How To: Prevent an Alien Abduction

Hi. Be you a skeptic or a believer, you have to admit: getting taken from your comfy bed in the middle of the night and having alien devices shoved up your...uh, nostrils, doesn't sound like very much fun, right? No one wants that, just like no one (who is sane) wants to go overboard anti-alienating and no one wants to talk about an alien encounter around town, seeing as that could be detrimental to your social life and could lead your coworkers, boss and local off duty policemen to think your loony. Here are some ways to NOT get a tube shoved up your...uh, nostril while maintaining a (perception) of sanity in your town.

Ok, so, I present you with a few fool proof ways to not get ana- ...nostril probed.

STEP ONE:
WATCH THE SKIES

Alright, so reading first hand accounts I have noticed that in many cases, the victim will see a UFO a few days before, or in some cases the same day. If you do see a UFO hovering near in vincinty of your property, that may be a sign that an alien entity is scoping out the situation, or that the alien is watching you and your family.
After seeing a UFO hover, you should be very cautious and very alert. If it were me, I would do a few things:
-Lock doors (although it may not help, it could help calm you down)
-Set up a camera near entry ways/sleeping quaters
-waking up a few times during the night, setting an alarm (this will be explained further below)
-keep a weapon avaliable near your bed ( VIOLENCE NOT RECOMENDED, EXPLAINED BELOW)
-stay calm and post on ATS about what is going on.
-keep an animal in the bedroom with you

Before going to sleep that night, clear your mind, and use all of your concentration to form a mental image that would tell any alien not to mess with you. A few suggestions:
Picture yourself surrounded by aliens with a huge red X down the middle
picture the space ship leaving without you
The reason I say this is because it has been suggested that aliens communicate non-verbally, through some sort of telecomunication. If you can send a clear message that you are NOT one to be taken, then perhaps they will respect your wishes.

The reason you should set your alarm clock at random times that night is most alien abductions occour when the victim is uncounscious and in a deep sleep- some victims never realize that they have been abducted until they start having strange dreams or have regressive hypnotics done on them. If you are awake when the aliens try to take you, you may stand a chance in convincing them to leave you alone. How would you convince aliens to leave you alone?
-act like you are not a typical human. Do silly things. Speak gibberish and nonsence. Although this may be very hard to do after seeing an alien looking down at you, I would expect that aliens would perfere to shove a...nostril probe down a prime human specimen. If you act like you are not a normal human, they may not take you.
-Make it clear you do not want to go.
-Ask them why they want you
-In a LAST RESORT, use physical violence.

WHY IT IS STUPID TO USE VIOLENCE AGAINST AN ALIEN:
alright, so in those movies where the macho man is Americas only hope against oncoming alien doom, and he goes out with a huge machine gun saying "LETS KICK SOME ARSE," in reality he would be destined to fail. If aliens can travel through space, chances are there weapons are more deadly then we can imagine, and you have no idea what they may be hiding, or what powers they have, until you provoke it. And if you provoke it, chances are it's too late.

STEP TWO:
DONT BE STUPID
To many of you, seeing a UFO is a great thing, but it is something that shouldn't be seen without caution. Below I will go over some safety steps you should adhere to when you have an encounter with a UFO, to prevent being a potential victim.

I'm running out of room, so the rest of this How Too guide will be posted very shortly. If you are an early bird and post before I get the next piece up, wait before you flame me.

Lets take a real abduction. The Alagash abduction, in the middle of northern Maine. Dudes fishing in a canoe see weird lights, so they point their flashlights at them...and guess what? The lights move toward them and their like "OH CRAP." They wake up a couple hours later on the shore, cold, scared and huddled together.

If you see a UFO, the last thing you want to do is provoke it to come over and say hi, because it wont be a very friendly greeting. If you do decide to chance it and wave around a flashlight, make sure that you have a good pair of sneakers on, although I would imagine booking it would do NO good when up against an alien intelligence. UFO's are things to be admired from a safe distance, and the last thing I would want would be to have one hovering directly over me.

Lets say you see a UFO, and it is moving slowly towards the woods. If you should see a UFO moving slowly, it is probally searching for something. And that something could be you, so you can either be adventurous and follow it (a decision some people have come to regret) or stay back, admire it from afar, and snap pictures.
If you do follow the UFO, do so with extreme caution. Use stealth if you can. And if the UFO lands, FOR GOD'S SAKE DO NOT APPROACH THE ALIENS UNLESS YOU KNOW THEY ARE NOT GOING TO HARM YOU.
IF YOU ARE NEAR ALIEN ENTITIES, DO NOT THINK. IF YOU DO THINK, THINK IN A WHISPER, IMAGINE AS IF YOUR MIND IS HIDING.
I would hind behind some shrubs and snap pictures, while clearing my mind and being as quiet as possible.

STEP 3
STAY CALM
This is the most important step. If any of the discribed situations happen to you, do your best not to freak out, because you need a clear head to get out of an encounter with alien/alien entities.

Thanks for reading.
summerdreary, out.

Good thread. Thanks for the good laugh. I found it very funny.

I am afraid none of this will work though if they really want to abduct you.

Although the reference to "Do NOT point your flashlight at them" is actually a pretty decent idea IMO. That would get their attention.

reply to post by summerdreary


This thread topic is somewhat reminiscent of Peter Griffin being sold Volcano Insurance .

Well, if they really want you, they can take you...
but why would you let them? xD

With what is going on now with the swine flu, housing and monetary collapse, why wouldnt you want to be abducted by aliens? They sure couldnt be any worse than the so called leaders of this world....

[edit on 8/13/2009 by rangersdad]

I remember once seeing a website that sold shielded helmets that protected the wearer from being entranced or controlled mentally by any E.T.'s.

I think it was a few hundred or so

reply to post by dominicus


That would be cool, but I couldn't really wear that around without people thinking I was crazy. Like the armadillo helmets from Dukes of Hazard.

I appreciate the effort. You've spent a bit of time thinking about the phenomenon of abduction, and have spent additional time telling us your thoughts.

When I was a kid, I thought it was cool to use a flashlight and flash prime numbers at the sky. I wouldn't do that today. One, as you mention, it might attract attention, and two, I might be embarassed that 40+ years later, I still haven't anything more insightful to flash

what? Avogadro's number? Pi to 37 significant figures?

I don't have any conscious memory of abductions. I kind of half believe that it might've happened, due to some really, really oddball memories. I'm not certain I want to know. What I AM certain of is that if a nonhuman entity were to whisk me out of my house in the dead of night without my permission, I consider that an act of agression and EVIL. If they gave a crap at all, they'd introduce a dialogue, and explain their reasons for doing what they do.

Thus, I appreciate your thread. I hope to not be abducted. I wouldn't mind a voluntary trip in an intergalactic cruiser, as long as m'Bride could go too, and we were somehow guaranteed a return trip within a timescape of a day or so.

LoL, this was like reading a 10 year old's extra credit school paper.

reply to post by summerdreary

That would be cool, but I couldn't really wear that around without people thinking I was crazy. Like the armadillo helmets from Dukes of Hazard.

Well I would think it would be worn more so at night when sleeping ...the time they know is best to creep up on people. Or if you see them around or feel this could be it, then put it on. Not daily in public silly!!!!

reply to post by The Change Weenie

I thought it was pretty eloquent.
I guess not.

reply to post by dominicus

Maybe you could start the newest fashion trend!
Anti-alien hats. All the rage in Paris.

Well, aliens are a hot topic but I really don't care if they exist or not nonetheless being abducted. But you tried your best on this and I appreciate the tips.

Now, if you're in for some extra work, how about you make a couple more threads on how to not get abducted when you're deaf. Or better yet, blind. That is if any blind person will read it of course. If I may suggest, print that one is brail.

reply to post by Water-tastes-good


Ok, thats a good idea. I'll start with blind, then deaf...and then I'll make one called "How Not to Get Abducted if You are Batman."

STEP 4
ADJUST YOUR ALUMINUM HAT

[edit on 13-8-2009 by Pathos]

reply to post by Pathos

Please, be a bit more tasteful.
I prefer nostril probing to the nastiness you described.

Originally posted by summerdreary
reply to post by Pathos

 

Please, be a bit more tasteful.
I prefer nostril probing to the nastiness you described.

I'm sorry. Next time I will approach it more conservatively.

Fixed

[edit on 13-8-2009 by Pathos]

reply to post by Pathos


No worries. I HAD TO TRY SOO HARD to restrain from doing that in SO many points during the original post.

I personally do not feel that this thread is one to be ridiculed. I can't say with any certainty that the OP's ideas would actually prevent an abduction, but I think they are making a go of it, and with good intentions.

I bet people who have the conviction of certainty that they've been abducted would want to read it.

I'm somewhat embarassed for those of you that think this phenomenon is something to laugh at. There are several documented cases wherein people's lives have been seriously compromised by abduction -- many of them with nothing to gain and everything to loose by coming forward.

OP, I don't usually tell people when I S&F, but in this case, I guess you understand why I did.