with your daily avatar changes...


Originally posted by sonnny1
reply to post by 1littlewolf
 


Reading a childs messages is NOT going a bit too far. There are company's that actually offer those type of services. If you have an agreement,as I do with my child,to check from time to time,it just reassures the child and parent that thing are on the up and up. As I stated in earlier posts,My daughter LAUGHED at some of the responses here. Especially from those who dont have children,trying to talk as if they KNOW how to raise a child,in todays world. Making believe you are someone else? Yeah,bit too far,something I wouldnt do. Then again thats ones parents way of doing things,and NOT every parent is perfect. Being a Parent is a learning adventure also.


See the key here is that you have an agreement. This is vastly different from confiscating the phone and going through every text and photo. Your child knows not to store anything on the phone which she may not want you to see. And I'm not necessarily talking about anything she's doing wrong, but merely things that she may find embarrassing for her dad to see.

As for those people commentating that do not have children. For starters there's plenty of people with children on here that do not agree with Kdog's actions. and secondly although they may be speaking on a level of idealism untainted by reality, the fact is that they still were once children with parents so they still understand at least one side of the argument


And Yes,85% of Parents blamed the parents in the Columbine massacre. Why? Because their children are dead. You as a Parent,should look for signs,if your child is going through some problem. From bullying to sexting,to talking to people who are not on a list that you approve of. If it means monitoring your childs phone,then so be it.


30% of Americans believe in Young Earth Creationism, so any statistics quoted proving showing me how stupid Americans can be are meaningless. Just because The majority of people think something does not in any way shape or form mean its correct.

The fact is that one of the two Columbine shooters one was believed to be a clinical psychopath, and the other was depressed and easily led. And this is beyond the scope of most parents to deal with.

 



reply to post by kdog1982

Look Kdog, I certainly don't think you're the worst parent on Earth. What you have done is fairly low on the scale of parental misdemeanors. Like Boncho I am confused why you didn't mention the whole Cuban thing at the start as your OP and assuming it is true it could have all been handled better by being with your daughters internet usage together as a team at the start.

My main point is that once you breach one level of privacy, she will begin to shut you out of certain areas of your life which you would probably much rather be involved in. This is especially true if you have showed that once you have accessed these areas you will probably only go and embarrass her.

I say this from the experience of a guy who was a little rebellious in his teens and had especially snooping parents. So the way I handled it was merely to shut them out of my life. This saved me from embarrassment and many a talking to, but because i'd cut myself off from their guidance and experience it probably in the end only served to get me in even more trouble. That is my main concern.

It is a fine line one walks as a parent, and I'm sure overall you're doing fine




edit on 24/2/2012 by 1littlewolf because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:47 PM
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reply to post by seabag
 


I’m old school…if you live under my roof you play by my rules.

Nothing wrong with that at all, as long as the rules – or rather, the spirit of them – apply equally to all members of the household.

How would you like it if your son or daughter took your mobile phone and read all the messages on it? Would you think that's acceptable? If you don't, you know it isn't acceptable for you to do it to them, either.

Morals and character are mostly infused by example, not much by precept and not at all by coercion. Think back to your own childhood and you will see that I am telling the truth.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:53 PM
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reply to posts by ThirdRock69, doubledutch and sonnny1
 

You three can clutch at the straw of my childlessness all you like. It will not save you from drowning in the tide of justified condemnation you and the OP have raised with this thread.

ThirdRock69, you appear unable to distinguish between a criticism of somebody's actions and a personal remark. All my criticisms, which you quote in your post, were of actions to which the posters had already confessed. In mamabeth's case, they were her father's actions. To condemn an action is not to insult the actor personally.

You, on the other hand, have had the effrontery to make remarks about my character and even to try your hand at long-distance psychoanalysis. Now that is personal – not that I give a toss. I have long since formed my own judgements regarding the value of your opinions.

doubledutch, you have already been dealt with sufficiently by others, so I will restrict myself to observing that the 14-year-olds one sees pushing prams round British housing estates would be delighted by your endorsement of their parental skills.

sonnny1, you came on this thread and condemned yourself out of your own mouth. None of my remarks to you were personal. This, on the other hand...


Originally posted by sonnny1
I understand why you dont have children

is both personal and deeply offensive. How do you know I cannot have children for medical reasons, or due to some other tragic constraint you know nothing about?

To all three of you, and anyone else who fancies the bonsai school of parenting – snip here, lop there, twist and stunt over on the other side – I say: come back when your children are grown and tell me what fantastic parents you all were. If you still dare. If you still can.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 10:55 PM
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reply to post by Biliverdin
 


And what I always find particularly hypocritical is how many fathers seem to think it is okay to put down women, or objectify them, and then are shocked or outraged when their daughter feels it is okay to be viewed by boys and men in the same way.

It's natural. Have you never heard of the droit de seigneur?

Impregnating one's own daughter is an evolutionarily stable strategy for human males – if they can get away with it, which more often than not they can't. The dangers of inbreeding are not nearly that great, and are mostly offset by the evolutionary advantage of having a set of genes that have already demonstrated they work well together.

This is the probable root of the instinctive jealousy so many fathers show towards their daughters' sexual partners.


edit on 24/2/12 by Astyanax because: of heinous misapostrophosis.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 11:33 PM
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reply to post by Astyanax
 





How would you like it if your son or daughter took your mobile phone and read all the messages on it? Would you think that's acceptable? If you don't, you know it isn't acceptable for you to do it to them, either.


Again, you clearly have no idea what you're talking about. The above statement is probably the most ridiculous thing that has said by anyone in this entire thread.

Rules are not laws. They don't apply to everyone equally. A child does not have the same privileges that adults have. That the whole point. Are you saying that if a parent drinks alcohol then a child should be allowed to drink too? If a parent smokes then a child should be allowed to smoke too?

A parent who pays the phone bill is different from a child who is allowed to have a phone. I'm starting to think you're just a trolling teenager trying to piss off the parents here in this thread. Whatever the case your reasoning is completely wrong and immature. It shows that you have absolutely ZERO real parenting skills or experience. That's for damn sure.







Impregnating one's own daughter is an evolutionarily stable strategy for human males – if they can get away with it, which more often than not they can't. The dangers of inbreeding are not nearly that great, and are mostly offset by the evolutionary advantage of having a set of genes that have already demonstrated they work well together.

This is the probable root of the instinctive jealousy so many fathers show towards their daughters' sexual partners.




OMG

I take it back, that statement was even more ridiculous than your previous one.

What a sick, perverted mind you possess.

While there may be some fathers that fit your description. They are NOT the majority.

A father instinct to protect their child is NOT based on jealousy. I can't believe you actually think that applies to most fathers. You obviously have some serious issues. I don't even know what else to say or react to your statement. I'm shocked.

WTF,

edit on 24-2-2012 by ThirdRock69 because: (no reason given)

edit on 24-2-2012 by ThirdRock69 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 11:35 PM
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reply to post by boncho
 



If the story is 100% true as well, I still am confused as to why you didn't mention it in the OP.


Because it developed after I started the thread.

That is why.

In my posts,you will see that after a couple of hours,I got curious and researched some phone numbers.

I was wrong in the beginning in responding to texts on my daughters phone.
I get that.
I was sitting there,a text comes in ,I responded to it.
I started the thread based on that.
Later,I went through her contact list.I didn't recognize the number.
So,I looked up the number,and it wasn't who I thought it was.
I pretty much know where all her friends live,so it was easy to figure out the odd ball.

But I'm glad I looked into those phone numbers.



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 11:42 PM
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Originally posted by Astyanax
reply to post by Biliverdin
 


And what I always find particularly hypocritical is how many fathers seem to think it is okay to put down women, or objectify them, and then are shocked or outraged when their daughter feels it is okay to be viewed by boys and men in the same way.

It's natural. Have you never heard of the droit de seigneur?

Impregnating one's own daughter is an evolutionarily stable strategy for human males – if they can get away with it, which more often than not they can't. The dangers of inbreeding are not nearly that great, and are mostly offset by the evolutionary advantage of having a set of genes that have already demonstrated they work well together.

This is the probable root of the instinctive jealousy so many fathers show towards their daughters' sexual partners.


edit on 24/2/12 by Astyanax because: of heinous misapostrophosis.


It's more like fathers remember when they were teenage boys and know what they are like.

Kept my calm with that statement,cause it could have gotten ugly.
Thats the difference between a child and a parent.
edit on 24-2-2012 by kdog1982 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 11:54 PM
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reply to post by kdog1982
 


That's fine. But I hope you reflect on this as a dad more than anything. Like I said before, the fact that your daughter is comfortable talking to people she doesn't know at all is little upsetting. If there is something you can do to help her relationships with her friends, or increase the number of trusted people she has around her, I think that is something you should be looking at.

A lot of it will include headaches, like having a bunch of crazy kids running around your house annoying the crap out of you. But better them be around then off where you don't know. Better to be the family that all her friends know are welcoming so they aren't avoiding you like the plague.

And furthermore, as I mentioned before this whole phone situation was unneeded. Her internet use caused this whole issue. I don't even think she should lose the phone given the circumstances, but perhaps she needs a new number. As far as boys her age, again I go back to encouraging her to develop closer friendships with girls her own age. In a group mentality, girls have this great ability to nitpick, sluff off and berate boys their own age.

I think this should be a wake up call for you more than anything. There will always be weird people out there, it's up to us to develop patterns of behavior so we don't have to interact with them, or the very thought of it is distasteful.

Best of luck with your family.




posted on Feb, 24 2012 @ 11:54 PM
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reply to post by 1littlewolf
 


Star for you.


Throughout this whole thread,you have made good points,that have made me think. Not that I may do things differently,but being more mindful of my daughters emotions. Kudos to you for that. I have a harder task then most parents. I am a single father,raising ALL my children without support from moms.My children are on the honor roll,and to keep them there, I have to be extra diligent.

BTW,thank you for not insulting me,because Im a parent...


I wish my Avatar could change,by itself....I have many,I rotate,as my mood dictates.....

edit on 25-2-2012 by sonnny1 because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 25 2012 @ 12:06 AM
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reply to post by boncho
 


Thanks,boncho,it has been a wakeup call.

And I hope this thread will help many parents and non parents realize that with the technology that our youth have today,you have to be vigilant in monitoring what they do.




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