Funny ATS Quotes and The things that make you go hmmm!

The idea is not to “bash” the poster, but just to put up some of our funniest things you have said or read on ATS.

Now this is all in jest, so make sure if you do add to the list, that it won’t upset the one who posted it.

Also remember to add the link of the thread, so as we know the post hasn’t been edited.

Do they engage in homosexual acts and worship the devil?

Originally posted by network dude
I want you to think for a moment about the average guy. Think of him joining up with the local order of the XYZ society. Now picture his face when they tell him to grease up for the ball on the hill.

don't you think he would run screaming out of the lodge and tell everyone he knows about it? Why he may even start a site called freemasonrywatch.org or something..

The art of Scry - Try this ancient practice - Be Warned: Self Development may occur

Originally posted by 1IN7MILLION
Oh I disagree about mirrors, they are nothing without us. There should be no (I) in mirror, see if you remove the (I) which represents you as a person and turn the (m) 45% you get Error....coincidence I don't think so. I mean what do they really contribute constantly mimicking us, even when we have had all we can take turn our backs and wall away they are still there mimicking us form behind. And they are evil...you make one mistake and smash it, and that's it no mercy just boom 7 years bad luck, you can get less time for manslaughter.

AND don't get me started on how they are only 2D, what's up with that catch up with the times jeez. I truly believe Errors (mirrors) are not needed they promote the ego and let girls know how hot they are thus attainable to us average reflectors. But there is nothing we can do even if this urgent message reaches the masses what man would be brave enough to destroy all the Errors in the would, nobody that's who so forget I even said anything and I don't even remember what this thread is about...

reply to post by Whateva69


The best one I remember is

Banned

in the users mini profile after seeing them be complete newbies.

Oh and it is generic, apply it at will

This might not be funny as much as it is just "so out there" that it stunt me when I read it. Specifically, the prophetic part at the end.


Hezbollah and allies resign from Lebanon government.

Originally posted by RizeorDie
Israel will do as it wishes and America will always back it up. I know for fact that one day europe will turn against israel, but america is controlled by israel. america is in the middle east and afghanistan just to protect israel. israel will strike iran sooner or later, this will trigger wars and retaliations which will lead to the collapse of the economy and the fall of the US. then israel will be left alone and forced to nuke most of the world bringing forth Armageddon and the arrival of the imam mahdi whos army will come from yemen, iran, iraq, afghan. he will defeat the saudi kings and take back the house of god, he will make peace with israel as long as they live side by side with the palestanians. the land will be called philistine and not israel. the christians will claim hes the antichrist and so the 7 year tribulation will begin in january 2013.

Originally posted by EnactedEgoTrip
You are a completely ignorant piece of #. Die please.

like this

This made me laugh so much badwOlf Filling us in on what Brindle saw over New Jersey.

BLUE UFO OVER NEW JERSEY ALL NIGHT LONG

Originally posted by jaynkeel
No offense op but credible evidence goes a long way in this world not mysterious ramblings.

Originally posted by badw0lf

What more do you want! The blue UFO which was actually two UFO's on either side of the moon was there all night for 15 minutes, but now the white greys that are not green and were there in abundance during summer have left.

Seems pretty evident to me that we missed this completely!

Confounded geography, why if I was there, I'd have seen it... I just know I would have !!!

Have bookmarked this thread, because I have seen so many quotable statements but I often forget where they were, so this will be a good return-to for it!!

Hahaha I expect it should get quite full eventually, ATS is a smorgasbord of hilarious ideas most of the time, well I say hilarious ideas, I mean... KOO KOO !!!! haha

Here's one of my favorite quotes from JPZ:



Say goodbye 1st Amendment: It's illegal to pray on the grounds of the Supreme Court

Originally posted by Jean Paul Zodeaux
reply to post by Janky Red

 

Honestly Janky, I get uncomfortable when heterosexual men feel compelled to share their exploits with women. I do not want to have to hear this stuff. I mean, I suppose every now and then it is fine, but as a standard point of discussion, I find it puerile and limiting. This holds equally true with homosexual men who feel compelled to talk, (incessantly if you ask me), about their sexual escapades. I am a little more tolerant of girl on girl stories, but...well...never mind.

This was a thread about people being threatened with arrest for stopping to say a prayer on the Supreme Court steps before going in for the tour. How the discussion got to this point, I just don't know.

This one was a cracker. It should have been titled "Lost in Translation". What was proven in this thread is that the ATS community doesn't seem to attract many cantonese or mandarin translators to its ranks. However, we do enjoy chinese cuisine.

China has found something shocking on the Moon?, page 1

Originally posted by Arken
The Chang'e 2, the chinese Lunar Probe has already began sending back images of the Moon.

Searching for images, I stumble on this news on chinese news website.
www.chnqiang.com...

Traslation with Google:

CPC Central Committee, Central Military Commission of the Chang'e II Engineering Task message sent success and celebration, held will be a very high standard, and Premier Wen Jiabao to attend the opening photo. Such a high specification, such a grand celebration, unusual, absolutely story. Grapevine, broke the news broke out, the roadside community news, Chang'e lunar exploration that NASA discovered the mysterious object and the same. That found in the moon thing incredible birds, produced a huge internal differences, the leaders of the state came to see, and it is the TMD of the shock, fear people finally know what rice birds, which has a heavyweight other People want to open, but the opposition is powerful!

Originally posted by Seagle

This is potentially the greatest discovery since 2min noodles.

Can you imagine it, a Rice Bird!!

Chicken fried rice just got a whole lot easier my friends.

Originally posted by a member who's name I can't remember anymore

I really do not like you. That is all.

Originally posted by Spydaman13

The only good thing to ever come out of Ohio was WKRP in Cincinnati. Notice the sun symbolism in Loni’s breasts.
[atsimg]http://files.abovetopsecret.com/images/member/3c495b1834b1.jpg[/atsimg]

Sun symbolism in NFL Logos.

I knew this guy was stretching his ideas, but I had a good laugh when he mentioned Loni Anderson's breasts!!

Well i saw this in your signature today, I'll be back with funny stuff. As someone else said, I see posts all the time and start laughing but can't remember where they are. Hopefully i don't get quoted on here.

from the thread 'So how are we going to defeat the Reptilians!? I got an idea! How about you!?' www.abovetopsecret.com...

So as I was searching around Google for ways to defeat Reptilians if and when they decide to take over us all, I came across a few ideas. One of the ones that stood out the most, was the notion that we need to transmit love energy to them!

Nothing like searching google to find out how to beat reptilians.
You are the crafty one.

Transmission of love is the obvious choice though. Good work.

Love the idea of this thread and stellar posts already bookmarked and S&F'd!

The one that made me chuckle was the one in my signature.

A member joins claiming to be a time traveller....after many of the usual replies to this kind of claim, staff respond with...

"Thread closed pending bernardtimetravelers submission to staff of their proof pics videos documentation etc".

Only on ATS.

I just had an image in my head of bernardtimetraveller rushing around his basement, trying to get a picture of himself using his Napoleon Dynamite ebay time machine so he could submit it to the staff.

CX.

This one that was directed at me, and gave me more of a laugh than the reptilian/plejarian threads of late.

Originally posted by dude69
reply to post by tribewilder

 

Nice bootlicking there you douche

edit to add:

Originally posted by Whateva69
Now this is all in jest, so make sure if you do add to the list, that it won’t upset the one who posted it.

Do you really think I would care if this upset the one that posted this???

They said it, all I am doing is repeating it.

This is what I love about ATS; we have the most original thinkers in the world:

Originally posted by TheWalkingFox

Originally posted by Seekeye2
Now let's just see where this leads the world, I can't believe Isreal will just sit back and allow Iranian ships to be sitting off their shores.

www.dailymail.co.uk...

I hope this won't be the spark we are all expecting - Israel will feel forced to do something! This is a frightening senario.

I hope they park ten feet outside of Israel's territorial waters, and start blaring Rick Astley through the ship's speakers.

That's right.

I want Iran to Rickroll Israel.

HIT IT Rickey

Now try getting THAT song outta your head.

fort athhems post on bts, had my laughing like crazy.

"OK, I tried to get this started in a thread labeled "delete" but for some reason, the mods up and deleted that thread.

Go figure."

I can just imagine a mod somwhere reading that.

If that's the case, the world ended about a million times already, is ending in 2012, the crust of the earth is breaking free from the core and will spin independently from the planet, the sun and moon are out of their orbits and hurtling away from us, every star, plane, bird, flare in the sky is an Alien controlled UFO, magic is real, aliens live at area 51 with elvis, H.A.A.R.P. is beaming gay thoughts into your head, and Reptilian shape shifting alien vampires occupy all government positions of power.

My personal favorite, I've never laughed so hard than I did at that HAARP line

I could just imagine someone in denial of their sexuality trying to blame it on an external force

reply to post by monkofmimir


Well, title a thread "Delete" and I take it seriously! I will always be Johnny on the spot with that one! (Yes, it was me. )

We commonly come across accidental duplicate threads and most members change the title of the dupe thread to "delete"... It was an honest transgression.

~Heff