So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins

Even the title of the thread emphasizes the mindset of this guy.

"So,I have my daughters phone now,the fun begins"
Start as you mean to go on, and he began, not as a responsible parent truly worried for his daughters well being, but as someone about to take a whole lot of pleasure being in control and having power.

If he wants to be aware of how wrong he is in some of his actions, he must only apply his decisions and attitude to any other situation in life.

reply to post by daryllyn


Explanation: St*rred!

Teenagers have an under developed frontal lobe that doesn't allow them to see the consequences of their actions, causes them to be egocentric and also makes them think that they are invincible. Because bad things only happen to other people. That's why they need us, that's why they need guidance. And unfortunately the way their brain is wired won't allow them to learn from our mistakes, as much as we wish that they would.

Here is the technical fix for immature brains ...

Its over! the government had alread dumbed you down (Proof Indside!) [thread by RadeonGFXRHumanGTXisAlien posted on 4-9-2011 @ 08:01 AM, reply by OmegaLogos posted on 4-9-2011 @ 10:48 AM] [ATS]

Originally posted by OmegaLogos

Explanation: Anybody who works in the education 'business' ... your days are numbered!

Here is why...

New "memory chip" can erase and restore a rats memories at the touch of a button! SCARY!!! (by w3nd1g0 posted on 21-6-2011 @ 10:45 PM) [ATS]

Scientists Implant Chip That Allows Thoughts, Memory And Behavior To Be Transferred (by MIDNIGHTSUN posted on 19-6-2011 @ 06:58 PM) [ATS]

Rats controlled by RF chip in brain (by acesinthehole posted on 7-6-2007 @ 02:58 PM) [ATS]

Why are people so afraid of mind control chips? (by windwalker81570 posted on 22-1-2005 @ 10:28 PM) [ATS]

Merging Man and Machine: We are the internet (by highlyoriginal posted on 12-4-2010 @ 06:32 AM) [ATS]

Universal Soldier (by Balthasar posted on 30-10-2005 @ 10:58 PM) [ATS]

Personal Disclosure: Chip the kids and put them to work like good little tax payers! And save money by firing the educators who are now useless eaters! Fix that by chipping them too!

P.S. But kudos to that same education system for producing the people who designed the chips! Thats what a good worker is supposed to do... put themselves out of a job!

Once the kid is chipped they cannot claim they didn't know any better!

Personal Disclosure: Because ....

It is our job as parents to protect them from themselves.

reply to post by kdog1982


Explanation: Kids don't get fair... they get told!

But that is no excuse for parents/guardians to abuse that authority!

Personal Disclosure: Do unto others as you would like done unto you! Good Luck with your disciplining of your wayward daughter!

reply to post by kdog1982


ask her friends about her "habits" thats what my mom did lol

Hey op, what is fun about being a middle aged male pretending to be your 13 year old daughter?

reply to post by xxdaniel21


no he isnt. He is responding to messages sent to his daughters phone, to find out if they are who they say they are... big difference.

Im not justifying it, as im not sure I would do that, but HE WAS NOT TRYING TO PICK UP 13 YEAR OLD BOYS/GIRLS, which is what people seem to be suggesting.

There was a story in the press here in the uk years ago, about a pediatrician. This Doctor (children's doctor for those who don't know what pediatrician means) started getting harassed by the locals, they eventually started throwing bricks through his window and scrawling obscenities on his walls. In the end he had to move.... Do you know why all this happened, because his thick no brained neighbors thought he was a pedophile, not a pediatrician... talk about ignorant.

Anyway this thread is a bit like that

edit: above poster, you make a good example of what I was just talking about.

I'm sure I don't have to spell out too much which side of this fence I'm on.
However, I cut out all the clandestine texting and just declared Jihad.

With his behaviour in this case, the OP shouldn't be surprised if his daughter does act the way she is, after all, he raised her and it looks like, he has not much clue about how to properly raise a kid.

The way to success is not overprotection and control, but giving them freedom. Kids have to do mistakes, otherwise they never learn what's right and what's wrong. Look at their behaviour, talk about their mistakes and experiences, try to guide them. That's a lot better than 'having fun' with her iPhone, pretending to be her (how sick must you be?!)

Originally posted by doubledutch
reply to post by xxdaniel21

 

no he isnt. He is responding to messages sent to his daughters phone, to find out if they are who they say they are... big difference.

Im not justifying it, as im not sure I would do that, but HE WAS NOT TRYING TO PICK UP 13 YEAR OLD BOYS/GIRLS, which is what people seem to be suggesting.

I actually wasn't suggesting he was attempting to pick up young kids. If you read my post properly, i was just stating the irony that people never know the true identity of the people their kids are speaking to, YET he is assuming another identity to have "fun" (as per the title of the thread) with her contacts. Whether or not he is investigating is completely irellevent.

He is assuming a false identity whichever way you look at it, which in itself is irony. And that's all my post was saying.

reply to post by xxdaniel21


yes you were, or at least it looks like that:

"yet he's using his daughter's identity (his own daughter) to contact her friends."

He's not contacting them, their contacting his daughter, he is simply trying to find out if they are who they say they are.

I agree it's probably not the best course of action but people in this thread seem to be insinuating there is a much darker side to this. All I see is a slightly overzealous dad trying to raise his child without her going off the rails

Originally posted by daryllyn
[color=dodgerblue]I wonder how many of the responses bashing the OP are parents?

Scenario: You get your kid a phone. Its in your name. You are paying the bill. You agreed the to the terms and conditions.

Your kid sends another kid an inappropriate picture.

That kid's parents see the picture and they are pissed. They call the police and charges are pressed.

Who do you think gets in more trouble? Child pornography, anyone? That's a very serious charge.

The pictures, inappropriate talk and 'sexting' or what have you... can most certainly lead to other things. It is our job as parents to protect them from themselves.

Teenagers have an under developed frontal lobe that doesn't allow them to see the consequences of their actions, causes them to be egocentric and also makes them think that they are invincible. Because bad things only happen to other people. That's why they need us, that's why they need guidance. And unfortunately the way their brain is wired won't allow them to learn from our mistakes, as much as we wish that they would.

I can agree though that OP shouldn't have been having conversations with his daughter's friends in that way. but I think taking the phone away was the right thing to do.

edit on 22-2-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

edit on 22-2-2012 by daryllyn because: (no reason given)

This is exactly why you need to present your children with CHOICES - to help develop that healthy, strong brain that can make good decisions consistently. If you just control your children without them having a say, first and foremost they will resent you for it, and more importantly they will miss out on a critical developmental stage where good decision making starts.

I agree children need guidance - this isn't guidance. This is tyranny. It's also borderline creepy as hell - what adult pretends to be a 13 year old girl to talk to 13 year old boys? Confiscating a cell phone I can understand, installing yourself in your daughter's personal life in such a cruel way I do not understand. These aren't the actions of a good parent. Neither is shooting 8 rounds into her laptop. This parenting style only propagates underfunctioning humans.

I would just like to add - my daughter is almost 11. She's had a cell phone for about 6 months. When I gave it to her, I explained the rules, which were as follows:

1: The only acceptable time to use the phone at school is an emergency, or after the final bell has rung. During school hours the phone should be OFF and in her backpack.

2: No calls after 8 PM

3: No more than 1 hour of phone time a month.

4: No voting for the next American Idol (etc)

5: No inappropriate conversations! If the phone is being used to discuss things with friends that you wouldn't say to your family at the dinner table then you are abusing this privilege.

6: No FACEBOOK, Myspace, etc.

7: LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER! (She lives with her mom, and one of the largest reasons I got her the phone was so that she could call me and vice versa. I have her every weekend and for extended periods in the summer, but during the week while school is in session, I would often have to call her mom multiple times just to reach her.)

All of these rules are subject to change and of course will get less restrictive as she gets older and demonstrates that she can handle the additional responsibility. She is aware of and understands this - it works as an incentive to follow the rules.

There was a period where she was texting back and forth with a boy, and her mother was freaked out about it. Her mom asked me to take the phone away, instead I chose to take her out to get ice cream, and explained why this bothered her mom. I asked her if she could please limit her texting with this boy, reminded her that I could see all of her call records so I would know, and reminded her kindly throughout the conversation the moral code that we live by. We haven't had a problem with excessive texting since. She still talks to her friend, but I am not worried at this point that there is a problem. She would rather practice the violin (her choice) than get into the trouble lots of other kids get in. The boy she was talking to is a good kid, and if I ever need to remind him of the moral code our family lives by I will do so in the same kind manner.. I want my daughter and this kid to respect me, not fear or hate me.

So far my parenting style has proven to be pretty successful. My daughter is a great violinist, she's a pretty good pianist, and she is open in conversation about what's going on in her life, who her friends are, what she did yesterday, etc. I understand the desire to rebel will grow as she does, but I am hoping that if I continue to treat her as a person who is capable of understanding right and wrong, and the consequences of her actions, that I will be able to remain friends with my daughter, as well as being her father.

I know many parents say you aren't your children's friends, but I would challenge people to take a close look at those families and find out how (dys)functional they are, and how well they relate to and communicate with one another. I assure you you will find that parents who attempt to remain friends with their kids have better relationships and more responsible children.

I'm on the side of, she's going to hate you for many years, and rightfully so. My mom pulled some similar BS on me when I was 14, and all it taught me was how to sneak around her spying better, get into worse trouble without her finding out, and planted a deep seed of resentment and IMMENSE distrust that persists to this day, over ten years later.

Ya probably royally F-ed your relationship with your daughter for the foreseeable future.

For shame.

reply to post by kdog1982


As I said, I don't have a daughter, there are probably lots of things I don't understand as I don't experience them with this situation. I also didn't have all the info. Still, I would sit down with her and talk to her, especially about the boy in his underwear.

I wrote that from my point of view with the limited info I had. Again as I said you are the parent. This is a public forum we all well have differing points of views and degrees to those points of view.

I for one am glad I don't have a daughter, I was a teenager a few short, well actually a little over a decade ago and I remember all the fun stuff I wanted to do that most parents wouldn't want, but hey I was a horny teenage guy.

reply to post by kdog1982

What reason do you have to even do this to your own daughter?? Messages from boys?? That is entirely normal...
I know of people who have pretty much had their childhood/young adult years ruined because of parents that spy on their kids, leaving them with no privacy at all. At least one of the persons i know never forgave their parents for that and have now moved to Europe.
How would you feel like if someone dug through your private conversations??

But go ahead and ruin your relationship...

my oldest son is 13,and the only time i take his phone is when he is obsessing over it. then i just ask him to put it on me desk and take a break.
i have an excellent relationship with both my boys and they both know they can talk to me about anything,ANYTHING! and they do.
sometimes its alarming,but i try to keep in mind this is a whole different era,nothing like when i was 13!
understanding,compassion,respect and love go a long way
and respect of privacy is a way of showing your child that you trust them.
having said that you are the parent,and the child should respect that too.
ya still gotta keep an eye on them right!!!

What you are doing is, without a doubt, 100% totally, completely and utterly wrong on every level.

However, I'd probably do the same.

Did any of you people posting not see where the OP says that there was a 30 year old man texting her!

This girl is only 13. Her parents should have the right to cheeck up on her....
They should also have her facebook password.

As a parent of 2 teenagers and a 9 year old. I made my 14 year old son go through his face book account and delete anyo ne he had not met in person. He had over 400 friends. Hes 18 now and he still talks to me.

But I would not of texed the friends.

Alright, first off, if you are so concerned about your daughter texting, why give her a phone? She is thirteen! I didn't get to have a cell phone until I was in high school. If you are against her texting other people, you could always just disable it. My dad didn't get me a plan with texting included, so I wasn't able to send anything. Problem solved. Also, I can safely say that if I was in your daughter's shoes, I would probably never trust you again. Seriously? Texting her friends pretending to be her? That is really, really creepy.

Whether it's morally right or wrong to snoop on your daughters phone is one thing which I don't agree with, but as a parent with a young daughter I can see where you’re coming from. But like your daughter I was a rebellious teen, I still get exposed to a lot of rebellious teens through hanging with my little brother's mates, and I also had parents that also liked to snoop....

Long story short, the actions of my parents simply made me a lot more careful about my actions regarding anything I knew would displease them. For everything I got in trouble for, I was getting away with hundreds of other things which they did not know about – sleeping around, drugs etc.

You obviously haven’t thought about the long term ramifications of your actions. Now not only is she gonna be much more careful to make sure you don’t find out anything else she’s been up to, but you’ve also thrown up a wall of mistrust which amongst other things will make her much less likely to come to you with problems or issues or certain sticky situations she may find herself in. She will now begin cutting you off from many parts of her life. Not only because she no longer trusts you not to pry, but also because she can no longer trust you not to embarrass her in front of her friends. And that for a teenager is the ultimate. Their friends for better or worse are their life and their identity, and will influence their attitude now far more than you do. You have marred that identity she has constructed amongst her friends, and if cutting you out of parts of her life is what it’s gonna take to prevent that from happening again then she will do it. You would have done both of you a favor if you had simply blown that phone away with a shot gun.

You think you’ve nipped it in the bud…….? Sorry my friend but you’ve just planted the seed.

Originally posted by lightmere
Did any of you people posting not see where the OP says that there was a 30 year old man texting her!

Who's to say that he simply didn't buy the phone for his 12 year old son

reply to post by nithaiah


don't worry you wont feel like this forever, when you grow up you'll get over it and realise she was just trying to make sure you were doing the right thing.

give it up Kdog - this is not a good thing.