Looking people in the eyes @_@

reply to post by Stillalive



I like to have a degree of focus on peoples eyes, I like to think that it keeps them focused on the point they are making, and also that I am interested in what they have to say.

That is eye contact, not a stare which is entirely different, a stare can unnerve a person.

Sometimes I realise that I don't have eye contact during a conversation that has my interest, so I will consciously make the effort to gain eye contact.

I have noted that almost every time I look in to someones Else's eyes they automatically look straight back in to mine.

Most people can tell from another persons eyes and combined body language what they are feeling in any given situation, but the eyes only tell a small part of the story by themselves.

If it advise you want, don't stare it can be misconstrued, but eye contact especially with interest or a smile is a good thing.

Regards S_G

Just sounds like you are a bit of a wimp.

Chicks love it if you hold their stare, shows you are a "powerful" dude.

Probably just low self esteem. Stare those ladies down

Originally posted by andy1033
reply to post by seataka

 

Well i never look into somones eyes, and i mostly talk truths all the time, so thats one stat that is wrong.

perhaps my post was not clear, the research showed how those with a direct gaze were perceived as being more truthful, not that they were more truthful

[edit on 29-10-2009 by seataka]

when I was 20, that is a long time ago, I had a girl friend and we did at some times smoke some grass with other friends ... I know I know but anyway ... so one day did we smoke some together in her appartment. We were very very much in love and were very close. So after a while, it was during the night,we had candles burning, we looked in each ones eyes with full of tenderness.
You will never believe me but at that moment we got a strange powerfull flash, a lightning between our eyes, from one to the other, very electric feeling, physically feeling, and we turned our eyes aside because it was unbearable. After that she got sick, like some bad trip .... I also was very disturbed but after a while we got better again ... That was very very strange !!
Did someone else have such a experience ???
I think love is the most powerfull force in Universe, I really mean it, it is a force that can change all things for better, that force is very strange !!!!
we really do not know very much about all this " paranormal " forces.

this threat should have more attention I find, because we get into a world of subconsciousness and have very little experience with that. We know very little about all those strange forces going on behind our "normal" behaviour and life !!
So I know there is a treat about " mirrors " and the strange feelings when looking in them, there is also the phobia of people who are very afraid of being photographed ..... very curious, all have to do with our eyes and the way we look ......

reply to post by Terranis


i have that problem how did you train yourself

"eyes are the mirror of the soul"

Originally posted by valiant
Always had a problem with looking someone in the eyes, especially if it's a girl I like.

Strange thing is though, if I am angry at someone or arguing with them I stare at there eyes and it doesn't bother me at all.

[edit on 28-10-2009 by valiant]

That's exactly how it is for me. The only person I can look in the eyes for extended periods of time is my child.

I am also an introvert and extreemely shy, although I've trained myself to act quite the oposite. You'd never know except for my lacking in eyecontacting skills. LOL

The feeling I get when people insist on constant eyecontact is as if that someone reached down into my guts and turned them inside out, I get dizzy and overly emotional. The emotion depends on the person who's looking at me. I also stop hearing what the person is saying and instead I get a system overload of info and internal conversation about the 'eyecontactee'. A conundrum I find is that it's also very hard to concentrate on what someone is saying when looking away. I'm just not a very good listener these days

S&F for interesting topic

The feeling I get when people insist on constant eyecontact is as if that someone reached down into my guts and turned them inside out, I get dizzy and overly emotional.

I can relate to this, to some extent.

The other week, I was in a coffee bar, and the young barrista there was obviously new and quite keen. His manner was pleasant and friendly, but he tried to hold my gaze in a manner that I didn't feel comfortable with. I felt he might think me rude for not holding his gaze, and it made me question why I didn't, when there was nothing threatening about him.

The answer I came up with is that I am introspective and need to spend a lot of time "in my head" digesting input from the world. I react to things slowly and I don't like being put on the spot. With his steady eye contact, this chap seemed to be denying me the opportunity to go inside head and digest my impressions of him: he was rushing me into a rapport.

With people I know well, my eye contact is about normal, but with strangers I tend just to throw the occasional glance at them. I think shop assistants find that a bit offputting, but it's just the way I am.

As I say, it's basically because I am introverted and require a lot of emotional energy to digest input internally. Unlike some people, I can't have a warm and open rapport with everyone I meet: I have to feel I know, like and trust someone before that happens.

i love eye contact. every time i'm listening to someone speak, i always lock my eyes with their's. i feel like i'm understanding the person better.

but, as we all know, and I do this as much as anyone else, when it comes to higher authority I don't make eye contact. Instead I stare at their chin because making eye contact with them feels like I'm forceful and imposing because most of the time they don't want you to understand their feelings, they just want to tell you what you can or cannot do.

So yes, a sign of respect.

Eye contact and handshake protocols are very definitely culture-based.

I have been in many diferent cultures in many different countries, and what was acceptable in some would get your butt kicked in others.

Eye to eye contact and a firm handshake has zero to do with trustworthiness or truth-telling, ask any salesman or con artist, or their victims.

For those who think so highly of it, try going eye-to-eye with a gangbanger and see what happens. In many cultures it is seen as a direct challenge and threat, worthy of immediate attack if not dropped. So it isn't a universal sign of good breeding or anything except what your particular culture dictates.

Same goes for handshakes. I don't like or trust people who try to mangle my hand in greeting; over the years I've learned to extend my index finger onto the wrist of whomever I'm shaking hands with: if they start to press too hard I simply press my finger down on the nerves there and they usually quit fast.

Most Native Americans have a very gentle handshake, culturally it expresses greeting free of dominance overtones.

This whole thread puts me in mind of a quote from one of Shakespeare's plays:

"Forgive him, Caesar, he is a barbarian: he thinks the customs of his tribe are laws of nature."

Originally posted by IAmD1

Originally posted by valiant
Always had a problem with looking someone in the eyes, especially if it's a girl I like.

Strange thing is though, if I am angry at someone or arguing with them I stare at there eyes and it doesn't bother me at all.

[edit on 28-10-2009 by valiant]

That's exactly how it is for me. The only person I can look in the eyes for extended periods of time is my child.

I am also an introvert and extreemely shy, although I've trained myself to act quite the oposite. You'd never know except for my lacking in eyecontacting skills. LOL

The feeling I get when people insist on constant eyecontact is as if that someone reached down into my guts and turned them inside out, I get dizzy and overly emotional. The emotion depends on the person who's looking at me. I also stop hearing what the person is saying and instead I get a system overload of info and internal conversation about the 'eyecontactee'. A conundrum I find is that it's also very hard to concentrate on what someone is saying when looking away. I'm just not a very good listener these days

S&F for interesting topic

Honestly, what you wrote is exactly how I feel and think and i'm very shy and introvert, it feels good knowing others think the same as you do, makes you feel more normal

reply to post by Stillalive


ya ya ya the eye's are very important when attracting a mate...try it next time ur at a store and there's a hot chick at the register just do ur ordinary thing but make sure while ur talking to them look them in the eyes and smile...their attraction level to you will increase very quickly and ur confidence and comfort level will increase also. looking away means ur afraid.

then again when cops do it they'll just do it to see if ur lying

hmm well last time i didnt did it and i got cuted XD
so i guess i should give it a try,im sure it works,but its so magical when u see it working with you own eyes ^_^

Originally posted by tgidkp
if you intend to look people in the eyes as a tool of interpersonal relationships, the #1 trait you MUST practice is:

HARMLESSNESS.

it is the first thing that people will read from your eyes. harmlessness implies a neutrality in every aspect of being.

the only way to accomplish harmlessness is to be totally and completely and genuinely neutral. you cannot WANT anything from them, and also you cannot NOT WANT anything from them.

harmlessness is established by setting up the self, YOUR-self, as the authority in all matters. thus, you can represent yourself appropriately, socially, and not feel threatened by others' points of view. when you do not feel threatened, you will not threaten others.

Sounds similar to the ideas of Buddhism. Sometimes, if you can mange to consciously project an "aura" of harmlessness, it is remarkable how much more positively people respond to you.

I think there is an important point to make about the "neutrality" you mention. It is not the same as indifference, or boredom. In a sense, it doesn't feel neutral, because it is a very pleasant feeling. It is a feeling of being content within your own skin, of being open to the world, and not feeling the need to grasp at things you desire. In any case, if you have spent a long time trying to grasp what you desire, you will know that it NEVER works. Either you will not get what you desire, or you WILL get it, and it will make you unhappy.

[edit on 8-11-2009 by Franz]

There are so many levels to eye contact, some eye contact is necessary in friendly conversation,

Sometimes intense eye contact may be perceived as threatening,

and intimate sexual eye contact, is better then an orgasm.

Shame followed by fear and lack of Self acceptance will do that.

reply to post by Stormdancer777


nice avatar

I suffer from a disorder that leaves me nutrient deficient, especially in times of stress. The more stressed I am, the less I look into peoples eyes. It can actually be quite the burden. Make me jump, shake, eyes widen, etc..

It comes off very bad to the less empathetic or those who don't know me well. I've probably had over a thousand occasions in my life where at least one person in the room is upset by my lack in ability to focus on other peoples eyes.
My attention, while focused on a given situation, can actually simultaneously dart all around the room. Some say it's a sign of autism, but I think the more proper view is nutritional deficiencies.

It works wonders for poker, though. I tend to read people not by eye/face, but my intuitive feeling and also their feet movements! Flips people out when I read someone by looking at their feet.

[edit on 8-11-2009 by unityemissions]

i only tend to look people in the eye if im talking to them, or if im just plain nosey. I can read eyes really well. i can look in a persons eyes and be able to tell all kinds of things about their character and personality. the eyes really are the windows to the soul, and if you know how to look into that window, you dont need to talk to someone to know what type of person they are. just look in their eyes. i also tend to hide my eyes from others if i dont want them to know anything about me. but i do look people in the eye when i talk to them. strangers sometimes find it unnerving and quickly look away. i have always been told that im very intimidating, so i try to restrict the amount of eye contact i do make with people so that i dont seem so intimidating. i dont think that its rude for someone to not make eye contact. not at all. maybe they just dont want to give away their secrets. and i can understand that completely