Funny ATS Quotes and The things that make you go hmmm!

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posted on Feb, 23 2011 @ 06:00 PM
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I have no idea if the poster is serious or not, but I got a good laugh out of this:


People are cruel because of chem trails. The filth that they spray out of those planes is actually a solution that is designed to allow demons to enter into people. If it lands upon you, it leaves you open. Soon after you will become cruel as the demons take possession of your soul.


source




posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 11:15 AM
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Originally posted by mydarkpassenger
I can't imagine cohabitating with a bigfoot. The GF would never sign up for a threesome if it was female, and I'd never go for it if it was male.


Really don't know if he realises that he now looks like he's into bestiality



posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 12:27 PM
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there are few places in the world that you'd ever see this question


Originally posted by Nick_X
What is a food lathering orgy? Is that where you have an orgy and rub food over each other?

I don't quite understand why you would choose to mention that part of your past life.



posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 02:38 PM
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Originally posted by Versa
there are few places in the world that you'd ever see this question


Originally posted by Nick_X
What is a food lathering orgy? Is that where you have an orgy and rub food over each other?

I don't quite understand why you would choose to mention that part of your past life.


I'd like to know what the context of that conversation was. I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say it was neither food nor sex! Very funny. Star 4u



posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 03:08 PM
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reply to post by mutantgenius
 


lol no it wasn't about food or sex but it seems many roads can lead there
from the thread I was a grey alien in past life



posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 05:38 PM
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ok I nearly laughed myself into a hernia at this one!!!


Originally posted by ALOSTSOUL


the lezard man told me... no more BUM


I don't think I can go the rest of my life without BUM.

PeACe.
ALS



posted on Feb, 24 2011 @ 06:15 PM
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Originally posted by Versa
reply to post by mutantgenius
 


lol no it wasn't about food or sex but it seems many roads can lead there
from the thread I was a grey alien in past life


I just spit up my wine all over my keyboard while reading that........

I'm thinking of taking a whole roasted chicken into bed tonight....think my girlfriend will mind?



posted on Feb, 25 2011 @ 02:42 AM
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Originally posted by tsawyer2
I'm thinking of taking a whole roasted chicken into bed tonight....think my girlfriend will mind?



let me know how that worked out for you



posted on Feb, 25 2011 @ 07:10 AM
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Originally posted by tsawyer2

Originally posted by Versa
reply to post by mutantgenius
 


lol no it wasn't about food or sex but it seems many roads can lead there
from the thread I was a grey alien in past life


I just spit up my wine all over my keyboard while reading that........

I'm thinking of taking a whole roasted chicken into bed tonight....think my girlfriend will mind?


Did you really spit wine all over your keyboard? I'm calling out everyone who says they spit something all over their keyboard/laptop/screen. Me and my botfriend were discussing wether this ever ACTUALLY happens. It happens on TV all the time, people always say that they are doing it, but I've never seen it actually happen and have never had an incidence of it. I'm glad it was wine this time and not coffee. It's always frigging coffee.

Tell the truth, did you really spit wine or are you exaggerating? I NEED TO KNOW!!!!!

By the way, if you give the girlfriend enough wine she might let you take a chicken leg to bed or something. A whole chicken though? Doubtful.



posted on Feb, 25 2011 @ 09:00 AM
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Originally posted by Versa

Originally posted by tsawyer2
I'm thinking of taking a whole roasted chicken into bed tonight....think my girlfriend will mind?



let me know how that worked out for you


You're on a roll, Versa. Seems like you keep bumping into funny sh!t.



posted on Feb, 25 2011 @ 09:10 AM
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Originally posted by DevilJin
You're on a roll, Versa. Seems like you keep bumping into funny sh!t.


That's cause I only read the highest quality threads



posted on Feb, 26 2011 @ 05:32 PM
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I' ve lost my keys - timeline shift ?

I saw that as a thread title, only on ATS :-)

From the OP: Does anyone else remember a timeline where keys didn 't go missing, or have lost their own, or anything else related to keys , their supposed placement and their unexplained disappearance .
edit on 26-2-2011 by AnonymousJ because: (no reason given)



posted on Feb, 26 2011 @ 09:04 PM
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best reply I've heard when one ATSer thinks anothers talking gibberish




Sir, I would love to answer your question. But I do not think that it is worth the time. I am pretty sure that your brand of logic and my own are manufactured by different companies, and they are not using a single standard. -Illusionsaregrander



posted on Feb, 26 2011 @ 09:23 PM
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www.abovetopsecret.com...&flagit=667602

page three of this thread is hilarious but it can best be summed up with




Please refrain from trolling this anti-trolling thread. -DontTreadOnMe



posted on Mar, 13 2011 @ 10:29 AM
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funny mistake
From here



Originally posted by kentuckycowboy2
reply to post by HadEnough
 

It was just a genital sway of maybe three times while I was quietly siting in my computer chair looking at the web



Originally posted by maybee
I am by no means a spelling Nazi, but I'm guessing you meant a "gentle" sway.
edit on 13/3/11 by Versa because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 24 2011 @ 04:14 PM
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reply to post by Whateva69
 


The funniest thread and opening post I have come across since joining ATS has to be this one here...


Hello people, I have decided to post you some information on something that is, at this present moment in time, terrifying me.

Over the last few months I have noticed a large increase in the amount of Squirrels we have around our estate. Now, I know what you might be doing and please, bear with me here. Since December last year the Squirrel population seems to have increased ten fold. I know that they are cute and, at the beginning, it was quite good to see all of these little guys running around. Now it is not good. I, and a couple of other people have noticed that they are getting a bit, um, violent. You know, moree aggressive than they ought to be. We're all running a bit scared around here and the local council has said it will be dealt with, but they aren't actually doing anything and they won't unless the problem spreads inside our homes. Incidentally one of my neighbours had some nesting in their loft, but of course after that was dealt with (a week and a half later after she called) nothing else was done for the rest of us,

We're wondering about taking the matter into our own hands but I'm the only one with something against that: I don't think I could handle hurting something so small and fluffy. I mean I'm over six foot tall but still, there are gentle giants.

Does anyone have anything that they would like to share, you know, to help out with this problem? I will take any comments on board.

Ramadwarf on terror


Infestation Thread AKA Evil Squirrel's

I had a right belly laugh reading through the posts etc.

edit on 24-3-2011 by XXXN3O because: (no reason given)



posted on Mar, 24 2011 @ 07:33 PM
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reply to post by XXXN3O
 


Hey, you'd be scared too if you had these suckers running around your neighborhood.




posted on Mar, 24 2011 @ 07:58 PM
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"...not only does she bag he slackjawed, he lets a 'Whoa!' slip out."


Somebody once (sadly, forgot who and where) describing a guy at the mall get busted by his wife after scoping a particularly hot chick and infvoluntarily exclaiming "woah." The typos add to the ambience.

This phrase should be on T-shirts and coffee mugs everywhere.



posted on Mar, 25 2011 @ 05:00 AM
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reply to post by XXXN3O
 


I think the thing that made me laugh almost as much as the thread was the fact that it was in the 'highly speculative conspiracy theories' forum.... Like it was even vaguely possible there was actually a conspiracy of squirrels!


I assume he survived the invasion...



posted on Apr, 11 2011 @ 12:10 PM
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Here's a great one:


Originally posted by SaturnFX

Originally posted by colbyforce
reply to post by SaturnFX
 


Chicks and their romantic crap. I hope ufos show up like people think they might. That would make me watch.


Chicks?

I am about as man as you can get. got the back hair to prove it




How often do you hear about folks using their back hair as evidence in a thread?
edit on 4/11/11 by FortAnthem because: ETA: It came from thsi thread: www.abovetopsecret.com...&addstar=1&on=11049884#pid11049884



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