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Men and Child support. What is the answer?

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posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:14 PM
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Originally posted by CobraCommander
reply to post by Annee
 


You might be surprised at how many men were willing and able to be real fathers.

Short of that, why would a woman let herself get knocked up by a guy who didn't want to be a father in the first place? And if the man does want to be a father, you don't have to ORDER him to hand over money.


My husband of six years said it was time for us to have a baby. I agreed. I've been a single parent for 18 years.
I paid 100% of our son's needs. There was a time I filed papers every four months for his failure to pay child support. I quit filing. I took responsibility for my son regardless who was responsible or not. I never filed for welfare or food stamps either.
My precious child graduates this Friday.
I learned real quick finger pointing and whining wasn't worth it.
Life is what you make it. I fought tooth and nail and survived. My son is going to attend college after the summer is over.
The door was and is open for his father to see him, to spend time with him as much as he wants to.
I can't control or change a dead beat dad... who is whipped by his brute wife.
All I can do is be my sons mother.
We made it, with a few scars but we made it


Do I feel men get the short end of the rope? Yes, many do.
Do I feel women use the child support for other things then on the child. Yes, many do. I worked at a shelter for women and children and saw this first hand.
When a man says he wants to raise his child, I feel the courts should split custody with no child support being passed from one to the other.

Regardless of anyone's situation, talk is cheap, whining is cheap. Do your part until you can step back long enough to find a better solution that's in the best interest of your child.
Spending time with the child is more valuable and most needed for the child.
Many parents need to choose to shut up and simply spend time with their child if possible. Later in the future, you will reap many rewards for it.

Good luck




posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:20 PM
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Just for the record.... If you are a single parent with no supplimentary income from your ex and you are struggling to make it, it is no ones fault but your own.

MOTF!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:21 PM
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reply to post by Aeons
 


Men and Child support. What is the answer, is the topic and I have shared some of my experiences on this.
I think I have a fairly good grasp on reality.
So I offered one of my solutions.
You now attempt to browbeat me into being a bad Daddy, have you offered anything but bitterness?
I star you and say good day lady.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:26 PM
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reply to post by sweetliberty
 


You simply rock because you did not get bogged down in the bitterness that usually infects people!
Star for you Mom.
You were given lemons and you made some killer lemonaide!
You were able to stay objective and see the whole picture and make wise decisions based on logic and experience, to bad all could not.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:34 PM
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reply to post by g146541
 


Thank you but it wasn't easy, it did take some wasted time and mud slinging before I realized I was only hurting my son.
The turning point was when my life was threatened by his mistress. I backed away and held my little boy. His nuclear family future vanished before my eyes. I brought him into this world (with a little help, lol) so I had to stay alive to raise him.
It still affects me to this day to think I could have made a prideful and really stupid move that could have made that beautiful boy motherless.
I chose to grow up and move on.
My hope is for parents to look through their children's eyes, to see what they see.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:39 PM
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Originally posted by MessOnTheFED!
Just for the record.... If you are a single parent with no supplimentary income from your ex and you are struggling to make it, it is no ones fault but your own.

MOTF!


Im not sure if I understand what you meant. Did you mean taking responsibility and raising a child regardless if there is any additional income is a bad thing? A negative?

What does MOTF mean



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:40 PM
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reply to post by sweetliberty
 


YOU ARE AWESOME!!!!!!!!! Sorry for the caps and whatnot, but jeebus! I really dont know what else to say other than that. Wheres the dancing banannas when you need one?

AWESOME!!!!!!!

MOTF!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:42 PM
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reply to post by CaDreamer
 


don't have a bunch of kids with multiple women and you won't be in the poorhouse. next



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:45 PM
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This thread makes me mad. I was a single DAD for 9 years, and never once received a PENNY of child support. Court appearance after court appearance, and NOTHING was done to force my ex-wife to pay here measly $114 per month. I sat in court one day and watched a deadbeat dad get put in jail for LESS than my ex-wife, yet they didn't give her any jail time. Nothing. My son is now graduated, and going to college (on my dime). I'm remarried, and all is good. However, "equal protection under the law" should apply, but it doesn't. Until the courts are truly equal in this matter, I have a hard time giving a damn about women who don't get paid. I guess "fair is fair".

I'd like to know "What's up with MOMS and Child Support?"



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:46 PM
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reply to post by navy_vet_stg3
 


I don't disagree with you. The regs should be equally enforced.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:46 PM
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Originally posted by sweetliberty

Originally posted by MessOnTheFED!
Just for the record.... If you are a single parent with no supplimentary income from your ex and you are struggling to make it, it is no ones fault but your own.

MOTF!


Im not sure if I understand what you meant. Did you mean taking responsibility and raising a child regardless if there is any additional income is a bad thing? A negative?

What does MOTF mean


1) MessOnTheFED!

2) Taking responsability is the main ingrediant of the stew. When you bicker and whine about money and posessions instead of taking the wheel and provide for your responsabilities, you are only hurting the child. If the other parent doesent want to have anything to do with the kid..... Suck it up and do what you have to to make that kids life a good life. People dont NEED supplimental income to raise a kid. They want it. Everyone gets the same lot in life (unless you were born with the proverbial "silver spoon"). If the other parent wants to be a POS so what? If you take care of your kid the best way possible for you, then you or your child should have nothing to worry about.

MOTF!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:48 PM
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reply to post by navy_vet_stg3
 


Dont bother trying. You'll more than likely get your kid taken away from you and given back to said mom.

MOTF!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:49 PM
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reply to post by Jeblus27
 


That works both ways...... O wait...... No it doesn't.

MOTF!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:51 PM
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Originally posted by Jeblus27
reply to post by CaDreamer
 


don't have a bunch of kids with multiple women and you won't be in the poorhouse. next

Or make sure your moneys right before making them...



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:51 PM
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Yeah I have to agree the system is messed up. Fortunately my soon to be ex-wife and I are being civil and are going through the divorce un-contested. Child support has been agreed upon between us and thus the state will not be involved.

I would recommend if you are in a state where this is possible it should be looked into.

The less Government is involved in our lives the more liberties we have!



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:54 PM
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Originally posted by g146541
reply to post by Aeons
 


Men and Child support. What is the answer, is the topic and I have shared some of my experiences on this.
I think I have a fairly good grasp on reality.
So I offered one of my solutions.
You now attempt to browbeat me into being a bad Daddy, have you offered anything but bitterness?
I star you and say good day lady.


I have accurately told you the truth.

If you are telling your daughters to not have children into their later thirties, and doing it because it is more convenient for you, you are SABOTAGING them.

Plain and simple. That is NOT acceptable. I challenge you on it. You want to claim that you deal in reality? Then let us deal in reality.
If you are willing to sabotage your children's fertility, what other things are you willing to sabotage?

Take what I am telling you. This is reality. Women in their later thirties have lessened, to significantly lessened fertility. If you tell your daughters to wait and they believe you, then you are harming them. Teaching them "reality" that some man WILL leave them isn't reality. That is CRUEL.

Teaching them how to choose a good mate would be a REAL solution. One that apparently hasn't occurred to you.

1. Teach your children how to make good decisions, and what being a parent is like, and what a good partner is like.

2. Or teach them to wait to have children until they are almost infertile, and tell them that any partner will leave them.

You want to be a "good Daddy?" One of these two choices is a good one, and the other is a form of emotional abuse. You have the CHOICE as to which one you will pick. One makes you a smart good parent. The other does not.


edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)

edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 12:55 PM
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I have been paying child support for 16 years now. We have split custody, and TN law figures child support kinda odd anymore.

Regardless I have always thought that if a parent is paying child support(and I know mothers that pay to fathers) then that money should garner a tax credit. I also think the receiver of the child support should provide a monthly itemized receipt for where the money is spent, to ensure it is supporting the child. Divorces happen, no sense in the court making matters worse with stupid judgements and poor systems.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 01:02 PM
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Originally posted by Aeons
reply to post by schuyler
 


Most of those societies solve it by making sure females have restricted rights outside of their birth family or marriage family.

I'm not interested in this non-solution, where there the solution is inhumanity.


I'm not surprised. In our society it's not about society or the family or the kids. It's all about you. As a result we have a cavalier attitude about marriage. It's optional and you can walk away in a heartbeat when it becomes inconvenient to you. You can even do it over and over again, then complain about it. You're cherry picking, of course, because my overall point is that we don't take marriage and kids seriously enough to put effort into making it work. We've devalued it for both men and women. Here we have this guy who thought enough of these two women to get married and take on the responsibility of having children, then somebody (maybe not him) walked away from it, twice. That shows there was no real commitment to the marriage and that divorce was more important than the children. Countless studies have proven unequivocally that children in broken homes do less well by any number of measures, so when you hear, "I'll do anything for my kids," it has a hollow ring to it because "anything" does not include living with Mom and being a daily presence in the kids' lives.

Now, as far as "inhumanity" is concerned, I would say that the millions of women with children raising them alone with minimal to no child support at all is inhumane in the extreme, so I don't think our personal freedoms have gotten us very far or given us a superior way to raise our children.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 01:08 PM
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reply to post by CaDreamer
 


I had a married couple who worked for me break up and stay legally separated for 1 year then reconcile their differences and got back together, but since they were legally separated he had to pay child support through the court. After being back together for about 6 months the courts issued an arrest warrant for the husband for failure to pay child support. He had to remain in jail for 2 weeks until a family member could pay the amount owed. Can you guess who borrowed the money to satisfy the court? Of course "his wife did it", and upon her paying the $3000.00 he was released and one week later she received a check for $2990.00 from the court. I think after paying back the bank they came out around 200 bucks in the hole..lol

So do not forget if you reconcile after a legal separation make damn sure to get it in writing.

And Yes I think a man or woman should pay a fair amount but should also at least file it.



posted on Jun, 1 2011 @ 01:11 PM
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Originally posted by schuyler

Originally posted by Aeons
reply to post by schuyler
 



So, shopping my daughters to men to become wives to men who then harp on about how bad they got it seems like a good solution to you for raising "good" families then?

Seems that you want to say that I'm selfish. Honey, I'm probably one of the only ones on this thread who has it all right. I've been married once. I'm still married. My partner is a happy man. We have three wonderful children.

The difference between me and everyone else here - is that I actually AM making good decisions and recognize nasty horrid ones. Most of everyone else here doesn't.

I have what everyone here supposedly would like to have.....and the real problem is that you don't recognize decisions that actually CREATE happiness, and family success and instead embrace stupid bad decisions and protect them with your very life.
edit on 2011/6/1 by Aeons because: (no reason given)



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