Men and Child support. What is the answer?

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posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:03 AM
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Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13


See hes avoiding his responsibilities majorly. Me I consider my children watching their mothers struggle so I try to be cool but really the money goes where the moms want it too. Not the kids.
well, you see, in most cases adults are more capable of handling money than kids. The person in charge needs to take care of organizing many things arround and about kids. So spending money for the kids doesn't mean to justify father's contribution by buying loads of icecream, toys and fancy clothes.
I've heard this many times from my ex. He would give money directly to the kids, to avoid me spending the money.
I can tell you that this attitude is very immature and ridiculous.
So, mothers should feel guilty for spending on their clothes (for example). Have ever occure to you and other fathers with simmilar attitude, how the kids feel about their struggling mothers in shabby clothes? Dont' you think that kids love to be proud of their parents?
From my point of view it is not the kid one needs to keep exclusive attention on, rather it is complete environment and components within that environment that needs to be taken care in a balanced manner for to allow kid having a proper childhood, which is more important then petty issues over who is bying what to whom.

edit on 1-6-2011 by Douriff because: (no reason given)




posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:05 AM
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Originally posted by mikellmikell
Our last conversation was :"Yu can't keep me out of your will I asked a lawyer" My response was "Your right you get one hundred dollars and the rest goes to my non profit" that was ovet 10 years ago


Much love on that man wow the will too it goes all the way that far



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:09 AM
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reply to post by Douriff
 


Not even materialistic love It takes time motivation and patience to raise them yes. And buying anything isnt the full answer you gotta still do your part more and put the personal time in IF you wan tthe kids to learn some good things to help prevent them form being misguided due to your none presence within their household... And ofcourse in most cases as I know this, but the kids spending it no the mom having a card issued with the money to be spent on items related to the youth yes.
edit on 6/1/11 by Ophiuchus 13 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:14 AM
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reply to post by Douriff
 


And moms be dressed to impress club wear not drabb at all see my point money goes where she need it. Her hair nail get done when she wanna go out her gear is nice when she wanna go out. So struggle only being because she had 3 more children with some dude and is in fear or something because of his ways and hasnt gotten courage to charge him for nothing, I even brought his kids halloween costumes cause he was deadbeatin it. Struggling like mom needs to remanage her money better cause I see her 70 dollar hair do and 60 dollar nails but I still need more money from my dad for shoes and clothes I just take my seed the 14 yr old shopping and let her spend on top of the support and me and her know whats up and just let her mom be who she is.
edit on 6/1/11 by Ophiuchus 13 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:18 AM
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reply to post by g146541
 


Don't fabricate information. Statistics say that men usualy end up better financially then women after a divorce.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:18 AM
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Originally posted by Ophiuchus 13
to help prevent them form being misguided due to your none presence within their household...

you see - there is homeopatic principle "the less is more" and vice versa. Many fathers are worriying over their non presence, but the thruh is this: spending a quality weekend with kids means a lot more than having them all week arround in a daily routine.
You can spend years in the same household, and be dull, nervous, and not paying attention to your kids needs. There are thousands of people not capable of relating to their closest ones, alienating themselves from others just by being arround them, and not being apart. What I am saying is that your interpersonal relationship is entirely your own responsibility weather you are arround all the time or not. What counts is your ability to relate, not your placement.
edit on 1-6-2011 by Douriff because: (no reason given)
edit on 1-6-2011 by Douriff because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:19 AM
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reply to post by Douriff
 


You do press a good point and the childrens happiness is shaped directly and indirectly by how they see their parents.
But if a parent cannot afford their own clothing don't you think they should look for better pay rather than put off responsibility to the other person who is not responsible to raise the other parent?
Initially in court when my judgement came down, I told the judge I simply could not afford the amount awarded.
He then told me, "That's not my problem, maybe you should look for a better paying job".

Back to the main body of the OP one thing courts do not take into consideration fully is housing.
The difference in renting a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom is not a huge difference, however I was nailed almost full on for my ex's rent, if you factor in all that should be.
Like I said, I did buy her a house.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:24 AM
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reply to post by nixie_nox
 


Don't be silly, this is no fabrication.
I have known men put to the cross for child support.
And the only reason why men do better than women is we do not hold on to bitterness, we grow and evolve past our ex's, while they still stew and stay bitter.
I have seen this before, and I would wager every man here on this board has too.
We choose not to be victims but this is a society that says women can, we are not victims so we progress and get past the petty.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:26 AM
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reply to post by Douriff
 


I agree and with my 2 seeds we are bonded. My 7 yr old knows as does his older 14yr old they know DADDY got they backs and is there for them mentally socially and financially. So yes a weekend together is important and can be more productive then live in. But homework missed and I may be more up on it then they moms who both graduated college as I but still still are missing something up there
at them both. School day issues I may be able to assist, even waking them up for school has influences. I dont worry too much as me and my 2 speak on levels so they are not told lies and harmed mentally by they moms ignorance they sometimes display. I let them know I am there even when they dont see me and feel free to talk with me about the most wierdest things they may feel a parent is afraid to discuss so they can take these pointers as they grow in this world without my live in influence and still be strong as if I was. And from what I see they are good. lol @ they moms tho I just pay them and keep my kids money they cannot touch put up dividing all my funds up into 33.33% 1/3 per each of us. So if I only got 100 $ then really only 33 $ is mine feel me.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:29 AM
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Originally posted by g146541
reply to post by nixie_nox
 



Really. But you've never seen all the women struggling to do it all on their own without the help of their ex.

That's AMAZING.

Have you ever heard of the concept of the Mental Scotoma? How about The Ladder of Inference?



www.systems-thinking.org...
edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:32 AM
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And please ladies dont EVEN take any of my comments like Its your fault,s naw its both parents faults however things didnt work out. And its up to BOTH parents to see the lighted path for the kids to develope better. This path includes commen sense fairness NON GREED and respect. If this balance can be reached then the taking care of the children is so much eaiser. But its hard to get both parties to see eye to eye, and when this occures 1 of the 2 parents is gonna pic up the slack..

Be well
edit on 6/1/11 by Ophiuchus 13 because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:35 AM
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Originally posted by g146541

You do press a good point and the childrens happiness is shaped directly and indirectly by how they see their parents.
But if a parent cannot afford their own clothing don't you think they should look for better pay rather than put off responsibility to the other person who is not responsible to raise the other parent?
Initially in court when my judgement came down, I told the judge I simply could not afford the amount awarded.
He then told me, "That's not my problem, maybe you should look for a better paying job".

Back to the main body of the OP one thing courts do not take into consideration fully is housing.
The difference in renting a 1 bedroom or 2 bedroom is not a huge difference, however I was nailed almost full on for my ex's rent, if you factor in all that should be.
Like I said, I did buy her a house.

Well, I am in favor of independance, that's for sure. If there is not enough money with combined income, wise person would try to cut expenses until the situation improves. If for example parent, in this case mother, needs some decent clothing in order to try to find aditional job, you can do nothing but agree with that kind of expenditure.
In any case, from my experience, inspite that I am a very independant person - taking care of kids puts anyone in a very difficult and vulnerable position.
So if a single person who is taking care of kids needs to work - he or she also needs to provide a proper care of kids while absent - which ads to expenses. To find a nany, babisitter, daily care etc is also quite difficutl. If kid gets sick, as small children often do, you have to live from the job, which might get you in a difficult position with employer. And so on and so forth. Not to mention that it is very difficult to balance working hours, traveling from and to work, driving to and from school, cooking, cleaning, buying food etc.
I hope this answers your question.
It's great that you bought the house
That makes her life a lot more easier.
edit on 1-6-2011 by Douriff because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:45 AM
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reply to post by Aeons
 


Actually yes, I saw my own Mothers struggle with low child support.
She recieved $100 a month for 3 kids.
I don't know much about economics but I paid better than 15 times that amount roughly 15 years later.
This is one reason I worked so hard for my children so they would never know what I dealt with.
My current wife was also a single Mom with a deadbeat Dad for her kids, he still owes her over 70K.
I picked up that bill too.
All psychology aside, there is a genuine problem here and it is not getting fixed but only gets worse.
I have actively told my kids to not have kids until they are well into their 30's as this will most likely happen to them.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:51 AM
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reply to post by g146541
 


Hoping one's daughters wait to have children into a time when they are becoming infertile isn't a kind thing to wish or tell them.

Several generations now of this bad information is having a bad toll on women in the Western world. They are told that their fertility is granted into their forties. This is not the case. Many women who wait this long have fertility problems.

Do not sell your daughters on this myth. You will not be doing them a favour. They need to learn to make good decisions about their fertility EARLY, not late. Late is often too late.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:57 AM
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reply to post by Aeons
 


My decisions had nothing to do with any myth, it was based on the thought I have already raised my kids and I don't wanna raise someone else's in the event a divorce happens, and nowadays it seems all first marriages are doomed.
I used to joke, "I wanna get married and get the divorce out of the way early so I don't get stuck with a huge alimony bill".
Joke was on me, no spousal but the chid support more than made up for it.
Marriages are disposable when you are young and dumb, it's just a fact.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 11:58 AM
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So... you will sabotage your daughters' chances at having children, for your own convenience.

Yep. That's much better.
edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:05 PM
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reply to post by Aeons
 


I am a parent, I do not have the luxury of convenience.
Any parent who thinks they did, simply did not pay attention.
I told them this so they would be wiser and maybe better off financially, remember kids benefit from their parents participation, and warring parents generally will not go to the same functons, this can be bad on the child.
But if you need to see things that way to sleep at night, I'm cool with that too.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:10 PM
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If you are telling your daughters to wait until they are into their late thirties to have children, you are sabotaging them.

That's plain and simple man. You aren't doing so for them. You are doing it for you.

So, if they follow your advice like good little girls....when they can't conceive are you going to help pay the infertility treatments like a good Daddy?
edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:11 PM
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There are a lot of inequities in life. It isn't fair. We all have stories of the unfairness of it all. But I think you have to ask yourself, how did you get there in the first place? Sometimes life throws you a curve, but more often you are where you are because of the decisions you made. We live in such a 'free' society that we are actually allowed to get married, have kids, get divorced, get married again, have another kid, and get divorced again. In many societies, both present and past, this pattern would be considered completely insane. It would not be tolerated. It would be impossible to do. The laws on child support and the courts' favoring women as the custodial parents for young children are well established and well known. This was not a curve suddenly thrown at you. The true failing here is the failure of the family unit, twice. Perhaps that is the unfair part.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:13 PM
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reply to post by schuyler
 


Most of those societies solve it by making sure females have restricted rights outside of their birth family or marriage family.

I'm not interested in this non-solution, where there the solution is inhumanity.





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